Can U Hear Me Now?

People often ask me, "Kimberley how do you know God is speaking to you?" or they say, "God just doesn't speak to me." When I answer the first question I don't have a lot of theological jargon to back me up. I also don't give a how to blog or step-by-step process that will give them a "better chance". How do I hear God? Well, I hate to state the obvious but the Bible is a big one for me. I don't open it as often as I should, but sometimes when I am reading it the words just come alive! I come across a verse that shoots like an arrow straight to my soul. Like the verse in Psalms 18:2

The LORD is my rock, my fortress, and my savior; my God is my rock, in whom I find protection. He is my shield, the power that saves me, and my place of safety. 

That speaks straight to my heart. God is saying, "Kimberley I am your strength when you are wounded and scared, come to me. I will protect you. I am your safe place."

In James 3:9-10 "With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be."

In this verse, God is telling me to shut my mouth. When I talk about others it dilutes my praises to him. 

In Matthew 6:34 it says, "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." 

If you read that what do you think God is saying? Yep! DO NOT Worry! So if we are honest with ourselves much of the bible is pretty clear on what God wants from us. Yes there are parts that are harder to understand. The whole book of Revelation boggles my mind. Yes, there are parts that people have been arguing over for generations. 

But the Bible is the living word of God. It is his spoken words and meant for us to actually use to get to know him better. When you are interested in someone you tend to try to find out everything you can about that person. The same with God. If you want to know him. Read his words. He will speak to you through them. It is up to you to listen!

TO BE CONTINUED>>>>> Part 2 of How I hear God tomorrow!

Our Story

John 3: 11” I tell you the truth, we speak of what we know, and we testify to what we have seen..” 

What do I know? I am a pastor’s wife. The mother of three children. I am a teacher and have taught college to preschool . I have traveled the world. Joined the military. Mentored hundreds of kids, taken numerous classes and workshops, experienced much joy and many hurts. This year I have been humbled by the fact that I don’t know much.

But the bible says, “We speak of what we know and testify to what we seen..” God, what do I know?

“Kimberley you don’t have to “know” everything. You are making this too difficult. You are making it about you. It’s about me. It’s about my son. Speak of what I did for you, speak of where I found you, speak of our story together. Testify to what you have seen since you have become the daughter of mighty, mighty king. Don’t you remember?”

Yes, Jesus I remember. Here is “Our” story.

I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior in September 1995 and was baptized in Nov of that year. I was 23. My journey to Jesus was difficult to put it lightly. Where did God find me? At the bottom. I had just graduated from college and was waiting to go into the military. I had gotten into a car accident a few months prior and was home doing physical therapy for my injuries. I had spent the last six years filling my life with everything the world had to offer and still I felt empty.

My sister asked me if I wanted to go to church one Sunday? I replied, “Why..what's there? Why would we go to church?” She said I don’t know maybe there will be cute boys. Okay. I have nothing else to do. Let's go. My sister was not a Christian yet. Why on earth she came up with this idea to go to church did not make sense. 

The first time we went, I was done. I did not fit in. I did not like the people. I did not like the topic. I did not like the building. I did not see the purpose. Cute guys could be found in a bar. Church was not for me. My sister is older and very bossy so she insisted we keep going because she had found a guy she wanted to hang out with. I tried to say no but she bullied me. After a few weeks the pastor was giving a sermon on talking to Jesus and testing him. I skeptically started to listen…test him? Can you do that? The pastor went on to say Jesus wants a relationship with you, ask him, he will answer your questions. Just ask, get on your knees and ask. Really? Really? For some reason I said “the prayer” along with the pastor. I didn’t feel any different ...in fact I was a little angry.

I went home that night and got on my knees. I felt silly, ridiculous and hoped no one in my family walked in and I would have to explain that I might have lost my mind. On my knees I started talking, actually arguing, with God. I was pissed off….okay God the pastor said test you, he said ask….Well I have a few questions for you.. You say you are a loving God who only wants what is best for me right? Than why was my childhood so insane? Why do I have an alcoholic for a father? Why do I have mother who is crazy and can barely stand me? Why is my sister off her rocker and so mean to me? Why did you let my Grandma die, the only one who I felt loved me? Why is my best friend dead at 20 years old? Where were you when my boyfriend was hurting me and treating me like crap? This is what was best for me? This is what a loving God has to offer? Where were you when I needed you? Why would I want you or your Jesus? 

At this time, I am crying..profusely. I do not know even if this God I am talking to exists. And if he does I am so angry at him. All of sudden I felt this warmth, a peace….

“Kimberley, Kimberley..my precious child. I am so sorry that you experienced some of those things. Every tear you cried..every hurt that pierced your heart, I felt. Your pain did not go unnoticed. I have been trying to get your attention for sometime now. You were never, never alone.” Right then that poem “Footprints” came to my mind. I think maybe I had seen it in some one's house, somewhere...it had been years. (It is not like I frequented the types of houses or places that would have had that poem on the wall). . 

“Kimberley, during your times of trial and suffering when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you. I am a loving God. Follow me and I will show you how deep my love is. I have already given you my son as proof. It won’t be a bed of roses, your journey will not be easy, but follow me and I will keep of all my promises. I will never let you go”

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.” John 3:16-17

We speak of what we know, and we testify to what we have seen..” I know that God spoke to my heart not like the burning bush turn your hair white speaking. He met my anger with mercy. He met my doubts with grace. He met my sin with forgiveness. He met my pain with His son on the cross. Like he promised my journey with him has not always been easy but like he also promised he never let go. I have seen God transform my life and those around me. I have seen his healing touch and amazing grace. I have seen God break the cycles in my life so now my children will not experience the pain I did as a child.

Again….”We speak of what we know, and we testify to what we have seen..” I challenge you to ask yourself what is my story with God? It doesn't matter what it looks like..it doesn't have to be like mine. What do you know about God? What have you seen? Do you talk about it? If not why? You don’t have to know much..... you just have to know your story with Him.

What I Believe

I don't believe in fairy tales but I do believe in true love.

I don't believe in the bogeyman but I do believe in the enemy.

I don't believe in Prince Charming on a white horse but I do believe in great guys that might look like the cable guy and drive a pinto.

I don't believe you need flowers for romance but I do believe a smile and laughing together is sexy as Heck :)

I don't believe you should spend your whole life trying to be happy but  think you should seek joy no matter your circumstances.

I don't believe people are born evil but I do believe that everyone has sin that could corrupt their soul.

I don't believe in Hollywood's superficial portrayal of relationships but I do believe people are meant to have deep long term friendships without the threat of betrayal or backstabbing.

I don't believe people change by what comes out of their mouth but I do believe people can change by what you see come out of their heart.

I don't believe in perfection but I do believe in trying to do your best and let grace fill in the rest.

I don't believe in forgetting all the stuff that has happened but I do believe in forgiveness so you can be free.

I don't believe crying makes you weak, but I do believe healing can begin with tears.

I don't believe in pity parties unless they are very short term, but I do believe there is always tomorrow otherwise you might get stuck.

I don't believe that we should "accept" everything, but I do believe we should love everyone.

I don't believe in world peace, but I do believe in a Savior that will bring peace to this world when he comes.

Do you know what you believe? Or do you sway with popular opinion? Do you just believe in what people have told you? Or do you search after the truth? Do you wait for others to give you wisdom? Or do you go to the source of knowledge? Isn't it time to know what you believe by knowing more about who you love?

Matthew 24:43-45 "Understand this: If a homeowner knew exactly when a burglar was coming, he would keep watch and not permit his house to be broken into. You also must be ready all the time, for the Son of Man will come when least expected."

30 Pairs Later...

Lawson is our third and last child. Our boys are 18 months apart. Lakin was only three when he was born. Needless to say by the time he came along we were tired, exhausted. It has been mentioned that we spoiled him.... probably. Did I mention our exhaustion? Then I got to thinking..yes he might be a little babied but you don't know what this kid is made of..he is a fighter! He battled some pretty crazy things before he was four and never lost his sense of humor. He rarely complained at things that would have brought adults to their knees. He defied the odds and it's a miracle he is even here. 

Before he was born he was a triplet. He shared space with identical twins who were taking a lot of his nutrients. He was three weeks behind developmentally and the doctors hoped he would "catch up". When he was born he was 8 pounds 8 ounces and very healthy!

At 6 weeks old he came down with RSV which can be a deadly virus to newborns. They wanted to put him in the hospital to watch his vitals but I was scared he would pick up something else. He came home and for the next two weeks was on three different medications and round the clock breathing treatments.

At four months old his eyes started crossing. His left eye would go all the way in to his nose. His head also tilted to one side and he favored it.  The doctors said we just had to wait and see if he grew out of these. He didn't!

At six months old we found a lump in his back. The doctor feared cancer. We had to take him in for x-rays where they strapped him to a table so he wouldn't move.  The results were scoliosis or a curvature in his spine and torticollis which means a twisted neck. We had to go see numerous other specialists to see if anything else was wrong. He got an echo-cardiogram of his heart and went to see a neurologist for his motor skills.

At 7 months he started physical therapy three times a week. The goals were to get his neck straighten and to work on developing his left side. He preferred doing everything right handed which caused him to be very weak on the left side. They put him through a rigorous therapy and he rarely lost his infectious smile. 

At 14 months we had to go see an eye specialist. Lawson was very nearsighted and needed to wear glasses. His left eye was extremely weak so not only did we have to get a toddler to wear glasses we had to patch his eye too. When that didn't work we had to put eye drops in twice a day. When that didn't work we had to buy special very expensive prism lenses. Over the next few years he would go through 30 PAIRS OF GLASSES! 

At three years old the doctors decided he needed surgery. They wanted to cut the muscles of his eyes and pull them back so they could be stronger and improve his vision. When they wheeled him away for surgery with his stuffed dog, Lola, I almost collapsed. He was so brave and didn't cry even though he really had no idea of what was going on. When he woke up from surgery he couldn't open his eyes and this scared him. Bloody tears streamed down his face as I explained to him that this was only temporary. Within 10 minutes we were talking about Lego Batman. He couldn't see for the next 24 hours but he was such a trooper. The next morning he looked up at me with these big beautiful hazel eyes and said, "Mom, I can see. I am okay now." Off he went to start his day!

From the moment I saw him on the sonogram screen I knew he was a fighter! I knew he was very special and had a definite purpose to fulfill. I knew God created him especially to complete our family. What I didn't know was how his sense of humor and fun spirit would get us through some pretty tough medical stuff. So is he sometimes spoiled? Yeah, but have you seen this kid's smile? 

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.  You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the LORD, “and will bring you back from captivity." Jeremiah 29:11-14

God, I Want This One!

A few years ago, I was challenged to have a conversation with God about one of my friends who was not a believer. Immediately one of my best friends came to mind and I when I got home I prayed, hard. After I finished, I was kind of emotional because of how much this guy means to me, realizing he doesn't know Jesus. God nudged me, "Why don't you tell him what you prayed to me?" Oh no God, he will think I am crazy. I do not want to pick a fight with him or make him uncomfortable. I don't want to him to feel bad or that he has to walk on eggshells around me because of what I believe. I prayed for him that should be good. "Kimberley, I am not here for your comfort or his. I want him to know what you prayed. Share your heart with him...no matter the cost."

MY LETTER

Mark,

I know this might make you uncomfortable but I have to let you know what is on my heart. My Bible study leader asked, "Is there anyone that doesn't know God that you want to tell God what they mean to you?" Immediately your name popped into my head. So here is what I said...

"God, my friend Mark is very important to me. He is one of my best friends. We have known each other since we were thirteen years old, over 25 years. We have fought, laughed, partied, been through bad relationships together, shared secrets, kept secrets, talked a lot, not talked for awhile, but still we put up with each other.  We used to spend Thanksgivings together with our other friend having our own little dinner and playing games. We walked home everyday from school together and spent a lot of time at each others' houses.  He knows I am hard headed and opinionated but very loyal. I told one boyfriend if he didn't like Mark I would break up with him because this friend comes first. Up at college I was having a really hard time and in walked Mark into my work. Immediately my spirits lifted because I needed a friend and he was there. Did I mention he faced a giant for me? (My ex-boyfriend who was 6'4 and 200lbs). Mark went to him and told him how much he had hurt me knowing that my ex could crumple him into a ball.

I have watched him grow into a man of integrity, hard working, a great father and got to witness him marry his best friend. I love his wife, she is just the right amount of spice for him :) I know I can call him for anything and he would be there for me or my family. Yes God, he means a lot to me. I gave my son his middle name...

Lord, I want him to experience your love that will fill that void in his heart. I want him to be in the presence of the King. I want to see him seated next to you in heaven. I want his family to spend eternity with you and know there is something more to this life. God I know you know who he is because you created him BUT this is what he means to me...he is one of my best friends! God, I want this one in heaven with you!"

I just wanted to tell you what you mean to me. 
Love, Kimberley

"I urge, then, first of all, that petitions, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for all people—for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness.This is good, and pleases God our Savior, who wants all people to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth." 1 Timothy 2:1-4

Who Is This King of Glory?

January 12, 2001. The doctor came in and mumbled, “I am sorry but the epidural is not going to work. We took it out put it back in and sometimes these things just happen.” I could not process this information. Where in birthing class did they tell us this was a possibility? I signed up for an epidural! I am not ashamed to say I wanted pain medication. What do you mean not going to work? Is it broken? What’s the next step? Who is in charge? You are the head of anesthesiology? What do I do? 

“Ma’am, we can’t give you advice as what to do. We can only give you the facts.” Again,you are the head doctor and you can’t at least make an education suggestion? Well how am I supposed to know what to do? I am in a lot of pain here in case you guys forgot that these are Pitocin contractions. Intense does not adequately describe this kind of pain!

I frantically looked into my nurse’s face and asked, “How bad is this going to get?” With tears streaming down her face she quietly whispered, “Much, much worse.” Ummm, the nurse crying was not very reassuring. In fact I am now completely freaked out!!! My mind was reeling with questions and doubts jumbled together with the relentless pain of the constant contractions. “I need everyone to leave the room.” The nurse protested. “We can’t do that. We have to continually check the monitors.” Again I said, “I need everyone to leave the room. I have to get myself together.” I am in delivery, with no epidural, I am not progressing, the nurse is crying, my husband is looking bewildered, and no one will tell me everything is going to be all right. What the heck does together really mean? I have to go to my source. My comforter. God is the creator right? I put on my headphones and slipped in the Third Day Offerings CD.(Remember a decade ago there were still CDs)

The song that was playing was "King of Glory"

“Who is this King of glory that pursues me with His love..” God this child was your idea, your plan. What is going on?

"And haunts me with each hearing of His softly spoken words..” I am freaked out right now.

"My conscience, a reminder of forgiveness that I need…” Is my baby going to be okay? I have become attached to her. I want this baby!! “

"Who is this King of glory who offers it to me..” I fell in love with her the moment I saw her heart beating on the sonogram screen.

"Who is this King of angels, O blessed Prince of Peace..” I do not feel peace right now. God I need you to show up.

"Revealing things of Heaven and all its mysteries..” You promised me ten years ago you would never let go. Right now I need you.

"My spirit's ever longing for His grace in which to stand” This is between me, you, and this baby. I have been faithful. I have followed you. Promise me my baby will be okay. Promise!!

"Who is this King of glory, Son of God and son of man” Did I mention that I am really, really, scared?

I lay there, my body screaming in agony with the life inside me demanding to come out. My legs were completely dead from the epidural. My left arm was in a cast from falling and breaking my elbow the day before. The other arm was hooked up to the blood pressure machine and had an IV line in it. My body was broken. It had let me down. With no arms or legs working, I felt helpless, defeated, wondering how on earth I was going to get my daughter out. I could hear my heart and the music pounding in my ears battling for my attention. My mind was racing in all different directions trying to wrap my brain around what was going on inside my body. “God, did I mention her name is Lakin?”

“His name is Jesus, precious Jesus” Kimberley, I gave you my precious son Jesus.

"The Lord Almighty, the King of my heart. The King of glory” I am your King, my glory will reign.

”Who is this King of glory with strength and majesty” I am your refuge, let me be your strength. Let me be your rock.

”And wisdom beyond measure, the gracious King of kings” Don’t you think I have a plan? Don’t you think I know what is going on?

”The Lord of Earth and Heaven, the Creator of all things” I am the creator, Kimberley. I knitted your daughter together in your womb. She is a gift from me. I love her more than you will ever know.

”Who is the King of glory, He's everything to me” I will you show you my glory. You and your daughter will be fine. Everything will work out. I have a plan for Lakin’s life. She has a purpose. She will be okay.

"The Lord of Earth and Heaven, the Creator of all things. He is the King of glory, He's everything to me”
Precious, precious Jesus like the song says, you are the Lord of heaven and earth, my creator, you are everything to me. I am sorry I doubted you. I can do all things through Him who gives me strength. Let’s do this!!

The nurse quietly slipped in to check the monitors. My husband followed behind her. All I needed was to look in his eyes to let him know I was in a better place. He nodded his head and said, “You ready?” Yeah, I am. I know everything will be all right. Our daughter will be okay.

The rest of Lakin’s delivery was very traumatic. My body never fully got ready for delivery. Her collarbone was caught on my pelvic bone and she was stuck in the birth canal. After three hours of excruciating pushing, things started going downhill. Her heart rate was dropping and I was exhausted with barely anything left. My doctor looked up and pierced me with her eyes. Very quietly, but with extreme firmness she said,” Kimberley you have got to get her out now!” She nodded to the nurse and muttered something. Again tears welled up in the corner of the nurse’s eyes. She glanced down at me shaking her head and said, “I am so sorry.” 

At that moment my doctor yelled push. The nurse jumped up, pushed her elbow and the force of her body into the top of my stomach. I grabbed her arm and through clenched teeth asked her what exactly was she doing. Pain seared through every part of my battered body, too fatigued to even fight back the assault coming from every direction. All of a sudden a red light started flashing, alarms went off and an army of people rushed into the room. I felt my daughter literally being ripped out of my body as I fell back against my pillows, slumped in physical devastation. Lakin was swiftly put into the arms of the specialists. My senses were heightened but I could barely muster the strength to utter the words, “Is she okay?"

Yes!! Yes!! She is fine! Her right arm is slightly limp because of the trauma of being forced out but everything else looks great. Congratulations Bryan and Kimberley, here is your daughter. 

Lakin Elise Lee, 8 pounds 13 ounces, 19 inches long. I looked in her eyes, kissed the top of her head, and inhaled her sweet baby fragrance. I whispered in her ear, “Lakin, this is your mommy. I have been waiting for you. You are my gift from God and He has a plan for your life.”     

 Who is this King of Glory who is everything to me? 
His name is Jesus..precious Jesus.

I Love You Stinky Face!

     

One of my favorite books is, "I Love You Stinky Face" by Lisa McCourt. A mom is tucking in her son for bed and he has lots of questions. "Mama, mama would you still love me if I were a big scary ape? Or a slimy swamp creature Or a super smelly skunk?" He is worried that she might not love him if..... Each time, the mom reassures him that she will love him no matter what. She comes up with creative and loving ways that would show her son that her love is unconditional. "I would dress you in colors that showed off your nice green skin. I would buy you a bigger toothbrush for your big teeth. I would move next to the swamp, and if you still smelled bad, I wouldn't mind, and I would whisper in your ear, "I love you, Stinky Face." ..." Many kids fear that no one will love them if people knew how bad they were. Many adults fear this too..they are unworthy of love. In this story the answer is very clear, "Nothing could ever stop me from loving you!" Of course every time I read this book I cry. The author somehow knew my mother's heart, "I will love my kids no matter what!" Do your kids really know or believe this? Does your husband know you feel this way about him? Have you told him lately that it's not about the job he does, the money he makes, or the all the reasons he has let you down..but you just love him? Do you believe this is the way God loves you? Or are do you secretly think that you have to hide from him because you also live with the fear that you are not good enough? 

      We have a saying in the Lee household, "I will love you for all the good you will do. I will love you even with all the bad choices you will make. I don't love you because of the way you might act or what you accomplish, I love you because you are mine!" This is actually harder to do than we might want to admit. We love our kids. They have our hearts! We would die for them! But our love is still human, still fallible. Only God's love is perfect.

"There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love." 1 John 4:18

God's love is perfect. We do not need to be afraid he won't love us.

     "For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:38-39

    Isn't that awesome...God loves us no matter what! If one of us is lost he will not only come after us but he will carry us home! (Luke 15:3-5) He loves us even when we are stinking with sin. Thank you for a God whose love never fails. I want to live like I really believe this!!!

Christmas Is Over...Now What?

I was FINALLY taking down my Christmas tree on Sunday and I realized I was a little sad. First, because I knew it would take me forever, but also because a very important season had come to an end. Gone were the smells of cinnamon candles, lights on my mantle, festive decorations that made my house feel warm, lots of family time, and the expectation of excitement that fills the air.  As I was wrapping up an ornament that said, "Jesus is the Reason for the Season" I stopped and thought hmmm, I wonder if he would be okay with being just part of a season. We do give him two big ones, Easter and Christmas but often he isn't quite as popular the rest of the year. Schedules, relationships, work, hobbies, sports, sin, life in general.... all get in the way and kind of push Him to the background. He stops being the focus or the center of our lives. We come down from the whirlwind of the holidays and race off to "fix" ourselves and our families. Maybe we subconsciously forget that Jesus shouldn't be contained to certain times of the year but so ingrained into our everyday lives that his light shines ALL the time. What would it look like if Christians had the "spirit of Christmas" year round? What if we talked to him and about him on every holiday? What if we zeroed in on who he is every day? What if our actions and words matched up to show the world that OUR JESUS IS NOT JUST THE REASON FOR THE SEASON but He is the reason we are here! I might have packed away my decorations but I am not going to pack away my Jesus..not this year.

“You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house."

Matthew 5:14-15

This One Is Mine!

   Sometimes it is very easy to lose our identity. I am the mother of Lakin, Landen, and Lawson. The wife of Bryan. The daughter of my parents, the sister of Michelle and so on... I look in the mirror and wonder, "Who am I apart from all those titles?" If one of those gets taken away we might feel lost or discouraged because our identity is so closely linked to the labels, to the people. Now don't get me wrong, I LOVE being a mom and wife. But, I can't help but think that maybe God doesn't want me to be identified just by my relationships. Maybe we put so much effort into those closest to us we forget to   realize where we come from, who we belong to. 

  "Kimberley I created you. I knitted you together in your mother's womb.(Psalm 139:13) I know the number of hairs on your head.(Luke 12:7) I created you for a purpose and that is to love me. I have blessed you with a family but your heart is spoken for. YOU ARE MINE! I have marked your spirit to love me with all your heart, mind, and soul. I want you to represent my love to others by showing them who I am to you. I expect a lot from you not because of your earthly identity but because of my son up on the cross. I bought you with his blood and this is where your strength comes from. You don't have to achieve greatness to be loved by me. You don't have to be the perfect mom, wife, mentor, or friend. I love you no matter what. Be grateful for whom you are and the people I have place in your life, but give me the glory! And remember, your heart is spoken for."

"I have called you by name, You are mine!" Isaiah 43:1

Courage

Courage-the quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger, pain, etc.; bravery. (2) to act in accordance with one's beliefs, especially in spite of criticism.

When I hear the word courage instantly William Wallace from Braveheart, Joan of Arc, Mother Theresa, or Anne Frank come into my mind. These people all demonstrated copious amounts of courage in horrifying situations that would bring mere mortals to their knees. I often wonder how I would act in their place. Since I am scared of playing hiding-go-seek, afraid of the dark, and still believe a monster lives in my closet, the outlook doesn't look good. 

In the Bible, they are numerous examples of God using ordinary people to do extraordinary things. Rahaab the prostitute hid the spies, Ananias went to talk to the killer of believers, Esther defied her king, Daniel faced the lions, Stephen was stoned for his beliefs, David slayed Goliath and he was just a boy. Courage is all over the Bible but what about normal people? What about a person like me? Will God ever give me this kind of courage? The kind of courage that people will speak about for generations? I am just a mom who is afraid of so many things...some silly, some pretty serious. I doubt God can do much with a scaredy cat right?

So of course with these kinds of questions I have to go chat with God. "God, I want to be courageous. I want to wield a sword (ok not really), ride into battle on a white horse, be a part of something magnificent! How can you use me?"

"Kimberley, you and every other woman out there are part of something magnificent every day! You are the pinnacle of my creation. I created you to bear children. Does it not take courage to raise kids? Won't your influence on them affect generations to come? You are in the middle of a battle, a great fight for their hearts. The enemy wants to come and destroy them. Don't always go looking outside your home to be part of something big look into the faces of your children."

Courage looks differently for everyone....maybe He wants you to have the courage: to go back to school
to tell the truth
to share Jesus
to listen
to face your fears
to forgive
to take the blinders off
to say I am sorry
to believe to have hope even when it seems hopeless
to share your heart
to say no
to paint that picture
to write that book or poem
to sing that song
to run that marathon
to obey
to admit you have a problem
to love even when it hurts
to not say why me but what is next
to fight for your family
to place healthy boundaries
to fight and renew your marriage
to let your kids go and find their own way
to initiate a tough conversation
to try love again
to say goodbye
to ask the hard questions
to get a new job
to say, "Yes, I will go!"
to fight cancer or other sickness
to stand up for what you believe
to stand up for what is right even if it not popular

Maybe you need the courage just to wake up and put your feet on the floor every day....."Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear."-Ambrose Redmoon


One of the most frequent command in the Bible says, "Do not be afraid."
I know what is it like to be terrified, bound up by fear. It is easy to be frightened with all the horrible things we see around us and the problems we face. The enemy is strong but our God is even stronger!!

"You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world." 

1 John 4:4

Courage is not just for the people in the movies or in the Bible. Courage is for all woman of God. We were born to love deeply and to fight for what is holy, righteous, and good. We are called to protect our family, our marriages,and our friendships. We are called to be part of the battle, not sit on the sidelines crossing our fingers, hoping everything will turn out okay. We are daughters of a mighty mighty King! Why are we acting like slaves? Claim the power of our Father and get in the fight, get your hands messy, put your heart on the line, try something different even if you think you might look dumb, put your pride away and say I'm sorry, do the right thing even if all your friends will laugh...have courage!

Three Little Words

   

 One of God's greatest works in me is my desire to apologize. That sounds simple, almost a given, but in my life, in my family, apologies were a sign of weakness. Saying sorry gave the other person the power to hurt you, throw it back in your face, or manipulate you. Sorry also became meaningless, empty words said until the next time my dad went off drinking for the weekend, stole the mortgage money, or walked out the door on Christmas saying he was going to the cleaners and not coming home for two weeks. My mom rarely apologized and sincerely meant it. If there was a moment she was yelling a sorry she always added a huge BUT...somehow making it the other person's fault.  When I was slapped, or punished, or accused of stealing money that I didn't, there was no ownership of how devastated I was but blame place on the horrible situation we lived in. I grew up in a home where my voice was small, my feelings didn't count, and I was always wrong.
      My serious boyfriend I dated always said sorry until the next time he lied or cheated or said horrible things to me. He attempted to come off sincere and I tried to believe him until the cost was too high. When I apologized to him he would twist my words and throw them back in my face until I didn't even know what my feelings should be anymore. I became a master at closing off my emotions and walking away from situations where an apology was needed.
     I was a new Christian when I started dating Bryan, who would become my husband. He started talking about marriage within months. I freaked out. I didn't know if I loved him. What does real love look like? How will I really know when I love him enough to spend the rest of my life with him? Will there be stars in my eyes, fireworks in the sky? Will God speak in a deep Charlton Heston voice and say, "He is the one" or come to me in a burning bush?
      Well obviously none of that happened. A year into our relationship I knew I loved him after we had an argument. I just finished saying something very reckless. I looked into his eyes and saw his hurt. Instead of going back to what I had learned or building up a wall of pride to justify my bad behavior, I really stopped and took a moment to SEE him. I forced myself to silently acknowledge that I had caused pain to a guy that had treated me wonderfully. He was kind, compassionate, loving, fun, and patient. I fought back the words for my protection, "So what, he will be fine, he is a man he doesn't care that much, he will get over it soon, don't give him any power..." My next reaction was deep regret that my words had hurt him. I truly was upset and conflicted! A switch flipped and I was stuttering out, "Bryan, I am so sorry!" The words felt so foreign coming out of my mouth but they got stronger  as I said them again, "I AM SO SORRY'!  I fell to my knees as I cried out, "I did not mean those hateful things. I am so very sorry." 

In that moment, it was crystal clear to me. I love him. I love this man. His eyes were filled with hurt but they did not condemn me. His face wasn't full of judgment just sadness. Even if he turned this around on me, I love him enough to apologize anyway. I love him enough to risk my fear, my pride, and apologize in spite of his reaction. I LOVE him enough to say I am sorry... no matter the cost. 
     Again a little anti-climactic. Instead of fireworks, whispers of sweet nothings, roses, a sappy Hollywood love story...my love was unleashed with the heart felt words of  "I am sorry". One of God's greatest works in me is the ability to recognize when I have hurt someone, try to take responsibility, and take action by apologizing, not perfect for sure but definitely progress. 

 "Create in me a clean heart. Renew the right spirit in me." Psalm 51:10

God cleaned out the junk in my heart and replaced it with his spirit. He tore down my walls and shined the light in. Three little words said with sincerity can make all the difference. In my life it revealed true love. 

New Year

 It's January 1st the New Year has begun! It's time to make Resolutions and actually stick to them. I need to lose weight, eat healthier, exercise, be a more loving wife, a better mom, keep my house cleaner, organize things, not procrastinate, read my Bible more, pray more, do a family devotion, try not to be so loud....holy moly my list of things I need to work on is looong! I am exhausted and overwhelmed just thinking about trying to accomplish one of these things much less two or more. Which one should I start with? Which ones are most important? Should I rank them? Maybe this is really a ten year plan? AAAGH! 

You know what? I don't follow through with resolutions anyway, by March I have lost my motivation. Who am I kidding by the second week in January I am done. I am not going to begin any of this when failure is so imminent! Right? Right?

    "Kimberley, stay connected. Stay connected to me. I am a jealous God don't put your idols ahead of me." (Deut. 4:24)

God, I do not see any golden calves around here. I think I am good. 

"Kimberley do not put your husband before me (God, he is really awesome though), nor your children (but they are my heart), not your family, your work, your ministry, your scrapbooking...I should come first. Clean your heart and thoughts before having pride in a clean house. Your body is my temple make sure it glorifies me and not the images of this world. Your best is but filthy rags before my feet. Don't try harder running in circles and in all different directions. Stay connected to me at all times and I will direct your path. (Proverbs 3:5-6) Give me your heart, your mind, and your soul and the other stuff will eventually fall into place. I am your creator and I designed you to have a relationship with me...without me you can do nothing. (John 15:5)

WHOA! I am thinking the first thing on my list should be a real, active, life-giving relationship with God. He calls me by name, knows my heart, and loves me no matter what. I don't have to earn his love or be the best at anything for him to notice me. If I don't get this part right all the other items on my list are about me.... not the one who gave me his son.

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." Hebrews 12:1-3