Superficial Has to Be Easier!

su·per·fi·cial -concerned only with what is obvious or apparent : not thorough or complete : affecting only the outer part or surface of something : not deep or serious : not having or showing any depth of character or understanding

Today, I want to be superficial, syrupy-sweet, and just coast through life! It is like having a cut; superficial is good, heals faster, doesn't hurt as much, and probably won't leave a scar. The deeper the injury, the higher the pain, healing takes longer, it will probably bleed more, and will most likely leave a mark, a reminder of the bad experience. As I look back over the years, I feel a little battered with "bruises, scrapes, injuries, and scars" of being called to go deeper with people. I feel like I have been fighting for so long against the enemy that is devouring many of the relationships around me. People normally "hate the messenger" or usually don't want to be held accountable for their words and actions. Often when you have to speak truth, you are not as well liked and rarely labeled the "sweet" one.

Isn't ignorance bliss?  Maybe I don't want to closely examine things, go against the grain, or swim against the tide. Deep is messy. Character is hard. The truth hurts. Why should I be the one telling it! When people say, "Why can't you just be happy for me?" I am going to say, "Fine! I am superficial and only care about what is going on at the surface level, so sure, let's go with the flow." Seriousness is for the birds and engineers! Today is a new day. I am going to just smile and tell everyone what they want to hear. It has to be easier!

And then I walked into my hallway and my daughter asked me if her outfit was okay. My first, reaction was to say, "Sure! Looks great. Have a nice day." It's easier; she will think I am cool. What does it really matter? I don't want to fight "it" today! But..... I just couldn't. "Honey, I can see why you like that outfit but let's just look a little closer as to what message that shirt and shorts might be saying to others. Even if that's not your intention could it be taken that way? Can you find another option please?" 

A few minutes later a friend text me and asked if I thought it would be okay for him to date before he was divorced because they have been separated for months and the marriage is over except in paper. AGH! He is not going to like the answer! Just tell him whatever he wants, don't get involved, talked around the issue, don't rock the boat! But ....... I couldn't.  "I believe the wise thing to do is to wait until you have gone through the healing process and unpacked why your 20 year marriage fell apart. Having a girlfriend might cause confusion for your kids and that is the last thing they need right now.  I think maybe the focus should be on your relationship with God, not starting something new."  He replied, "You just don't want me to be happy!" Well, there went my sweet, easy-breezy coasting through life, all in an half an hour of waking up! 

"Kimberley, I never promised you walking with me would easy. I promised I would never leave you. Nowhere does it say in my word that following me won't open you up to ridicule, scorn, and mockery. Do not forget you are in the middle of a battle! A battle for truth, "whatever is pure, honorable, right, admirable, and worthy of praise." I created you to be a fighter! But don't fight against how and why I created you. Do everything in love. And remember the battle is not against people but of the principalities of darkness. I will give you the strength to press on! I will give you my Holy Spirit to guide your way. You must stand for something..will it be Me?"

 "Keep your eyes open for spiritual danger; stand true to the Lord; act like men; be strong; and whatever you do, do it with kindness and love." 1 Cor 16:13-14 (TLB)

"My prayer for you is that you will overflow more and more with love for others, and at the same time keep on growing in spiritual knowledge and insight, for I want you always to see clearly the difference between right and wrong... Philippians 1:9-10a (TLB)

Piles of "Crap"!

I am semi-organized...in my house everything has its place but the things I don't want to deal with especially paperwork to file, bills to be paid, mail to sort through, taxes to figure out, goes into a pile. Now they ARE organized piles. Piles with a purpose. Neat piles if you will. Sometimes I actually move them around, shuffle them a bit to make myself feel accomplished but rarely do I go through them except in a panic to find something. I don't actually "deal" with them on a regular basis.

Yesterday, I was FORCING myself to tackle one of the piles because we are getting our floor done and it must be gone. I DREADED going through it! I might even have been feeling some anxiety about how overwhelming the task was going to be and I didn't know where to start!

As I was procrastinating by painting the baseboards, because yeah that makes sense in the big scheme of things, it hit me! That the way I feel about those dumb piles is the way I feel about some of my issues! You know the issues we all have that we just don't want to take care of so we put them off. Maybe walk around them, act like they aren't there because thinking about them causes angst, apprehension, or fear. The conversations we might be avoiding, the sin we keep not confessing, the anger we let explode, the pride that halts our growth, the negative thoughts that make us critical, the perfectionism that makes us controlling......those issues that have been moving around in our life for a very long time.

Funny thing though even if I pretend my piles aren't there or flat out ignore them doesn't mean they go away by themselves. There is no magic fairy waving a wand or a genie twitching her nose that will make it all disappear. To clear those piles will take work, fortitude, the willingness to get to the bottom no matter what comes up, the courage to face the truth no matter how painful, the perseverance to not quit when it gets tough, and the humbleness to ask for help even if you are embarrassed. Some of those piles or issues seem like mountains too high to climb. It probably will get really messy before any progress is made. Why not leave them alone? What is it really hurting? My piles, my issues, are just who I AM!

"The thief’s purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life." John 10:10 

Sometimes we wait too long and our marriages crumble, relationships drift apart, debt mounts, bitterness sets in, procrastination happens, certain sins become way too comfortable. We justify that others are worse or we outright deny that we have any issues at all. We settle for less than. We agree to "this is it". We don't claim the mighty promises of our generous God. We stick our head in the sand like an ostrich and let our "piles" accumulate, hinder, and stop us from living an awesome life!

But God created us to be free of all the stuff that trap us and keep us just going through the motions. "There is a true peace and satisfaction that comes from being completely submitted to God's will—knowing you are living in the manner He wants you to live. Then you are free to live the joyful life, the complete life, the free life—the life Jesus describes as "more abundant." (Yohn) 

Which pile do you want to tackle first? One paper, one issue at a time! It's about progress, not perfection!

Frantic!

Since starting a new school year about a month ago, the word that keeps popping in my mind is FRANTIC! Between buying school supplies, getting homework done, scheduling all the sports practices and games, trying to do laundry, maybe cook a meal or two, go to church, lead small groups, go to work, coach volleyball, try to find time for romance, make sure kids are feeling valued, take care of the finances, go to the grocery store, shop for birthday parties, open houses, wedding showers, engagements, and worst of all LUNCHES 5 times a week for all of us! Most nights I crawl into bed and think, "Whew! I made it one more day."

I try to be thankful that I am alive, have a great husband, healthy kids, a home that is almost paid off, and a job to make the bills. I try to remember that I serve a God who is big and has a plan for my life. But I find it much easier to get distracted by the business of life and the franticness of checking all the boxes on my To-Do list!!I tell myself it’s okay BECAUSE I am doing good things like raising kids, loving my husband, and serving the church. I justify our life choices by saying it's only for a short time, other families are worse, BUSY is the new norm people..right? We might be hamsters running on the wheel but at least we're exercising!

Then I heard Perry Noble say, "Many of us are putting so much time and effort into things that have no eternal value. They might be good things but they are not the great things that God wants for our life because they do not have eternal significance."

Oh...good but not great? What does that mean in reality? "Kimberley, if you put up a schedule of how you and your family spend your time how much is blocked off for Me? Am I a box to be checked on Sundays and prayers at mealtimes? Would my time be crowded with sports, music lessons, movies, video games, watching TV, computers, working out (NOT), crafts, etc, etc? All those things are good but I created you for SO MUCH MORE! Your kids may be straight A students, star athletes, or music virtuosos but do they know Me? Am I just in your lives or am I the reason for your lives? This is not a life of balance where you juggle Me along with the rest. I AM."

You were created to love me and get to know me. You were made to love others and be in community with fellow believers. You were made to serve others and my church. You were made to go tell everyone the good news so they may have eternal life.

"So if you’re serious about living this new resurrection life with Christ, act like it. Pursue the things over which Christ presides. Don’t shuffle along, eyes to the ground, absorbed with the things right in front of you. Look up, and be alert to what is going on around Christ—that’s where the action is. See things from his perspective." Colossians 3:1-2

Broken Bottles, Broken Chains

As a family we watched a movie called Home Run last week. It was about a fictional, professional, baseball player who struggled with alcoholism. The story showed how his childhood trauma caused him to drown out the problems in his life and the voices of his abusive father from his head. In one part of the movie, the main actor was sitting in a hotel room just staring at the mini fridge where he was storing his booze. He was saying over and over, "I will not give in. I don't need it." My kids actually cheered when they thought he stopped drinking and then would groan when he eventually started up again. 

It was painful to watch my children be on an emotional roller coaster with this guy! Luckily they only dealt with these up and down feelings for an hour and half and it wasn't personal. I, on the other hand, lived in this kind of turmoil almost my entire life and it was very, very personal. You see I knew that the main character would ALWAYS go back to the bottle. I knew he wouldn't be able to resist the lure of numbing the pain if only for a few hours. I knew my kids were setting themselves up for disappointment by believing that THIS time he would change. This time he would say no. This time he would do the right thing and choose his family over the alcohol. I wanted to tell my kids, "THEY ALWAYS GO BACK!" I had to remind myself that we were watching a movie. It wasn't a real family. By why did the hurt and feelings seem so real? So familiar. It was easy to fall back into the painful cycle of the last 37 years of my life dealing with my dad's addiction. The memories were strong of being a child and not understanding why my family was different or as a teenager feeling the shame that there was so much to hide. Or being an adult and wanting to protect my own children from the yo-yo of hope and despair that comes with addictions. 

Of course by the end of the movie, Hollywood wrapped up this guy's life nicely. He overcame his drinking, ended up speaking at his AA meetings, got his family back, and they all lived happily ever after. My kids went to bed happy and carefree because that's how most Disney movies end. The good guys wins. The world is saved. The guy gets the girl. Love conquers everything. That is all they know. 

But with alcohol addiction that is rarely the reality. I sat there, as my husband tucked my kids into bed, with tears in my eyes for all the families that have been destroyed over alcohol and don't get their happily ever after. I cried for all the dreams and futures that were cut short because the temptation to drink quickly snuffed them out. I cried because the lies of alcohol affect not just the person but also their children, their grandkids, and everyone around them for generations to come. And then my tears flowed in overwhelming gratitude. I cried more because I am beyond thankful that those chains are broken in my family. I cried because I am blessed to be married to a guy who doesn't find hope at the bottom of a bottle and my children do not have to live under the burdens of addiction. I am in awe. I've been set free. The cycle of destruction will not repeat itself in my house! 

“Lord, help!” they cried in their trouble, and he saved them from their distress. He led them from the darkness and deepest gloom; he snapped their chains." Psalms 107:13-14

Advice for a New Teacher!

When I started teaching almost 20 years ago, I thought I was going to change the world! I arrogantly thought that my students had so much to learn and that I would impart this knowledge upon them with copious amounts of wisdom and creativity. The problem with education was some teachers just didn't care and they stopped teaching with enthusiasm. I was going to be different! I had a brand new degree on the wall that made me an expert, right? With my new school supplies, seating charts, books, bulletin boards, sharpened pencils (ooh how I love these), and lesson plans, I was ready to take on the challenge.

My first week, I quickly learned that I knew little to nothing! It was like a Tasmanian devil had gone off in my classroom and laid waste to all my hard work. Those 4th graders didn't care how long I prepared for them or that I spent all my money on those supplies. They didn't have any respect for that degree on the wall that cost me tens of thousands of dollars. They were definitely not sitting in their chairs with their hands in their laps ready to learn all the great and wonderful things I wanted to teach them. One student even looked at me and said, "Why should I listen to you?"

With all the indignation I could muster I said, "Because I am the TEACHER!" There that should put him in his place! He shrugged his shoulders and replied, "This is my 17th school since Kindergarten. I have had so many teachers I don't even remember any of them. My family will move again, like we always do, so I ain't even gonna waste my time getting to know you or listen to what you have to say."

I went home feeling like an utter failure, the wind taken out of my sails. My "change the world" attitude soon became "just let me survive"! I did get through my first year, barely. And I have continued to teach all different ages from preschool, to elementary, to middle school special education, and even adults in prison. But my arrogance quickly turned into humbleness. My imparting knowledge to my students instead became learning about them. My wisdom was not from my college degree but came from listening when the kids talked and more importantly trying to understand when they couldn't put their feelings into words. Instead of inspiring my students, they inspired me by overcoming obstacles that would have knocked most adults on their butt.

Other things I learned:

Don't assume you know anything about a child from just what you see on the outside. This will make you look foolish because many things can be covered up with cute clothes and a tidy haircut. Greatness and beauty can be hidden underneath dirt and a bad attitude.

Don't be quick to label. A label can follow a child around for a lifetime and place them in a box that defines them instead of being defined by who they are as a person and a unique human being.

Listen first. Kids have so many interesting things to say. Most of them don't have a voice outside of school. This could be his or her only opportunity to feel like someone is paying attention.

Watch closely. Kids don’t always have the vocabulary to explain what is going on inside. They are not mini adults. They are children who need help interpreting the world around them. Actions speak louder than words.

Don't stop believing that EVERY child is worthy! Every child deserves respect. Every child can learn even the ones who seem beyond hope! It's about progress not perfection. Look deeper for the each student's strengths.

Your words are powerful! Words can either build up or destroy. Be careful what you say about your students. Remember they are somebody's baby. Parents trust you with their most precious treasure for 6 hours a day. Don't take this lightly by being reckless with your words when talking about a child.

Don't point fingers at parents, the school, the administration, the educational system or whatever else you think is THE problem with education. Complaining and blaming don't work towards solutions. They drag everybody down. Be the change you want to see and make a difference in your classroom.

Finally, get ready for the ride of a lifetime! You will have many ups and downs but it's worth it all when you see some of your students 5, 10, 15 years later and know you had a small part in their journey!