It was painful to watch my children be on an emotional roller coaster
with this guy! Luckily they only dealt with these up and down feelings for an
hour and half and it wasn't personal. I, on the other hand, lived in this kind
of turmoil almost my entire life and it was very, very personal. You see I knew that
the main character would ALWAYS go back to the bottle. I knew he wouldn't be
able to resist the lure of numbing the pain if only for a few hours. I knew my
kids were setting themselves up for disappointment by believing that THIS time
he would change. This time he would say no. This time he would do the right
thing and choose his family over the alcohol. I wanted to tell my kids,
"THEY ALWAYS GO BACK!" I had to remind myself that we were watching a
movie. It wasn't a real family. By why did the hurt and feelings seem so real?
So familiar. It was easy to fall back into the painful cycle of the last 37 years of my life dealing with
my dad's addiction. The memories were strong of being a child and not
understanding why my family was different or as a teenager feeling the shame
that there was so much to hide. Or being an adult and wanting to protect my own
children from the yo-yo of hope and despair that comes with addictions.
Of course by the end of the movie, Hollywood wrapped up this guy's
life nicely. He overcame his drinking, ended up speaking at his AA meetings,
got his family back, and they all lived happily ever after. My kids went to bed
happy and carefree because that's how most Disney movies end. The good guys
wins. The world is saved. The guy gets the girl. Love conquers everything. That
is all they know.
But with alcohol addiction that is rarely the reality. I sat
there, as my husband tucked my kids into bed, with tears in my eyes for all the
families that have been destroyed over alcohol and don't get their happily ever
after. I cried for all the dreams and futures that were cut short because the
temptation to drink quickly snuffed them out. I cried because the lies of alcohol
affect not just the person but also their children, their grandkids, and everyone
around them for generations to come. And then my tears flowed in overwhelming
gratitude. I cried more because I am beyond thankful that those chains are
broken in my family. I cried because I am blessed to be married to a guy who
doesn't find hope at the bottom of a bottle and my children do not have to live
under the burdens of addiction. I am in awe. I've been set free. The cycle of destruction will not repeat itself in my house!
“Lord, help!” they cried
in their trouble, and he saved them from their distress. He led
them from the darkness and deepest gloom; he snapped their
chains." Psalms 107:13-14
