Here Goes It....

A few weeks ago at a soccer game one of my friends said, "Kimberley, I think you should write a daily devotional, something like a Proverbs 31 woman devotion." My immediate response was no way, I am not anything like the woman described in that chapter. My friend laughed and said, "Yeah but you could write about what it is like to be a real Proverb's woman." I went home and read the verses and was over whelmed at how far off I really am from the woman described in the bible (will send out Proverbs 31....Not!! blog). Over the last few weeks I have struggled or actually argued with God about how he wanted me to respond to this request. I gave him PLENTY of reasons of why I thought this would not be a good idea; I don't have the time, I don't know what to say, I am often a poor example of a Godly woman, who would really want to read it, I have horrible grammar, writing takes a lot out of me, it leaves me vulnerable and raw, did I mention my limited amount of time?  He let me rant and rave and was often silent. Just when I thought I had him convinced that I was right he would give me a gentle nudge, "Obey, even if it is uncomfortable." So, with a pit in my stomach and a huge fear of failure looming over my shoulder I will try to be obedient. I have no idea if I can write every day, if what I say will make sense, or if I will offend someone. I made a list of people who were on my heart. If you do not want to receive this in your email simply hit reply and type, "Please remove me". I will also post these on my blog http://quietdefiance-klee.blogspot.com/.


In His Grace, 
Kimberley Lee

Proverbs 31..NOT

After you have been a Christian woman for a while you will inevitably hear about or come across Proverbs 31, the perfect woman. There are studies on it, blogs about it, devotionals to help you reach these ideals, and even sermons to remind you what you should become. I have read this passage numerous times and after I get done I feel....less than or actually not even close by a long shot. Without trying to sound blasphemous or irreverent, I do not really like this chapter. I know the Bible was not created to make me feel “good”. I know it wasn't written to heap tons of guilt on me, but these verses slam home how far off I really am. I am willing to be vulnerable for a minute and share how much I do not measure up!!

“She is worth far more than rubies... (maybe turquoise or a nice opal)
She works with eager hands.... (how about a little reluctant and not if I just had a manicure)
She gets up before dark …(not before 6:30 AM, I am not a morning person)
She provides food for her family...(I do go to the grocery store but really not a good cook)
She plants a vineyard....(I can't even keep a cactus alive in my house)
She sets about her work vigorously....(I do work but usually can't get started until after a cup of coffee or four)
Her arms are strong for her tasks....(Before 30 they were pretty strong but now they lean towards the flabby side)
Her lamp does not go out at night....(lights out at 11:00 for this girl)
In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers.... (I do not know what a distaff is but in my hands you will find a cookie and my iPhone)
She opens her arms to the poor....( I have given change to the people at the intersection)
When it snows she has no fear for her household.....(I am terrified all the time..especially during the monsoons)
She makes covering for her bed and linen garments.......(I can’t sew but I did make a pizza pillow in home ec. in middle school)
She is clothed with strength and dignity......(Can you buy these at Target?)
She can laugh at the days to come....(I CAN do this one....I laugh all the time)
She speaks wisdom....(sometimes...but I do talk a lot)
Faithful instruction is on her tongue....(no my foot is often on my tongue because I put it in my mouth all the time)
She watches over the affairs of her household....(oh yes I do know everything that is going on, they call me Miss Busybody)
Does not eat the bread of idleness.....(I am addicted to carbs and love bread especially if I can eat it while doing nothing)
Her children arise and call her blessed....(umm maybe fall out of bed after being threatened and act like I am their servant)
Her husband praises her.... (every other day if I am good :)
Many women do noble things you surpass them all....(After reading this I am not even close)
Beauty is fleeting....(Yep ...feeling this as I reach 40)

So what does this imply if I fail at being a Proverbs 31 woman? Should I take a class? Try harder? Get a tattoo on my wrist highlighting the top 10 things I really need to work on? Know I won't ever cut the mustard so quit now? What does it truly mean if I fail at being a Proverbs 31 woman? It means I am human. Nothing more, nothing less. Just human.

“My grace is sufficient for you, my power made perfect in your weakness.”

2 Cor 12:9

Remind Me

My husband does not always take out the garbage, he doesn't always remember to do the things I have asked him to do, he easily gets distracted and loses track of time...the list could go on. Often it is easy in marriage to focus on all the stuff our spouses do that aggravate or annoy us. We get critical and start picking them a part. We get together with our girlfriends and have a husband bashing session. We forget all the stuff they have done for us and started questioning why we are with them in the first place.

I just finished listening to this country song by Carrie Underwood that was titled, "Remind Me". (I am not usually a country fan it just happen to be on) The song talks about how love starts and how we need to be reminded why we fell in love in the first place. We need to be reminded of all the fun, crazy, sexy, cute things we did as a new couple. How we could kiss for hours until my face was raw from his beard or talk on the phone until midnight not caring that I had to get up early. We lose ourselves in the now, the immediate and the things we loved about him in the beginning, currently drive us up a wall. We need to be reminded that all those "off" or "broken" parts of him caused him to pick us in the first place. We need to be reminded that he is not perfect and news alert...we are definitely not perfect either. Nor....painful gasp...are we always right.

Marriage is hard but I am not willing to settle for good or okay. Girls we can do powerful things when we throw our pride to the side and put all our heart, mind, and soul into loving someone... remembering we do not control the other person we can only control our thoughts and our mouths! I challenge you to start capturing your thoughts and remind yourself of all the good things about your husband (even if you have to dig deep) that you once liked. Try to remember why you fell in love with him or the fun times you had. Every bad thought that comes up.... quickly replace it with a good one. This might be hard...very hard, maybe even painful for some. But just give it a try..what do you have to lose?

I found our wedding album where I had written down some of the reason I love Bryan:
His beautiful smile, freckles, and long eyelashes
His ability to fix things.
His passion for life.
His sense of humor and having fun with him
His patience with me and others
The way he looks at me when I walk into the room
His love for Jesus.

I then made a list of why I love him now:
His hands make me feel more beautiful than I am.
His love gives me courage to face the pain.
His consistency keeps me secure.
His patience helps me erase the past.
He changed a lot of diapers.
He cooks a mean steak.
He still makes me laugh.
When he comes into a room unexpectedly I still get butterflies in my stomach.
He brings me ice tea at work.
He doesn't get too mad when I go shopping at Kohls.
He cleans the toilets.
He loves our kids.
He got up almost every time with me at night when they were babies.
He still fixes things and has saved us hundreds of dollars.
His love for Jesus humbles me.
He  is usually still patient with me :)
He forgives me easily when I act like a nutcase.
He is more beautiful now than when I first met him.

I pray for the courage to face the truths about ourselves, the wisdom to try to not be critical, and the love to overflow our hearts again.

A Letter to My Daughter

Dear Lakin,

I may not also say the right things. I may not always do the right things. I probably won't be the coolest parent, the prettiest, the richest, the smartest. I won't be able to give you everything you want or take you wherever you want to go. I will not always say yes even when everyone else is doing it. I care what you wear, who your friends are, where you are spending time. I care about who you are, what you believe, what you stand for. I care more about the woman you will become rather than if you fit in with those around you. I know I will embarrass you, I will frustrate you and make you very angry because you don't understand all the decisions I will make. 

I know I am loud, bossy, opinionated, and it sometimes is hard to live in my shadow. You will not always like me, I probably won't be fond of you all the time. But know one thing my beautiful daughter. I will ALWAYS love you no matter what. Nothing you do good or nothing you do bad will make me love you any more or any less. 

Like this song says" I will stand by you no matter what. I will help you through when you have done all that you can do. I will dry your eyes, and I will fight your fight, I will hold you tight and I won't let go." When you're lost I will reach out for you. When you fall I will catch you. When the storms of life start knocking you down, I will be behind you pushing you up to face the winds. I will never lie to you. I will carry the baggage that is too heavy for you right now. When you feel small I will lift you up on my shoulders. I will use my voice to cheer you on the loudest. I will use my bossiness to make sure you are taken care of. I will voice my opinions when someone hurts your feelings. When you feel worthless I will remind you that you are the daughter of a mighty, mighty king. When you feel unloved I will show you the cross. 

When I first saw you on the sonogram screen I made a vow that I will give my life for you. When I was having trouble delivering you in the hospital I knew a fear of something happening to you that shook me to my core. When they placed you in my arms and you looked up at me I realized that my heart now lived outside my body. You had it clasped in your little hands. I may not be many things but I will always be your mom.

I Won't Let Go (by Rascal Flatts)
It’s like a storm
That cuts a path
It breaks your will
It feels like that
You think you're lost
But you're not lost
On your own
You're not alone

I will stand by you
I will help you through
When you’ve done all you can do
And you can’t cope
I will dry your eyes
I will fight your fight
I will hold you tight
And I won't let go

It hurts my heart
To see you cry
I know it’s dark
This part of life
Oh, it finds us all
But we’re too small
To stop the rain
Oh, but when it rains

I will stand by you
I will help you through
When you’ve done all you can doAnd you can’t cope
I will dry your eyes
I will fight your fight
I will hold you tight
And I won't let you fall

Don’t be afraid to fall
I’m right here to catch you
I won't let you down
It won't get you down
You're gonna make it
Yeah, I know you can make it

Cause I will stand by you
I will help you through
When you’ve done all you can do
And you can’t cope
And I will dry your eyes
I will fight your fight
I will hold you tight
And I won't let go

Oh I’m gonna hold you
And I won't let go
Won't let you go
No, I won't

Clean Slate?

Many of think all we need  is a clean slate. A do over. Maybe we move thousands of miles away, get a new job, get married and change our name. We just want to start over,  paint a new picture, or rewrite the story in a better way. Can't this happen? ......Well yes, kinda, actually no!

Yes, your slate on the outside will look clean and fresh ready for your new journey but underneath lurks the old “stuff”. It is still there waiting to seep through. No matter how far you go your baggage, bad habits, hang-ups, hurts, lessons not learned, will follow. Moving and changing your surroundings don’t make it all magically disappear. You can hide behind the “new” you—for a while. But slowly, fatigue, time pressures, loneliness, frustrations, busyness, hurt feelings all cause the old issues to show their ugly face. No matter how hard you might try... your baggage always seems to jump on your back again weighing you down. Don’t believe me? Think you are different? Your situation is unique? Go for it! Try. Try really hard.

God will either bend you or break you!

“Christ has set us free to live a free life. So take your stand! Never again let anyone put a harness of slavery on you. Galatians 5:1 

 “You are called to be free.”  Galatians 5:13a

Unpacking your baggage is throwing down the gauntlet. It is waging a war with the devil himself. Satan wants to keep you in bondage. He wants to keep you in slavery, tied down with hurtful habits, fears, and sins that block our freedom in Christ. He lies and fills us with pride and arrogance making us believe we can do it on our own, if we try... real hard.

“The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. They have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” 2 Cor 10:4-5

Try until you die. But really it is not about you or your best efforts. The war has already been won. The enemy has been defeated.

“My grace is sufficient for you, my power made perfect in your weakness.” 2 Cor 12:9

“Everyone born of God conquers the world’s ways. The conquering power that brings the world to its knees is our faith.” 1 John 5:4 (Message)

“But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.” 
1 Cor 15:57

There was a pool at Bethesda where a great number of disabled people hung out-the blind, the lame, and the paralyzed.  One guy had been there for over 38 years. Jesus asked him,’ Do you want to get well?” The man gave him some excuses. Jesus was patient and replied, “Get up. Pick up your mat and walk.” The invalid was healed.  Many us have been sitting on "the mat" waaaayyyy too long. Don't you want to get well? 

Will you claim victory? Will you just try harder? Will you ignore everything and pretend the baggage isn’t there anymore? Will you accept your baggage as a friend and miss out on abundant life?

Jesus came to set the captives free! Throw off your yoke of slavery! Give Him your baggage. Let Him heal your wounds.

“But He was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our sins, the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by HIS WOUNDS WE ARE HEALED.”  Isaiah 53:5

That’s what is so amazing about grace. We don’t have to try harder. We don’t have to live in the darkness, captives to our bondage. We only have to accept His perfect love. Our slates are not wiped clean by running away. They are wiped clean by his blood on the cross!

Satan at the Sonic Flood Concert

When I was in high school, my boyfriend at the time, had a mom that was a bit off to say the least. On his 18th birthday she took a baseball bat to his room while we were out to dinner. Throughout my senior year she continued to try to make my life a living hell. She went to games where I was cheer leading and threw ice at me from the stands. She would come to my house when my parents weren't home and lean on the doorbell for hours, cussing at me. She followed me around stores calling me names. She came to my work at the mall and threw merchandise on the floor that I had to pick up. She came to my school and called me names in front of my friends. The final straw was when she tried to run me over in the school parking lot with her truck. My parents called the cops, she was arrested, and I had to get a restraining order so she wouldn't ruin my prom or graduation that were coming up or worse hurt me. Needless to say, I disliked her intensely. In fact I would say it bordered on hatred. Instead of celebrating my last year of school and having the time of my life, I was constantly looking over my shoulder and dodging a 42 year old woman and her very large family. She seemed related to half of Tucson.

Fast forward 10 years. I graduated from college, became a Christian, was a newlywed, and serving with my husband as youth leaders in a local church. We were taking a group of about 50 students to the Newsboys, Sonic Flood concert at Casas Adobes Baptist. We arrived with youth in tow, McDonalds in hand, ready to listen to an awesome night of worship. As I glanced around the building I thought wow this place fits a lot of people. Maybe around 3000. My eyes stop. My mouth drops. Sitting about 30 feet away from me sat HER. My old boyfriend’s mom!!  I grabbed Bryan's arm and said, "Oh my gosh. She's here. She is here. Satan is at the Sonic Flood Concert."

I had obviously told Bryan the whole story. He knew just exactly how I felt about her. He knew how she had tortured me. He replied, "So?" "So! So!" I quietly screamed, "What do you mean so? Don't you remember who she is and what she did to me?" He replied," Yes, Kimberley. I remember but that was a long time ago. You have changed maybe she has too. Why don't you go talk to her?"  Through clenched teeth, I said, "Talk to her? Talk to her? Why don't you go talk to her?" With that I shoved my McDonald's bag at him and walked away. I had lost my appetite and was sick to my stomach. I was mad at him for even suggesting I should talk to her. Did he not understand the depths of my fear? The intensity of my hatred?

The lights dimmed and Sonic Flood came on to sing. The song was one of my favorites, If I Could Sing of Your Love Forever. Shaking with fear, anger, hurt... the words pierced my very soul.

"Over the mountains and the sea
Your river runs with the love for me
and I will open up my heart
and let the healer set me free.
I’m happy to be in the truth
and I will daily lift my hands
for I will always sing of when Your love came down.

I heard the spirit say to me, "Kimberley I am the healer. I have set you free. Go to her. I will be with you." No God, No.. anyone but her. Don't you know what she did? Don't you know how horrible she is? She might hurt me." With tears streaming down my face, I sang the words with the band, “I can sing of your love forever..”

"Kimberley if you love me you will obey. Go to her." Lord what exactly do you want me to say? What could I possibly say to her?" "I want you to tell her you’re sorry. I want you to tell her that you have me and I have changed your life."  "SORRY? You want me to apologize to her. I don't have anything to be sorry for. SHE should be apologizing to me. God, she was so mean and hateful. Did you see her try to run me over with her truck?" "Kimberley I saw it all. Go to her." 

At this point I think I might be actually going crazy. I go to the bathroom to get myself together and start making deals.

"God, I do love you but you are asking too much. Besides, there is a concert going on. It is too loud and very dark."

As I am walking back to my place, the music stops and all the lights come on. What!!! It was intermission. They had to turn the lights on to get ready for the Newsboys. "God there are too many people around her. I can't walk through a crowd." I glance over as her group starts to disperse. "God they aren't all gone there are still a few there. I can't talk with students around, it could get ugly."

Just then everybody leaves. It is just her and her sister sitting on the bleachers. "Okay..okay but God  what if she tries to fight me? She is that kind of person. It would not be good to have to throw down at a Christian concert in front of my husband’s youth group. What if I can't talk? What if she wont let me talk? God please anything but this."

"Kimberley, do not be afraid. I will be with you. I will be with you."

Bryan walks over and asks me if I am okay. I snap at him, "I am fine. Do you have a business card?" "Why?" "I don't know just give it to me." With his card in my hand I take a deep breath, close my eyes, and beg, "Please, please God let this be of you and me not losing my mind." I march over and she is kind of up on the front row of a bleacher. The only way to talk to her is to kneel in front of her. KNEEL in front of her! I get down and look up at her. She gives me that look, of hatred. Before I had a chance to speak she sneers, "Yeah, I know who you are what do you want?" I say nothing. She yells at me, "WHAT DO YOU WANT?" 

I take a deep breath and say one last prayer..here I go...."I wanted to say I am sorry. I am so sorry if I have caused you or your family any hurt or pain. I am sorry for my reckless words and how I handled certain situations. I was young and scared. I have accepted Jesus as My Lord and Savior. He has changed my life and I am a different person now." She just looks at me and says nothing. She stands up. I back away thinking on my gosh she wants to fight. She crosses her arms and says, "If you have the guts to come kneel in front of me and apologize after everything between us there must be something different in your life. I accept your apology." And she gives me a hug. Still shaking with fear I reach into my pocket and give her my husband’s business card which has our home phone number on it. If you ever need to talk give me a call." 

As I was walking away doubt crept in and I thought I have just given her a way to find me. That could be a big mistake. I walked over to Bryan and fell crying into his arms. I silently said, "God, she did not apologize to me. She did not take any responsibility for all the horrible things she did."  "Kimberley, it is not about her. It is about your healing and obedience."

A few weeks later I was at Gadabout (when I could afford to get my haircut there) and she was right in front of me with her eldest daughter. I just stood there frozen, not knowing how she would react, scared to think there might be a confrontation. She gave me a big smile and hug and said to her daughter, "It's okay. We like her now. Tell the all the family if they see her to be nice to her." (Think Mafia, Godfather-ish) Her daughter smiled and gave me a little head nod. I thought to myself, "Fine I'll take that rather than a fight."

Eight months later, I had just had our first child and the phone rang. It was her. "Kimberley, my son wants to come back into the family and I want to know your opinion. Can we go to lunch?" I was not ready for lunch with her but I glanced down at my newborn daughter and said, "You and I both know people can change especially when Jesus is in their life. If you can forgive me you can forgive your son. Family is too important to let walk away." She said, "Thank you. I hope you and your new daughter will be blessed."

Everybody has a Nineveh, a place they do not want to go, a person they absolutely do not want to reach out to, a behavior they refuse to give up no matter who it hurts, a fear that seems too big to overcome. Jonah jumped on a ship and went to the opposite ends of the world to escape his Nineveh. How far are you willing to go to run away from God?  

I went to my Nineveh and the rewards outweighed the fear!

“Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.” Ephesians 3:20

I Was So Wrong....

My first year of teaching I had stars in my eyes, apples all over my shirt, and a lot of head knowledge that I had gained from my Master's Degree in education and teacher certification program. I walked in to my student teaching class in an inner city school and almost walked right out. I had 33 students staring at me (wasn’t the cap 28?), all different shapes, sizes, and ethnic backgrounds. It reminded me of a multicultural conference. I suddenly felt inadequate at best and could feel the fear of monumental failure in the near future. Everything this class threw at me I tried to shake through my narrow viewpoints and filters. I was astounded at the lack of parental involvement, lack of determination to succeed, apathy towards education, foul language, physical, sexual, and emotional abuse by their parents, homework never turned in, no shows at conferences, no responsibility taken for their actions..the list goes on. I foolishly thought that these students just haven’t been given enough motivation and correct instruction. If I gave them the self-discipline to finish assignments or the structure to do their best or enough penalties or rewards they would turn things around. I definitely thought my way is the right way, my students just had to see it really work.

One day, one of my students, a Hispanic male from a very low income home, was falling asleep in class. He did not have his homework turned in again but was really trying to work his way up to the next math level. I knew this child was smart maybe he just needed discipline! “Where was his homework? Why is he falling asleep? Maybe he should go to bed earlier and take pride in himself....blah, blah...” He looked up at me with these big, brown eyes and said words that will forever be etched into my heart, “Mrs. Lee I am sorry I did not turn in my homework. I wanted to make you proud of me today but last night I had to stay up and guard my mom so my dad wouldn’t beat her.” At that moment I knew I had it wrong. So very wrong. These students didn't need my way of learning or thinking. They needed me to see where they were coming from, how they lived, the obstacles they had to overcome just to get to school. They did not have the benefits of growing up white, upper middle class, educated, everybody has a house, a car, and a white picket fence. They were not expected to all go to college, make something of themselves, pursue the American dream, land a job making over $35,000 dollars a year. Most of these families struggled to survive, on minimum wage, working in the jobs where nobody in my world would ever go.

Over the next few years, my students taught me more on the power of resilience and the ability to overcome issues bigger than their age group should ever have to handle. When I started becoming involved in their cultures, getting to know the families, becoming invested in them as individuals, only then did I truly become the teacher I needed to be to meet their needs. I gave myself permission to let go of what I thought the “ideal” teacher should look like. It was okay to learn the Macarena Dance and look foolish if it helped me to connect. It was okay to try to eat the very different foods their parents brought in because that was their only way to say thank you. It was definitely okay to let them do homework at school if they had no place else to get it done.

I stayed “true to myself” by never pretending I knew where they were coming from. I didn’t. I never again assumed they would think like me. They wouldn’t. I never again looked at just the surface of  what walked into my classroom. There was always a story behind every face. I also still set very high expectations for all my students regardless of where they came from but everybody had a different way to get there. And most of all when they failed or when I failed them, we never allowed ourselves to quit. Tomorrow was a new day. We started all over and painted the picture any way we wanted to even if it was only during school hours...so be it.

Open House

Our house is like a revolving door sometimes. Often we have college students coming in and out all hours of the day/night. Some will come for dinner (weird because I am not a good cook), some just come to talk or hang out. They might stay an hour or two. I think the record was a full twelve. They might use our house as a meeting point before they go somewhere else or watch movies when we are not home. We have 16-24 people every Monday night over for dinner. Many have keys. It has been that way for the past ten years.

I know a few of you reading this are horrified and question our sanity. Others shake their heads and say, "Well that works for you and Bryan but I would go crazy. I need my down time. I like my personal space. I don't want to entertain." Or, "How about your safety? What if they steal something? What about your kids? Do you clean the house all the time? What do you actually do with them?" The question asked the most is, "Why?"

Well because we made a promise. Right after we had our first child we were living in a town home and wanted to buy a house for our new family. With stars in our eyes we showed up at the bank thinking how bad could this be? Reality hit within minutes. Although we barely had any debt and really good credit scores, we did not make enough money. We were trying to sign up through the teacher/law enforcement program which did not require any money down but we did not qualify. We missed their target score by 11 points! As we got up to leave empty handed the loan officer said wait a minute there has to be something I can do! She made a few phone calls and pulled a few strings.....we got approved!

When the realtor passed us the keys and we walked through our new home, we were in awe that it was ours! Right then and there we made a promise that our home would be a place of peace, a refuge for others. We would open and use it to further God's kingdom to the best of our ability even when it hurt. We did not have a plan of action or even how it would all work out. It just kind of happened....What do we do? We have played dance charades, games, watched movies, had Wii contests, eat, yard work, but most of all we talk and live life together.

Has it always been easy? No, but it has always been worth it. Is our house big or really cool? No, it was a fixer upper and we still have a lot of work to do. Is it because you and Bryan are so much fun? Again, no. In the last ten years we have had three babies in the house, toys everywhere, the chaos of toddlers, construction in the back and front yards, a two year bathroom project, a small TV, no cable, and we just got AC three years ago!

Bryan and I are amazed and humbled that people come over as often as they do. But over the years we found out that they come because we make ourselves available to listen, to share life together, and to be a part of something bigger than ourselves. People want to be accepted, loved, and heard...

So yes it can be a hassle, we don't clean as much as we should, we go to bed really late, we usually put people before projects, our boundaries are blurry, we give up a lot of our personal space and time, we never have leftovers, chaos reigns! But as a family we are passionate about people. We are committed to leaving people less alone and less hurt. We made a promise....

"Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people...." Acts 2:46-47

My Heroes

My pastor asked us to think about people in our lives who are everyday heroes. Someone who has made a difference to us like a coach, soldier, fireman, parent, friend, pastor and so on. That got me to thinking who are my heroes? Do I have just one or a few? What does an everyday hero look like to me?

The Webster Dictionary defines hero as 1) a: a mythological or legendary figure often of divine descent endowed with great strength or ability b: an illustrious warrior,  c: a man admired for his achievements and noble qualities d: one who shows great courage.

My husband is one of my heroes because of the way he loves me. His love had been consistent and solid for the last 16 years, even when I tried to scare him off, push him away or break up with him while we were dating, he has remained true in his love for me. His patience and grace gives me the support I need to face the world and deal with my issues. He is my hero because of the way he loves Jesus and tries to lead our family with Him as our center even when it is not comfortable or popular. He is my hero because he tries to treat others with respect and non-judgment even when they might deserve something harsher. He is my hero because he never expects me, or the house, or the kids to be perfect. 

My son Landen is also my hero with his courage to talk about his faith wherever he is and not be ashamed. He is my hero because he sings worship songs at the top of his lungs not caring who it bothers. He is my hero because at age five he told me that when he grows up he wants to bring water and build houses to people in Africa to people who need it. At age six he sat us down and forced us to take him seriously about baptism. At age seven he wrapped up some coloring pages because he said moms never get enough presents under the tree. At age eight he is truly a warrior for Christ in what he says and how he lives!

My Monday night people are my heroes. They show up to a small house, with a lady who doesn't cook and talks a lot, kids jumping all over them, and share their journeys with us. I have seen God work in their lives and am humbled by their support, trust, love, and grace. They show up not out of family guilt or because of the spectacular entertainment:) They come because of the relationships.

One of my heroes is a younger friend who went through very difficult times and had so much stolen from her. She handled herself with dignity, decorum, and strength beyond her years. She is my hero for not forgetting how to smile, having the courage to share and let others see her heart, and most importantly for her never giving up HOPE! 

I have many more everyday heroes.....these were the one who came to mind right now. I believe I will start "looking" to see the people who have impacted my life, shown courage in the face of adversity, or is fighting the good fight.

All The Single Ladies

Over the last 38 years of being a girl I have learned a few things....these "insights" if you will are not brilliant or original. They have come from all the mistakes I have made and lessons I painfully learned. They come from mentoring teenagers, college students, young adults in the throes of relationship angst. They have come from watching on the sidelines, how females and males interact and being slightly horrified at the chaos and confusion dating seems to invoke now days.

I decided to make a list of "insights" not to make anyone feel bad but to be a voice of truth to single ladies when all they usually hear are lies or half-truths by guys and friends who justify everything to make them feel better.

I believe the number one "insight" on my list is.... Desperate is NOT attractive!! Some of you scratch your head and think, 'What does she mean by desperate?" others are saying, "Oh thank goodness that's not me. She is talking about so and so....(insert name of girl you don't like)" But to be honest I probably am talking to you.....that's right most single girls from the ages of 10-35ish really do act somewhat desperate if not down right Fatal Attraction (1990's movie involving the killing of rabbits) crazy!!!

Let me try to define desperate.

des·per·ate adj.

1. Having lost all hope; despairing. 2. Marked by, arising from, or showing despair 3. Reckless or violent because of despair 4. Undertaken out of extreme urgency or as a last resort 5. Nearly hopeless 6. Suffering or driven by great need or distress 7. Extremely intense

How does this apply to relationships? 

1. Not picking up on overt signals that he not interested in you but still chasing him like a dog running after the taillights of a car.

2. Constantly calling him with really nothing to say. If he wants to talk he will call you.

3. Being loud, silly, and obnoxious is a vain attempt to get his attention. Do this in a group of your girlfriends to add extra insult. 

4. Manipulating every situation to either sit by him, be in his face, or go wherever he goes. Have you ever heard of "absence makes the heart grow fonder" or "you take for granted something that always is around"?

5. Over dressing in situations where it becomes awkward.. a skimpy prom dress to the baseball game is a bit much.

6. Laughing hysterically at everything he says like he is the world's best comedian even when he is not funny. 

7. Texting him over 10x a day, even if he replies back. A one sentence reply back does not mean he is interested he might just be trying to have good manners. Again if he really wants to talk to you he will call you.

8. Drastically changing your personality to become more like him or what you think he wants. If he likes rock climbing you don't have to go out spend hundreds of dollars on equipment, subscribe to climbing magazines, and kill yourself falling off the side of a mountain trying to pretend your good at something you are really not good at.

9. Facebook stalking him to find out everything you can and using that info for most of your conversation with him. This can become creepy very fast.

10. Constantly creating drama or intense situations to get him to come to your rescue. This might work for a small amount of time, especially for guys who like to be helpful, but then it just becomes.....desperate DRAMA!

11. CRAZY ALERT: Anytime you find yourself driving by his house, having blocked numbers crank calling him, or becoming friends with his mom to get an in with him you have officially entered into the the Fatal Attraction Zone and you need intervention!!!!

STAY TUNED>>>>>>>Next post will be the remaining "insights" on my list. This post has a lot to digest for some of you. Don't lose hope we can all move from crazy desperate girl to cool girlfriend if we just truly recognized our outlandish and often sad behavior.

Innocence Lost

Innocence Lost

The children “out there” in other countries, states, cities, neighborhoods, next door, in our own homes… are hurting….

   Abused

      Neglected

          Anger

             Drugs

                Addictions

                  Secrets

                      Used

                        Screams

                             Yelling

                                Beaten

                                    Mental illness

                                       Thrown away

                                          Hungry

                                              Lies

                                                 Deceit

                                                      Spoiled

                                                            Prostituted

                                                                  Laughed at

 Mocked

     Chained

           Unwanted

               Unloved

Fear fills their eyes instead of security
       shame is worn on their face not confidence

anger brims in their heart where love should be flowing

spirits are broken

dreams are shattered,

                 lives transformed  

The legacy of “evil” is passed down from generation to generation...the children bear the scars from their parent’s past....  questioning eyes plead for someone to explain why this is happening…..WHY?

  guilt

     shame

        apathy

             pain

                sorrow

          depression

                numbness

                    anger

                                    mistrust

                                      self doubt

                                          unworthiness

We are supposed to protect the children. When is enough …enough?

Innocence lost can never fully be recovered. When you crumple and tear apart a piece of paper it never is the same again. No matter how hard you try to tape the pieces back together or iron out the rough edges the paper doesn't bounce back to its original form.  Isn't damage to the heart similar or actually devastatingly worse?

FIRE ME!

I was at a conference and they were talking about the importance of mentoring others. "Invest in the next generation, get personally involved, influence others in your circles! blah, blah, blah, blah, blah"... but they never addressed what happens when it doesn't work or you fail?

I have been investing in the lives of teenagers and college students for the past 22 years.

I have a Master's Degree, a Bachelors Degree.  I volunteered with Special Olympics, VBS, Youth Camp, Kids Camp, taught five days a week during the day, Wednesday night, and twice on Sundays. I was involved in Bible studies, put in hundreds of hours with students, phone calls, lunches, counseling, dinners, events. I shared my life, my family, my time, my resources, my house, and even my car.

Wow you are probably thinking how qualified, godly, and sacrificial this lady is….Not so much. Bryan and I have a very low percentage rate as far as people taking advice or being held accountable for their choices, many of the students are into drugs, alcohol, premarital sex, ignoring teachings, bad relationship choices, sometimes we barely see them anymore.

God it failed! No one listens. It didn’t work. They are selfish. I am a failure. Something is wrong with them, me, you, the world….Fire Me!

"Kimberley, it’s not about you." What?? "It’s not about you. You have done nothing! (Great, I knew it was them all along) Even the good you pat yourself on the back for, it was me working in you. In fact, you give yourself way too much credit for the good and the bad. These teenagers and young adults are my creation. You are in their life to journey alongside of them and show them Jesus in the way you live your life. You plant seeds, help them pull out some weeds, give them a healthy dose of my light through studying the Bible, and shower them with your love." 

"But the growing comes from me and only me. I made each and every one of them with a heart that will yearn after my Son...if they chose to try to fill it with other stuff the consequences can be great. I gave them a will and mind of their own. I want them to choose me to be their personal Lord and Savior, not by their church talk but by their life walk. Many, many will stray. They will choose their own path. Try to do it their way. Others will turn their back on me completely. I love them so much I sacrificed my Son on the cross for them so they could have eternal life with me in heaven. And still it won’t be enough. So please don’t get discouraged my daughter (and don’t be so full of yourself). It is so not about you. It is between them and me. You be obedient and love the ones I place in your path. I didn’t give you a job you can be fired from. I gave you my Son as an example how to love others."

Readers are Leaders..or at least have a lot to say :)

If you don't know already...I LOVE, really LOVE to Read! I will read almost anything...sometimes it takes me months to get through a book, sometimes I can read two books in one day, mostly I try to read a new book at least once a week. I do have a few unstated rules.
 
1) I NEVER reread it seems like such a waste of time.

2) I will finish the book no matter what, no matter how long it takes because I do not want to let the author down. (No, I don't know any of them personally but it is the principle of the matter)

3) I try not to pass judgement on the cover. Even if the cover has a guy on it that looks like Fabio from the butter commercials there really could be good content inside.

4) I keep a journal of the books I have read and write down a few thoughts from each of them. This does sound a little OCD but it helps me think that I am smarter than I really am.My facebook post a few months ago said. "I have read over 60 books in the last six months..everything from WWII, romance, religious studies, doctors in Africa, Jewish history, parenting, Gun-N-Roses bio, leadership skills to name a few... This is what I learned...God is awesome, people let you down, sex can be amazing, girls want to be loved, mean people suck, kids grow up and leave, helping others is important, and 90% of people will follow the crowd!!"

Reading lets you explore places far away you might never go, meet people you will never see, open your mind to things you had once closed off, tugs at your heart emotions, brings to light issue you might never have though about, improves your vocabulary so that you are a better Scramble player, and its fun! Reading lets you "catch a glimpse" of the presently unknown.

TEN WAYS TO RAISE A NONREADER (from the book, Honey for a Child's Heart by Gladys Hunt)

1. Have a television on at all times. Make sure you put a tv set and computer in every room. Don't forget the kitchen.

2. Keep the place neat-no books or literary magazines in sight.

3. Never let your child see you read a book.

4. Never take your kids to the library.

5. Never read stories aloud past age two.

6. Never talk about ideas while eating meals.

7. Keep the lights down low. Buy only forty-watt lightbulbs.

8. Schedule your children for every activity you can think of so they won't be bored.

9. Never play any table games together.

10. Absolutely no reading in bed or good lamps to make it easy to do.A few statistics to go along: (www.readfaster.com)

* 40% of 4th graders can not read fluently.

* 50% of adults are unable to read an 8th grade level book

* 44 million of adults in America can not read

* 15 minutes of independent reading a day can expose a reader to 1 million words of text a year!Some of you are saying so what I hate reading, I have never even finished a book all the way through, reading is boring, what's the point, I am not good at it....

My father-in-law was a F-16 crew chief for 35 years. He never read anything but the paper or car manuals. He liked working with his hands, was really great at his job, and could rebuild a car engine from scratch. At the age of 55, he picked up his first book as an adult, read it all the way through, and hasn't stopped. Now when we go to his house he has a stack of books ten high by his recliner. He goes to the library and Bookmans all the time. He wants books as presents and gets very excited about ones that have series so he can read all of them. Just the other day we had a talk about an 800 page book we had both read! He said, "Kimberley, I never knew what I was missing by not reading all those years!" (With his hands full of grease, his shirt stained with grease, and his legs nicked up from fixing our car that morning!) It's never too late...just try it again!