She Woke Up!

Today, my daughter woke up! Seems to be a pretty normal thing for most kids right? But Lakin was diagnosed one year ago today with Type 1 Diabetes. There is always the danger with diabetics that their sugar goes so low overnight that they go into a coma. So every morning, my first thought, my first prayer is for her to wake up. It's always in the back of my mind, not focused on, but an unwanted, ever present, awareness that this is a horrible possibility.

January 31, 2017 is definitely a day we will never forget but I am not sure how to handle it. How do we acknowledge such a life changing event that wasn't cause for joy? How do we make it special but not weird? Do we celebrate? Throw a party? Ignore it all together?

I definitely don't know how to tread in these unfamiliar waters especially with a seventeen year old, almost adult, young lady. So I took the easy way out...I asked her! Her response was to start her own BLOG!!
Type 1 Of A Kind (https://lakinelise.wixsite.com )  will be launched today and I am amazed at how she is handling the stress of this disease. She has gone from being fearful of joining any club, leading groups, or speaking in public to becoming President of the Yearbook, Co-Leader of Bible Club, a member of Student Council, and educating other classes on Diabetes Care. Gone are the days of innocence where the most major thing she had to worry about was what to wear to school. She cares less about what people think of her and more about just being herself. She takes her faith a little more seriously and has to rely on prayer in a whole new way. She has this confidence that could only come from overcoming a great obstacle and walking through the fire.

As a mom and wife to diabetics, I would not wish this disease on anyone! But sometimes our worst circumstances turn into our greatest accomplishments. Sometimes the very things we feared can push us into doing more than we ever imagined we could do! So to you my precious, precious daughter...DREAM BIG! BE FEARLESS! BE YOU! and never forget you are the daughter of a mighty, mighty King! YOU ARE DEFINITELY ONE OF A KIND!

“I have learned courage is not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.” Nelson Mandela

"....because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope." Romans 5:3-4

Just Hit 10,000

My blog stats said I just hit 10,000 views! At first I am excited because that seems like a big number. Is that good? Well compared to some it's actually small and compared to others it is more. But then I started freaking out...10,000 times someone saw my posts, read my inner most struggles and painful parts of my past. Did they like it, hate it, think differently about me? Did I reflect Jesus well? Were my words uplifting and consistent with whom HE is? Did I have a lot of grammar mistakes? Did any of it even make sense? Why should anyone care? I am not saying anything new...am I wasting everyone's' time?  AAAGHHH I can't do this!!! "God, I told you it would be dumb!"

"Kimberley, you know how I feel about you comparing yourself to others. What does it matter if your numbers are higher or lower than others? The focus is not 10, 100, or 10,000. Does it matter what people think about you or is it more important how I see you? Are you obeying me and listening to my spirit? I have a plan and a purpose for your blogs. Do you trust me?"

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6

Here is to 1 or 200 more blogs! I will write until I have nothing else to say or He says it is done:)

God Block

In October, I did not write any blogs. Zero. Nada. Nothing. In two years of blogging I have posted at least 2 per month sometimes up to 15. What happened? Sure I have been busy but no more than normal. Every time my fingers hit the keyboard I felt blah. Yep, blah! I thought an idea was there and I would sit down at my computer but nothing would come out. Usually when I write my heart beats fast. I get very excited, often I cry. The words just seem to flow and I can barely keep up the typing with all my thoughts. The longer the month dragged on the worse I felt. I tried to squeeze one out by the 31st so that box wouldn't be empty-no go! God where are you?
Writing is one way I communicate with Him. I know writing is a gift given to me by my Heavenly Father. My blogs are an expression of my heart…..which I gave to Him a long time ago. Why all of a sudden is this blocked? Am I holding on to something I shouldn't be? Anger? Bitterness? Unforgiveness? Hidden sin? Have I been thankful? Praised Him? Are my motives off? Is this about teaching me humility? Have I connected with Him in other ways? Prayer? Worship? With my actions? In my relationships? When I struggle to feel His presence I must answer these questions.

“Come and listen, all you who fear God, and I will tell you what he did for me. For I cried out to him for help, praising him as I spoke. If I had not confessed the sin in my heart, the Lord would not have listened. But God did listen! He paid attention to my prayer. Praise God, who did not ignore my prayer or withdraw his unfailing love from me.” Psalm 66:16-20

God is always there, always faithful, His love never fails. But sometimes I get in the way and block the communication. If I am honest with myself, it is easier to blame Him then to deal with my own junk. This weekend, I got real with the One who knows my heart and today my words started flowing!!

Here Goes It....

A few weeks ago at a soccer game one of my friends said, "Kimberley, I think you should write a daily devotional, something like a Proverbs 31 woman devotion." My immediate response was no way, I am not anything like the woman described in that chapter. My friend laughed and said, "Yeah but you could write about what it is like to be a real Proverb's woman." I went home and read the verses and was over whelmed at how far off I really am from the woman described in the bible (will send out Proverbs 31....Not!! blog). Over the last few weeks I have struggled or actually argued with God about how he wanted me to respond to this request. I gave him PLENTY of reasons of why I thought this would not be a good idea; I don't have the time, I don't know what to say, I am often a poor example of a Godly woman, who would really want to read it, I have horrible grammar, writing takes a lot out of me, it leaves me vulnerable and raw, did I mention my limited amount of time?  He let me rant and rave and was often silent. Just when I thought I had him convinced that I was right he would give me a gentle nudge, "Obey, even if it is uncomfortable." So, with a pit in my stomach and a huge fear of failure looming over my shoulder I will try to be obedient. I have no idea if I can write every day, if what I say will make sense, or if I will offend someone. I made a list of people who were on my heart. If you do not want to receive this in your email simply hit reply and type, "Please remove me". I will also post these on my blog http://quietdefiance-klee.blogspot.com/.


In His Grace, 
Kimberley Lee

What Did I Just Do?

Okay so after I posted my first blog I kind of freaked out! What the heck did I just do? A blog is basically a public viewing of your diary. I remember being taught to always put your diary under lock and key so no one will know your thoughts. So why on earth would I do a blog? It's like trying on that bikini you know wont fit in front of an entire gym of people or writing a private email you don't want anyone to see but accidentally pressing send to the inbox of a newspaper or trying out for American Idol in front of millions of people knowing you can't sing. (Wait a minute a lot of delusional people do that all the time) My grammar might be wrong. I might misspell words. I know I will offend someone or everyone at one point or another.

My reasons for subjecting myself and others to this besides temporary insanity and avoiding my taxes are maybe today I will make you laugh or encourage  you in some way. Maybe an experience I have gone through will speak to your heart. Maybe you can look at my life and feel better that yours isn't as screwed up as you think. Maybe you will see that we are all on this journey called life so why not share more. Maybe you will see the incredible works God has done in my life and search for Him in yours. Maybe you just need something to make fun of at your next office party. Or maybe you are family or close friends who I have threatened bodily harm if you don't follow my blog. Whatever the reasons keep your expectations low and maybe it will all come out in the end or in the laundry or is it the wash????

Day by Day
Kimberley

Seriously?? @#$

Seriously is my favorite word. It stands for so much and so little all at the same time. Depending on what context is used, what tone, what facial expression it could mean; Seriously :) as in, "No Way" or Seriously? as in "You gotta be kidding me, or SERIOUSLY! as in " What the Crap"? I use it often. I use it inappropriately. I use it for everything.

People keep asking me what my blog is going to be about. My answer? Seriously!? It will be about so much and it will be about so little. MY blog will be about MY opinions that come from MY experiences, pain, joy, delusions, and crazy life. They are not my husbands, my kids, my family, my friends so please don't hold it against them. Don't go up to my husband complaining about something I might write. It is not his fault that I think I have a lot to say and my thoughts are based out of extreme dysfunction. If I offend you, I am saying SORRY right now! I stand behind most of what I blog depending on what time it is...anything written after 11 PM is iffy. I could be delirious and should not be held accountable for writing while sleep deprived!!

Please feel free to comment but I ask that you do not use bad language, attack my family, or use run on sentences. I will be forced to use my powers of deletion. But really, let's face it you clicked on here. If you don't like something you don't have to click again!

Just getting my random thoughts down :0

KLEE