THIS IS ME!!

The other day a friend made a comment to me, that some people probably couldn't "handle" me. I just laughed it off thinking whatever, probably true.  But today I was doing my quiet time and I thought, "Hmmm what am I agreeing to when I hear that?" 

What lies do I attach to that statement? Am I too much? Not enough? Too this or too that? Do I need to act differently around others, according to their personal tastes? Do I minimize myself so I can make my personality more digestible for them? Is that what I would tell my daughter to do?

"Hey, Lakin, I don't want you to seem too confident, too sure of yourself, or be a strong leader because it might be hard for some people to "handle". So make it a point to know what everyone in the room likes and adjust yourself around that so you will be more liked."

Just thinking about saying those words to her gives me a stomach ache! I can't imagine anyone telling their son, "try not to be too strong today honey or in charge. It might be hard for others to be around you." Blah!!!

Don't get me wrong, I am not blind to my fussy habits or high maintenance traits. But at this point in my life, I am coming to believe THIS IS ME and I am kinda okay with it! Sure there are things I would like to get better at (I tried to lower my voice and sounded like Barry White with a cold) and of course God is constantly working on my heart. But let's be honest, if I am not your cup of tea, rather than try to change or poke at me, you can always make the choice to smile and walk away. No harm, no foul. 

More and more, I want to spend time with people who are FOR ME! Who want me to be the best Kimberley I can be! They see my faults, look past my mess, over my need for control on certain things, embrace my lack of cooking and technology skills, my fast talking, not completing sentences, and love me anyway! I want to hang out with people who won't find little ways to chip away at my self-worth and make me feel less than. They see my heart and know that there is more to me than my "strong" personality and mixed up sayings. (Fold like a piano or slick as a board could be real right?) 

Sometimes these friends will have to pull me aside and let me know, "Hey Kimberley, you missed the mark on that one or 'That did not come off like you wanted it to'. Feedback with intentional love and grace is invaluable!!

Sticks and stone will break my bones and WORDS can be just as devastating. My prayer is to try to look at people, as their own unique masterpieces, created by a loving Heavenly Father, who doesn't make mistakes. And if for some reason I can't, I can choose to just smile and walk away, not tear down. 

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." Psalm 139:13-14.

About Last Night....

How can I describe last night? Just thinking about it brings tears to my eyes and leaves me at a loss for words that would adequately paint the picture for those that were not there. But I have to try...because last night DEMANDS A RESPONSE!

On Tuesdays our Propel Women Tucson Group meets to encourage, uplift, and empower each other. We gather to eat, laugh, pray, share, and yes even cry, as we prove that women CAN get along, woman can be each other's cheerleaders and we are better together!

Last night, I had asked my new friend Marina Holland to share part of her journey with us. If you know her, she can be shy, quiet, and definitely not the one in the room that likes any attention. But last night, all eyes were on her as her story unfolded.

This is where my words fail me...I cannot give justice to what we experienced. From the moment Marina opened her mouth we were all captivated! Her breathtaking transparency and stark honesty seeped into our souls as she shared an unimaginable tragedy of pain and loss. There was an awe-inspiring beauty in her bravery and strength to relive even a small part of her darkest hours. The love on her face when she mentioned her only son Manny shined brightly through her eyes and smile! But the JOY that radiated from depths of her heart came out when she gave God ALL THE glory in the midst of circumstances that would slay the mightiest mama! No one should ever have to bury their child!

When she finished, the silence in the room was reverent. Our emotions were all over the place. Because her story was our worst fears played out but she also gave us an extraordinary HOPE of the unfailing and never-ending promises of our Savior. But....

Imagine if........ Marina didn't have a tribe to surround and help her through her grief? The loneliness and despair could have crushed her.

Imagine if......... Marina didn't push through being uncomfortable and terrified of speaking in front of people to share her son's story and legacy? We would not know that over 100 people were saved at his funeral!!!!

Imagine if........ her son didn't know Jesus? There would not be the blessed assurance of getting to see each other again!

Imagine if.........YOU never knew that God loves you so much that He wants to see you dancing and singing in heaven with Him, your family and friends for all of eternity!!

Last night was supernatural. It could only be described as an encounter with Jesus!! We are definitely better together and we are unstoppable with GOD!

"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Cor 4:16-18

She Woke Up!

Today, my daughter woke up! Seems to be a pretty normal thing for most kids right? But Lakin was diagnosed one year ago today with Type 1 Diabetes. There is always the danger with diabetics that their sugar goes so low overnight that they go into a coma. So every morning, my first thought, my first prayer is for her to wake up. It's always in the back of my mind, not focused on, but an unwanted, ever present, awareness that this is a horrible possibility.

January 31, 2017 is definitely a day we will never forget but I am not sure how to handle it. How do we acknowledge such a life changing event that wasn't cause for joy? How do we make it special but not weird? Do we celebrate? Throw a party? Ignore it all together?

I definitely don't know how to tread in these unfamiliar waters especially with a seventeen year old, almost adult, young lady. So I took the easy way out...I asked her! Her response was to start her own BLOG!!
Type 1 Of A Kind (https://lakinelise.wixsite.com )  will be launched today and I am amazed at how she is handling the stress of this disease. She has gone from being fearful of joining any club, leading groups, or speaking in public to becoming President of the Yearbook, Co-Leader of Bible Club, a member of Student Council, and educating other classes on Diabetes Care. Gone are the days of innocence where the most major thing she had to worry about was what to wear to school. She cares less about what people think of her and more about just being herself. She takes her faith a little more seriously and has to rely on prayer in a whole new way. She has this confidence that could only come from overcoming a great obstacle and walking through the fire.

As a mom and wife to diabetics, I would not wish this disease on anyone! But sometimes our worst circumstances turn into our greatest accomplishments. Sometimes the very things we feared can push us into doing more than we ever imagined we could do! So to you my precious, precious daughter...DREAM BIG! BE FEARLESS! BE YOU! and never forget you are the daughter of a mighty, mighty King! YOU ARE DEFINITELY ONE OF A KIND!

“I have learned courage is not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.” Nelson Mandela

"....because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope." Romans 5:3-4

Is She Going to Make It?

 January 12, 2001. The doctor came in and mumbled, “I am sorry but the epidural is not going to work. We took it out, put it back in and sometimes these things just happen.” I could not process this information. Where in birthing class did they tell us this was a possibility? I signed up for an epidural! I am not ashamed to say I wanted pain medication. What do you mean not going to work? Is it broken? What’s the next step? Who is in charge? You are the head of anesthesiology? What do I do? 

“Ma’am, we can’t give you advice as what to do. We can only give you the facts.” Again, you are the head doctor and you can’t at least make an educated suggestion? Well how am I supposed to know what to do? I am in a lot of pain here in case you guys forgot that these are Pitocin contractions. Intense does not adequately describe this kind of pain!

I frantically looked into my nurse’s face and asked, “How bad is this going to get?” With tears streaming down her face she quietly whispered, “Much, much worse.” Ummm, the nurse crying was not very reassuring. In fact I am now completely freaked out!!! My mind was reeling with questions and doubts jumbled together with the relentless pain of the constant contractions. “I need everyone to leave the room.” The nurse protested. “We can’t do that. We have to continually check the monitors.” Again I said, “I need everyone to leave the room. I have to get myself together.” I am in delivery, with no epidural, I am not progressing, the nurse is crying, my husband is looking bewildered, and no one will tell me everything is going to be all right. What the heck does together really mean? I have to go to my source. My comforter. God is the creator right? I put on my headphones and slipped in the Third Day Offerings CD.(Remember a decade ago there were still CDs)

The song that was playing was "King of Glory"


“Who is this King of glory that pursues me with His love..” God this child was your idea, your plan. What is going on?

"And haunts me with each hearing of His softly spoken words..” I am freaked out right now.

"My conscience, a reminder of forgiveness that I need…” Is my baby going to be okay? I have become attached to her. I want this baby!! “

"Who is this King of glory who offers it to me..” I fell in love with her the moment I saw her heart beating on the sonogram screen.

"Who is this King of angels, O blessed Prince of Peace..” I do not feel peace right now. God I need you to show up.

"Revealing things of Heaven and all its mysteries..” You promised me ten years ago you would never let go. Right now I need you.

"My spirit's ever longing for His grace in which to stand” This is between me, you, and this baby. I have been faithful. I have followed you. Promise me my baby will be okay. Promise!!

"Who is this King of glory, Son of God and son of man” Did I mention that I am really, really, scared?

I lay there, my body screaming in agony with the life inside me demanding to come out. My legs were completely dead from the epidural. My left arm was in a cast from falling and breaking my elbow the day before. The other arm was hooked up to the blood pressure machine and had an IV line in it. My body was broken. It had let me down. With no arms or legs working, I felt helpless, defeated, wondering how on earth I was going to get my daughter out. I could hear my heart and the music pounding in my ears battling for my attention. My mind was racing in all different directions trying to wrap my brain around what was going on inside my body. “God, did I mention her name is Lakin?”

“His name is Jesus, precious Jesus” Kimberley, I gave you my precious son Jesus.

"The Lord Almighty, the King of my heart. The King of glory” I am your King, my glory will reign.

”Who is this King of glory with strength and majesty” I am your refuge, let me be your strength. Let me be your rock.

”And wisdom beyond measure, the gracious King of kings” Don’t you think I have a plan? Don’t you think I know what is going on?

”The Lord of Earth and Heaven, the Creator of all things” I am the creator, Kimberley. I knitted your daughter together in your womb. She is a gift from me. I love her more than you will ever know.

”Who is the King of glory, He's everything to me” I will you show you my glory. You and your daughter will be fine. Everything will work out. I have a plan for Lakin’s life. She has a purpose. She will be okay.

"The Lord of Earth and Heaven, the Creator of all things. He is the King of glory, He's everything to me”
Precious, precious Jesus like the song says, you are the Lord of heaven and earth, my creator, you are everything to me. I am sorry I doubted you. I can do all things through Him who gives me strength. Let’s do this!!

The nurse quietly slipped in to check the monitors. My husband followed behind her. All I needed was to look in his eyes to let him know I was in a better place. He nodded his head and said, “You ready?” Yeah, I am. I know everything will be all right. Our daughter will be okay.

The rest of Lakin’s delivery was very traumatic. My body never fully got ready for delivery. Her collarbone was caught on my pelvic bone and she was stuck in the birth canal. After three hours of excruciating pushing, things started going downhill. Her heart rate was dropping and I was exhausted with barely anything left. My doctor looked up and pierced me with her eyes. Very quietly, but with extreme firmness she said,” Kimberley you have got to get her out now!” She nodded to the nurse and muttered something. Again tears welled up in the corner of the nurse’s eyes. She glanced down at me shaking her head and said, “I am so sorry.” 

At that moment my doctor yelled push. The nurse jumped up, pushed her elbow and the force of her body into the top of my stomach. I grabbed her arm and through clenched teeth asked her what exactly was she doing. Pain seared through every part of my battered body, too fatigued to even fight back the assault coming from every direction. All of a sudden a red light started flashing, alarms went off and an army of people rushed into the room. I felt my daughter literally being ripped out of my body as I fell back against my pillows, slumped in physical devastation. Lakin was swiftly put into the arms of the specialists. My senses were heightened but I could barely muster the strength to utter the words, “Is she okay?"

Yes!! Yes!! She is fine! Her right arm is slightly limp because of the trauma of being forced out but everything else looks great. Congratulations Bryan and Kimberley, here is your daughter. 

Lakin Elise Lee, 8 pounds 13 ounces, 19 inches long. I looked in her eyes, kissed the top of her head, and inhaled her sweet baby fragrance. I whispered in her ear, “Lakin, this is your mommy. I have been waiting for you. You are my gift from God and He has a plan for your life.”     

 Who is this King of Glory who is everything to me? 
His name is Jesus..precious Jesus.

Lawson's Journey-May 2017

 I have put off writing this post. I feel if I put it down on paper it will become more real. It seems easier if I just go into survival mode, put blinders on, and press on. Denial can be so strong. Dealing with truth of any kind is painful and exhausting. After endless years of unexplained sickness, allergies, asthma, chronic stomachaches, and numerous tests, Lawson was diagnosed in June with Celiac. Again our world was topsy-turvy, with another life-changing autoimmune disease.  Our lives had to stop, re-calibrate, as we researched and learned about a whole different set of issues other than our daughter's Type 1 Diabetes. I have heard so many people make comments on this whole "Gluten" thing. "It's a phase. It is just a way to spend more money on expensive foods. It's the latest fad. It wasn't around 20 years ago, so I don't believe it. How serious can it really be?" 

The doctor spoke slowly so I could digest it all, "Kimberley, Lawson's intestinal wall is very damaged because he highly allergic to gluten. Every time he eats it, his immune system mounts an attack on this part of his body. Left untreated, Celiac disease can lead to additional serious health problems, like Type I diabetes, multiple sclerosis (MS), anemia, osteoporosis, infertility and miscarriage, neurological conditions like epilepsy and migraines, short stature, and intestinal cancers. There is no cure except total elimination of all gluten from his diet, which is found in many foods, drinks, spices, medicines, and other products. He needs separate dishes, utensils, toaster, and other appliances need to be monitored for cross contamination. 1/50th of a crumb can harm him and cause a reaction. Eating out will be a problem because there are many places who offer gluten free items but they are touched by other gluten containing foods or workers who don't change their gloves. He will have to be very, very careful. There are few APPS that you can download that might help."

WTH???? That was the response in my head. Why didn't the other doctor tell us this 2 years ago? I specifically asked! "Apparently not enough biopsies were taken from his intestines. The damage can be spotty at first so at least 6 sections need to be sampled to get an accurate diagnosis." Seriously!

New toaster? 1/50th of a crumb? Eating out is our way of life! Cross contamination sounds like a science experiment? Did I mention we always eat out? An app? Are you kidding me? No medicine to make it go away? Total elimination? That sounds impossible! I was trying, but failing, to process all this information. It was like a fire hydrant of facts, opened full throttle, and aimed right at my brain. 

Deep breath! Pray! Repeat! Deep breath! Pray! Repeat!

"God, need you here, before I go into full freak out mode! Kind of overwhelmed at this moment. Feeling like a failure for not doing enough before this. Don't think I can handle ONE MORE THING with my kids! Are you kidding me?"

"Kimberley, calm down. Dig deep. I am here. Lawson is mine. I have a plan for his life. You have to trust me in the storms. You can DO THIS! Not because you are strong, but because my power is made perfect in your weakness. You need to lean on me, when you don't understand or grow weary. Sing my praises and know without a shadow of a doubt, that I have your son's name written on the palm of my hand."

"Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name. For the Lord is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations." Psalms 100:4-5

Mercy Me!

Last night we went to the Mercy Me concert as a family. The kids were not super excited, "Mom, they are like 40 year old men!" I almost gave in and sold their tickets, but I just had a feeling we were supposed to go together. Doubt crept in again as we argued about taking a picture with all of us and everyone was complaining about how hungry they were. As we settled down and the music started, all three seem to be enjoying themselves and at least were nodding their heads. They even got up, clapped their hands, and danced around laughing. Towards the end, I began to worry about the time, how late it was, what our crazy week looked like coming up, and questioned whether we should leave early.

The lead singer, Bart Millard, was talking and letting us know the "curse" of a songwriter was that usually songs were written out of a painful experience he had just gone through. The last one he was introducing was called, "Even If". This song was THE ONE I had been waiting for! We couldn't leave until I heard it! The words have really spoken to me during this whole journey with Lakin. I have wept many times, cried out to God, and worshiped Him while listening to it. 

Bart explained that this song came out of frustration when he knows God can heal, he knows God can fix something...but doesn't. It was written after he had a really bad day, because he just had gotten done at the doctor's office with his son who has Type 1 Diabetes!!! He was upset about how all-encompassing his son's chronic illness is and how it touches every part of their lives. 

Type 1 Diabetes? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? That is what he just came out of his mouth? That song, my song, came from this guy's struggles with his son's T1D? I snapped my head around and looked at Lakin, she said, "Can you believe it?" I leaned over into Bryan's arm and just started sobbing. Not necessarily tears of sadness but overwhelmingly filled with so many emotions. THIS is the reason we are here tonight! We are NOT alone. She is not alone! She had to hear from the stage, surrounded by thousands of other people, that her fight will be alongside MANY others. This disease does not care how much money you have, what color your skin is, how old you are, or who your dad is! It is relentless. But it doesn't mean the God who controls the universe and created you doesn't care or has left you behind. 

Thank you God for reminding me that there are no such things as coincidences and Team Lee was right where they should have been last night!

Even If (parts of) by Mercy Me

"You've been faithful, You've been good

All of my days

Jesus, I will cling to You

Come what may

‘Cause I know You're able

I know You can

I know You're able and I know You can

Save through the fire with Your mighty hand

But even if You don't

My hope is You alone

I know the sorrow, I know the hurt

Would all go away if You'd just say the word

But even if You don't

My hope is You alone

It is well with my soul

It is well, it is well with my soul" 

NUMB! I Can't Even...

God speaks to me when I write. It usually is intensely intimate and emotional. Every word typed is clouded with tears of joy, hope, praise, prayers, lesson learned, and often heartache. It leaves me very vulnerable and extremely raw. A month ago, our world turned upside down with our daughter's diagnosis of Type 1 Diabetes. There are so many thoughts, emotions, and struggles that I am fighting with, so many stories to tell. I feel God trying to get me to the place to write it all out. 

BUT I DON"T WANT TO! I am basically putting my fingers in my ears and refusing to go there. I just want to stay NUMB! I can't deal with these overwhelming feelings that are threatening to consume me. I am just trying to survive...day by day, sometimes moment by moment. Keep busy. Stick to my routines. Take care of the kids, the house, the schedules, the church, and work. Don't stop. Don't slow down. Don't think too much or dwell too long on anything. I am not ready to truly go there with you God! I can't even.....

I have always said that transparency is attractive but these next few posts might not seem that way to many of you. I am working out my faith publicly, not because I want to, I would rather struggle privately, but sharing this very personal journey, might help others see that life is far from perfect but God's promises and truths will get us through no matter what. Even when we don't have the courage or strength to handle any of it. 

I Have This Hope by Tenth Avenue North

As I walk this great unknown

Questions come and questions go

Was there purpose for the pain?

Did I cry these tears in vain?

I don't want to live in fear

I want to trust that You are near

Trust Your grace can be seen

In both triumph and tragedy

I have this hope

In the depth of my soul

In the flood or the fire

You're with me and You won't let go

But sometimes my faith feels thin

Like the night will never end

Will You catch every tear

Or will You just leave me here?

But I have this hope

In the depth of my soul

In the flood or the fire

You're with me and You won't let go

So, whatever happens I will not be afraid

Cause You are closer than this breath that I take

You calm…

Precious Moments

Lakin goes to the same school now that I do, so every day we get to ride together, just the two of us. Sometimes we listen to music and don't say a word. Sometimes we laugh about my addictions to McDonald's ice tea or how the drive thru people knows me by name there. Sometimes we talk about what we heard on the radio. A few times, she will open up and share what's going on with her friends. I treasure these moments and know how precious they really are because too soon she will be all grown up. I pray that I will truly listen to her talk and not jump in with advice. I pray that I will hear her heart and see the meaning behind her words. I pray that I will let her work through her thoughts and not try to fix everything for her. Whenever I get frustrated that I have "no time to myself", I thank God that I have these special moments with my daughter to get to know the beautiful woman she is becoming.

When my house is quiet and the pitter patter of baby feet are no more, the dining room table has only two place settings, the living room isn’t cluttered with toys, and my children’s beds are empty, I want to remember these conversations with my daughter. When she is standing up at her graduation or walking down the aisle at her wedding, I want to remember these precious moments when it was just the two of us riding in the car together. 

"Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him."

 Psalms 127:3

This Ain't Burger King!

A few years ago Burger King had an ad out that stated, "Have it your way, right away!" While this is good for a fast food restaurant trying to attract customers and compete with other chains this shouldn't be our attitude about church. Too often I hear people complaining about what they don't like about church. I am not talking about the deeper issues like doctrine or core beliefs; I am talking about the non-essentials like the music being too loud or the preacher not giving the best sermon ever. One of the sayings that irritate me the most is, "Well I am just not being fed." 

Where did Christians get the idea that the only reason they go to church is to get fed? This ain't Burger King! You don't get to drive up to a church and expect it to meet all your needs exactly the way you want it. God did not make us helpless and passive. We are not called to sit back and let the church serve us in just the "right" way and grumble, loudly when it doesn't. We are not supposed to "shop" churches until we feel "comfortable". Comfort was never the plan! Sometimes God has you in a specific place, for a specific reason, to do a specific task for Him. 

This doesn't mean we shouldn't using wisdom and discernment in choosing a church. But let's consider for a moment that maybe its not about us. Maybe if we have been Christians for awhile we shouldn't be searching for "our way" but His purpose. Maybe God wants you at a specific church because He has someone for you to journey with, a ministry to serve, or a lesson to learn. Maybe we will bring GLORY to our creator when stop focusing on the give me, serve me, my way... but instead stop our complaining and say, "God use me YOUR WAY, ANY WAY, I am yours."

"These people are grumblers and complainers, living only to satisfy their desires. They brag loudly about themselves, and they flatter others to get what they want." Jude 1:16

"Their responsibility (pastors, elders) is to equip God’s people to do his work and build up the church, the body of Christ. This will continue until we all come to such unity in our faith and knowledge of God’s Son that we will be mature in the Lord, measuring up to the full and complete standard of Christ." Ephesians 4:12-13

Burning Bush in My Bedroom?

In Exodus 3 and 4 Moses is having a conversation with God. He is up on Mt. Sinai and God appears to him in the form of a burning bush. If it wasn't such an epic conversation, I would actually make fun of it because it looks very similar to many "chats" I have with God. (Usually as I am praying in my bedroom).

"Kimberly, I need you to do this." 
"No God, I don't want to. I am not equipped. You are asking too much. Leave me alone."

God is asking Moses to lead His people, the Israelite's, out of Egypt. Okay, that sounds pretty huge especially since they had been SLAVES for the past 400 YEARS! Not to mention the Egyptians were one of the most powerful nations in the world.
 
So of course Moses is a bit skeptical, "Who am I to appear before Pharaoh? Who am I to lead the people of Israel out of Egypt?” God, you have got this wrong! I am not the person for the job. Don't you remember that I left that country a disgraced prince after I killed one of their soldiers? Surely you must have someone better to carry out this task? Someone smarter, more powerful, well liked, richer, anyone but me!

God being God, reassures him by saying, "I will be with you."
 
Moses being human and probably completely freaked out, replies, "Who do I tell them sent me? What if they won’t believe me or listen to me? What if they say, ‘The Lord never appeared to you?'”

God performs a sign. He turns the staff in Moses hand to a snake. This should do the trick. I mean if God can do this then He will make good on his promise to help Moses.  Right?
 
Not exactly. Now Moses starts pleading, “O Lord, I’m not very good with words. I never have been, and I’m not now, even though you have spoken to me. I get tongue-tied, and my words get tangled.”

I am sure God took a deep breath and sighed. Come on Moses. What's it going to take? "Then the Lord asked Moses, “Who makes a person’s mouth? Who decides whether people speak or do not speak, hear or do not hear, see or do not see? Is it not I, the Lord? Now go! I will be with you as you speak, and I will instruct you in what to say.” God is kind of laying the smack down here. Don't you know who I AM? I am in charge of it all. I will tell you what to say just get your hiney moving.
 
But Moses again pleaded, “Lord, please! Send anyone else.” Moses seems a bit slow doesn't he? A bit stubborn? Fearful? Maybe even a bit selfish? What God is asking him to do certainly doesn't sound comfortable.
 
Does this sound familiar? God asks us to do something and we give him all the reasons why we can't? God reassures us that He will take care of us. We just have to obey. But we hesitate. Drag our feet. Come up with more excuses. Find somebody to agree with us that God has this one wrong. Or we flat out put our fingers in our ears, our hands up and say, "NO! Not going to do it."
 
Moses finally stops his arguing and leads his people out of Egypt. (God did give him, Aaron, his brother to go along too.) It was not easy. He had many problems, serious ones along the way. Think plagues, diseases, even death. But he did obey and he lead an entire nation to freedom!
 
Now, maybe God is not asking you to free a nation. But I will bet, He is asking you to do SOMETHING! And maybe He is not in your bedroom speaking through a burning bush, but again, I bet He has stirred your heart, gently whispered, or keeps bringing the same thing to your mind, wanting you to say YES, I WILL DO IT! What is stopping you? Your pride? Fear? Comfort? Doubts? If Moses said no do you think God would still have freed Israel? You betcha! God's plan, will get done. But where would Moses be? Certainly not talked about in the Bible or being played by Charlton Heston every Easter. God chose him for this specific purpose. God is choosing YOU for His purpose too. But you have to say, "Yes, God! Whatever it takes!"

“If you are faithful in little things, you will be faithful in large ones....." Luke 16:10

Who Is This King of Glory?

January 12, 2001. The doctor came in and mumbled, “I am sorry but the epidural is not going to work. We took it out put it back in and sometimes these things just happen.” I could not process this information. Where in birthing class did they tell us this was a possibility? I signed up for an epidural! I am not ashamed to say I wanted pain medication. What do you mean not going to work? Is it broken? What’s the next step? Who is in charge? You are the head of anesthesiology? What do I do? 

“Ma’am, we can’t give you advice as what to do. We can only give you the facts.” Again,you are the head doctor and you can’t at least make an education suggestion? Well how am I supposed to know what to do? I am in a lot of pain here in case you guys forgot that these are Pitocin contractions. Intense does not adequately describe this kind of pain!

I frantically looked into my nurse’s face and asked, “How bad is this going to get?” With tears streaming down her face she quietly whispered, “Much, much worse.” Ummm, the nurse crying was not very reassuring. In fact I am now completely freaked out!!! My mind was reeling with questions and doubts jumbled together with the relentless pain of the constant contractions. “I need everyone to leave the room.” The nurse protested. “We can’t do that. We have to continually check the monitors.” Again I said, “I need everyone to leave the room. I have to get myself together.” I am in delivery, with no epidural, I am not progressing, the nurse is crying, my husband is looking bewildered, and no one will tell me everything is going to be all right. What the heck does together really mean? I have to go to my source. My comforter. God is the creator right? I put on my headphones and slipped in the Third Day Offerings CD.(Remember a decade ago there were still CDs)

The song that was playing was "King of Glory"

“Who is this King of glory that pursues me with His love..” God this child was your idea, your plan. What is going on?

"And haunts me with each hearing of His softly spoken words..” I am freaked out right now.

"My conscience, a reminder of forgiveness that I need…” Is my baby going to be okay? I have become attached to her. I want this baby!! “

"Who is this King of glory who offers it to me..” I fell in love with her the moment I saw her heart beating on the sonogram screen.

"Who is this King of angels, O blessed Prince of Peace..” I do not feel peace right now. God I need you to show up.

"Revealing things of Heaven and all its mysteries..” You promised me ten years ago you would never let go. Right now I need you.

"My spirit's ever longing for His grace in which to stand” This is between me, you, and this baby. I have been faithful. I have followed you. Promise me my baby will be okay. Promise!!

"Who is this King of glory, Son of God and son of man” Did I mention that I am really, really, scared?

I lay there, my body screaming in agony with the life inside me demanding to come out. My legs were completely dead from the epidural. My left arm was in a cast from falling and breaking my elbow the day before. The other arm was hooked up to the blood pressure machine and had an IV line in it. My body was broken. It had let me down. With no arms or legs working, I felt helpless, defeated, wondering how on earth I was going to get my daughter out. I could hear my heart and the music pounding in my ears battling for my attention. My mind was racing in all different directions trying to wrap my brain around what was going on inside my body. “God, did I mention her name is Lakin?”

“His name is Jesus, precious Jesus” Kimberley, I gave you my precious son Jesus.

"The Lord Almighty, the King of my heart. The King of glory” I am your King, my glory will reign.

”Who is this King of glory with strength and majesty” I am your refuge, let me be your strength. Let me be your rock.

”And wisdom beyond measure, the gracious King of kings” Don’t you think I have a plan? Don’t you think I know what is going on?

”The Lord of Earth and Heaven, the Creator of all things” I am the creator, Kimberley. I knitted your daughter together in your womb. She is a gift from me. I love her more than you will ever know.

”Who is the King of glory, He's everything to me” I will you show you my glory. You and your daughter will be fine. Everything will work out. I have a plan for Lakin’s life. She has a purpose. She will be okay.

"The Lord of Earth and Heaven, the Creator of all things. He is the King of glory, He's everything to me”
Precious, precious Jesus like the song says, you are the Lord of heaven and earth, my creator, you are everything to me. I am sorry I doubted you. I can do all things through Him who gives me strength. Let’s do this!!

The nurse quietly slipped in to check the monitors. My husband followed behind her. All I needed was to look in his eyes to let him know I was in a better place. He nodded his head and said, “You ready?” Yeah, I am. I know everything will be all right. Our daughter will be okay.

The rest of Lakin’s delivery was very traumatic. My body never fully got ready for delivery. Her collarbone was caught on my pelvic bone and she was stuck in the birth canal. After three hours of excruciating pushing, things started going downhill. Her heart rate was dropping and I was exhausted with barely anything left. My doctor looked up and pierced me with her eyes. Very quietly, but with extreme firmness she said,” Kimberley you have got to get her out now!” She nodded to the nurse and muttered something. Again tears welled up in the corner of the nurse’s eyes. She glanced down at me shaking her head and said, “I am so sorry.” 

At that moment my doctor yelled push. The nurse jumped up, pushed her elbow and the force of her body into the top of my stomach. I grabbed her arm and through clenched teeth asked her what exactly was she doing. Pain seared through every part of my battered body, too fatigued to even fight back the assault coming from every direction. All of a sudden a red light started flashing, alarms went off and an army of people rushed into the room. I felt my daughter literally being ripped out of my body as I fell back against my pillows, slumped in physical devastation. Lakin was swiftly put into the arms of the specialists. My senses were heightened but I could barely muster the strength to utter the words, “Is she okay?"

Yes!! Yes!! She is fine! Her right arm is slightly limp because of the trauma of being forced out but everything else looks great. Congratulations Bryan and Kimberley, here is your daughter. 

Lakin Elise Lee, 8 pounds 13 ounces, 19 inches long. I looked in her eyes, kissed the top of her head, and inhaled her sweet baby fragrance. I whispered in her ear, “Lakin, this is your mommy. I have been waiting for you. You are my gift from God and He has a plan for your life.”     

 Who is this King of Glory who is everything to me? 
His name is Jesus..precious Jesus.

Courage

Courage-the quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger, pain, etc.; bravery. (2) to act in accordance with one's beliefs, especially in spite of criticism.

When I hear the word courage instantly William Wallace from Braveheart, Joan of Arc, Mother Theresa, or Anne Frank come into my mind. These people all demonstrated copious amounts of courage in horrifying situations that would bring mere mortals to their knees. I often wonder how I would act in their place. Since I am scared of playing hiding-go-seek, afraid of the dark, and still believe a monster lives in my closet, the outlook doesn't look good. 

In the Bible, they are numerous examples of God using ordinary people to do extraordinary things. Rahaab the prostitute hid the spies, Ananias went to talk to the killer of believers, Esther defied her king, Daniel faced the lions, Stephen was stoned for his beliefs, David slayed Goliath and he was just a boy. Courage is all over the Bible but what about normal people? What about a person like me? Will God ever give me this kind of courage? The kind of courage that people will speak about for generations? I am just a mom who is afraid of so many things...some silly, some pretty serious. I doubt God can do much with a scaredy cat right?

So of course with these kinds of questions I have to go chat with God. "God, I want to be courageous. I want to wield a sword (ok not really), ride into battle on a white horse, be a part of something magnificent! How can you use me?"

"Kimberley, you and every other woman out there are part of something magnificent every day! You are the pinnacle of my creation. I created you to bear children. Does it not take courage to raise kids? Won't your influence on them affect generations to come? You are in the middle of a battle, a great fight for their hearts. The enemy wants to come and destroy them. Don't always go looking outside your home to be part of something big look into the faces of your children."

Courage looks differently for everyone....maybe He wants you to have the courage: to go back to school
to tell the truth
to share Jesus
to listen
to face your fears
to forgive
to take the blinders off
to say I am sorry
to believe to have hope even when it seems hopeless
to share your heart
to say no
to paint that picture
to write that book or poem
to sing that song
to run that marathon
to obey
to admit you have a problem
to love even when it hurts
to not say why me but what is next
to fight for your family
to place healthy boundaries
to fight and renew your marriage
to let your kids go and find their own way
to initiate a tough conversation
to try love again
to say goodbye
to ask the hard questions
to get a new job
to say, "Yes, I will go!"
to fight cancer or other sickness
to stand up for what you believe
to stand up for what is right even if it not popular

Maybe you need the courage just to wake up and put your feet on the floor every day....."Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear."-Ambrose Redmoon


One of the most frequent command in the Bible says, "Do not be afraid."
I know what is it like to be terrified, bound up by fear. It is easy to be frightened with all the horrible things we see around us and the problems we face. The enemy is strong but our God is even stronger!!

"You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world." 

1 John 4:4

Courage is not just for the people in the movies or in the Bible. Courage is for all woman of God. We were born to love deeply and to fight for what is holy, righteous, and good. We are called to protect our family, our marriages,and our friendships. We are called to be part of the battle, not sit on the sidelines crossing our fingers, hoping everything will turn out okay. We are daughters of a mighty mighty King! Why are we acting like slaves? Claim the power of our Father and get in the fight, get your hands messy, put your heart on the line, try something different even if you think you might look dumb, put your pride away and say I'm sorry, do the right thing even if all your friends will laugh...have courage!

FIRE ME!

I was at a conference and they were talking about the importance of mentoring others. "Invest in the next generation, get personally involved, influence others in your circles! blah, blah, blah, blah, blah"... but they never addressed what happens when it doesn't work or you fail?

I have been investing in the lives of teenagers and college students for the past 22 years.

I have a Master's Degree, a Bachelors Degree.  I volunteered with Special Olympics, VBS, Youth Camp, Kids Camp, taught five days a week during the day, Wednesday night, and twice on Sundays. I was involved in Bible studies, put in hundreds of hours with students, phone calls, lunches, counseling, dinners, events. I shared my life, my family, my time, my resources, my house, and even my car.

Wow you are probably thinking how qualified, godly, and sacrificial this lady is….Not so much. Bryan and I have a very low percentage rate as far as people taking advice or being held accountable for their choices, many of the students are into drugs, alcohol, premarital sex, ignoring teachings, bad relationship choices, sometimes we barely see them anymore.

God it failed! No one listens. It didn’t work. They are selfish. I am a failure. Something is wrong with them, me, you, the world….Fire Me!

"Kimberley, it’s not about you." What?? "It’s not about you. You have done nothing! (Great, I knew it was them all along) Even the good you pat yourself on the back for, it was me working in you. In fact, you give yourself way too much credit for the good and the bad. These teenagers and young adults are my creation. You are in their life to journey alongside of them and show them Jesus in the way you live your life. You plant seeds, help them pull out some weeds, give them a healthy dose of my light through studying the Bible, and shower them with your love." 

"But the growing comes from me and only me. I made each and every one of them with a heart that will yearn after my Son...if they chose to try to fill it with other stuff the consequences can be great. I gave them a will and mind of their own. I want them to choose me to be their personal Lord and Savior, not by their church talk but by their life walk. Many, many will stray. They will choose their own path. Try to do it their way. Others will turn their back on me completely. I love them so much I sacrificed my Son on the cross for them so they could have eternal life with me in heaven. And still it won’t be enough. So please don’t get discouraged my daughter (and don’t be so full of yourself). It is so not about you. It is between them and me. You be obedient and love the ones I place in your path. I didn’t give you a job you can be fired from. I gave you my Son as an example how to love others."