Lakin is 18! Am I Ready?

Today my first born turns 18! She is an adult. She can vote. Move out. Get married. Sign contracts. And all the other things adults can do...without our permission. Am I ready for this?

Lakin, when I found out I was pregnant with you...I wasn't really ready to be a mom. It caught us off guard because our big "plan" was to wait years before having kids not months :)  

When I found out you were a girl, I wasn't ready. I was scared because I didn't know how to get along with females all the time and I didn't know if I was capable of being a good mom to a daughter. What if I messed you up? What if you hated me?

When you went off to preschool, kindergarten, junior high, and then high school, I wasn't ready. When you had your first crush on a guy, got your heart broken, flew across the country by yourself, and got your driver's license, I really, really wasn't ready for any of that. You were growing up so fast! Your Dad and I didn't have a play book or any experience. We made many mistakes and goofs along the way! Some out of fear and my own hurts and hang ups. Many  times it was just plain being human. 

But today, on your 18th birthday, I am ready!!! Not because I have it all figured out or that I am not sitting here bawling my eyes out as I write this. I am ready because Lakin, I know without a shadow of a doubt God has you in His hand. With His love, mercy, and lots and lots of grace, you have turned into an AMAZING young woman!!!! 

I am ready for you to pave your own path and embrace your future! 
You have a great head on your shoulders! 
You have a huge heart! You care deeply for others!
You went through high school and stood true to your faith. That is a feat in itself :)
You have overcome obstacles that to most would seem insurmountable!
You have kicked down so many of your fears and not let them hold you back anymore!
You have shown all of us that YOU are braver and stronger than we could have imagined!!!
But most of all, I can see, how much you love JESUS!

Lakin, YOU are ready!!! You are ready to live out your purpose and His plan for your life. You are ENOUGH! Just the way you are, not because you are perfect but because you are HIS! A masterpiece! Fearfully and wonderfully made.

Don't live life on the sidelines or be afraid to fail!! Take risks! Dream big! Be kind. And never, ever forget, how much you are LOVED!!!!

Mom and Dad

"For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline." 2 Timothy 1:7

THIS IS ME!!

The other day a friend made a comment to me, that some people probably couldn't "handle" me. I just laughed it off thinking whatever, probably true.  But today I was doing my quiet time and I thought, "Hmmm what am I agreeing to when I hear that?" 

What lies do I attach to that statement? Am I too much? Not enough? Too this or too that? Do I need to act differently around others, according to their personal tastes? Do I minimize myself so I can make my personality more digestible for them? Is that what I would tell my daughter to do?

"Hey, Lakin, I don't want you to seem too confident, too sure of yourself, or be a strong leader because it might be hard for some people to "handle". So make it a point to know what everyone in the room likes and adjust yourself around that so you will be more liked."

Just thinking about saying those words to her gives me a stomach ache! I can't imagine anyone telling their son, "try not to be too strong today honey or in charge. It might be hard for others to be around you." Blah!!!

Don't get me wrong, I am not blind to my fussy habits or high maintenance traits. But at this point in my life, I am coming to believe THIS IS ME and I am kinda okay with it! Sure there are things I would like to get better at (I tried to lower my voice and sounded like Barry White with a cold) and of course God is constantly working on my heart. But let's be honest, if I am not your cup of tea, rather than try to change or poke at me, you can always make the choice to smile and walk away. No harm, no foul. 

More and more, I want to spend time with people who are FOR ME! Who want me to be the best Kimberley I can be! They see my faults, look past my mess, over my need for control on certain things, embrace my lack of cooking and technology skills, my fast talking, not completing sentences, and love me anyway! I want to hang out with people who won't find little ways to chip away at my self-worth and make me feel less than. They see my heart and know that there is more to me than my "strong" personality and mixed up sayings. (Fold like a piano or slick as a board could be real right?) 

Sometimes these friends will have to pull me aside and let me know, "Hey Kimberley, you missed the mark on that one or 'That did not come off like you wanted it to'. Feedback with intentional love and grace is invaluable!!

Sticks and stone will break my bones and WORDS can be just as devastating. My prayer is to try to look at people, as their own unique masterpieces, created by a loving Heavenly Father, who doesn't make mistakes. And if for some reason I can't, I can choose to just smile and walk away, not tear down. 

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." Psalm 139:13-14.

What is Propel?

Many people are asking what Propel is all about? And it's actually hard to put into words. Is it a women's group? Yes, we are all ladies. Is it a Bible study? Kind of because everything we talk about is grounded in scripture. Do we chat in small groups and have food? Most definitely! Think taco bar :) But these descriptions skim the surface because they don't adequately give the full picture of what happens, what goes on, or what you feel when you leave...........Propel is just MORE!!!

Propel is a community that becomes stronger and stronger over time. 

You never leave the night thinking, "What a complete waste of time!" 

It's worth the 45 minute drive

leaving the dinner on the stove

the laundry undone

the family complaining

It's time for you to recharge

to just be you

to breathe

to be seen!

Propel is friendships 

sharing laughter and tears 

heartache and fears

letting go of the hurts and holding tight to the truths

Propel is being a part of something bigger than yourself

It's watching women transform in front of your eyes

Bursting out of cocoons into beautiful butterflies 

Spreading their wings

some flying for the first time

Propel is encouragement from others that you are enough

That you were created for a purpose to be lived

Have a passion within you waiting to be unleashed

A potential for you to possess, new mountains to climb

Propel is a hug that makes you know you are not alone

That you will always have a tribe, a herd of females

Making a circle around you when you are wounded

Stomping their feet in warning 

against those who would attack

Propel is different

we fight against the norms

Women can get along

cheer each other on

Complete not compete!

Propel is love

It is hope

It is possibilities

It is a home away from home! 

"I can’t tell you how much I long for you to enter this wide-open, spacious life. We didn’t fence you in. The smallness you feel comes from within you. Your lives aren’t small, but you’re living them in a small way. I’m speaking as plainly as I can and with great affection. Open up your lives. Live openly and expansively!" 2 Corinthians 6:11-13 (The Message)

About Last Night....

How can I describe last night? Just thinking about it brings tears to my eyes and leaves me at a loss for words that would adequately paint the picture for those that were not there. But I have to try...because last night DEMANDS A RESPONSE!

On Tuesdays our Propel Women Tucson Group meets to encourage, uplift, and empower each other. We gather to eat, laugh, pray, share, and yes even cry, as we prove that women CAN get along, woman can be each other's cheerleaders and we are better together!

Last night, I had asked my new friend Marina Holland to share part of her journey with us. If you know her, she can be shy, quiet, and definitely not the one in the room that likes any attention. But last night, all eyes were on her as her story unfolded.

This is where my words fail me...I cannot give justice to what we experienced. From the moment Marina opened her mouth we were all captivated! Her breathtaking transparency and stark honesty seeped into our souls as she shared an unimaginable tragedy of pain and loss. There was an awe-inspiring beauty in her bravery and strength to relive even a small part of her darkest hours. The love on her face when she mentioned her only son Manny shined brightly through her eyes and smile! But the JOY that radiated from depths of her heart came out when she gave God ALL THE glory in the midst of circumstances that would slay the mightiest mama! No one should ever have to bury their child!

When she finished, the silence in the room was reverent. Our emotions were all over the place. Because her story was our worst fears played out but she also gave us an extraordinary HOPE of the unfailing and never-ending promises of our Savior. But....

Imagine if........ Marina didn't have a tribe to surround and help her through her grief? The loneliness and despair could have crushed her.

Imagine if......... Marina didn't push through being uncomfortable and terrified of speaking in front of people to share her son's story and legacy? We would not know that over 100 people were saved at his funeral!!!!

Imagine if........ her son didn't know Jesus? There would not be the blessed assurance of getting to see each other again!

Imagine if.........YOU never knew that God loves you so much that He wants to see you dancing and singing in heaven with Him, your family and friends for all of eternity!!

Last night was supernatural. It could only be described as an encounter with Jesus!! We are definitely better together and we are unstoppable with GOD!

"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Cor 4:16-18

Daughter, Don't Compare!

My 17 year old daughter is sharing her testimony. On her public high school campus. For the first time ever. Tomorrow. Of course I am proud of her. And yes this is amazing for so many reasons. One being she has been terrified most of her life with speaking in front of people to the point she would almost make herself sick at just the thought. So this is HUGE!

But more importantly, how about the fact that she will be taking a stand for her faith in the midst of her peer group! For her to have the courage to not be ashamed of loving Jesus even though it is not popular blows my mind. Because at her age, I was more into what I wore to school, who I was dating, and did I fit in!

As she is writing out what she is going to say, she turns to me, "Mom, I am starting to have doubts because my story isn't as 'loud' as some of the other students. Theirs is more dramatic. I know I am not supposed to compare but it's hard not to. I have to go last and what if nobody listens"

My precious, precious daughter how do I tell you with words that you are enough! Your journey with Jesus is unique and beautiful and YOURS! Don't listen to the lies of the enemy that your story is small. Don't get trapped in the cycle of comparison that you don't measure up. Start with the blessings of having a stable family. Tell them that you have known God all your life. Tell them that your life verse is 2 Timothy 1:7.  

"For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline."

Tell them your faith was tested in a big way, January 31, 2017 when you entered the hospital and didn't come out for 3 days after you were diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes. Tell them that this verse is imprinted on your heart and you live by it daily because you are thankful that you woke up! Tell them that the reason you are up here in front of them is because your faith is now stronger than your fear!!! 

Lakin, remember you are talking to an audience of ONE! God doesn't care if your story is loud or if there is only 3 people in the crowd. It matters more that you are sharing it and giving Him the glory! Keep saying YES to Him daughter! Keep trusting Him with all your heart, mind, and soul! The power doesn't come in the drama it comes in His never-ending, extravagant LOVE FOR YOU!