Sweet..No. I Am Fighter!

One of the adjectives I have rarely been called is sweet. It just isn't a word that pops into mind when you think of me. I am not usually offended but I asked myself and a few others why? One person said, "Maybe if you didn't tell people tough things without them asking, you might be sweet." Ohhhh that will be a hard one. Someone else said, "I think the word you are looking for is outspoken not sweet." Uh Duh! Well, how does a sweet person act? What are the qualifications for being a sweetie? I do eat a lot of sugar maybe that will rub off on me?

I asked my husband if it bothers him that I am not sweet. He responded, "Kimberley, I know exactly where I stand with you. I never have to guess. You might not be sweet but you are passionate, loyal, and real." (Isn't he sweet?) Thank you honey but I am aiming for sweet.

So I went to God. God why didn't you make me sweet? Was I sleeping on the day that gene was passed out? Do you think I can try real hard and become this?  "Kimberley, I do not make mistakes. You were created in my image. I knew you before you were born. I numbered the hairs on your head. Why are you caught up on this label? They are definitely some things in your personality you need to work on but not this one. I created you to be a fighter."
     
Huh? My husband gets to be sweet and I am a fighter? That just seems wrong! 

"Kimberley, if you were not a fighter you would not have been able to fight your family's past. You would not have been able to fight becoming enslaved to alcohol or drugs or trapped in the cycle of bitterness. You wouldn't have been able to fight your way out of an abusive relationship.  You fought to marry someone different than your dad. You fought to have the marriage I created for you. You fought to protect your children from negative relationships. You still fight for the lives of the people you mentor. If you were not a fighter maybe you wouldn't have fought through all your doubts to fall in love with my son." 

Be humble, be gentle, be kind, love others well, but do not ever forget that we are in the midst of a war for our families, our marriages, our cities, our country, and for humanity.  For this girl, sweet might not cut it right now, if ever!

 "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful." Psalms 139: 13-14

All the Single Ladies: The Break up

How do you know when it is really over? Kaput? Finished? Finito? Final? Done with? Broken off? Shut Down? Party over?

     This is often the painful part. The time when a relationship comes to an end and we have to say goodbye to someone we liked, loved, was crazy for, or maybe even kind of hated. We say good bye to what might have been and the memories shared. While it can be very devastating, it is also the time when we as ladies somehow go from highly intelligent human beings able to process information in large amounts to stubborn, don't get it, can't wrap our brains around the words he is saying. This may lead us into the murky waters of complete and utter denial. We sit around with our friends OBSESSING over what happened? Why? How didn't I see this coming? We pick a part EVERY little detail about the break up until we have ourselves in such an emotional tizzy we justify everything or we go on the attack to get the "REAL" reason why he ended it.
      After countless talks with many males, some who are really nice guys and some who are pond scum, I have found out a few awful, hard to digest truths, that we ladies just don't want to really believe. If you want to continue living in denial please read no further...it gets ugly.

1. When guys finally have the break up talk with you..they lie about half the stuff they are saying. Most of them are trying to be nice guys and not hurt your feelings so they skirt around the truth if not downright lie. "It's me not you"... no it is really you. "I just have a lot going on right now"....really? "I don't think God wants me in a relationship." Ever? Bottom line, the lame excuses are covering up that they just don't want to date you anymore and don't know how to say it. We girls say we want honesty but in reality a guy telling us we are bad kissers, we chew with our mouths open, or they aren't feeling it doesn't come off well.
2. It was not "all of a sudden" or "out of the blue". They have been checking off boxes in their heads about things that didn't set well with them for a while. When they finally break up it has probably been weeks if not months of thinking about it before they got the courage to officially break it off.
3. When guys break up with you they are DONE. Rarely do they mope around, listen to old songs, Facebook stalk you, or drive by your house. They are really done. I asked my husband, who I consider a stand up kind of guy, how he felt after he dated a girl for almost two years and then broke up with her. "Honey were you just done? Did you ever go by her house or think of her when a special song came on? Or miss her?" His answer, "No not really. I was done." So I pushed him, "What do you mean by done? Didn't you still have memories that you shared that came up? That made you go hmmm? or special places you went that would remind you of her?" Again, he says, "No not really. I rarely thought about her after we broke up. She made it worse by being clingy and hanging on so long afterwards. I do miss her mom's tacos though!"
4. Many times they already have someone else in mind. Yes..gulp this one is tough to hear. Since they have been kind of breaking up with you for months in their head...they probably have been kind of scoping out other prospects too. We are often shocked at how fast they get another girlfriend after the "break up" and like to blame it on the other girl... but really? She didn't make the commitment to you. 
5. They get over us easy because they find something to do. Like I said previously guys aren't big mopers. They don't curl up on the couch in a fuzzy pink robe, eat a gallon of ice cream, and watch sappy love movies with their friends. They certainly don't go through their ipod playlist listening to all "our" songs while going through the scrapbook of all your favorite times together. They go play sports, workout, wrestle each other, go splunking, play kill..kill..kill...video games for twelve hours, or other cool guy stuff that seems ridiculous to females.
6. Unless you cheated on them they usually don't hold grudges. Unlike us girls, who can hold grudges for YEARS, guys normally are totally fine being friends a few weeks later. They are baffled that we still glare or tear up when we see them, want to key their car, or spend nights with voodoo dolls and pins cursing their name. "They think hey it's water under the bridge I didn't even tell her the real reason I broke up with her. Who knows why she is so mad?"....again point 1.

I know this stuff is somewhat depressing and completely not fair. But no matter what ladies, I remind you desperate is not attractive especially in a break-up. Keep your composure, your dignity, and know that there is some one better just around the corner!

By Your Side

I was listening to this song by Tenth Avenue North, By Your Side and it just struck me how much I sometimes fight God. I struggle against the things I know he wants for me. I ignore the stuff I know he wants me to do. Or the best one, I try to do it all on my own. Like I have things figured out better than him so I am going to do it my way. 

The song says:

"Why are you striving these days? Why are you trying to earn grace?
Why are you crying? Why are you looking for love? Why are you still searching? As if I'm not enough. Where will you go child? Tell me where will you run?"

Why do we run away from Him or try to hide? Why do we feel like we have to do more to earn his love? Why do we keep trying to fill our voids with the things of this world and act like He is not enough? Why do we keep searching for our purpose when He created us for Him? Why are we fighting Him?

The songs continues:"I'll be by your side wherever you fall. In the dead of night whenever you call.
Please don't fight these hands that are holding you. My hands are holding you."

God has us in his hands. He will be by our side whenever we fall, whenever we try it our own way and fail, whenever we call out His name. He will be there holding us in His magnificent hands.  Let's stop running either the other way or in circles. Let's stop seeking answers from wrong places. Let's turn towards our heavenly father and rest in him. Take His hand, walk beside Him, and trust Him with our life. 

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes;" Proverbs 3:5-7

Give and Take..Right?

As Americans we usually always want something in return for what we give, for what we do. If we give a present we expect a thank you card. If we give a donation we want a tax receipt. If we make good grades we want to be on the Honor Roll. If we do something for someone else we want them to acknowledge it or our feelings might get hurt. We want our friendships to be reciprocal. We want our church to be certain ways because we gave money or serve there. At work we want a raise, promotion, or at least a plaque if we give our best. We have become a nation that says, "What's in this for me? or "What can I expect in return? or "I expect this because I did that." Give and take... right?

The other day I brought something similar to God's attention. I was complaining about not getting anything in return from certain people after I gave them so much. I was having a pity party and was questioning why I was even doing this ministry since it seems so one-sided. This went on for a few days and as I was watching a silly horse movie I just started bawling (the movie wasn't sad). The tears just kept coming and I felt an overwhelming sense of regret. God brought me to my knees and reminded me (AGAIN) of what serving Him with all my heart looks like.

"Kimberley, what if you are not supposed to get anything back? Your sole purpose is just to give, give it all, no matter the cost. You are to mentor others because I asked you to journey alongside of them. You are to plant seeds that I WILL grow. This is not give and take..this time, it is only give. Put aside your selfishness, your pride, and obey."

He then pointed to the cross and asked me what His son got in return for dying on the cross for me.

"And now, Israel,(Kimberley) what does the LORD your God ask of you but to fear the LORD your God, to walk in obedience to him, to love him, to serve the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul" Deuteronomy 10:12 

Signs He Might Not Be That Into You...

Ladies there are often "signs" of when things are starting to turn sour.  Red flags begin popping up. We have a choice whether to ignore them, even if they are waving them right in front of our faces and be "shocked" when they suddenly break up with us or we can acknowledge the signs and deal with them head on. 



Red Flags...

1. He takes longer and longer to call or text you back. When you first start dating responses are almost immediate. Now the lag time might be getting a bit too long. Before you rip into him make sure it is reasonable. If he works at Raytheon where they are not allowed to bring in their phones don't expect him to call back during work hours. That would be silly. But if he is at home watching TV and it takes him hours or even days to return a call or text...not good.

2. He starts asking you to "meet" him somewhere instead of coming to pick you up. Rarely is it okay for your boyfriend to not come and pick you up. You are his girl which he should feel honored to take care of you and pick you up in his coach...oh I mean car. If he offers lame excuses on a regular basis like you live so far, not enough gas, it will save time.....no bueno.

3. He starts talking about how tired he is all the time. He cuts out on dates early or doesn't want to go places because he is so tired. When a guy is interested.. sleep gets put on the back burner. I have always told guys,  "You will know you are in love when you find a girl you are willing to give up sleep for."  This new exhaustion could be a sign or you can just try to give him lots of vitamins in hope he snaps out of it.

4. When his phone becomes extremely "private". If he starts acting shady with his phone or paranoid that you are looking or touching it...red flag!! Now I am all for privacy. I didn't normally just pick up Bryan's phone and go through it...this could seem desperate and untrustworthy. BUT if I did have it in my hands, Bryan never freaked out because he had nothing to hide. 

5. He starts avoiding your family. If he used to like hanging out with your family and now he doesn't there could be a problem. Unless you have a lot of family drama. Then it is natural to want to steer clear of crazyville. But remember it is hard to look a dad in the eye or have a mom be nice to you when you are about to break up with their daughter.

6. Friends see him with another girl. This seems obvious but you would be surprised how many times girlfriends let this go. If he is constantly hanging out with another girl this is a big red flag no matter what EXCUSES he comes up with. Don't buy the "we are just friends" unless they have known each other since kindergarten, she is a cousin, or she has a wart on her nose with hairs growing out of it that makes her completely unattractive. 

7. He stops wanting to kiss you good night. Have I mentioned that guys are physical creatures? They love to kiss. So if they all of sudden stop you are either A) a bad kisser B) have bad breath C) they are kissing someone else or d) they are pulling away because they are going to break up with you.
CAVEAT:Some guys, think pond scum, will totally make out with you even if he is planning on breaking up with you that night. True. So gross.

8. He changes his Facebook status! If all of a sudden he changes from being in a relationship to its complicated or single there is a problem. Also look to see if he is slowly taking down pictures of the two of you. It could be gradual, so slight you might not notice or he might say, "I just don't want anyone knowing our business!" Really isn't that the whole point of Facebook??? 

NEXT UP: THE BREAK... UP SOME UGLY TRUTHS

All the Single Ladies Part 2

      Ladies I have already told you Desperate is NOT Attractive but I would be remiss if I did not continue with your education in trying not to be one of "those" girls. My first post gave the top 11 ways to decide if you were already in need of some fast intervention. Please go back and read it if you have not because they are the crucial first signs in acknowledging that you might be a little on the nutty side or at least delusional when it comes to guys. Again, please do not lose hope. Every one of us has at one time or another or in my case, many times over, acted a bit crazy when it has come to the male gender. We women are emotionally charged human beings and it is hard not to teeter too much on the insane side. 
      After you have decided to at least not be desperate what other things you should try to avoid? Well let's start with what I believe is an obvious one. 
1. You are not their buddy! Yes that is right don't try to be their guy pal. If at any time you are in the situation where you think it is funny to be farted on or engage in a wrestling match with the guy you like you have escaped into the friend zone. There should never be a reason for either one of these things to occur, NEVER. That is what guys do to their sisters or friends not girls they would like to get to know better or maybe date. Even the wrestling? Yes, if they are so immature they have to psychically wrestle you to get your attention they are not ready to have a girlfriend.
2. Dumb is not attractive...only to losers! Somehow Hollywood has gotten the world to believe that guys prefer dumb girls because it is good for their ego. If you have a guy that you feel you need to dumb down your intelligence for..run! Their ego is so big it will eventually crush out any love you might be feeling. Smart guys marry up or at least prefer to have a life companion that can carry on an halfway intelligent conversation.
3. Be more fun than feisty. It is okay to have a little spice and not just be a "yes" girl. It's okay to have an opinion and challenge him every once in a while. The problem occurs when you are more feisty than fun. If he goes home after every date and feels like he has been beaten up chances are he will be done real soon. You want him to go away from the date thinking, "Hey she is fun to hang out with" not "Next time I need to bring my armor." If he actually likes being your verbal punching bag that is a whole other blog. 
4. Don't make a mountain out of a mole hill. If he takes you out for dinner it doesn't mean he is ready to jump into a serious relationship. If he gets you flowers that's nice but don't start picking out matching rings. If he takes you to meet his family don't start writing his last name behind yours with little hearts next to it. Keep things in a healthy perspective. Even if he tells you he loves you don't go into crazy wedding mode just yet. It is scary and unrealistic! Patience grasshopper!
5. Don't make a mole hill out of a mountain. Many times we girls have the ability to look at huge red flag mountain problems and minimize them into mole hills. Oh him calling his ex-girlfriend weekly is not a issue. Yes it is. Oh, him not telling the truth about where he is been isn't that big of a deal. Again yes it is. Him being a control freak just means he loves me and wants to take care of me. No it means he is a control freak. If he seems shady...he probably is..don't make excuses for him.
6. Get a life! Yep, don't live, eat, and breath him. It is not healthy and becomes weird and overbearing real fast. Hang out with your girlfriends, have hobbies that are separate, play a sport, read a book, do community service, do other things that don't revolve around him.  Making him the center of your world sets you up for being a doormat that is taken for granted or unrealistic expectations in marriage. Think: BECOMING HIS SERVANT
7. Put your goods away. I know we are bombarded with naked ladies in all the magazines, TV shows, music videos, etc. but don't show your goods off. Seriously! Guys are one tracked minded. Having everything out on display just gets him to focus on the physical. They will not be able to see past what you are showing them therefore anything else you want them to know about you will only be listened to less than halfway. If he is only attracted to your body and nothing else this is not a good way to start a long term relationship. Wrap it up ladies!
8. Put down the phone! Step away from the phone even if you have to hide it in the freezer next to the cookie dough ice cream or hide it in your granny's purse as she goes grocery shopping. You must fight the urge to call and text him. If you are lighting up his phone every half hour or as some you, every five minutes, it leans toward desperate. Guys don't think like us, duh, therefore they don't have to make small talk. They really don't need to know every little detail about our days. Let him pursue you. Let him make the effort to pick up the phone.
9. Guys usually act their age or much younger. Rarely is it okay to date a guy much younger than you. Unless you want to be their mother. I know "cougars" seem to be the in thing right now but really? I often hear how "mature" this guy is or how "he acts older' than he age. UmmHmm. 10 years difference is a decade. A decade of not watching the same cartoons, not listening to the same music, not being anywhere near the same grade in school. A senior is 17....ten years younger is a 7 year-old in second grade! Just saying :)

Next edition is The Breakup: How to know if he really is done.

The Sky is Falling!

      You probably have heard of the story about Chicken Little at some time in your life. He felt an acorn fall on his head and ran around telling everyone the sky is falling we are all going to die!! He goes to his friends Henny Penny, Ducky Lucky, Goosey Loosey, and Turkey Lurkey and convinces them they had to go tell the king that the sky was falling! They all ran into Foxy Loxy and told him the same story. He of course knew they were all a bit crazy and lured them into his den..and he ate them all. Chicken Little not only got himself killed, he brought down his friends with his hysteria, and they never even got to see the king. 
      I feel like Christians act this way a lot! We live in fear, acting like the sky is falling, and the world is coming to an end. Obama is the Antichrist, teenagers are worse off than ever, the crime rate is at an all-time high, so many countries are at war...the list of horrible things around us is long. But I ask you, don't you know the outcome? Don't you know who wins? Don't you know that Jesus promises to return again and set everything right? "And the devil, who deceived them, was thrown into the lake of burning sulfur, where the beast and the false prophet had been thrown. They will be tormented day and night for ever and ever." Revelations 20:10  
      Why if we know he is victorious do we act like Chicken Little running around with our heads cut off, scared of everything? Why don't we live out our lives with confident expectations? Confident becomes we know who wins. Confident that we know the truth. Confident that God is in charge, not man and God has a plan. Let's act like we expect him to fulfill his promises and reveal himself in His time. Don't be scared of the world. Be the light in the world. Let's live life victoriously!
      What if the enemy uses our fear to blind us so that we never get to see the King? What is our "hysteria" brings our friends down with us?

"He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.” He said to me: “It is done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. To the thirsty I will give water without cost from the spring of the water of life. Those who are victorious will inherit all this, and I will be their God and they will be my children." Revelations 21:5-7

It's the Heart That Matters!

      I listened to an awesome sermon today by Pastor Mike Parejo from PCC. He basically confronted "The Church" about all these RULES they have come up with that are NOT in the bible. 
      They are man-made and keep people from having a genuine relationship with God. In fact, many of these so called "rules" have caused more people to turn away from God than to get closer to him. They have caused more people to leave the church then to cling to the body of believers that should be uplifting each other. They have caused so much misunderstanding that "Christian" has become a dirty word to many in the world. Much harm has come to people because of these rules that have been established in the name of God but really come from the ignorance of man.
     It is NOT about the rules it's about the relationship. It's not about doing more or doing all the right things. It's about your heart. It's about falling in love with our Savior and NOTHING else. NOTHING! It's about accepting his unconditional love, receiving the gift of eternal life. It's about living in the light of his glory, basking in his magnificent mercy, and resting in his undeserving grace. 
 Mike asked the question, "What boxes are you checking off in order to be a good Christian?" What rules do you think you have to follow in order for God to accept you? Don't get caught up in all the rules or boxes. God is after one thing....your heart. If he has your heart he has the rest of you! 

"Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts." Deuteronomy 6-5-6

Have You Forgotten?

"The LORD is gracious and compassionate,

   slow to anger and rich in love." Psalms 145:8

       I was talking to a young man the other day and he was consumed with the idea of God's jealousy, judgment, and wrath. He was stuck on those attributes and was bound by fear because of them. Now don't get me wrong, God is all those things. A healthy fear of God is good. But I think maybe many of us have forgotten how to find the beauty of God? Our creator is beautiful, he is gracious, compassionate, merciful, majestic, holy, faithful, loving, and good. He is God. His eternal power and his divine nature created the heavens and the earth, all the animals and people, the beginning and the end. 
      Where do I see God's beauty? Everywhere...even in the most unexpected places. I see His beauty in the face of a sleeping child, in a beautiful sunset, up on a mountain top, in the widow giving her few coins away, in the eyes of a new believer, in the arms of my husband. I have heard the beauty of God in a concert  of 30,000 people lifting their voices up in praise, in a song that has come from a soul touched by Him, in the sound of a newborn, in the cries of a mother overcome with grief but still holding on to hope. I have seen His followers create something beautiful in his name by building houses for the homeless, bringing clean water to Africa, going on mission trips to the outer most countries to share the good news, and giving up their Saturday to clean the yard of a single mom. 
      This week let's not try to be better, do more, or be more....let's get to know our God. Let's fall in love with the one who created us by looking around and really searching for his beauty. Let's be amazed and stand in awe of our beautiful God.   

Your love, LORD, reaches to the heavens, your faithfulness to the skies.

Your righteousness is like the highest mountains,

   your justice like the great deep. Psalms 36:5-6 

A Letter to My Husband's Boss

DEAR........

I am sure your plate and heart is very full with your many tasks and responsibilities at hand but I wanted to hopefully give you some encouragement or at least a few laughs.

As a wife, more often than not you can spend much of your marriage waiting or watching for your husband to find themselves, their purpose, their niche, or come into their own. This can put such a strain on couples, the family, the marriage, when the frustrations of the workplace eek into the home life. When I met Bryan I knew God had a unique purpose for his life. When I committed to being his wife I told him then I would follow him wherever he thought God wanted us to go. If you know my personality this was definitely a God thing because letting go of the known and trusting can be difficult for me.

When he came home and said you guys wanted him to be a pastor at Pantano it took me sometime to digest. I liked him being just the sound guy. It was safer, easier. I told Bryan I wanted to have a meeting with you to ask you what your intentions were for him. I know this sounds crazy but the church where he grew up and served last did not treat him very kind. Watching him being beaten down for three years by his closest mentor, friend, and pastor was almost unbearable. I wanted to be sure you knew what Bryan was about.
Did you see his heart? Did you see his love for Jesus and people? Did you see his potential? Did you know that when I gave birth to our daughter he stepped up and took care of us? Did you know he has been incredible on this crazy journey with my family? Did you know that even though he can mismanage time and doesn’t take out the trash enough… his patience and grace with others is amazing? Did you know he is the love of my life, my best friend, and we are partners in ministry? Will you mentor him with integrity? Will you lead him with honor? Will you polish off the rough edges with grace? Will you respect his wisdom even though he is young? Will you value his opinions and experiences? Will you give him the chance to live out the purpose God has designed for him? 

Obviously, I didn’t meet with you…God put his hand on my shoulder and over my mouth. I asked Bryan, “Do you think this is where God wants us? Do you trust these guys to lead you?” He replied, “Kimberley, I have watched them over the last couple of years. I trust them. I believe God wants us here but you have to be on board. I won’t do this if you are not on board.” With some hesitance and faith I replied, “I told you when I married you I will follow you wherever you go.”

______you have given my husband the opportunity to live out the purpose God created him for. You have lead him with honor and integrity. You have trusted him and valued his opinion. My husband loves and respects his boss. He enjoys going to work even during the crazy meetings :) God is polishing his edges by letting him be around incredible men/women who love Jesus. Some people think it is great to be a pastor’s wife because of their misconceptions of ministry. I think it’s great to be the wife of a man who loves God and is coming into his own.

Thank you,
Kimberley

Guilt Is Not your Friend!

      Aren't you tired of feeling guilty? Guilty that you didn't stay at home with your kids. Guilty that you didn't go back to work and help with the finances. Guilty that you don't cook enough. Guilty that you don't read your Bible more often. Guilty that your house isn't very clean, your laundry is piled as high as Mt Everest. The dishes are stinking in the sink. Guilty because you are not as thin as you were in high school and you should probably exercise more. Guilty, Guilty, Guilty! Doesn't the burden of not adding up or being enough weigh heavy on your shoulders? Well..guilt is not your friend. I don't think guilt comes from God. It makes a feel bad about ourselves, discouraged that we don't measure up. God doesn't talk like that. He will discipline and correct us but not with guilt. Guilt doesn't produce peace or righteousness it often produces shame and unworthiness.

"No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. " Hebrews 12:11. 

       Think of a car wash. Sometimes your car is dirty, there is the grease, the grime, the garbage of the world stuck on it. It happens before you know it, while you are going about your everyday business. You look at your car and think, "How on earth did this get so dirty?" So you take it to get cleaned. But what if your car stopped mid-cycle? What if the dirt of the world was so heavy your car stayed in the wash? Would it be good for the car? Wouldn't it get rusty? Maybe start falling apart? How useful is a car that is stuck, not moving, slowly deteriorating?

     How useful are you if you are stuck in guilt? Weighed down by the junk of this world? This is right were Satan wants you, bound up so you are not even in the game. Jesus came to set us free. He came so that we might live life not just going through the motions, not stuck. He came so we can live an abundant, fruitful, flourishing life, overflowing with His love. Throw off this cloak of guilt from the world and instead claim the promises of the one who created you. Be ready for when God disciplines you but don't let guilt trap you in its clutches.  

"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will."  Romans 12:2

Landen-My Hero!

     

Landen is our middle child, our first born son. He didn't have a traumatic birth. He doesn't have any major medical problems. He isn't high maintenance. He is not the funniest one in the family or the loudest or the one who gets the best grades. But Landen is one of my heroes!!! 

Ever since he was little he had a seriousness about him that was way above his age. He is sensitive and always has taken things to heart. When he was four we were at a Newsboys concert and he raised his hand at the end when they asked if anyone wanted to accept Jesus into their heart. I took notice but then questioned, "How much does a four-year old really understand?" So, I did what every responsible mom would do...I did nothing. Chalked it up to a cute moment:(

At five his kindergarten teacher asked his class what their "gifts" were that God gave them. He raised his hand and said, "Teacher, I think my gift is love. I want to go give clean water and build houses for people who need them. So I think God gave me the gift of love." Later that year we were watching the African Children's Choir perform. They showed a video during intermission of the situation in their country of Nigeria. I looked down at Landen and he looked up at me with these big green eyes and said, "Mom you know I have to go." Did I mention that he was five...

At six, Landen sat Bryan and I down and asked when he could get baptized. He had been asking us ever since the Newsboys concert and we kept blowing him off. I told Bryan, "Honey you have to talk to him! This is out of my realm. I didn't become a Christian until I was 23. I don't understand what a child should know before he gets baptized. Aren't you a pastor? Shouldn't this be easier?" We asked Landen why he wanted to do this. His answer, "I asked Jesus in my heart a long time ago and now I want to get baptized to show that I will follow him all my life." Again, how much does a kid understand? Apparently a lot!

Over the next few years Landen has shown us just what having a child like faith in God looks like. He has humbled us with his insights, his courage to share Jesus with others, and his faithfulness in what he believes! Riding home from soccer one day he said he talked to his friends about Jesus while they were playing. I nervously took a deep breath and questioned whether he said the right thing or did he offend anyone? He cocked his head and said, "Mom, God gave me the words to say. So it was okay."

His wise words have continued at many different times and have blown us away. One time he told his friend that the reason he says bad things is because he has sin in his heart that he needs to get out. He apologized to his sister by saying, "I am sorry I called you a name that was my anger talking not my true feelings. My words were reckless." His younger brother who was making fun of his size and he boldly stated, "I might not be fragile on the outside but I am fragile on the inside" as he pointed to his heart. When he was at the dermatologists and she was cutting out two huge moles with no anesthesia he said in obvious pain, "It's okay mom. God made me brave." He was only 6.

Last summer the kids were all being super crazy in the car and I said they were acting like brats. (not my finest mom moment). With tears in his eyes, Landen asked if he could talk to me when we got home. We went in to my bedroom and he said, "Mom, I know that we were not being good but that word really hurt my feelings. I was wondering if you could choose a different word when you talk to us because that one just really hurts." Ouch!

Our son struggles with stuff that is pretty heavy for the shoulders of a little boy. He is struggling with saying the school's Citizens pledge. When I asked him why, he said, "Mom, I already do those things not because my school wants me to but because I already made a vow to God. I am uncomfortable with saying a pledge to something that is not from God." Or the time I found him on his bed obviously upset. I asked if I could help. He answers with, "Mom, it's hard to put into words. I try to compare myself with God and what he wants me to do. And every day I fail. I don't know how to be who he wants me to be." Oh..well this isn't an easy bed time discussion for an 8 year old! 

As a teenager, he can be stubborn, grumpy and selfish sometimes. But he still opens doors for people, holds my arm when I am walking down the stairs, and gives us hugs almost EVERY single day. 

Landen is my hero not because he is perfect. He is not. Not because he doesn't make mistakes. He does. Not that we don't have to discipline him. We do. 

Landen is my hero because he stands up for what he believes even when its uncomfortable at such a young age. He sings worships music at the top of his lungs not caring if he is off key or who is watching. He hides God's word in his heart by making us read a devotional to him every night as he writes down the verses in his journal. (His idea not ours). Landen is my hero because he made his relationship with God his own even in spite of his parent's obvious shortcomings!

"Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity." 1 Timothy 4:12

Can You Hear Me Now? Part 4

"If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind." James 1:5-6  

     Finally, God speaks to me because I talk to him.... a lot! Now before you get down on yourself because you feel you don't do this enough, hear me out. Yes, He talks to me when I pray. Prayer is a direct communication line. But again, I don't pray as much as I should. When I say talk, I mean throughout the day. I have constant mini conversations or arguments with him all day. Lying in bed in the morning I pray dear God help me get through this day. In the shower I ask him,' What do you really want from me today?" Driving to work I tell him to help me not bump anyone off the road because they are going so slow or not to yell at the McDonald's lady because she gave me sweet tea. Sometime during lunch I again will ask,"What do you want from me?" not in a very nice way. Many times he is silent. I hear nothing. 
    When I come home after work my first reaction is to go hide in my room and decompress but I will feel a gentle nudge, "Kimberley you are blessed to have children... go spend time with them."  or when I snap at my husband, I feel a pull at my heart to apologize. Or when I am at Target really wanting to buy that skirt on sale and I feel, "No you don't need that. Have some self-restraint." These are moments I call Go-Go and No-No moments. God sent his Holy Spirit to live in us. He will direct your path. This isn't Jimney Cricket your conscience talking to you. These are the moments where you know you are supposed to go and do something or you know you are supposed  to definitely NOT do something. The more you listen and obey the clearer this voice gets. Just keep talking to Him!!!

"I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in his holy people" Ephesians 1:17-18

Can You Hear Me Now Part 3

"The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and instruction." Proverbs 1:7

      God uses other people to talk to me. When I listen to those who have integrity and are actively following Jesus, he uses them to speak to me, either by their actions or words. I have listened to a sermon that I felt was created just for me. As if, I was the only person in the room and the pastor was talking directly to me. The message moved me to action, to change something, to go talk to someone, to repent. This is God SPEAKING, giving me a push!
      Other times I have seen a person serve with humility, unselfishness, and love that gave me an example for what I should be doing. People who would go on a missions trip they could not afford, to a country that no one wants to go to, leaving their family behind because God told them to go. He speaks through them by the way they courageously acted. (The righteous choose their friends carefully, but the way of the wicked leads them astray. Proverbs 12:26)  God has used my son to set an example of boldly proclaiming His name to his friends and not be ashamed. When I asked him if he felt silly or was scared to talk to his friends on the playground about God his response put me in my place, "Mom, why would I be afraid? I have God on my side what else do I need? I want them to know Jesus."  Yes, God can speak through a child. 
      I have seen a man stand before others as they were tearing down his character and not reply in anger but in grace. When I asked him why he didn't stand up for himself or put those people in their place his reply was, "Who I am does not come from what they think. Who I am comes from the one who created me. He holds my reputation in his hands. Yelling back gives others power and takes away His glory in me."  After that God definitely spoke to my heart about how I respond in certain situations!

      I know there are many people out there proclaiming falsehoods about our God and we do need to guard our hearts. But God does use others to speak into our lives whether it is a pastor, friend, child, coworker, or even a stranger. Again we have the choice to listen, filter it through the truths we know from the Bible, and act upon it.  Will we CHOOSE to be foolish or wise? Because my friends, it is definitely a choice whether to listen or not.

"....if you accept my words
and store up my commands within you, 

 turning your ear to wisdom
and applying your heart to understanding— 

indeed, if you call out for insight
and cry aloud for understanding" Proverbs 2: 1-3

Can You Hear Me Now Part 2

       

Another way I hear God is through music. I will be driving along and hear a song come on KLOVE that will knock my socks off. I could have heard it a hundred times before and all of a sudden today, it hits me like a ton of bricks. He will use songs to comfort me like, "Never Let Go" by David Crowder. This song promises that God will not let go of me.....EVER! He will always be there even when no one else is. 

       He will use a song to remind me of where I came from like the "The Vow" by Geoff Moore. It states that right here, right now I stand alone and I make my vow. Whatever it takes I will be faithful.
       Sometimes he just wants to remind me who is he, like "All Consuming Fire" by Jesus Culture. God is not something to dabble in he wants to consume my life to live it for him. 
       Other times he is saying get off your butt and proclaim my name, "Go" by Hillsong United which states just that. GO!. 
       Often he is bending my will, like "Here for You" by Chris Tomlin. This song makes me weep. God wants it all. He wants my heart to be filled with his love. My heart to be open to him, not hiding. It is not about what I want but what He wants. I am here for him, created by him, for his will.
      The song that brings me to His throne is "In Christ Alone".  One of the choruses goes like this:
                                     No guilt in life, no fear in death,

This is the power of Christ in me; 

From life's first cry to final breath. 

Jesus commands my destiny.
No power of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Till He returns or calls me home,
Here in the power of Christ I'll stand.

You want to hear God? Turn on some worship music and start singing.

                      "I will be glad and rejoice in you;
I will sing the praises of your name, O Most High." Psalms 9:2

TO BE CONTINUED>>>>>>>>