Sweet Sixteen

  

Today is my daughter's birthday. She turned 16! As a writer, or at least someone who uses words to communicate, I am speechless! It is more than the feelings of, "Where did the time go? How did this happen so fast? I can't believe she will drive!" It's actually EPIC, exciting, terrifying, bittersweet, and overwhelming all wrapped together......

"Dear Lakin,
You took my breath away the first time I ever saw you. When they put you on my chest, I looked down into your big brown eyes and felt you glanced into my soul! It was like you reached inside and touched my heart with a jolt of electricity! It was almost a challenge, a huge wake up call, "Hey Mom, I am finally here. What are you going to do with me now?" I knew, right then, that I would spend the rest of my life being your champion! Loving you with all my heart until I take my last breath.

These last 16 years watching you grow up have been one of the biggest blessings of my life. I could not ask for another kind of daughter to help make me in to a better person, to deepen my faith, and to call me mom!

I know being a teenager isn't always easy. Kids are mean. Boys are stupid. Nothing seems to make sense. Emotions are at an all-time high. Finding your place in this world can be awkward and hard. But there are a few things I want you to ALWAYS remember as you are beginning to make this transition into adulthood.

You are LOVED! Even if you are mad at us, don't agree with our decisions or think we don't know anything, your dad and I would die for you in a second! Team Lee for life! (Even when you change you name after you get married)

JUST BE YOU! Don't conform to what the world wants or expects. You do you and no one else's idea of what you should be like. You choose your journey. You pave your own path. You are strong, courageous, and have it in you to move mountains and accomplish your dreams! Never quit! Don't ever try to have it all together or be perfect, that is so unattainable and overrated :) Just be you!

OWN IT! Own your life. Never push it off on someone else. If you make a mistake, apologize. If you feel strongly about something, say it! If you want to do things differently, DO IT! If you fall down or stumble, get up and try again! Character and integrity count, don't let anyone try to talk you into something else. No matter their job title or position they hold.

Your IDENTITY is in Christ! Not in this world or what people say about you. Not in a boy if he likes you or not. Not in a job or how much money you make. Or what kind of car you drive or house you live in. Don't believe the lies, focus on the truths. No matter how loud all the noise is.

Community Matters! Stay connected to God, your family, and your community. When the storms of life come and try to knock you around or even drown you, all three will be your life lines. Who you surround yourself with will determine so much.

Lakin, I am in AWE of the woman you are becoming and the amazing person you are right now! I will treasure all our "talks" and car rides to school. I will be your loudest cheerleader and your biggest fan. (No matter if you get embarrassed :) I am blessed beyond measure to be your mom and hope I have lived up to the challenge you threw out that first day, "I am here and what are you going to do with me?" LOVE YOU FIERCELY that's what I will do!

Happy Sweet 16!
Mom

A Hole In My Heart

This has been a season of many goodbyes. Each family, every person left footprints on our lives. They were all part of our journey, in some way, big and small. We have watched many of them grow up, get married, have babies, say yes to Jesus, go on mission trips to far away countries, take jobs in different cities, and go separate ways. 

Each goodbye is hard. Really hard. When I see their posts on Facebook it makes it real that we are not going to be living life together anymore. When we pray over them I struggle with tears thinking about how much we will miss them. When I see my kids crying or asking if "they" are ever coming back again, I sometimes ask myself if loving people so much is worth it. 

In a few weeks, two guys who are dear to my heart, have both opened new chapters in their lives. This means they are leaving. More goodbyes. While I am so excited about their new adventures and support them following the path God has them on, my heart grieves! I will miss them! They have both made such a huge impact on me, my kids, our community, and our church. We have shared so many life experiences, highs and lows, and celebrated a lot of milestones together. They are more than friends they are FAMILY! The spirit bonds us in a way like no other, knitted together by a higher power!  

I have constantly taught that community matters! Even when it hurts. Even when it's hard. Even when you feel the loss deeply. When someone leaves they should LEAVE A HOLE IN YOUR HEART. A hole in your schedule, in your life, and in your church. It means they were loved, they were engaged, and they served. The hole represents time that was spent building relationships that went beyond the superficial, deeper than the surface. The hole represents the memories of laughter, tears, heartaches, growing pains, mistakes, successes, frustrations, joys, Monday night dinners, and everything in between!   

As I am bawling my eyes out writing this, God promises to fill that hole with His love and He reminds me that most importantly, we are a community of believers that have a common purpose. It's bigger than me, them, all of us. We were united together to bring the hope of Jesus to the heart of the city! Committed to love God and loving others. So the answer to my question, "Is it worth it to love so much?" YES, OH YES! I wouldn’t trade it for the world or for not feeling the pain or shedding the tears! I am a better person for knowing all of YOU!! I am blessed and honored to have walked with each of you, some just a few steps and some years of being messy together!

#communitymatters

#Teeds #Gomez #Harrisons #Livingoods #Kims #Ricky #Trey #Josh #Steyearts #Lauren #Boices #Austin #Baldridges #Banks #Phillips #Johnsons #Clarks #Pinkletons #Prices #Elizabeth #Megan #Jordan #Levi

"They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer.Everyone was filled with awe at the many wonders and signs performed by the apostles. All the believers were together and had everything in common. They sold property and possessions to give to anyone who had need. Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved." Act 2:42-47

THIS ONE IS FOR THE BULLIES WHO SAID HE COULDN'T!

Thursday afternoon Landen's flag football team played for the Championship against one of their rivals. The game was intense. The other coaches were screaming and yelling, calling out his number for the players to attack, parents on their sidelines got ejected for being ugly, flags were being thrown all over the place, and the clock never seemed to run down. We were ahead until the last 5 minutes when they scored a Hail Mary touchdown. We went into overtime, each getting the ball on the 10 yard line. We both scored. Now we were in double overtime!!! The sidelines were packed with teachers, parents, and friends. We were cheering them on but at moments it was so quite because we were waiting to see what happened next. They got the ball and through numerous tough plays we stopped them from scoring. We had one last chance to make it into the end zone. HUT..HUT.. the quarterback threw the ball right towards LANDEN! As you can tell he is a big guy. His position is left tackle, an offensive lineman. They are there to be a brick wall and are not known for their speed. My breath caught, I felt like I stopped breathing! OH NO!!! If he drops it, or falls, or gets his flag pulled it's over. He runs as fast as he can..... straight over that magical line and SCORED THE WINNING TOUCHDOWN! All his teammates and the sidelines stated chanting his name, the crowd went wild, and this mom, after I could breathe again, I said a silent prayer, "Thank you Jesus! Thank you Jesus for giving him his moment!"

You see this moment was bigger than football, bigger than a touchdown, even bigger than a championship game. This moment was about my son knowing that God has a plan for his life. That God didn't make a mistake making him. Because a few years ago, Landen was struggling, painfully! 

He was always a big kid and of course in elementary school anything different is an opportunity to be made fun of, which they did. He was called names, made to feel stupid because he wasn't as fast as some of them, and not picked for teams because they didn't think he could play because of his size. One night as I was putting him to bed I noticed he had tears in his eyes. My son looked up at me and said words no mother wants to hear, ever!! "Mom, I am kind of mad at God for making me this way. I want to ask him if he made a mistake." My heart broke. Into a million pieces. I wanted to go beat up all those bullies at school who were tearing apart my precious boy!

I grabbed his face and said, "Landen, you are PERFECTLY and WONDERFULLY made! You are not a mistake! God has a plan for your life. Be brave and HOLD ON because it will all work itself out. I promise! Just wait until middle school when you will grow into this body. It will all come together! Don't let others pull you down. Live your life with integrity and confidence that you have a huge heart which is way more important than how fast you can run." I went to bed crying for him and for all the other kids who are bullied into thinking they are a mistake! Or less than! 

In a week, I know that a middle school championship will mean nothing in the big scheme of things. Our school has a closet full of broken and dusty trophies. I don't even care if he ever plays football again. But to this kid and this mom, that winning touchdown yesterday......that's to all the bullies who said he couldn't!!! Thank you Jesus, for giving him his moment!

"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

    your works are wonderful, I know that full well." Psalms 139:14

Road of Death...

Today my daughter has a volleyball game in Douglas. She will be going with her high school team, in a school bus, on a 5 hour round trip. Doesn't seem like a big deal until I tell you that almost 25 years ago, my best friend died on this very road in a car accident. The details of that day are gruesome, the after effects on her family and me still resonate with us to this day.

My first instinct was to not let Lakin go. It's just one game. She will get back too late. Doesn't seem worth all those hours gone for about 40 minutes of playing time. Maybe I should just drive her or have her dad go pick her up. That way I can control at least half of the trip. Right?

Then my worry started getting more intense, if you can believe that, and a little more irrational.....the school is near the border. What if something happens? What is their exit plan? I don't want her going to the bathroom by herself. What kind of safety protocol is in place? School zones are notorious for NOT protecting the students.

Once I began to release the doubts in my heart the floodgates opened up and filled me with anxiety that was almost crippling. I CAN'T LET HER GO! It's not worth the cost.

"Kimberley, For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline." (2 Tim 1:7) I know, I know! This is Lakin's life verse that we have prayed over her for years but I am THE MOM! I am allowed to be concerned and fearful of something happening to my daughter. It is my job to protect her!

"Kimberley, I know how much you love Lakin and I hear your mommy's cry, but remember she is mine! I knitted her together in your womb. I have counted every hair on her head. I have numbered her days according to my will. I have created her and have a purpose for her life. You cannot keep her in a bubble. You can't control the world. You cannot "protect" her from every thing."

But God, my heart can't take it if anything happened to her. I want to trust you, I do, but the fear can be overwhelming when it comes to these precious three humans that call me mom. What if I miss something? What if I forget to tell them not to talk to strangers, look both ways when they cross the road, don't be on your phone in the parking lot not paying attention....and, and, and. 

"Kimberley, practice what you preach! You have told your daughter at least a hundred times that fear cannot rule her life. You have shown her how to be brave and face obstacles in her path. You have quoted scripture to her from the day she was born and now you must model it. Lay it at my feet and trust me."

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

Tears at 11!

My youngest son came home from youth group with tears in his eyes. "Mom, I don't have a story with Jesus." I quickly replied, "Lawson, you are only 11. It's a journey. You have your whole life ahead of you." I realized right away that this fast response was not enough to make him feel better. He didn't understand how he was supposed to talk to people about Jesus if he didn't have "a story".

I knew that his sensitive little heart needed more. He needed help to walk out this relationship. I wrote his name at the top of a paper and said, "Let's start at the beginning. How do you think God worked in your life from the start?"

"He let me be born?"  Yes, he knew you were exactly what we needed to complete our family. He made you a fighter from day one and helped you overcome some pretty big medical issues.

What else in your life are you thankful for? "He gave me a family."

Although we are not perfect and somewhat of a mess at times, we love and support each other. That is part of your story. One of God's greatest gifts to you.

What else is something that God gave you in your life? "Friends. Other people who love me."

I made him start listing off all the people who care about him, who take him places, ask how he is doing, pray for him, and invest in his life. The list was LONG!! So blessedly long. As he kept naming off names, we both got tears in our eyes.  "Lawson, how many other little kids do you know that have that many people to love them?"

Can you see a theme in your life? 

He replied, "LOVE"

I drew a big heart in the middle and said that is your "story" with God. He loved you so much he let you be born in into a family who loves you dearly, surrounded by soooo many friends who care about you a lot, and most of all he loved you so much he gave you his son on the cross. Look at all he has done in these short 11 years!

My son stared at me through his glasses and blinked a few times. He remained quiet but the tears kept flowing. "Honey what's wrong? Why are you still crying" (because of course I was feeling pretty good about myself right now with that picture I just made)

"Mom, talking about all these people made me miss my friends who leave or who have moved away. I am sad because I love them."

Really? You are only 11! (I am tapped out with the last question!)

"Lawson, The price of love is sometimes tears and sadness but love is always worth the cost! Would you rather have never met them? Could you imagine life without them? When you share your heart with others, when you talk about your story with Jesus, I hope you are filled with an OVERWHELMING sense of being LOVED WELL!"

My son smiled at me and with a weight seemingly lifted off his shoulders, he said, "Whew, I don't know why I was so emotional. Don't tell Landen (his older brother)."

As he scurried off to bed, I silently prayed, "God, thank you for giving me those words to calm my son's anxious heart. I will be forever grateful that you have put so many people around to love him. I am glad he came home from youth group bothered rather than apathetic!"

"You are loved more than you will ever know by someone who died to know you."Romans 5:8