I Don't Like Cheerleaders

I am not a fan of cheerleaders, mostly because at face value, I do not see the point. Rarely do they make a huge impact in the sporting arena, to me, especially when I watch from the comfort of my home. Even the bows that are bigger than their heads tend to irritate me. Yes, they are usually pretty or good looking, their outfits are adorable, border on scandalous, and they can do some crazy athletic moves. But truly it seems like they can be more of a distraction and basically a mini-sorority, with lots of stereotypes attached to them, some well-earned. 

When my daughter was four, we were walking by my old high school football field; she pointed to the cheerleaders and said, "Mommy, I want to do that." My reply was what a very biased parent would normally say, "Oh no Lakin, anything but that! I want you to play a sport and not go around half naked. There is too much drama that goes along with being on a squad."

I can already hear the uproar from the parents starting to formulate all the arguments about the pros of cheerleading, which I know there are many and I can feel the daggers coming out, for those who disagree with me. But first, remember I can have my opinion. Second, I actually was a Varsity Cheerleader in high school and was in a sorority in college. 

But lately, I have been thinking I might be looking at the whole cheerleading thing all wrong. Instead of rolling my eyes in slight annoyance, I might even start to become their champion. Why the drastic turn around?  Well, a cheerleader's most important jobs are to get the crowds involved in supporting their teams and create a community of school spirit, both of which I LOVE!

In fact, in the current climate of mudslinging, name calling, lying, cheating, insulting each other over differences of opinions or beliefs, and general all-around unrest, I propose that we should start ALL becoming cheerleaders! We could become more supportive of each other on, help create a community spirit that cries out,  "Let's get involved together, let's UNITE as people! We don't have to AGREE on everything but we can be decent human beings to each other."

Maybe we can stop shaming and arguing about who is "right" and who is "wrong". Maybe we can stop rolling our eyes or being frustrated at others for our personal PREFERENCES and start celebrating all the wonderful differences that make us unique. Maybe we can begin shouting about ALL the things we are FOR, rather than putting people down for all the things we are AGAINST. If you want to go see the new Disney movie go. If you don't, then don't go. If you are a working mom or a stay-at-home mom, breastfed or bottle fed, voted for Frick or voted for Frack, like to drive Chevys or cruise around in Imports, recycle or can't find your magical blue garbage can (sorry), why does it have to be such harsh judgment and criticism of the other "side"?

Don't get me wrong, I played sports. I like competition. I actually claim the title of Reigning Queen Champion of Boggle and Scrabble in my home. (No one will play with me anymore because I can get quite "aggressive') I do not believe every kid gets a trophy or a ribbon. It's important to learn how to deal with not being first, not winning, or being disappointed. Competition is healthy in certain areas, but it is not helpful to pit nations, tribes, races, sexes, religions, or political parties, against each other just because we see things through different filters.

And yes, as a Christian, there are truths that cannot be compromised but if we truly want to follow Jesus we MUST really get to know His character. Most of us are not representing Him well at all with our hateful prejudices, misguided fears, and making people conform to our "perfect" image. Our job it to tell people the good news, and let Jesus change their hearts. 

So give me a, "2,4,6,8 who do we appreciate, Hoo Rah! Let's go Team!"

“Our culture has accepted two huge lies. The first is that if you disagree with someone’s lifestyle, you must fear or hate them. The second is that to love someone means you agree with everything they believe or do. Both are nonsense. You don’t have to compromise convictions to be compassionate.” Pastor Rick Warren

Fight Fair!

Bryan and I were asked to speak at a marriage conference on conflict resolution. (Of course what happens when we say yes? We immediately get into a huge argument. I guess practicing what we are talking about is important research:) 

We are by far not marriage experts and don't have counseling degrees, but we DO have A LOT of experience. I have mentioned before that I am a fighter...so I had to make sure Bryan knew this area inside and out. It would make him a better pastor right? (See honey, all that arguing in the beginning had a point...to help others :)

During our "research" we came up with four things we try not to do in the heat of a fight, when anger is high and maybe we, I mean I, am seeing red. 

        1) Don't dump truck- this is when you get off track from what is really bothering you and you just dump everything out. You start piling up all the garbage that has angered, bothered, irritated, or hurt you and you dump it. It is hard enough to deal with one problem much less try to sift through a bunch of issues. Try to keep focused on the bottom line, in that moment. Save the other stuff for later. It will get overwhelming real fast if you throw out too much at one time...many give up before they even start.

        2) No Name Calling/Bad language- the minute you lose control over your tongue and start calling each other names or using bad words, everybody loses! Remember this is your spouse, the one who you committed to loving for the rest of your life. Name calling and ugly language tears away the very foundation of love and leaves deep scars that are not easily repaired. Think of a crisp, white piece of paper. If you rip or crinkle it and then try to smooth it out does it go back to how it looked in the beginning? No, that piece of paper is never the same. 

        3) Don't EVER, EVER, EVER Threaten- You are not in the mafia! Never say something you are not ready to back up. This will eventually backfire. If you say it enough times the other person might just take you up on it even when you didn't really mean it.  Especially the "divorce" word. Throwing this word around in a fight opens the door for the enemy to walk right in, cast doubts, stir up trouble, and cause discord. 

        4) Don't Share- When you are mad or upset at your spouse be very careful who you vent to. Try to go to God or a mentor for wise counsel. Using your family or friends is really not a good option. They shouldn't be put in the middle and it might be hard for them to move on after a problem is resolved. Sometimes they actually might be the problem by constantly bringing up the old stuff or helping you justify your behavior.

On the flip side, how do we resolve conflict? Fight fair! (Is that an oxymoron?) Well, this has taken quite a bit of practice, self-control and a whole lot of God's help.

1) Forgive often, and then forgive some more- forgiveness is key to a happy marriage. We are all broken, broken people. When you put two broken people together of course there are going to be  problems! Our own selfishness, desires, wills, issues, and sin will rear their ugly heads and cause us to hurt each other. It is so important to offer grace even when they don't deserve it. This does not mean you don't hold each other accountable. It means you let go of things that weigh down your relationship.

2) Keep short accounts- marriage is not about trying to balance out the scales. It is not 50/50. Sometimes it could be 80/20 or even 99/1.  The list you are making in your head about all the things the other person has not done right and all the things you do ..needs to be thrown out. IMMEDIATELY! Your column might have more check marks but where is right going to get you? Proving to someone how much better you are then them just doesn't turn out well.

3) Listen to hear what the other person is saying- Often in an argument we are not really listening. We are forming our own attack or defense. Stop and LISTEN! Then repeat back what you heard.  "So what I heard you say is.." If you are doing the talking make sure you ask, "What did you hear me say?" What you think you communicated could be totally different from what they heard. 

4) Ask for help- don't wait until it is too late when the damage is done. Pick up the phone and call a counselor, have a conversation with a pastor, do a Bible study together, and most of all PRAY, PRAY, PRAY. Pray for God to change your heart, pray for God to hold your tongue, pray for God to protect your marriage, pray for God to help you see your spouse the way He sees them. 

How often do I fail at many of the above? Frequently! But I don't give up. I fight for my marriage. And with God's help, over the last 20 years, it has gotten better. Thank God :)

"Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires." James 1:19-20