Why I Hated Church

I have often wrestled with why I had such a profound distaste for going to church in my teens and early twenties. There were so many reasons, I have come to the conclusion that I disliked the whole process, start to finish, from getting ready on Sundays to getting back in the car when church was over and everything in between. Why should I have to dress and wear only “church” clothes or things that were “church” acceptable (pantyhose were a must in my house and I knew for sure these were made by the devil himself). I had to act a certain way, pretend to like everyone else, so as not to stand out or call too much attention to myself. Different in church does not mean better it means different. Besides fitting in, I never really said what I was thinking or feeling. 

“How are you today Kimberley?” “Fine” or “Great” was my usual reply. God forbid I actually told them the truth. “”Right now life sucks. My alcoholic dad left again, my mom is off her rocker, and my sister is a basket case. I’m hurting, alone, angry and confused.” Can you just imagine their faces? The whispers behind my back? The judgment in their eyes? The awful clichés thrown back at me? God never gives you what you can't handle, The Lord turns bad into good, maybe you are not praying hard enough” Nope, everything is just fine. Then my family would get back into the car throw off the churchy stuff and start bickering right away, until next Sunday.

I felt the sins of my father, the sins of my family deeply. In these years I never encountered a personal relationship with Jesus and I learned church was a place for the fashion police, mean old people, fake smiles, teenagers playing their parents for fools and the ever creeping feeling that I would never be good at following all these rules. I decided I did not want to play this game anymore. Church became irrelevant at best a hurtful place at its worse. 

After years of avoiding church people at ALL COSTS Jesus came a knocking. I opened my heart to Him but not without a fight… I was angry…with Him! Where had He been? How could He have let certain things happen? Is He for real? Will He keep His promises? Because if He was the “church” I grew up with NO THANK YOU! I’ll take my chances with the world. At least I don’t expect much from it. 

Of course God met my anger with love. I came face to face with a real God, a real Jesus. Now, I can never accept less than the real thing! We want, no we crave, authentic relationships that surpass the normal superficial ones that people settle with. Let's fill our churches with deeper, meaningful, and genuine, believers willing to love wholeheartedly, not surface level!  

"He makes the whole body fit together perfectly. As each part does its own special work, it helps the other parts grow, so that the whole body is healthy and growing and full of love." Ephesians 4:16

Can You See the Beauty?

The waves crashing on to the beach overlooking a massive ocean that seems to go on forever, the majestic mountains in Colorado with snowy peaks touching the clouds, the lakes that shimmer like glass in their stillness, a field of flowers blossoming with all the colors of the rainbow turning their faces towards the sun; nature's wonders can be amazing and awe inspiring! Certain views can actually take our breath away; fill us with a sense of peace, rest, and even a profound sense of knowing, deep within our souls, that something BIG, POWERFUL, AND LOVING made such splendid creations! It is easy to see the beauty in the world when faced with such picturesque wonders that are too magnificent to have been made by man. 

But why if we can acknowledge the beauty and glory in nature, is it so hard to see the same glory, majesty, and awe inspiring work in people? Why can't we see people as God's ultimate masterpiece? I mean, we were made in His image, which has to be pretty amazing right? But don't we often overlook that same kind of beauty in the face and lives of others? One of my friends was complaining about cliques in church. My reply back, was, "Yes, if you look for cliques you will find them everywhere. But I challenge you to dig a little deeper. Have you noticed the beauty in the single mom showing up toting three kids just to hear the worship music? Have you seen the drug addict finally free from his addictions helping with communion? Have you watched the big burly man all tatted up raising his arms in submission to God?

Jealousy, apathy, greed, forgiveness, fear, lack of compassion, and bitterness block out His glorious work in humans. "But Kimberley, mountains don't move, lakes don't hurt your heart, oceans don't argue back! A flower wants nothing from you!" Yes, I know that people are messy, hurtful, and hard to deal with. But the same God that formed the mountains and commands the oceans, the same God that created the Grand Canyon and the Great Barrier Reef, created people! Do you think He gave us humans His leftovers? Can you imagine that He put less effort into us than nature? 

Jesus sees "all our flaws, insecurities, and sins" exposing them for the ugliness they are and "against all reason and rationale", looks at us and declares us beautiful! He hung on the cross, and gave his life for all "those difficult, awful, and broken" people! Jesus doesn't see a prostitute or a young man ravaged by addiction as worthless; he doesn't look over the "least" of these! He doesn't point the finger at the adulterer, liar, thief, abuser, cheater, drunk, gossiper, slanderer, and say, "You are beyond hope and redemption is not for the likes of you!" He doesn't complain when we just don't "get it" or yell, "I'm done trying with you"! He doesn't zero in on all the ways we need to improve to meet the "standard". Jesus simply offers the gospel, "You can't but I did!"

I challenge you all, to digger deeper! Sometimes the beauty in others is WAY below the surface, not easily found....but IT'S THERE! Look harder! Pray for God to drop the scales from your eyes to see people the way He sees them. Start with your family, search for God's glory in your husband before he walks in the door from work, push back against focusing on all the reasons to criticize him. Find the beauty in your kids even when they are talking back or aggravating you to the point of frustration. Look for the grace in some of your colleagues, especially the ones who annoy you. Seek out all the blessings that are in your church even when you don’t like or agree with everything. Stop judging or overlooking the beautiful people God has already placed in your life, you just might not see it yet!

The old saying,"How do you see the glass of water? Half full or half empty?" I ask you, "How do you see people? As God's creations or all the things wrong with them?"

"So God created mankind in his own image,  in the image of God he created them..." Genesis 1:27

Broken Girl

“Our culture has accepted two huge lies. The first is that if you disagree with someone’s lifestyle, you must fear or hate them. The second is that to love someone means you agree with everything they believe or do. Both are nonsense. You don’t have to compromise convictions to be compassionate.” R. Warren

I am not part of the liberal left and I would detest ever be called the religious right. One accepts everything and can compromise accountability, the other closely resembles the Pharisees that loved the rules but not people. I don't want to be trapped by any of these ideologies that seem to stand on platforms of rhetoric rather than actually making a difference in the world. I am uncomfortable how many have bought into the idea that "the war" will be won in the political realm and not in the HEARTS of the people. 

Politics will not answer the "cry for help". The church that Jesus left behind should be the ones to step in to show the world the power of God's love, grace, mercy, kindness, gentleness, and humility. In the midst of all these horrible tragedies, the body of Christ should stand up and act like the one who created them is in CHARGE! Because of His glory, beauty will rise from the ashes of evil. Hope will stamp out despair. Love will triumph over hate. 

We don't need more judgment, fear, laws, fighting over our opinions, or finger pointing!! We need a 'church' that will rally around the hurting, the lost, the outcasts, and the broken, to serve and comfort them.

Instead of being known by my political party, ethnic background, sexual orientation, career choices, financial bracket or membership in a religious group, I want to be known as a broken girl, living in a broken world trying to make a difference by loving others well. Not to be a great person but to serve a Great GOD! I want to stand on the example of Jesus who didn't argue with politicians, attend parades bashing others, listen to talk radio of fools, demand for more laws to be made, turn his nose at the less fortunate, brag about who his dad was, wear bumper stickers to show what he believed or constantly fight over "nonessentials". 

Instead, He walked around the earth telling everyone about God's love and washing the feet of others. Just because I am a Christian, please don't put me into ANY box, especially the ones that are so far away from the ACTUAL teaching of Jesus. Please don't judge God when I make mistakes or fail miserably at reflecting Him well. 

I am just a broken girl, living in a broken world trying to make a difference by loving others.

"If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn’t love others, I would be nothing. If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it; but if I didn’t love others, I would have gained nothing." 1 Cor 13:1-3