New Bathroom, Old Ideas

The last part of the house to be redone was our back bathroom. It was bad...really bad. Not only is it small...really small, but it was literally falling apart. No one but Bryan has used that shower in years. We tried to clean it, scrub it, disinfect it and no matter what it still looked gross. We kept telling him he was going to catch Ebola or the Plague from just being in there. But he LOVED showers...really loved them. He liked that he had one area which was his own space, his quiet time and sometimes would take 30-45 minutes. I would remind him that he was wasting water, time, and seriously it wasn't a luxurious experience so why did he take so long? I might have poked fun of him of few times....(leave me alone how could I not). 

"Bryan, most people have a prayer closet to spend time with God. Not a water closet!" "Babe, are thinking you are bathing in Holy water?' Lakin would say, "Dad you don't have that much hair to wash?"

He would always calmly reply back, "This is where I talked to God, dream, and sort out my day." I would huff and puff, but then smile because he was so right, like usual! 

Because we have lived here for over 20 years and some of the conversations we have had after he has come out of that shower have actually been life-changing for us and many others. Important job decisions were made. Kid problems, finances and arguments worked out. Ministries and business were started. Churches were birthed. The Refuge Center, Amplified Productions, Elements City Church, Eliminate Hunger Food Distribution, Generosity Feeds, Serve Sunday, numerous sound systems designed and much much more all emerged from Bryan's time in his extremely tiny H2O Oasis.

His bathroom is now brand new, all the way down to the studs, thanks to leaking water. Grays, whites, clean, fresh, bigger, and better. Oh how I wish he was here to enjoy it...his space, his closet for prayers and dreams. Oh how I wish we would have done this sooner. He deserved it.

But babe, I had to do something little to give it some pop! The pink is to help me smile and not be so sad when I'm in there now. It reminds me to breathe and smell the "roses" when I am surrounded by the memories of you. It's where I go to cry so the kids can't see me and I want to be near you. And Bryan, I also pray in there a lot :) 

#sideways8 

#Godisstillgood
#Prayermatters
#hotpinkismyfavorite

 

Growth Has A Price

"When the storm is out on the ocean and the violent wind gets to blowing......oh take me back, all the way back, to my first love!" 
(Take Me Back by Maverick City Music)

Lord, I want to be whole! I want to be free! I want to be so sensitive to your Spirit that I say what you want me to say, see things how you see them, act like you would act, and love like you love! I want to forgive! I want be renewed and restored! Help me to hunger for your presence and thirst for your word! I want to offer everyone you put in my path; your light and hope!

I don't want to self-protect or build walls that hide all that you have redeemed in me!

I don't want to hesitate to trust or love others because I think the risk is too high.

I don't want my wounds and scars to SCREAM LOUDER than my FAITH!

I won't remain stuck in my hurt, with my head down, going around in circles, lost in the feelings that get me nowhere.

I don't want to pretend or stay superficial because I am afraid people won't like the real me.

Fear has no place here. It takes up too much space. It crowds out your grace, your mercy, your abundant promises, and your truth.

Lord, help me to have a posture of humility rather than pride that comes so natural and robs me of your blessings.

This season of winter will not hang around forever....the "SON" has not left me. His radiance and warmth faithfully draws me closer. Springtime always comes after the cold and the thawing of my heart begins. Seeds of hope take root and begin to break through the hard soil. When the storm blows over there is fresh ground for new growth, new sweet fruit, new opportunities, news songs, and endless possibilities. He is ALIVE in me doing a new thing!

I will not let the enemy steal my songs of praise, my worship will rise up and my soul will still declare His Holy name!

I CHOOSE joy no matter the circumstances.
I BELIEVE in your promises!
I have HOPE that holds on through the strongest of storms.

God you are so good. You are working even when I can't see it. You are there even when I can't feel you. You have never let me go.

Here is to new beginnings, however painful it might have been to get here.
Take me back to my first love......... you Jesus!

"Even the wilderness and desert will be glad in those days. The wasteland will rejoice and blossom with spring crocuses. Yes, there will be an abundance of flowers and singing and joy! The deserts will become as green as the mountains of Lebanon, as lovely as Mount Carmel or the plain of Sharon. There the Lord will display his glory, the splendor of our God. With this news, strengthen those who have tired hands, and encourage those who have weak knees." Isaiah 35:1-3

Summer of Healing

This summer we didn’t go anywhere tropical or on a trip of a lifetime. We don’t have pictures to post all over Facebook about fun adventures or amazing places visited. Yet, this summer has been one of the most powerful, impactful, and life-changing that Bryan and I have ever had. It is hard to put into words. I can't really do it justice because our experiences haven’t been about good information but supernatural transformation. Now that I look on the past year, I know God has been getting us ready, preparing us, for these divine appointments with Him.

This summer has been about healing ...healing our hearts where we didn't even know there were wounds. Digging down to the places buried deep in the corners where unforgiveness had taken root, hidden by those fortified walls we build to protect us from hurt, and releasing it all at the feet of His throne. Wow! This was so freeing but yet not easy....roots are often strong and entrenched, not wanting to give up their hold with just a gentle tug! There was a cost and an emptiness that had to be replaced with the love of God by the power of the Holy Spirit.

...healing our trust that God does indeed have a plan and a purpose for Tucson! That this desert will not be spiritually dry forever. The time is coming when He will saturate the land with living streams of water that will restore, renew, and refresh the territory that belongs to Him!

...healing us of an unnatural heaviness that weighed down our shoulders physically and our souls spiritually. Jesus says in Matthew 11:30, "For my yolk is easy and my burden is light." We had to honestly search our hearts where we had taken up yolks that were not ours to carry. We had to confess doing things in our own strength and relying on our skills rather than in Him.

This summer has been about discovery of the POWER of prayer that went beyond what we could ever imagine. Not our usual small mamby-pamby prayers of checklists and begging for things we want. The kind of strategic and specific prayer that comes from being connected to His Spirit that unleashes the fullness of His power! Prayer that expects mountains to move, chains to break, and the darkness to bow because of the Great I AM!

We discovered the gifts that God has given us with His Holy Spirit. Gifts that are not often talked about in most churches or are surrounded by confusion because they seem weird. The gifts of wisdom, great faith, special messages, discernment, miraculous acts, prophecy, healing, unknown languages, and interpretation of these unknown languages. (1 Cor 12:-10) God has a toolbox of gifts for us to use and we walk around carrying a little lunch box. Maybe the power tools of the Spirit are scarier, misused or misunderstood so we just don't bother to talk about them. But Bryan and I got to experience what true unity and a oneness looks like with a group of believers all working together in their gifts and it was amazing! Now that we have tasted this, we crave it.

God also gave us REST this summer....not the kind we try to get on a vacation or a day off but rest IN Him! We can find rest in His word, in His presence, in His power... whenever we spend time with Him. This kind of rest fills our soul like nothing else this world has to offer! Our creator longs for a relationship with us. Not a check-in when we think about it or when we are desperate; but a vibrant, active, on-going, real connection to Him. All we have to do is ask!

Healing, discovery, and rest...not usually on our bucket lists. Can't make a photo book about it. Won't get many likes on social media....but really how are we living without these?

"With my whole heart, with my whole life, and with my innermost being, I bow in wonder and love before you, the holy God! Yahweh, you are my soul’s celebration. How could I ever forget the miracles of kindness you’ve done for me? You kissed my heart with forgiveness, in spite of all I’ve done. You’ve healed me inside and out from every disease. You’ve rescued me from hell and saved my life. You’ve crowned me with love and mercy. You satisfy my every desire with good things. You’ve supercharged my life so that I soar again like a flying eagle in the sky!" Psalm 103:1-5 Passion Translation 

Lakin is 18! Am I Ready?

Today my first born turns 18! She is an adult. She can vote. Move out. Get married. Sign contracts. And all the other things adults can do...without our permission. Am I ready for this?

Lakin, when I found out I was pregnant with you...I wasn't really ready to be a mom. It caught us off guard because our big "plan" was to wait years before having kids not months :)  

When I found out you were a girl, I wasn't ready. I was scared because I didn't know how to get along with females all the time and I didn't know if I was capable of being a good mom to a daughter. What if I messed you up? What if you hated me?

When you went off to preschool, kindergarten, junior high, and then high school, I wasn't ready. When you had your first crush on a guy, got your heart broken, flew across the country by yourself, and got your driver's license, I really, really wasn't ready for any of that. You were growing up so fast! Your Dad and I didn't have a play book or any experience. We made many mistakes and goofs along the way! Some out of fear and my own hurts and hang ups. Many  times it was just plain being human. 

But today, on your 18th birthday, I am ready!!! Not because I have it all figured out or that I am not sitting here bawling my eyes out as I write this. I am ready because Lakin, I know without a shadow of a doubt God has you in His hand. With His love, mercy, and lots and lots of grace, you have turned into an AMAZING young woman!!!! 

I am ready for you to pave your own path and embrace your future! 
You have a great head on your shoulders! 
You have a huge heart! You care deeply for others!
You went through high school and stood true to your faith. That is a feat in itself :)
You have overcome obstacles that to most would seem insurmountable!
You have kicked down so many of your fears and not let them hold you back anymore!
You have shown all of us that YOU are braver and stronger than we could have imagined!!!
But most of all, I can see, how much you love JESUS!

Lakin, YOU are ready!!! You are ready to live out your purpose and His plan for your life. You are ENOUGH! Just the way you are, not because you are perfect but because you are HIS! A masterpiece! Fearfully and wonderfully made.

Don't live life on the sidelines or be afraid to fail!! Take risks! Dream big! Be kind. And never, ever forget, how much you are LOVED!!!!

Mom and Dad

"For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline." 2 Timothy 1:7

THIS IS ME!!

The other day a friend made a comment to me, that some people probably couldn't "handle" me. I just laughed it off thinking whatever, probably true.  But today I was doing my quiet time and I thought, "Hmmm what am I agreeing to when I hear that?" 

What lies do I attach to that statement? Am I too much? Not enough? Too this or too that? Do I need to act differently around others, according to their personal tastes? Do I minimize myself so I can make my personality more digestible for them? Is that what I would tell my daughter to do?

"Hey, Lakin, I don't want you to seem too confident, too sure of yourself, or be a strong leader because it might be hard for some people to "handle". So make it a point to know what everyone in the room likes and adjust yourself around that so you will be more liked."

Just thinking about saying those words to her gives me a stomach ache! I can't imagine anyone telling their son, "try not to be too strong today honey or in charge. It might be hard for others to be around you." Blah!!!

Don't get me wrong, I am not blind to my fussy habits or high maintenance traits. But at this point in my life, I am coming to believe THIS IS ME and I am kinda okay with it! Sure there are things I would like to get better at (I tried to lower my voice and sounded like Barry White with a cold) and of course God is constantly working on my heart. But let's be honest, if I am not your cup of tea, rather than try to change or poke at me, you can always make the choice to smile and walk away. No harm, no foul. 

More and more, I want to spend time with people who are FOR ME! Who want me to be the best Kimberley I can be! They see my faults, look past my mess, over my need for control on certain things, embrace my lack of cooking and technology skills, my fast talking, not completing sentences, and love me anyway! I want to hang out with people who won't find little ways to chip away at my self-worth and make me feel less than. They see my heart and know that there is more to me than my "strong" personality and mixed up sayings. (Fold like a piano or slick as a board could be real right?) 

Sometimes these friends will have to pull me aside and let me know, "Hey Kimberley, you missed the mark on that one or 'That did not come off like you wanted it to'. Feedback with intentional love and grace is invaluable!!

Sticks and stone will break my bones and WORDS can be just as devastating. My prayer is to try to look at people, as their own unique masterpieces, created by a loving Heavenly Father, who doesn't make mistakes. And if for some reason I can't, I can choose to just smile and walk away, not tear down. 

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." Psalm 139:13-14.