All The Single Ladies

Over the last 38 years of being a girl I have learned a few things....these "insights" if you will are not brilliant or original. They have come from all the mistakes I have made and lessons I painfully learned. They come from mentoring teenagers, college students, young adults in the throes of relationship angst. They have come from watching on the sidelines, how females and males interact and being slightly horrified at the chaos and confusion dating seems to invoke now days.

I decided to make a list of "insights" not to make anyone feel bad but to be a voice of truth to single ladies when all they usually hear are lies or half-truths by guys and friends who justify everything to make them feel better.

I believe the number one "insight" on my list is.... Desperate is NOT attractive!! Some of you scratch your head and think, 'What does she mean by desperate?" others are saying, "Oh thank goodness that's not me. She is talking about so and so....(insert name of girl you don't like)" But to be honest I probably am talking to you.....that's right most single girls from the ages of 10-35ish really do act somewhat desperate if not down right Fatal Attraction (1990's movie involving the killing of rabbits) crazy!!!

Let me try to define desperate.

des·per·ate adj.

1. Having lost all hope; despairing. 2. Marked by, arising from, or showing despair 3. Reckless or violent because of despair 4. Undertaken out of extreme urgency or as a last resort 5. Nearly hopeless 6. Suffering or driven by great need or distress 7. Extremely intense

How does this apply to relationships? 

1. Not picking up on overt signals that he not interested in you but still chasing him like a dog running after the taillights of a car.

2. Constantly calling him with really nothing to say. If he wants to talk he will call you.

3. Being loud, silly, and obnoxious is a vain attempt to get his attention. Do this in a group of your girlfriends to add extra insult. 

4. Manipulating every situation to either sit by him, be in his face, or go wherever he goes. Have you ever heard of "absence makes the heart grow fonder" or "you take for granted something that always is around"?

5. Over dressing in situations where it becomes awkward.. a skimpy prom dress to the baseball game is a bit much.

6. Laughing hysterically at everything he says like he is the world's best comedian even when he is not funny. 

7. Texting him over 10x a day, even if he replies back. A one sentence reply back does not mean he is interested he might just be trying to have good manners. Again if he really wants to talk to you he will call you.

8. Drastically changing your personality to become more like him or what you think he wants. If he likes rock climbing you don't have to go out spend hundreds of dollars on equipment, subscribe to climbing magazines, and kill yourself falling off the side of a mountain trying to pretend your good at something you are really not good at.

9. Facebook stalking him to find out everything you can and using that info for most of your conversation with him. This can become creepy very fast.

10. Constantly creating drama or intense situations to get him to come to your rescue. This might work for a small amount of time, especially for guys who like to be helpful, but then it just becomes.....desperate DRAMA!

11. CRAZY ALERT: Anytime you find yourself driving by his house, having blocked numbers crank calling him, or becoming friends with his mom to get an in with him you have officially entered into the the Fatal Attraction Zone and you need intervention!!!!

STAY TUNED>>>>>>>Next post will be the remaining "insights" on my list. This post has a lot to digest for some of you. Don't lose hope we can all move from crazy desperate girl to cool girlfriend if we just truly recognized our outlandish and often sad behavior.

Innocence Lost

Innocence Lost

The children “out there” in other countries, states, cities, neighborhoods, next door, in our own homes… are hurting….

   Abused

      Neglected

          Anger

             Drugs

                Addictions

                  Secrets

                      Used

                        Screams

                             Yelling

                                Beaten

                                    Mental illness

                                       Thrown away

                                          Hungry

                                              Lies

                                                 Deceit

                                                      Spoiled

                                                            Prostituted

                                                                  Laughed at

 Mocked

     Chained

           Unwanted

               Unloved

Fear fills their eyes instead of security
       shame is worn on their face not confidence

anger brims in their heart where love should be flowing

spirits are broken

dreams are shattered,

                 lives transformed  

The legacy of “evil” is passed down from generation to generation...the children bear the scars from their parent’s past....  questioning eyes plead for someone to explain why this is happening…..WHY?

  guilt

     shame

        apathy

             pain

                sorrow

          depression

                numbness

                    anger

                                    mistrust

                                      self doubt

                                          unworthiness

We are supposed to protect the children. When is enough …enough?

Innocence lost can never fully be recovered. When you crumple and tear apart a piece of paper it never is the same again. No matter how hard you try to tape the pieces back together or iron out the rough edges the paper doesn't bounce back to its original form.  Isn't damage to the heart similar or actually devastatingly worse?

FIRE ME!

I was at a conference and they were talking about the importance of mentoring others. "Invest in the next generation, get personally involved, influence others in your circles! blah, blah, blah, blah, blah"... but they never addressed what happens when it doesn't work or you fail?

I have been investing in the lives of teenagers and college students for the past 22 years.

I have a Master's Degree, a Bachelors Degree.  I volunteered with Special Olympics, VBS, Youth Camp, Kids Camp, taught five days a week during the day, Wednesday night, and twice on Sundays. I was involved in Bible studies, put in hundreds of hours with students, phone calls, lunches, counseling, dinners, events. I shared my life, my family, my time, my resources, my house, and even my car.

Wow you are probably thinking how qualified, godly, and sacrificial this lady is….Not so much. Bryan and I have a very low percentage rate as far as people taking advice or being held accountable for their choices, many of the students are into drugs, alcohol, premarital sex, ignoring teachings, bad relationship choices, sometimes we barely see them anymore.

God it failed! No one listens. It didn’t work. They are selfish. I am a failure. Something is wrong with them, me, you, the world….Fire Me!

"Kimberley, it’s not about you." What?? "It’s not about you. You have done nothing! (Great, I knew it was them all along) Even the good you pat yourself on the back for, it was me working in you. In fact, you give yourself way too much credit for the good and the bad. These teenagers and young adults are my creation. You are in their life to journey alongside of them and show them Jesus in the way you live your life. You plant seeds, help them pull out some weeds, give them a healthy dose of my light through studying the Bible, and shower them with your love." 

"But the growing comes from me and only me. I made each and every one of them with a heart that will yearn after my Son...if they chose to try to fill it with other stuff the consequences can be great. I gave them a will and mind of their own. I want them to choose me to be their personal Lord and Savior, not by their church talk but by their life walk. Many, many will stray. They will choose their own path. Try to do it their way. Others will turn their back on me completely. I love them so much I sacrificed my Son on the cross for them so they could have eternal life with me in heaven. And still it won’t be enough. So please don’t get discouraged my daughter (and don’t be so full of yourself). It is so not about you. It is between them and me. You be obedient and love the ones I place in your path. I didn’t give you a job you can be fired from. I gave you my Son as an example how to love others."

Readers are Leaders..or at least have a lot to say :)

If you don't know already...I LOVE, really LOVE to Read! I will read almost anything...sometimes it takes me months to get through a book, sometimes I can read two books in one day, mostly I try to read a new book at least once a week. I do have a few unstated rules.
 
1) I NEVER reread it seems like such a waste of time.

2) I will finish the book no matter what, no matter how long it takes because I do not want to let the author down. (No, I don't know any of them personally but it is the principle of the matter)

3) I try not to pass judgement on the cover. Even if the cover has a guy on it that looks like Fabio from the butter commercials there really could be good content inside.

4) I keep a journal of the books I have read and write down a few thoughts from each of them. This does sound a little OCD but it helps me think that I am smarter than I really am.My facebook post a few months ago said. "I have read over 60 books in the last six months..everything from WWII, romance, religious studies, doctors in Africa, Jewish history, parenting, Gun-N-Roses bio, leadership skills to name a few... This is what I learned...God is awesome, people let you down, sex can be amazing, girls want to be loved, mean people suck, kids grow up and leave, helping others is important, and 90% of people will follow the crowd!!"

Reading lets you explore places far away you might never go, meet people you will never see, open your mind to things you had once closed off, tugs at your heart emotions, brings to light issue you might never have though about, improves your vocabulary so that you are a better Scramble player, and its fun! Reading lets you "catch a glimpse" of the presently unknown.

TEN WAYS TO RAISE A NONREADER (from the book, Honey for a Child's Heart by Gladys Hunt)

1. Have a television on at all times. Make sure you put a tv set and computer in every room. Don't forget the kitchen.

2. Keep the place neat-no books or literary magazines in sight.

3. Never let your child see you read a book.

4. Never take your kids to the library.

5. Never read stories aloud past age two.

6. Never talk about ideas while eating meals.

7. Keep the lights down low. Buy only forty-watt lightbulbs.

8. Schedule your children for every activity you can think of so they won't be bored.

9. Never play any table games together.

10. Absolutely no reading in bed or good lamps to make it easy to do.A few statistics to go along: (www.readfaster.com)

* 40% of 4th graders can not read fluently.

* 50% of adults are unable to read an 8th grade level book

* 44 million of adults in America can not read

* 15 minutes of independent reading a day can expose a reader to 1 million words of text a year!Some of you are saying so what I hate reading, I have never even finished a book all the way through, reading is boring, what's the point, I am not good at it....

My father-in-law was a F-16 crew chief for 35 years. He never read anything but the paper or car manuals. He liked working with his hands, was really great at his job, and could rebuild a car engine from scratch. At the age of 55, he picked up his first book as an adult, read it all the way through, and hasn't stopped. Now when we go to his house he has a stack of books ten high by his recliner. He goes to the library and Bookmans all the time. He wants books as presents and gets very excited about ones that have series so he can read all of them. Just the other day we had a talk about an 800 page book we had both read! He said, "Kimberley, I never knew what I was missing by not reading all those years!" (With his hands full of grease, his shirt stained with grease, and his legs nicked up from fixing our car that morning!) It's never too late...just try it again!

I Will See You Again!

I just finishing reading the book, Heaven is For Real, written by the dad of a four-year-old. Colton had a 90 minute life threatening surgery to remove toxins from a burst appendix that had been poisoning his little body for five days. He was not expected to make it. The doctors did not give his parents much hope. Miraculously he did pull through and over the next year he would astound his family by saying stuff about his time in heaven. Colton would describe seeing the doctors working on his body, seeing his mom and dad in separate rooms in the hospital, all the while he was sitting near the throne of Jesus.
This blog is not to argue whether you believe Colton or not, whether you think his story is nonsense, whether you think his parents are crazy, or to poke holes in their story. I do not want to argue theology, probability, beliefs, or even religion.

Having three children of my own, who have humbled me by their wisdom, their love, their innocence, and whom have spoken words and thoughts clearly beyond what is reasonable for their age, I choose to believe Colton.

The part of the story that brought me to my knees and filled my heart with joy was a conversation between Colton and his mom.

Taken from the book written by his dad; "Mommy I have two sisters," Colton said. I put down my pen. Sonja (the mom) didn't. She kept on working.

Colton repeated himself. "Mommy I have two sisters." Sonja looked up from her paperwork and shook her head slightly. "No, you have your sister, Cassie, and.....do you mean your cousin Traci?"

"No." Colton clipped off the word adamantly. "I have two sisters. You had a baby die in your tummy, didn't you?

At that moment, time stopped in the Burpo household, and Sonja's eyes grew wide....

"Who told you I had a baby die in my tummy" Sonja said, her tone serious. "She did, Mommy. She said she died in your tummy."

Then Colton turned and started to walk away. He has said what he had to say and was ready to move on. But after the bomb he just dropped, Sonja was just getting started. Before our son could get around the couch, Sonja's voice rang out in an all-hands-on-deck red alert. "Colton Todd Burpo, you get back here right now!" Colton spun around and caught my eye. His face said, What did I just do?

I knew what my wife had to be feeling. Losing that baby was the most painful event of her life. We had explained it to Cassie; she was older. But we hadn't told Colton, judging the topic a bit beyond a four-year-old's capacity to understand. From the the table, I watched quietly as emotions rioted across Sonja's face. A bit nervously, Colton slunk back around the couch and faced his mom again, this time much more warily. "It's okay, Mommy," he said. "She's okay. God adopted her."

Sonja slid off the couch and knelt down in front of Colton so that she could look him in the eyes. Don't you mean Jesus adopted her?" she said.

"No. Mommy. His Dad did!"

Sonja focused on Colton, and I could hear the effort it took to steady her voice. "So what did she look like?"

'She looked a lot like Cassie," Colton said. "She is just a little bit smaller and she has dark hair." Colton went on without prompting. "In Heaven, this little girl ran up to me, and she wouldn't stop hugging me," he said in a tone that clearly indicated he didn't enjoy all this hugging from a girl....

Sonja's eyes lit up and she asked, "What was her name?" Colton seemed to forget about all the yucky girl hugs for a moment. "She doesn't have a name. You guys didn't name her."

"You're right Colton," Sonja said. "We didn't even know she was a she."

Then Colton said something that still rings in my ears : "Yeah, she said she just can't wait for you and Daddy to get to heaven." (Burpo, Todd, Heaven is for Real, 2010, excerpts taken from pages 94-97)

Many of you know Lawson, our third son, was a triplet. We lost identical twins at 8 weeks. Although we have "joked" over the past few years, "Can you imagine three Lawsons?" or "What on earth would we have done with five kids under the age of 4?" We asked ourselves where would we have put them in a three bedroom house? How would we ever be able to leave our house? How would we have been able to afford them? They out man us now, just think what two more would have done to our zone defense. One time on a flight to New Orleans, a flight attendant asked us in passing, "Aren't you glad you don't have triplets? Can you imagine that?"

Well actually yes, I can! The fact is we lost two babies. My life is full, I am happy and content but every once in awhile I pause and take a deep breath because I am a mom who isn't fully complete. Part of my heart is in heaven with my other babies. Colton's story was a message to me, reassurance, that God loves little children. He has adopted them and will take care of them until I get there. My babies are waiting for me with their hugs and beautiful faces. I will see them again!! That is what this MOM BELIEVES!