When I was in high school, my boyfriend at the time, had a mom that was a bit off to say the least. On his 18th birthday she took a baseball bat to his room while we were out to dinner. Throughout my senior year she continued to try to make my life a living hell. She went to games where I was cheer leading and threw ice at me from the stands. She would come to my house when my parents weren't home and lean on the doorbell for hours, cussing at me. She followed me around stores calling me names. She came to my work at the mall and threw merchandise on the floor that I had to pick up. She came to my school and called me names in front of my friends. The final straw was when she tried to run me over in the school parking lot with her truck. My parents called the cops, she was arrested, and I had to get a restraining order so she wouldn't ruin my prom or graduation that were coming up or worse hurt me. Needless to say, I disliked her intensely. In fact I would say it bordered on hatred. Instead of celebrating my last year of school and having the time of my life, I was constantly looking over my shoulder and dodging a 42 year old woman and her very large family. She seemed related to half of Tucson.
Fast forward 10 years. I graduated from college, became a Christian, was a newlywed, and serving with my husband as youth leaders in a local church. We were taking a group of about 50 students to the Newsboys, Sonic Flood concert at Casas Adobes Baptist. We arrived with youth in tow, McDonalds in hand, ready to listen to an awesome night of worship. As I glanced around the building I thought wow this place fits a lot of people. Maybe around 3000. My eyes stop. My mouth drops. Sitting about 30 feet away from me sat HER. My old boyfriend’s mom!! I grabbed Bryan's arm and said, "Oh my gosh. She's here. She is here. Satan is at the Sonic Flood Concert."
I had obviously told Bryan the whole story. He knew just exactly how I felt about her. He knew how she had tortured me. He replied, "So?" "So! So!" I quietly screamed, "What do you mean so? Don't you remember who she is and what she did to me?" He replied," Yes, Kimberley. I remember but that was a long time ago. You have changed maybe she has too. Why don't you go talk to her?" Through clenched teeth, I said, "Talk to her? Talk to her? Why don't you go talk to her?" With that I shoved my McDonald's bag at him and walked away. I had lost my appetite and was sick to my stomach. I was mad at him for even suggesting I should talk to her. Did he not understand the depths of my fear? The intensity of my hatred?
The lights dimmed and Sonic Flood came on to sing. The song was one of my favorites, If I Could Sing of Your Love Forever. Shaking with fear, anger, hurt... the words pierced my very soul.
"Over the mountains and the sea
Your river runs with the love for me
and I will open up my heart
and let the healer set me free.
I’m happy to be in the truth
and I will daily lift my hands
for I will always sing of when Your love came down.
I heard the spirit say to me, "Kimberley I am the healer. I have set you free. Go to her. I will be with you." No God, No.. anyone but her. Don't you know what she did? Don't you know how horrible she is? She might hurt me." With tears streaming down my face, I sang the words with the band, “I can sing of your love forever..”
"Kimberley if you love me you will obey. Go to her." Lord what exactly do you want me to say? What could I possibly say to her?" "I want you to tell her you’re sorry. I want you to tell her that you have me and I have changed your life." "SORRY? You want me to apologize to her. I don't have anything to be sorry for. SHE should be apologizing to me. God, she was so mean and hateful. Did you see her try to run me over with her truck?" "Kimberley I saw it all. Go to her."
At this point I think I might be actually going crazy. I go to the bathroom to get myself together and start making deals.
Bryan walks over and asks me if I am okay. I snap at him, "I am fine. Do you have a business card?" "Why?" "I don't know just give it to me." With his card in my hand I take a deep breath, close my eyes, and beg, "Please, please God let this be of you and me not losing my mind." I march over and she is kind of up on the front row of a bleacher. The only way to talk to her is to kneel in front of her. KNEEL in front of her! I get down and look up at her. She gives me that look, of hatred. Before I had a chance to speak she sneers, "Yeah, I know who you are what do you want?" I say nothing. She yells at me, "WHAT DO YOU WANT?"
I take a deep breath and say one last prayer..here I go...."I wanted to say I am sorry. I am so sorry if I have caused you or your family any hurt or pain. I am sorry for my reckless words and how I handled certain situations. I was young and scared. I have accepted Jesus as My Lord and Savior. He has changed my life and I am a different person now." She just looks at me and says nothing. She stands up. I back away thinking on my gosh she wants to fight. She crosses her arms and says, "If you have the guts to come kneel in front of me and apologize after everything between us there must be something different in your life. I accept your apology." And she gives me a hug. Still shaking with fear I reach into my pocket and give her my husband’s business card which has our home phone number on it. If you ever need to talk give me a call."
As I was walking away doubt crept in and I thought I have just given her a way to find me. That could be a big mistake. I walked over to Bryan and fell crying into his arms. I silently said, "God, she did not apologize to me. She did not take any responsibility for all the horrible things she did." "Kimberley, it is not about her. It is about your healing and obedience."
A few weeks later I was at Gadabout (when I could afford to get my haircut there) and she was right in front of me with her eldest daughter. I just stood there frozen, not knowing how she would react, scared to think there might be a confrontation. She gave me a big smile and hug and said to her daughter, "It's okay. We like her now. Tell the all the family if they see her to be nice to her." (Think Mafia, Godfather-ish) Her daughter smiled and gave me a little head nod. I thought to myself, "Fine I'll take that rather than a fight."
Eight months later, I had just had our first child and the phone rang. It was her. "Kimberley, my son wants to come back into the family and I want to know your opinion. Can we go to lunch?" I was not ready for lunch with her but I glanced down at my newborn daughter and said, "You and I both know people can change especially when Jesus is in their life. If you can forgive me you can forgive your son. Family is too important to let walk away." She said, "Thank you. I hope you and your new daughter will be blessed."
Everybody has a Nineveh, a place they do not want to go, a person they absolutely do not want to reach out to, a behavior they refuse to give up no matter who it hurts, a fear that seems too big to overcome. Jonah jumped on a ship and went to the opposite ends of the world to escape his Nineveh. How far are you willing to go to run away from God?
I went to my Nineveh and the rewards outweighed the fear!
Fast forward 10 years. I graduated from college, became a Christian, was a newlywed, and serving with my husband as youth leaders in a local church. We were taking a group of about 50 students to the Newsboys, Sonic Flood concert at Casas Adobes Baptist. We arrived with youth in tow, McDonalds in hand, ready to listen to an awesome night of worship. As I glanced around the building I thought wow this place fits a lot of people. Maybe around 3000. My eyes stop. My mouth drops. Sitting about 30 feet away from me sat HER. My old boyfriend’s mom!! I grabbed Bryan's arm and said, "Oh my gosh. She's here. She is here. Satan is at the Sonic Flood Concert."
I had obviously told Bryan the whole story. He knew just exactly how I felt about her. He knew how she had tortured me. He replied, "So?" "So! So!" I quietly screamed, "What do you mean so? Don't you remember who she is and what she did to me?" He replied," Yes, Kimberley. I remember but that was a long time ago. You have changed maybe she has too. Why don't you go talk to her?" Through clenched teeth, I said, "Talk to her? Talk to her? Why don't you go talk to her?" With that I shoved my McDonald's bag at him and walked away. I had lost my appetite and was sick to my stomach. I was mad at him for even suggesting I should talk to her. Did he not understand the depths of my fear? The intensity of my hatred?
The lights dimmed and Sonic Flood came on to sing. The song was one of my favorites, If I Could Sing of Your Love Forever. Shaking with fear, anger, hurt... the words pierced my very soul.
"Over the mountains and the sea
Your river runs with the love for me
and I will open up my heart
and let the healer set me free.
I’m happy to be in the truth
and I will daily lift my hands
for I will always sing of when Your love came down.
I heard the spirit say to me, "Kimberley I am the healer. I have set you free. Go to her. I will be with you." No God, No.. anyone but her. Don't you know what she did? Don't you know how horrible she is? She might hurt me." With tears streaming down my face, I sang the words with the band, “I can sing of your love forever..”
"Kimberley if you love me you will obey. Go to her." Lord what exactly do you want me to say? What could I possibly say to her?" "I want you to tell her you’re sorry. I want you to tell her that you have me and I have changed your life." "SORRY? You want me to apologize to her. I don't have anything to be sorry for. SHE should be apologizing to me. God, she was so mean and hateful. Did you see her try to run me over with her truck?" "Kimberley I saw it all. Go to her."
At this point I think I might be actually going crazy. I go to the bathroom to get myself together and start making deals.
"God, I do love you but you are asking too much. Besides, there is a concert going on. It is too loud and very dark."
As I am walking back to my place, the music stops and all the lights come on. What!!! It was intermission. They had to turn the lights on to get ready for the Newsboys. "God there are too many people around her. I can't walk through a crowd." I glance over as her group starts to disperse. "God they aren't all gone there are still a few there. I can't talk with students around, it could get ugly."
Just then everybody leaves. It is just her and her sister sitting on the bleachers. "Okay..okay but God what if she tries to fight me? She is that kind of person. It would not be good to have to throw down at a Christian concert in front of my husband’s youth group. What if I can't talk? What if she wont let me talk? God please anything but this."
"Kimberley, do not be afraid. I will be with you. I will be with you."
Bryan walks over and asks me if I am okay. I snap at him, "I am fine. Do you have a business card?" "Why?" "I don't know just give it to me." With his card in my hand I take a deep breath, close my eyes, and beg, "Please, please God let this be of you and me not losing my mind." I march over and she is kind of up on the front row of a bleacher. The only way to talk to her is to kneel in front of her. KNEEL in front of her! I get down and look up at her. She gives me that look, of hatred. Before I had a chance to speak she sneers, "Yeah, I know who you are what do you want?" I say nothing. She yells at me, "WHAT DO YOU WANT?"
I take a deep breath and say one last prayer..here I go...."I wanted to say I am sorry. I am so sorry if I have caused you or your family any hurt or pain. I am sorry for my reckless words and how I handled certain situations. I was young and scared. I have accepted Jesus as My Lord and Savior. He has changed my life and I am a different person now." She just looks at me and says nothing. She stands up. I back away thinking on my gosh she wants to fight. She crosses her arms and says, "If you have the guts to come kneel in front of me and apologize after everything between us there must be something different in your life. I accept your apology." And she gives me a hug. Still shaking with fear I reach into my pocket and give her my husband’s business card which has our home phone number on it. If you ever need to talk give me a call."
As I was walking away doubt crept in and I thought I have just given her a way to find me. That could be a big mistake. I walked over to Bryan and fell crying into his arms. I silently said, "God, she did not apologize to me. She did not take any responsibility for all the horrible things she did." "Kimberley, it is not about her. It is about your healing and obedience."
A few weeks later I was at Gadabout (when I could afford to get my haircut there) and she was right in front of me with her eldest daughter. I just stood there frozen, not knowing how she would react, scared to think there might be a confrontation. She gave me a big smile and hug and said to her daughter, "It's okay. We like her now. Tell the all the family if they see her to be nice to her." (Think Mafia, Godfather-ish) Her daughter smiled and gave me a little head nod. I thought to myself, "Fine I'll take that rather than a fight."
Eight months later, I had just had our first child and the phone rang. It was her. "Kimberley, my son wants to come back into the family and I want to know your opinion. Can we go to lunch?" I was not ready for lunch with her but I glanced down at my newborn daughter and said, "You and I both know people can change especially when Jesus is in their life. If you can forgive me you can forgive your son. Family is too important to let walk away." She said, "Thank you. I hope you and your new daughter will be blessed."
Everybody has a Nineveh, a place they do not want to go, a person they absolutely do not want to reach out to, a behavior they refuse to give up no matter who it hurts, a fear that seems too big to overcome. Jonah jumped on a ship and went to the opposite ends of the world to escape his Nineveh. How far are you willing to go to run away from God?
I went to my Nineveh and the rewards outweighed the fear!
“Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.” Ephesians 3:20
