Proverbs 31..NOT

After you have been a Christian woman for a while you will inevitably hear about or come across Proverbs 31, the perfect woman. There are studies on it, blogs about it, devotionals to help you reach these ideals, and even sermons to remind you what you should become. I have read this passage numerous times and after I get done I feel....less than or actually not even close by a long shot. Without trying to sound blasphemous or irreverent, I do not really like this chapter. I know the Bible was not created to make me feel “good”. I know it wasn't written to heap tons of guilt on me, but these verses slam home how far off I really am. I am willing to be vulnerable for a minute and share how much I do not measure up!!

“She is worth far more than rubies... (maybe turquoise or a nice opal)
She works with eager hands.... (how about a little reluctant and not if I just had a manicure)
She gets up before dark …(not before 6:30 AM, I am not a morning person)
She provides food for her family...(I do go to the grocery store but really not a good cook)
She plants a vineyard....(I can't even keep a cactus alive in my house)
She sets about her work vigorously....(I do work but usually can't get started until after a cup of coffee or four)
Her arms are strong for her tasks....(Before 30 they were pretty strong but now they lean towards the flabby side)
Her lamp does not go out at night....(lights out at 11:00 for this girl)
In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers.... (I do not know what a distaff is but in my hands you will find a cookie and my iPhone)
She opens her arms to the poor....( I have given change to the people at the intersection)
When it snows she has no fear for her household.....(I am terrified all the time..especially during the monsoons)
She makes covering for her bed and linen garments.......(I can’t sew but I did make a pizza pillow in home ec. in middle school)
She is clothed with strength and dignity......(Can you buy these at Target?)
She can laugh at the days to come....(I CAN do this one....I laugh all the time)
She speaks wisdom....(sometimes...but I do talk a lot)
Faithful instruction is on her tongue....(no my foot is often on my tongue because I put it in my mouth all the time)
She watches over the affairs of her household....(oh yes I do know everything that is going on, they call me Miss Busybody)
Does not eat the bread of idleness.....(I am addicted to carbs and love bread especially if I can eat it while doing nothing)
Her children arise and call her blessed....(umm maybe fall out of bed after being threatened and act like I am their servant)
Her husband praises her.... (every other day if I am good :)
Many women do noble things you surpass them all....(After reading this I am not even close)
Beauty is fleeting....(Yep ...feeling this as I reach 40)

So what does this imply if I fail at being a Proverbs 31 woman? Should I take a class? Try harder? Get a tattoo on my wrist highlighting the top 10 things I really need to work on? Know I won't ever cut the mustard so quit now? What does it truly mean if I fail at being a Proverbs 31 woman? It means I am human. Nothing more, nothing less. Just human.

“My grace is sufficient for you, my power made perfect in your weakness.”

2 Cor 12:9

Remind Me

My husband does not always take out the garbage, he doesn't always remember to do the things I have asked him to do, he easily gets distracted and loses track of time...the list could go on. Often it is easy in marriage to focus on all the stuff our spouses do that aggravate or annoy us. We get critical and start picking them a part. We get together with our girlfriends and have a husband bashing session. We forget all the stuff they have done for us and started questioning why we are with them in the first place.

I just finished listening to this country song by Carrie Underwood that was titled, "Remind Me". (I am not usually a country fan it just happen to be on) The song talks about how love starts and how we need to be reminded why we fell in love in the first place. We need to be reminded of all the fun, crazy, sexy, cute things we did as a new couple. How we could kiss for hours until my face was raw from his beard or talk on the phone until midnight not caring that I had to get up early. We lose ourselves in the now, the immediate and the things we loved about him in the beginning, currently drive us up a wall. We need to be reminded that all those "off" or "broken" parts of him caused him to pick us in the first place. We need to be reminded that he is not perfect and news alert...we are definitely not perfect either. Nor....painful gasp...are we always right.

Marriage is hard but I am not willing to settle for good or okay. Girls we can do powerful things when we throw our pride to the side and put all our heart, mind, and soul into loving someone... remembering we do not control the other person we can only control our thoughts and our mouths! I challenge you to start capturing your thoughts and remind yourself of all the good things about your husband (even if you have to dig deep) that you once liked. Try to remember why you fell in love with him or the fun times you had. Every bad thought that comes up.... quickly replace it with a good one. This might be hard...very hard, maybe even painful for some. But just give it a try..what do you have to lose?

I found our wedding album where I had written down some of the reason I love Bryan:
His beautiful smile, freckles, and long eyelashes
His ability to fix things.
His passion for life.
His sense of humor and having fun with him
His patience with me and others
The way he looks at me when I walk into the room
His love for Jesus.

I then made a list of why I love him now:
His hands make me feel more beautiful than I am.
His love gives me courage to face the pain.
His consistency keeps me secure.
His patience helps me erase the past.
He changed a lot of diapers.
He cooks a mean steak.
He still makes me laugh.
When he comes into a room unexpectedly I still get butterflies in my stomach.
He brings me ice tea at work.
He doesn't get too mad when I go shopping at Kohls.
He cleans the toilets.
He loves our kids.
He got up almost every time with me at night when they were babies.
He still fixes things and has saved us hundreds of dollars.
His love for Jesus humbles me.
He  is usually still patient with me :)
He forgives me easily when I act like a nutcase.
He is more beautiful now than when I first met him.

I pray for the courage to face the truths about ourselves, the wisdom to try to not be critical, and the love to overflow our hearts again.

A Letter to My Daughter

Dear Lakin,

I may not also say the right things. I may not always do the right things. I probably won't be the coolest parent, the prettiest, the richest, the smartest. I won't be able to give you everything you want or take you wherever you want to go. I will not always say yes even when everyone else is doing it. I care what you wear, who your friends are, where you are spending time. I care about who you are, what you believe, what you stand for. I care more about the woman you will become rather than if you fit in with those around you. I know I will embarrass you, I will frustrate you and make you very angry because you don't understand all the decisions I will make. 

I know I am loud, bossy, opinionated, and it sometimes is hard to live in my shadow. You will not always like me, I probably won't be fond of you all the time. But know one thing my beautiful daughter. I will ALWAYS love you no matter what. Nothing you do good or nothing you do bad will make me love you any more or any less. 

Like this song says" I will stand by you no matter what. I will help you through when you have done all that you can do. I will dry your eyes, and I will fight your fight, I will hold you tight and I won't let go." When you're lost I will reach out for you. When you fall I will catch you. When the storms of life start knocking you down, I will be behind you pushing you up to face the winds. I will never lie to you. I will carry the baggage that is too heavy for you right now. When you feel small I will lift you up on my shoulders. I will use my voice to cheer you on the loudest. I will use my bossiness to make sure you are taken care of. I will voice my opinions when someone hurts your feelings. When you feel worthless I will remind you that you are the daughter of a mighty, mighty king. When you feel unloved I will show you the cross. 

When I first saw you on the sonogram screen I made a vow that I will give my life for you. When I was having trouble delivering you in the hospital I knew a fear of something happening to you that shook me to my core. When they placed you in my arms and you looked up at me I realized that my heart now lived outside my body. You had it clasped in your little hands. I may not be many things but I will always be your mom.

I Won't Let Go (by Rascal Flatts)
It’s like a storm
That cuts a path
It breaks your will
It feels like that
You think you're lost
But you're not lost
On your own
You're not alone

I will stand by you
I will help you through
When you’ve done all you can do
And you can’t cope
I will dry your eyes
I will fight your fight
I will hold you tight
And I won't let go

It hurts my heart
To see you cry
I know it’s dark
This part of life
Oh, it finds us all
But we’re too small
To stop the rain
Oh, but when it rains

I will stand by you
I will help you through
When you’ve done all you can doAnd you can’t cope
I will dry your eyes
I will fight your fight
I will hold you tight
And I won't let you fall

Don’t be afraid to fall
I’m right here to catch you
I won't let you down
It won't get you down
You're gonna make it
Yeah, I know you can make it

Cause I will stand by you
I will help you through
When you’ve done all you can do
And you can’t cope
And I will dry your eyes
I will fight your fight
I will hold you tight
And I won't let go

Oh I’m gonna hold you
And I won't let go
Won't let you go
No, I won't

Clean Slate?

Many of think all we need  is a clean slate. A do over. Maybe we move thousands of miles away, get a new job, get married and change our name. We just want to start over,  paint a new picture, or rewrite the story in a better way. Can't this happen? ......Well yes, kinda, actually no!

Yes, your slate on the outside will look clean and fresh ready for your new journey but underneath lurks the old “stuff”. It is still there waiting to seep through. No matter how far you go your baggage, bad habits, hang-ups, hurts, lessons not learned, will follow. Moving and changing your surroundings don’t make it all magically disappear. You can hide behind the “new” you—for a while. But slowly, fatigue, time pressures, loneliness, frustrations, busyness, hurt feelings all cause the old issues to show their ugly face. No matter how hard you might try... your baggage always seems to jump on your back again weighing you down. Don’t believe me? Think you are different? Your situation is unique? Go for it! Try. Try really hard.

God will either bend you or break you!

“Christ has set us free to live a free life. So take your stand! Never again let anyone put a harness of slavery on you. Galatians 5:1 

 “You are called to be free.”  Galatians 5:13a

Unpacking your baggage is throwing down the gauntlet. It is waging a war with the devil himself. Satan wants to keep you in bondage. He wants to keep you in slavery, tied down with hurtful habits, fears, and sins that block our freedom in Christ. He lies and fills us with pride and arrogance making us believe we can do it on our own, if we try... real hard.

“The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. They have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” 2 Cor 10:4-5

Try until you die. But really it is not about you or your best efforts. The war has already been won. The enemy has been defeated.

“My grace is sufficient for you, my power made perfect in your weakness.” 2 Cor 12:9

“Everyone born of God conquers the world’s ways. The conquering power that brings the world to its knees is our faith.” 1 John 5:4 (Message)

“But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.” 
1 Cor 15:57

There was a pool at Bethesda where a great number of disabled people hung out-the blind, the lame, and the paralyzed.  One guy had been there for over 38 years. Jesus asked him,’ Do you want to get well?” The man gave him some excuses. Jesus was patient and replied, “Get up. Pick up your mat and walk.” The invalid was healed.  Many us have been sitting on "the mat" waaaayyyy too long. Don't you want to get well? 

Will you claim victory? Will you just try harder? Will you ignore everything and pretend the baggage isn’t there anymore? Will you accept your baggage as a friend and miss out on abundant life?

Jesus came to set the captives free! Throw off your yoke of slavery! Give Him your baggage. Let Him heal your wounds.

“But He was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our sins, the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by HIS WOUNDS WE ARE HEALED.”  Isaiah 53:5

That’s what is so amazing about grace. We don’t have to try harder. We don’t have to live in the darkness, captives to our bondage. We only have to accept His perfect love. Our slates are not wiped clean by running away. They are wiped clean by his blood on the cross!

Satan at the Sonic Flood Concert

When I was in high school, my boyfriend at the time, had a mom that was a bit off to say the least. On his 18th birthday she took a baseball bat to his room while we were out to dinner. Throughout my senior year she continued to try to make my life a living hell. She went to games where I was cheer leading and threw ice at me from the stands. She would come to my house when my parents weren't home and lean on the doorbell for hours, cussing at me. She followed me around stores calling me names. She came to my work at the mall and threw merchandise on the floor that I had to pick up. She came to my school and called me names in front of my friends. The final straw was when she tried to run me over in the school parking lot with her truck. My parents called the cops, she was arrested, and I had to get a restraining order so she wouldn't ruin my prom or graduation that were coming up or worse hurt me. Needless to say, I disliked her intensely. In fact I would say it bordered on hatred. Instead of celebrating my last year of school and having the time of my life, I was constantly looking over my shoulder and dodging a 42 year old woman and her very large family. She seemed related to half of Tucson.

Fast forward 10 years. I graduated from college, became a Christian, was a newlywed, and serving with my husband as youth leaders in a local church. We were taking a group of about 50 students to the Newsboys, Sonic Flood concert at Casas Adobes Baptist. We arrived with youth in tow, McDonalds in hand, ready to listen to an awesome night of worship. As I glanced around the building I thought wow this place fits a lot of people. Maybe around 3000. My eyes stop. My mouth drops. Sitting about 30 feet away from me sat HER. My old boyfriend’s mom!!  I grabbed Bryan's arm and said, "Oh my gosh. She's here. She is here. Satan is at the Sonic Flood Concert."

I had obviously told Bryan the whole story. He knew just exactly how I felt about her. He knew how she had tortured me. He replied, "So?" "So! So!" I quietly screamed, "What do you mean so? Don't you remember who she is and what she did to me?" He replied," Yes, Kimberley. I remember but that was a long time ago. You have changed maybe she has too. Why don't you go talk to her?"  Through clenched teeth, I said, "Talk to her? Talk to her? Why don't you go talk to her?" With that I shoved my McDonald's bag at him and walked away. I had lost my appetite and was sick to my stomach. I was mad at him for even suggesting I should talk to her. Did he not understand the depths of my fear? The intensity of my hatred?

The lights dimmed and Sonic Flood came on to sing. The song was one of my favorites, If I Could Sing of Your Love Forever. Shaking with fear, anger, hurt... the words pierced my very soul.

"Over the mountains and the sea
Your river runs with the love for me
and I will open up my heart
and let the healer set me free.
I’m happy to be in the truth
and I will daily lift my hands
for I will always sing of when Your love came down.

I heard the spirit say to me, "Kimberley I am the healer. I have set you free. Go to her. I will be with you." No God, No.. anyone but her. Don't you know what she did? Don't you know how horrible she is? She might hurt me." With tears streaming down my face, I sang the words with the band, “I can sing of your love forever..”

"Kimberley if you love me you will obey. Go to her." Lord what exactly do you want me to say? What could I possibly say to her?" "I want you to tell her you’re sorry. I want you to tell her that you have me and I have changed your life."  "SORRY? You want me to apologize to her. I don't have anything to be sorry for. SHE should be apologizing to me. God, she was so mean and hateful. Did you see her try to run me over with her truck?" "Kimberley I saw it all. Go to her." 

At this point I think I might be actually going crazy. I go to the bathroom to get myself together and start making deals.

"God, I do love you but you are asking too much. Besides, there is a concert going on. It is too loud and very dark."

As I am walking back to my place, the music stops and all the lights come on. What!!! It was intermission. They had to turn the lights on to get ready for the Newsboys. "God there are too many people around her. I can't walk through a crowd." I glance over as her group starts to disperse. "God they aren't all gone there are still a few there. I can't talk with students around, it could get ugly."

Just then everybody leaves. It is just her and her sister sitting on the bleachers. "Okay..okay but God  what if she tries to fight me? She is that kind of person. It would not be good to have to throw down at a Christian concert in front of my husband’s youth group. What if I can't talk? What if she wont let me talk? God please anything but this."

"Kimberley, do not be afraid. I will be with you. I will be with you."

Bryan walks over and asks me if I am okay. I snap at him, "I am fine. Do you have a business card?" "Why?" "I don't know just give it to me." With his card in my hand I take a deep breath, close my eyes, and beg, "Please, please God let this be of you and me not losing my mind." I march over and she is kind of up on the front row of a bleacher. The only way to talk to her is to kneel in front of her. KNEEL in front of her! I get down and look up at her. She gives me that look, of hatred. Before I had a chance to speak she sneers, "Yeah, I know who you are what do you want?" I say nothing. She yells at me, "WHAT DO YOU WANT?" 

I take a deep breath and say one last prayer..here I go...."I wanted to say I am sorry. I am so sorry if I have caused you or your family any hurt or pain. I am sorry for my reckless words and how I handled certain situations. I was young and scared. I have accepted Jesus as My Lord and Savior. He has changed my life and I am a different person now." She just looks at me and says nothing. She stands up. I back away thinking on my gosh she wants to fight. She crosses her arms and says, "If you have the guts to come kneel in front of me and apologize after everything between us there must be something different in your life. I accept your apology." And she gives me a hug. Still shaking with fear I reach into my pocket and give her my husband’s business card which has our home phone number on it. If you ever need to talk give me a call." 

As I was walking away doubt crept in and I thought I have just given her a way to find me. That could be a big mistake. I walked over to Bryan and fell crying into his arms. I silently said, "God, she did not apologize to me. She did not take any responsibility for all the horrible things she did."  "Kimberley, it is not about her. It is about your healing and obedience."

A few weeks later I was at Gadabout (when I could afford to get my haircut there) and she was right in front of me with her eldest daughter. I just stood there frozen, not knowing how she would react, scared to think there might be a confrontation. She gave me a big smile and hug and said to her daughter, "It's okay. We like her now. Tell the all the family if they see her to be nice to her." (Think Mafia, Godfather-ish) Her daughter smiled and gave me a little head nod. I thought to myself, "Fine I'll take that rather than a fight."

Eight months later, I had just had our first child and the phone rang. It was her. "Kimberley, my son wants to come back into the family and I want to know your opinion. Can we go to lunch?" I was not ready for lunch with her but I glanced down at my newborn daughter and said, "You and I both know people can change especially when Jesus is in their life. If you can forgive me you can forgive your son. Family is too important to let walk away." She said, "Thank you. I hope you and your new daughter will be blessed."

Everybody has a Nineveh, a place they do not want to go, a person they absolutely do not want to reach out to, a behavior they refuse to give up no matter who it hurts, a fear that seems too big to overcome. Jonah jumped on a ship and went to the opposite ends of the world to escape his Nineveh. How far are you willing to go to run away from God?  

I went to my Nineveh and the rewards outweighed the fear!

“Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.” Ephesians 3:20