She Woke Up!

Today, my daughter woke up! Seems to be a pretty normal thing for most kids right? But Lakin was diagnosed one year ago today with Type 1 Diabetes. There is always the danger with diabetics that their sugar goes so low overnight that they go into a coma. So every morning, my first thought, my first prayer is for her to wake up. It's always in the back of my mind, not focused on, but an unwanted, ever present, awareness that this is a horrible possibility.

January 31, 2017 is definitely a day we will never forget but I am not sure how to handle it. How do we acknowledge such a life changing event that wasn't cause for joy? How do we make it special but not weird? Do we celebrate? Throw a party? Ignore it all together?

I definitely don't know how to tread in these unfamiliar waters especially with a seventeen year old, almost adult, young lady. So I took the easy way out...I asked her! Her response was to start her own BLOG!!
Type 1 Of A Kind (https://lakinelise.wixsite.com )  will be launched today and I am amazed at how she is handling the stress of this disease. She has gone from being fearful of joining any club, leading groups, or speaking in public to becoming President of the Yearbook, Co-Leader of Bible Club, a member of Student Council, and educating other classes on Diabetes Care. Gone are the days of innocence where the most major thing she had to worry about was what to wear to school. She cares less about what people think of her and more about just being herself. She takes her faith a little more seriously and has to rely on prayer in a whole new way. She has this confidence that could only come from overcoming a great obstacle and walking through the fire.

As a mom and wife to diabetics, I would not wish this disease on anyone! But sometimes our worst circumstances turn into our greatest accomplishments. Sometimes the very things we feared can push us into doing more than we ever imagined we could do! So to you my precious, precious daughter...DREAM BIG! BE FEARLESS! BE YOU! and never forget you are the daughter of a mighty, mighty King! YOU ARE DEFINITELY ONE OF A KIND!

“I have learned courage is not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.” Nelson Mandela

"....because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope." Romans 5:3-4

Is She Going to Make It?

 January 12, 2001. The doctor came in and mumbled, “I am sorry but the epidural is not going to work. We took it out, put it back in and sometimes these things just happen.” I could not process this information. Where in birthing class did they tell us this was a possibility? I signed up for an epidural! I am not ashamed to say I wanted pain medication. What do you mean not going to work? Is it broken? What’s the next step? Who is in charge? You are the head of anesthesiology? What do I do? 

“Ma’am, we can’t give you advice as what to do. We can only give you the facts.” Again, you are the head doctor and you can’t at least make an educated suggestion? Well how am I supposed to know what to do? I am in a lot of pain here in case you guys forgot that these are Pitocin contractions. Intense does not adequately describe this kind of pain!

I frantically looked into my nurse’s face and asked, “How bad is this going to get?” With tears streaming down her face she quietly whispered, “Much, much worse.” Ummm, the nurse crying was not very reassuring. In fact I am now completely freaked out!!! My mind was reeling with questions and doubts jumbled together with the relentless pain of the constant contractions. “I need everyone to leave the room.” The nurse protested. “We can’t do that. We have to continually check the monitors.” Again I said, “I need everyone to leave the room. I have to get myself together.” I am in delivery, with no epidural, I am not progressing, the nurse is crying, my husband is looking bewildered, and no one will tell me everything is going to be all right. What the heck does together really mean? I have to go to my source. My comforter. God is the creator right? I put on my headphones and slipped in the Third Day Offerings CD.(Remember a decade ago there were still CDs)

The song that was playing was "King of Glory"


“Who is this King of glory that pursues me with His love..” God this child was your idea, your plan. What is going on?

"And haunts me with each hearing of His softly spoken words..” I am freaked out right now.

"My conscience, a reminder of forgiveness that I need…” Is my baby going to be okay? I have become attached to her. I want this baby!! “

"Who is this King of glory who offers it to me..” I fell in love with her the moment I saw her heart beating on the sonogram screen.

"Who is this King of angels, O blessed Prince of Peace..” I do not feel peace right now. God I need you to show up.

"Revealing things of Heaven and all its mysteries..” You promised me ten years ago you would never let go. Right now I need you.

"My spirit's ever longing for His grace in which to stand” This is between me, you, and this baby. I have been faithful. I have followed you. Promise me my baby will be okay. Promise!!

"Who is this King of glory, Son of God and son of man” Did I mention that I am really, really, scared?

I lay there, my body screaming in agony with the life inside me demanding to come out. My legs were completely dead from the epidural. My left arm was in a cast from falling and breaking my elbow the day before. The other arm was hooked up to the blood pressure machine and had an IV line in it. My body was broken. It had let me down. With no arms or legs working, I felt helpless, defeated, wondering how on earth I was going to get my daughter out. I could hear my heart and the music pounding in my ears battling for my attention. My mind was racing in all different directions trying to wrap my brain around what was going on inside my body. “God, did I mention her name is Lakin?”

“His name is Jesus, precious Jesus” Kimberley, I gave you my precious son Jesus.

"The Lord Almighty, the King of my heart. The King of glory” I am your King, my glory will reign.

”Who is this King of glory with strength and majesty” I am your refuge, let me be your strength. Let me be your rock.

”And wisdom beyond measure, the gracious King of kings” Don’t you think I have a plan? Don’t you think I know what is going on?

”The Lord of Earth and Heaven, the Creator of all things” I am the creator, Kimberley. I knitted your daughter together in your womb. She is a gift from me. I love her more than you will ever know.

”Who is the King of glory, He's everything to me” I will you show you my glory. You and your daughter will be fine. Everything will work out. I have a plan for Lakin’s life. She has a purpose. She will be okay.

"The Lord of Earth and Heaven, the Creator of all things. He is the King of glory, He's everything to me”
Precious, precious Jesus like the song says, you are the Lord of heaven and earth, my creator, you are everything to me. I am sorry I doubted you. I can do all things through Him who gives me strength. Let’s do this!!

The nurse quietly slipped in to check the monitors. My husband followed behind her. All I needed was to look in his eyes to let him know I was in a better place. He nodded his head and said, “You ready?” Yeah, I am. I know everything will be all right. Our daughter will be okay.

The rest of Lakin’s delivery was very traumatic. My body never fully got ready for delivery. Her collarbone was caught on my pelvic bone and she was stuck in the birth canal. After three hours of excruciating pushing, things started going downhill. Her heart rate was dropping and I was exhausted with barely anything left. My doctor looked up and pierced me with her eyes. Very quietly, but with extreme firmness she said,” Kimberley you have got to get her out now!” She nodded to the nurse and muttered something. Again tears welled up in the corner of the nurse’s eyes. She glanced down at me shaking her head and said, “I am so sorry.” 

At that moment my doctor yelled push. The nurse jumped up, pushed her elbow and the force of her body into the top of my stomach. I grabbed her arm and through clenched teeth asked her what exactly was she doing. Pain seared through every part of my battered body, too fatigued to even fight back the assault coming from every direction. All of a sudden a red light started flashing, alarms went off and an army of people rushed into the room. I felt my daughter literally being ripped out of my body as I fell back against my pillows, slumped in physical devastation. Lakin was swiftly put into the arms of the specialists. My senses were heightened but I could barely muster the strength to utter the words, “Is she okay?"

Yes!! Yes!! She is fine! Her right arm is slightly limp because of the trauma of being forced out but everything else looks great. Congratulations Bryan and Kimberley, here is your daughter. 

Lakin Elise Lee, 8 pounds 13 ounces, 19 inches long. I looked in her eyes, kissed the top of her head, and inhaled her sweet baby fragrance. I whispered in her ear, “Lakin, this is your mommy. I have been waiting for you. You are my gift from God and He has a plan for your life.”     

 Who is this King of Glory who is everything to me? 
His name is Jesus..precious Jesus.

3 Teenagers in the House! Be Alert!

I have three teenagers in the house! Three. Although I love that they can all bathe themselves, don't use diapers anymore, and can get dressed independently, being a mom of teenagers brings a whole different set of issues. When they were younger, I considered the day a WIN if they were alive, somewhat clean, and ate more than chicken nuggets for food! Now, the worries seem so much more serious, with life-changing consequences. From driving a 6,000 lb vehicle safely to making good grades for college applications, having a healthy self-esteem so they don't make bad choices, or choosing good friends who will have a positive influence on them, the minefields to help them navigate through are formidable. One wrong step, especially with saying NO to a 16 year-old girl during her period, can have our family reach the level of DEFCON 1 Status where nuclear war is imminent!

The last few weeks Bryan and I had noticed more than the normal bickering, arguing, back talk, and separation from each other. Sunday morning we all went to breakfast to spend time together and "chat"! We knew we needed to rally as a family. Get on the same page. Re-align ourselves to our values. Stay connected. This is not an easy feat with everybody going different directions and having 5 people's schedules to manage. 

I wanted them to look up 1 Peter 5:8 in the Bible. 

"Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings." 1 Peter 5:8-9

If we believe in God we have to believe in the enemy. Acknowledge that there is an enemy that comes to seek and destroy. He loves to wheedle his way into the weak spots, cause dissension, and confusion. The goal is to literally tear down families, marriages, relationships, children, teenagers, churches, communities, cities, and countries. It's not normally a drastic break off, but little by little side steps taken, until you are so off track, going in the opposite direction of where you want to be, and not knowing how you got there. 

My heart is heavy for my kids. For all teenagers. These next few years are a crucial and often a painful transition into adulthood. They are at the prime age to be attacked, to feel isolated, left out, rejected, and fearful. Their thoughts can become so twisted and manipulated, giving into pride because they think they know everything or doubting the truths and people they grew up with. 

NOT ON MY WATCH! It says, "Resist him and stand firm!" So if I have to I will say no to that party. Unplug the video gaming system. Take away the phone. Be an active part of their life even when they try to push me away. Listen and not try to fix everything. Encourage them to dig deeper into their faith, serve  others, go to church, read their Bible, and stay connected even though they are resisting. I will not give into my feelings of being liked, being popular, cool, or being their friend. I will deal with my own issues of trying to fit in or striving for the mom-of-the-year award or the prefect-put-together-do-it-all-Pinteresty, everybody envies me on Facebook mom. 

Most importantly I will pray! And PRAY some more for protection of their heart, mind, and soul. The battle is not with our kids but with the spiritual battle going on for their future!!! I will put up a fight of epic proportions, with the God of the Universe on my side, for my family to STAY CONNECTED and Stand Firm! 

Lawson's Journey Part 2-October 2017 Still Sick

We have battled the gluten for 5 months. It is everywhere! I look at bread and baked goods with a different eye now. 1/50th of a crumb is hard to avoid unless we are very diligent.  We are down to three restaurants but even those are iffy.  Lawson has his own red dishes, cookware, new toaster and basket in the pantry. I read labels like a professional nutritionist, always on the watch for 'hidden" wheat ingredients that are under different names; (flour, bulgur, semolina, matzo, graham...on and on. 

But yet he is still sick!

His blood work came back great! His Tissue Transglutaminase Antibodies (tTG-IgA) went from over 75 to untraceable! That means he has been good at not ingesting any gluten.

Yet he is still sick.

We went and got him allergy tested...again. 90 skin pricks later, we found out that he is allergic to over 20 different foods. All nuts, beans, watermelon, broccoli, cauliflower, sunflower seeds, sesame, soy, eggs, and more. But they said to not to stop eating any of these because they wanted to see if the allergens showed up in his next set of tests. Yeah, that's not going to work for this momma. I will not feed him something that is causing him pain. We took all of the top 10 out of his diet.

Still sick.

So here we are, another scope, both ends. It's a terrible thing to watch your kid get ready for a colonoscopy. (Not pretty for anyone) But it has been more awful watching your 12 year-old son, lose 17 pounds in 5 months because he violently goes to the bathroom multiple times a day. He misses school, fun activities, and has anxiety whenever leaving the house. I just want him to enjoy being a boy! 

If you know Lawson, he has an infectious smile and an awesome sense of humor. He loves deeply and gets along with most everyone. And apparently he has killer dance moves (recent wedding we went too he killed it)! I have seen these health issues slowly take away some of his free spirit! Some days we just have to keep making inappropriate bathroom jokes just to keep him laughing. Our life revolves around poop...literally. We are hoping these cameras find nothing more serious. But no answer is bad too. It has been almost a 4 year journey!!!!  

Eating to him means pain. 

When the doctor walks out of the operating room, my heart feels like its beating out of my chest and I can't breathe. "Lord, Lord, I cry out. I can't do this! I don't want to hear the news. Have you seen this kid's smile? Hasn't he been through enough since he was born? I feel like such a baby! So many other families are going through worse. But this one is mine and my heart is breaking for him. This has been a year of trials and we still have 5 months to go!"

"Kimberley, we have been here before and my promises are still true. You can do this because no matter what the doctor says, I will be with Lawson and your family. My love never fails. It is a true and perfect love." 

In my head, I start singing the song that I clung to after Lakin's diagnosis;

I Have this Hope by Tenth Avenue North. 

I don't want to live in fear

I want to trust that You are near

Trust Your grace can be seen

In both triumph and tragedy

I have this hope

In the depth of my soul

In the flood or the fire

You're with me and You won't let go

But sometimes my faith feels thin

Like the night will never end

Will You catch every tear

Or will You just leave me here?

So, whatever happens I will not be afraid

Cause You are closer than this breath that I take

You calm the storm when I hear You call my name

I still believe that one day I'll see Your face

"Mr. and Mrs. Lee, Lawson did great! There were no signs of Crohns, Colitis, cancer, infection, or EOE. He is still showing Celiac damage in his upper intestines but it looks better than 3 months ago. There are white blood cells present in his stomach which means he still has inflammation. This could be why he is still struggling. We expect this will resolve itself after he has been gluten free for 6 months to a year. It sometimes takes that long for the gut to heal itself." 

Lawson is still sick but we are CLAIMING healing! He seems to be slowly getting better-ish. But no matter what, this mom, has a HOPE that comes from the DEPTHS of my soul, that in both the triumphs and tragedy HIS GRACE can be seen. 

 "Let us hold tightly without wavering to the hope we affirm, for God can be trusted to keep his promise." Hebrews 10:23

  

Lawson's Journey-May 2017

 I have put off writing this post. I feel if I put it down on paper it will become more real. It seems easier if I just go into survival mode, put blinders on, and press on. Denial can be so strong. Dealing with truth of any kind is painful and exhausting. After endless years of unexplained sickness, allergies, asthma, chronic stomachaches, and numerous tests, Lawson was diagnosed in June with Celiac. Again our world was topsy-turvy, with another life-changing autoimmune disease.  Our lives had to stop, re-calibrate, as we researched and learned about a whole different set of issues other than our daughter's Type 1 Diabetes. I have heard so many people make comments on this whole "Gluten" thing. "It's a phase. It is just a way to spend more money on expensive foods. It's the latest fad. It wasn't around 20 years ago, so I don't believe it. How serious can it really be?" 

The doctor spoke slowly so I could digest it all, "Kimberley, Lawson's intestinal wall is very damaged because he highly allergic to gluten. Every time he eats it, his immune system mounts an attack on this part of his body. Left untreated, Celiac disease can lead to additional serious health problems, like Type I diabetes, multiple sclerosis (MS), anemia, osteoporosis, infertility and miscarriage, neurological conditions like epilepsy and migraines, short stature, and intestinal cancers. There is no cure except total elimination of all gluten from his diet, which is found in many foods, drinks, spices, medicines, and other products. He needs separate dishes, utensils, toaster, and other appliances need to be monitored for cross contamination. 1/50th of a crumb can harm him and cause a reaction. Eating out will be a problem because there are many places who offer gluten free items but they are touched by other gluten containing foods or workers who don't change their gloves. He will have to be very, very careful. There are few APPS that you can download that might help."

WTH???? That was the response in my head. Why didn't the other doctor tell us this 2 years ago? I specifically asked! "Apparently not enough biopsies were taken from his intestines. The damage can be spotty at first so at least 6 sections need to be sampled to get an accurate diagnosis." Seriously!

New toaster? 1/50th of a crumb? Eating out is our way of life! Cross contamination sounds like a science experiment? Did I mention we always eat out? An app? Are you kidding me? No medicine to make it go away? Total elimination? That sounds impossible! I was trying, but failing, to process all this information. It was like a fire hydrant of facts, opened full throttle, and aimed right at my brain. 

Deep breath! Pray! Repeat! Deep breath! Pray! Repeat!

"God, need you here, before I go into full freak out mode! Kind of overwhelmed at this moment. Feeling like a failure for not doing enough before this. Don't think I can handle ONE MORE THING with my kids! Are you kidding me?"

"Kimberley, calm down. Dig deep. I am here. Lawson is mine. I have a plan for his life. You have to trust me in the storms. You can DO THIS! Not because you are strong, but because my power is made perfect in your weakness. You need to lean on me, when you don't understand or grow weary. Sing my praises and know without a shadow of a doubt, that I have your son's name written on the palm of my hand."

"Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name. For the Lord is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations." Psalms 100:4-5