January 12, 2001. The doctor came in and mumbled, “I am sorry but the epidural is not going to work. We took it out, put it back in and sometimes these things just happen.” I could not process this information. Where in birthing class did they tell us this was a possibility? I signed up for an epidural! I am not ashamed to say I wanted pain medication. What do you mean not going to work? Is it broken? What’s the next step? Who is in charge? You are the head of anesthesiology? What do I do?
“Ma’am, we can’t give you advice as what to do. We can only give you the facts.” Again, you are the head doctor and you can’t at least make an educated suggestion? Well how am I supposed to know what to do? I am in a lot of pain here in case you guys forgot that these are Pitocin contractions. Intense does not adequately describe this kind of pain!
I frantically looked into my nurse’s face and asked, “How bad is this going to get?” With tears streaming down her face she quietly whispered, “Much, much worse.” Ummm, the nurse crying was not very reassuring. In fact I am now completely freaked out!!! My mind was reeling with questions and doubts jumbled together with the relentless pain of the constant contractions. “I need everyone to leave the room.” The nurse protested. “We can’t do that. We have to continually check the monitors.” Again I said, “I need everyone to leave the room. I have to get myself together.” I am in delivery, with no epidural, I am not progressing, the nurse is crying, my husband is looking bewildered, and no one will tell me everything is going to be all right. What the heck does together really mean? I have to go to my source. My comforter. God is the creator right? I put on my headphones and slipped in the Third Day Offerings CD.(Remember a decade ago there were still CDs)
The song that was playing was "King of Glory"
“Who is this King of glory that pursues me with His love..” God this child was your idea, your plan. What is going on?
"And haunts me with each hearing of His softly spoken words..” I am freaked out right now.
"My conscience, a reminder of forgiveness that I need…” Is my baby going to be okay? I have become attached to her. I want this baby!! “
"Who is this King of glory who offers it to me..” I fell in love with her the moment I saw her heart beating on the sonogram screen.
"Who is this King of angels, O blessed Prince of Peace..” I do not feel peace right now. God I need you to show up.
"Revealing things of Heaven and all its mysteries..” You promised me ten years ago you would never let go. Right now I need you.
"My spirit's ever longing for His grace in which to stand” This is between me, you, and this baby. I have been faithful. I have followed you. Promise me my baby will be okay. Promise!!
"Who is this King of glory, Son of God and son of man” Did I mention that I am really, really, scared?
I lay there, my body screaming in agony with the life inside me demanding to come out. My legs were completely dead from the epidural. My left arm was in a cast from falling and breaking my elbow the day before. The other arm was hooked up to the blood pressure machine and had an IV line in it. My body was broken. It had let me down. With no arms or legs working, I felt helpless, defeated, wondering how on earth I was going to get my daughter out. I could hear my heart and the music pounding in my ears battling for my attention. My mind was racing in all different directions trying to wrap my brain around what was going on inside my body. “God, did I mention her name is Lakin?”
“His name is Jesus, precious Jesus” Kimberley, I gave you my precious son Jesus.
"The Lord Almighty, the King of my heart. The King of glory” I am your King, my glory will reign.
”Who is this King of glory with strength and majesty” I am your refuge, let me be your strength. Let me be your rock.
”And wisdom beyond measure, the gracious King of kings” Don’t you think I have a plan? Don’t you think I know what is going on?
”The Lord of Earth and Heaven, the Creator of all things” I am the creator, Kimberley. I knitted your daughter together in your womb. She is a gift from me. I love her more than you will ever know.
”Who is the King of glory, He's everything to me” I will you show you my glory. You and your daughter will be fine. Everything will work out. I have a plan for Lakin’s life. She has a purpose. She will be okay.
"The Lord of Earth and Heaven, the Creator of all things. He is the King of glory, He's everything to me”
Precious, precious Jesus like the song says, you are the Lord of heaven and earth, my creator, you are everything to me. I am sorry I doubted you. I can do all things through Him who gives me strength. Let’s do this!!
The nurse quietly slipped in to check the monitors. My husband followed behind her. All I needed was to look in his eyes to let him know I was in a better place. He nodded his head and said, “You ready?” Yeah, I am. I know everything will be all right. Our daughter will be okay.
The rest of Lakin’s delivery was very traumatic. My body never fully got ready for delivery. Her collarbone was caught on my pelvic bone and she was stuck in the birth canal. After three hours of excruciating pushing, things started going downhill. Her heart rate was dropping and I was exhausted with barely anything left. My doctor looked up and pierced me with her eyes. Very quietly, but with extreme firmness she said,” Kimberley you have got to get her out now!” She nodded to the nurse and muttered something. Again tears welled up in the corner of the nurse’s eyes. She glanced down at me shaking her head and said, “I am so sorry.”
At that moment my doctor yelled push. The nurse jumped up, pushed her elbow and the force of her body into the top of my stomach. I grabbed her arm and through clenched teeth asked her what exactly was she doing. Pain seared through every part of my battered body, too fatigued to even fight back the assault coming from every direction. All of a sudden a red light started flashing, alarms went off and an army of people rushed into the room. I felt my daughter literally being ripped out of my body as I fell back against my pillows, slumped in physical devastation. Lakin was swiftly put into the arms of the specialists. My senses were heightened but I could barely muster the strength to utter the words, “Is she okay?"
Yes!! Yes!! She is fine! Her right arm is slightly limp because of the trauma of being forced out but everything else looks great. Congratulations Bryan and Kimberley, here is your daughter.
Lakin Elise Lee, 8 pounds 13 ounces, 19 inches long. I looked in her eyes, kissed the top of her head, and inhaled her sweet baby fragrance. I whispered in her ear, “Lakin, this is your mommy. I have been waiting for you. You are my gift from God and He has a plan for your life.”
"My conscience, a reminder of forgiveness that I need…” Is my baby going to be okay? I have become attached to her. I want this baby!! “
"Who is this King of glory who offers it to me..” I fell in love with her the moment I saw her heart beating on the sonogram screen.
"Who is this King of angels, O blessed Prince of Peace..” I do not feel peace right now. God I need you to show up.
"Revealing things of Heaven and all its mysteries..” You promised me ten years ago you would never let go. Right now I need you.
"My spirit's ever longing for His grace in which to stand” This is between me, you, and this baby. I have been faithful. I have followed you. Promise me my baby will be okay. Promise!!
"Who is this King of glory, Son of God and son of man” Did I mention that I am really, really, scared?
I lay there, my body screaming in agony with the life inside me demanding to come out. My legs were completely dead from the epidural. My left arm was in a cast from falling and breaking my elbow the day before. The other arm was hooked up to the blood pressure machine and had an IV line in it. My body was broken. It had let me down. With no arms or legs working, I felt helpless, defeated, wondering how on earth I was going to get my daughter out. I could hear my heart and the music pounding in my ears battling for my attention. My mind was racing in all different directions trying to wrap my brain around what was going on inside my body. “God, did I mention her name is Lakin?”
“His name is Jesus, precious Jesus” Kimberley, I gave you my precious son Jesus.
"The Lord Almighty, the King of my heart. The King of glory” I am your King, my glory will reign.
”Who is this King of glory with strength and majesty” I am your refuge, let me be your strength. Let me be your rock.
”And wisdom beyond measure, the gracious King of kings” Don’t you think I have a plan? Don’t you think I know what is going on?
”The Lord of Earth and Heaven, the Creator of all things” I am the creator, Kimberley. I knitted your daughter together in your womb. She is a gift from me. I love her more than you will ever know.
”Who is the King of glory, He's everything to me” I will you show you my glory. You and your daughter will be fine. Everything will work out. I have a plan for Lakin’s life. She has a purpose. She will be okay.
"The Lord of Earth and Heaven, the Creator of all things. He is the King of glory, He's everything to me”
Precious, precious Jesus like the song says, you are the Lord of heaven and earth, my creator, you are everything to me. I am sorry I doubted you. I can do all things through Him who gives me strength. Let’s do this!!
The nurse quietly slipped in to check the monitors. My husband followed behind her. All I needed was to look in his eyes to let him know I was in a better place. He nodded his head and said, “You ready?” Yeah, I am. I know everything will be all right. Our daughter will be okay.
The rest of Lakin’s delivery was very traumatic. My body never fully got ready for delivery. Her collarbone was caught on my pelvic bone and she was stuck in the birth canal. After three hours of excruciating pushing, things started going downhill. Her heart rate was dropping and I was exhausted with barely anything left. My doctor looked up and pierced me with her eyes. Very quietly, but with extreme firmness she said,” Kimberley you have got to get her out now!” She nodded to the nurse and muttered something. Again tears welled up in the corner of the nurse’s eyes. She glanced down at me shaking her head and said, “I am so sorry.”
At that moment my doctor yelled push. The nurse jumped up, pushed her elbow and the force of her body into the top of my stomach. I grabbed her arm and through clenched teeth asked her what exactly was she doing. Pain seared through every part of my battered body, too fatigued to even fight back the assault coming from every direction. All of a sudden a red light started flashing, alarms went off and an army of people rushed into the room. I felt my daughter literally being ripped out of my body as I fell back against my pillows, slumped in physical devastation. Lakin was swiftly put into the arms of the specialists. My senses were heightened but I could barely muster the strength to utter the words, “Is she okay?"
Yes!! Yes!! She is fine! Her right arm is slightly limp because of the trauma of being forced out but everything else looks great. Congratulations Bryan and Kimberley, here is your daughter.
Lakin Elise Lee, 8 pounds 13 ounces, 19 inches long. I looked in her eyes, kissed the top of her head, and inhaled her sweet baby fragrance. I whispered in her ear, “Lakin, this is your mommy. I have been waiting for you. You are my gift from God and He has a plan for your life.”
Who is this King of Glory who is everything to me?
His name is Jesus..precious Jesus.
His name is Jesus..precious Jesus.
