Hillsong Halloween

On Halloween night, we traveled to Phoenix to see a concert featuring the band Hillsong. This was kind of a risk because we still have a 10 year old that loves trick-or-treating and might not enjoy the music as much as he would the candy, but we decided it was something we were going to do as a family! Of course we start off our trip bickering and biting at each other, and I think, “Oh great this should be fun. What a stupendous way to begin our ‘Bonding Time’!” I immediately question if this was a good idea or not and hope that we can pull it together!

“Lord, calm my anxious spirit! Help me to relax and enjoy this time with my husband and kids! Change my heart. Change my attitude. Help me not kill anyone.” (That’s my go-to prayer a dozen trillion times a day)

As the lights dimmed and the music begin to play, I was OVERWHELMED by a sense of rightness…It is well with my soul! Before the first song finished, I was quietly praying over each of my kids that they would let the words of tonight pierce their hearts and they would follow Jesus the rest of their lives. That they will always know they ARE LOVED! I prayed my husband would find refuge in the songs and his heart would overflow with the praise of God’s awesomeness. I wasn’t singing along because the music was a backdrop to my conversation with God and I knew we were meant to be here!

At this point Bryan looked at me and noticed I wasn’t as involved in the concert as I usually am. He knows I love Hillsong and I am a handraiser, jumper, mover and shaker in an awkward- I-don’t-care-kind-of-way, when the spirit moves me with some music!! “Kimberley, are you okay? Can you see? Do you need more room?” Nope, I am good…it is well with my soul!

Over the next two hours I experienced God’s glory shine so brightly consuming the darkness and filling the room with his Holy Spirit offering hope, joy, life, freedom, redemption, forgiveness, and most of all LOVE! Words cannot adequately describe watching over 3500 people with their hands in the air worshipping Jesus, shouting out praises to our Savior, the King of Kings, and the Creator of life!

If that wasn’t enough I got a precious gift, the BLESSING of watching my children connect with Jesus. I saw my son jumping up and down shouting out that Jesus is Lord. I saw my reserved daughter singing all the words of songs that were impressing upon her heart who is King. After my 10 year old woke up (yes he slept through some of the loudest parts) he told me that the book that was passed out he was going to give it to his friend’s mom that didn’t know Jesus and write a special note in it…....I wasn’t proud of them! Not even close. That puts the focus on me like I am doing something right! NO I WAS TRULY HUMBLED because it wasn’t about being a good or bad parent it was about seeing HOW AMAZING GOD is and getting a chance to glimpse Him at work through my kids. It is well with my soul!!

Without a shadow of a doubt I know we were supposed to be at that concert, on that night, with those people, no matter the obstacles, no matter the rough start, no matter the anxiety, no matter what we gave up to get there….because God was reminding me I GOT THIS! I AM!

“For God, who said, “Let there be light in the darkness,” has made this light shine in our hearts so we could know the glory of God that is seen in the face of Jesus Christ.” 2 Cor 4:6

Excited To See You!

The other day, I ran into a friend unexpectedly. She was standing on the sidelines of the soccer game I was attending and when I saw her I got so excited! I yelled her name, gave her a big hug, and started chatting away. You would think we hadn't seen each other in months but we actually went to dinner together only three weeks ago. My friend is encouraging, kind, and loves me for who I am. We are transparent with other, talk about our struggles and our screw-ups, and try to figure out how God is shaping us into the person He created us to be. Sometimes we have to call each other out on our junk or give a different perspective but it's done lovingly and with the best intentions. When I went home that night I was thanking God for my friend and I burst into tears. I was so overwhelmed because, in my mind, I saw snapshots of many people that He has placed in my life to love me, of which I am truly, truly grateful for.

But then I saw an image of Jesus, with His hands stretched out wide and a huge smile on His face, saying, "Kimberley, I AM so excited to see you! I love you desperately and can't wait for you to share your day with me. I never get tired of you placing all your troubles at my feet and letting me carry the load. Sometimes, lessons and character building in your life is painful but necessary. I promise to never judge or look down on you. I am very thankful you are my child and can't imagine not being a part of your life!"

I am in awe that the feelings I get when seeing people I enjoy; excitement, happiness, warm fuzzies, and laughter, will be ten-fold when I see my creator! I won't have to be on my best behavior, hold up a mask, or try a bunch of silly things to fit in. I can just run into His arms and know that I am loved beyond measure! That's pretty amazing if you ask me!

"See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!" 1 John 3:1

Frantic!

Since starting a new school year about a month ago, the word that keeps popping in my mind is FRANTIC! Between buying school supplies, getting homework done, scheduling all the sports practices and games, trying to do laundry, maybe cook a meal or two, go to church, lead small groups, go to work, coach volleyball, try to find time for romance, make sure kids are feeling valued, take care of the finances, go to the grocery store, shop for birthday parties, open houses, wedding showers, engagements, and worst of all LUNCHES 5 times a week for all of us! Most nights I crawl into bed and think, "Whew! I made it one more day."

I try to be thankful that I am alive, have a great husband, healthy kids, a home that is almost paid off, and a job to make the bills. I try to remember that I serve a God who is big and has a plan for my life. But I find it much easier to get distracted by the business of life and the franticness of checking all the boxes on my To-Do list!!I tell myself it’s okay BECAUSE I am doing good things like raising kids, loving my husband, and serving the church. I justify our life choices by saying it's only for a short time, other families are worse, BUSY is the new norm people..right? We might be hamsters running on the wheel but at least we're exercising!

Then I heard Perry Noble say, "Many of us are putting so much time and effort into things that have no eternal value. They might be good things but they are not the great things that God wants for our life because they do not have eternal significance."

Oh...good but not great? What does that mean in reality? "Kimberley, if you put up a schedule of how you and your family spend your time how much is blocked off for Me? Am I a box to be checked on Sundays and prayers at mealtimes? Would my time be crowded with sports, music lessons, movies, video games, watching TV, computers, working out (NOT), crafts, etc, etc? All those things are good but I created you for SO MUCH MORE! Your kids may be straight A students, star athletes, or music virtuosos but do they know Me? Am I just in your lives or am I the reason for your lives? This is not a life of balance where you juggle Me along with the rest. I AM."

You were created to love me and get to know me. You were made to love others and be in community with fellow believers. You were made to serve others and my church. You were made to go tell everyone the good news so they may have eternal life.

"So if you’re serious about living this new resurrection life with Christ, act like it. Pursue the things over which Christ presides. Don’t shuffle along, eyes to the ground, absorbed with the things right in front of you. Look up, and be alert to what is going on around Christ—that’s where the action is. See things from his perspective." Colossians 3:1-2

Stain Remover

My husband had this lime green shirt that looked great on him! The other day, I took it out of the dryer and it had stains all over it. He had forgotten to take out his chapstick from his jeans and I didn't check his pockets. So when I dried the clothes the chapstick had melted all over the whole load! I was beyond bummed!

I was determined to try to do anything I could to get these stains out! But no matter what I tried; Spray and Wash, soaking, rewashing, the oils had seeped in and they were just not coming off. As I looked down at the now ruined shirt, I paused. This reminds me of when I first became a Christian. There were a couple of things that I did not think even God could forgive me, some "stains" in my past that no matter what I did; get baptized, volunteer, cook for the homeless, go to church, teach bible study, give money..certain stains were just not going to come out. They were permanent, soaked into my soul, so deeply ingrained into the fabric of my past that no amount of effort in trying to remove them would be successful. I always felt like I was and would always be irreversibly stained. 

Until I came across this verse. 

"In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace that he lavished on us." 

Ephesians 1:7-8. 

I was floored; these words came off the page and pierced my heart! You see, the word redemption means atonement, deliverance, rescued, repurchased! 

'Kimberley, understand this my daughter. The sacrifice of my son, removed those "stains". There is NOTHING in your past that is not covered by the blood of my son. Though your sins are like scarlet, I will make them as white as snow. (Isaiah 1:18). You are set free, forgiven and not just a little, but abundantly! My grace is extravagantly and generously poured out onto you! I purchased those sins....all of them!" 

"...and the blood of Jesus, his Son, cleanses us from all sin." 1 John 1:7 

BECAUSE

"Because He lives I can face tomorrow
Because He lives all fear is gone
Because I know He holds the future
And life is worth the living just because He lives."
-Chorus by Bill and Gloria Gaither

I love this chorus. David Crowder did a version of the song that brings me to my knees when I hear it. Usually when I sing it, I will have tears streaming down my face. 

This song reminds me that I can wake up tomorrow with hope because He lives. Even if everything in my life is a train wreck, my hope in Jesus helps me put one foot in front of the other. When I want to put my covers over my head because the thought of starting another day seems overwhelming, my love for Him gives me strength to get up.

When I am scared, worried, or filled with anxiety I try to take a deep breath and remember He holds my future. He knows the right timing. He knows the next step. He knows my heart desires. He knows what my family needs. He holds my destiny in the palm of His hand. Because He lives He wants me to trust Him and not run around like a chicken with my head cut off, trying to figure out or fix everything.

Life is hard. It can throw you curve balls, knock you to your knees, take your breath away with the pain, and you wonder, "Is all this worth it?" But because He lives, because He died on the cross, because He made the ultimate sacrifice, because He loved us more than enough.... life IS worth living. 

"In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name. Let your unfailing love surround us, Lord, for our hope is in you alone." Psalm 33:21-22

The Plumber

The other day we had Jason the plumber over to finally hook up our sink and dishwasher. We had only met him one time before but we liked his work and were excited to get our kitchen put back together. As Jason was working under the sink Bryan noticed him looking up at the memory verse on the wall. He would glance at it every time he walked by. Finally Bryan said something, "Jason, does that verse mean something to you?" Jason said no but he wanted to know more about it but he didn't have a Bible. Bryan went and found one (we just happened to have a new one in the closet) to give to him. Then Bryan asked a second question, 'Tell me about yourself." Over the next hour that is exactly what our plumber did. He told us all about growing up with a mom who had him at 16 and spent all of her life leaving him because she partied. Having an addict for a mom and a dad who was never around, growing up on the streets of Pittsburgh, lead to a very messed up life. Because of his past he had trouble staying in relationships and making commitments. His girlfriend had just broken up with him and he was lonely and frustrated that his life looked like this. Bryan listened to him and asked if we could pray for him. Standing in our front yard we put our hands on Jason and prayed. As he left we invited him to church on Sunday night.

On Sunday morning Bryan texted Jason, the plumber, to see how he was doing. He said he ended up going to church on Saturday and GOT BAPTIZED! And he said he was still coming on Sunday night too. He was so excited he watched all the sermons on the series in Acts so he could be "caught up" and know what we were talking about this week. When Jason walked up to us at church that night he had a huge smile on his face and his spirit was definitely lighter. He was ready for his life to change all he needed was somebody to ask the second question and share the good news.

This should not be a fluke or something abnormal. I pray God puts a hundred "Jasons" in our path and we take the time, have the courage, and show the love of Jesus to all of them. It doesn't have to be epic. It might just be asking a few more questions, being a good listener, and asking them to come to church. This isn't a job for just pastors or ministers. We are ALL called to spread the news that Jesus loves them and wants a relationship with everybody.

“Go into all the world and preach the Good News to everyone. Anyone who believes and is baptized will be saved...." Mark 16:15-16b

Scars

I was looking down at my body and couldn't help but notice all the scars I had. I have one on my face from when I had the chicken pox as a baby. There is one on my lip from a really hot macaroni noodle during my poor days in college. I have a big one on my knee from trying to jump over a fence in Rocky Point and failing. On my hand there is still lead in it from a guy stabbing me with a pencil in the 5th grade. All these scars have stories behind them, memories of some kind of physical pain. 
     
This got me to thinking about all the scars you CAN'T see. The ones on my heart, the scars that have defined who I am, shaped my beliefs, stopped my dreams, or heightened my fears. They often were barriers to me finding joy by shutting out hope or doubting true love. These scars are deeper than the other ones, earned through intense emotional and sometimes physical pain. They do not heal easily and can cause issues for years. Sometimes they have festered with bitterness, unforgiveness, and anger. Sometimes I thought they were healed and am horribly surprised when they suddenly split open and bleed all over again. Band-Aids can't heal them, medicines or other fillers dull them temporarily, but inevitably the pain comes back, maybe even stronger than before.

When I accepted Jesus as my personal Lord and Savior one of the first things He did was confront the scars. 
"Kimberley, this heart belongs to me now...this is where the healing begins." Some scars He sealed with His grace and mercy. Others He completely replaced with His unfailing love and forgiveness. But quite a few, He painfully pulled off the scab and let the yuck flow out. This ALWAYS was extremely intense and I did not let go easily. 

He made me deal with my past, walk through the pain, and journey through the years of running and hiding from Him. He shined light into the darkest recess of my wounded heart which, out of self-preservation, I had locked up long ago. 

When I questioned His motives or cried out to Him in fear, He assured me not one of my tears was wasted, not one scar had gone unnoticed by Him. When I felt all alone or only saw "one set of footprints" He told me He was carrying me the whole time because the burdens were too heavy. Whenever I thought He really just didn't understand how hard these things are to deal with, how deep my pain goes, how I just can't open this one back up because the last time, I almost didn't make it.....

He puts out His hands and showed me His scars, the ones He received from the nails that pierced Him to the cross, for me. "Kimberley, I would never ask you to do something that I have not already experienced."

"But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed." Isaiah 53:5

“He himself bore our sins” in his body on the cross, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; “by his wounds you have been healed.” 1 Peter 2:24

Our Story

John 3: 11” I tell you the truth, we speak of what we know, and we testify to what we have seen..” 

What do I know? I am a pastor’s wife. The mother of three children. I am a teacher and have taught college to preschool . I have traveled the world. Joined the military. Mentored hundreds of kids, taken numerous classes and workshops, experienced much joy and many hurts. This year I have been humbled by the fact that I don’t know much.

But the bible says, “We speak of what we know and testify to what we seen..” God, what do I know?

“Kimberley you don’t have to “know” everything. You are making this too difficult. You are making it about you. It’s about me. It’s about my son. Speak of what I did for you, speak of where I found you, speak of our story together. Testify to what you have seen since you have become the daughter of mighty, mighty king. Don’t you remember?”

Yes, Jesus I remember. Here is “Our” story.

I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior in September 1995 and was baptized in Nov of that year. I was 23. My journey to Jesus was difficult to put it lightly. Where did God find me? At the bottom. I had just graduated from college and was waiting to go into the military. I had gotten into a car accident a few months prior and was home doing physical therapy for my injuries. I had spent the last six years filling my life with everything the world had to offer and still I felt empty.

My sister asked me if I wanted to go to church one Sunday? I replied, “Why..what's there? Why would we go to church?” She said I don’t know maybe there will be cute boys. Okay. I have nothing else to do. Let's go. My sister was not a Christian yet. Why on earth she came up with this idea to go to church did not make sense. 

The first time we went, I was done. I did not fit in. I did not like the people. I did not like the topic. I did not like the building. I did not see the purpose. Cute guys could be found in a bar. Church was not for me. My sister is older and very bossy so she insisted we keep going because she had found a guy she wanted to hang out with. I tried to say no but she bullied me. After a few weeks the pastor was giving a sermon on talking to Jesus and testing him. I skeptically started to listen…test him? Can you do that? The pastor went on to say Jesus wants a relationship with you, ask him, he will answer your questions. Just ask, get on your knees and ask. Really? Really? For some reason I said “the prayer” along with the pastor. I didn’t feel any different ...in fact I was a little angry.

I went home that night and got on my knees. I felt silly, ridiculous and hoped no one in my family walked in and I would have to explain that I might have lost my mind. On my knees I started talking, actually arguing, with God. I was pissed off….okay God the pastor said test you, he said ask….Well I have a few questions for you.. You say you are a loving God who only wants what is best for me right? Than why was my childhood so insane? Why do I have an alcoholic for a father? Why do I have mother who is crazy and can barely stand me? Why is my sister off her rocker and so mean to me? Why did you let my Grandma die, the only one who I felt loved me? Why is my best friend dead at 20 years old? Where were you when my boyfriend was hurting me and treating me like crap? This is what was best for me? This is what a loving God has to offer? Where were you when I needed you? Why would I want you or your Jesus? 

At this time, I am crying..profusely. I do not know even if this God I am talking to exists. And if he does I am so angry at him. All of sudden I felt this warmth, a peace….

“Kimberley, Kimberley..my precious child. I am so sorry that you experienced some of those things. Every tear you cried..every hurt that pierced your heart, I felt. Your pain did not go unnoticed. I have been trying to get your attention for sometime now. You were never, never alone.” Right then that poem “Footprints” came to my mind. I think maybe I had seen it in some one's house, somewhere...it had been years. (It is not like I frequented the types of houses or places that would have had that poem on the wall). . 

“Kimberley, during your times of trial and suffering when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you. I am a loving God. Follow me and I will show you how deep my love is. I have already given you my son as proof. It won’t be a bed of roses, your journey will not be easy, but follow me and I will keep of all my promises. I will never let you go”

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.” John 3:16-17

We speak of what we know, and we testify to what we have seen..” I know that God spoke to my heart not like the burning bush turn your hair white speaking. He met my anger with mercy. He met my doubts with grace. He met my sin with forgiveness. He met my pain with His son on the cross. Like he promised my journey with him has not always been easy but like he also promised he never let go. I have seen God transform my life and those around me. I have seen his healing touch and amazing grace. I have seen God break the cycles in my life so now my children will not experience the pain I did as a child.

Again….”We speak of what we know, and we testify to what we have seen..” I challenge you to ask yourself what is my story with God? It doesn't matter what it looks like..it doesn't have to be like mine. What do you know about God? What have you seen? Do you talk about it? If not why? You don’t have to know much..... you just have to know your story with Him.

New Year

 It's January 1st the New Year has begun! It's time to make Resolutions and actually stick to them. I need to lose weight, eat healthier, exercise, be a more loving wife, a better mom, keep my house cleaner, organize things, not procrastinate, read my Bible more, pray more, do a family devotion, try not to be so loud....holy moly my list of things I need to work on is looong! I am exhausted and overwhelmed just thinking about trying to accomplish one of these things much less two or more. Which one should I start with? Which ones are most important? Should I rank them? Maybe this is really a ten year plan? AAAGH! 

You know what? I don't follow through with resolutions anyway, by March I have lost my motivation. Who am I kidding by the second week in January I am done. I am not going to begin any of this when failure is so imminent! Right? Right?

    "Kimberley, stay connected. Stay connected to me. I am a jealous God don't put your idols ahead of me." (Deut. 4:24)

God, I do not see any golden calves around here. I think I am good. 

"Kimberley do not put your husband before me (God, he is really awesome though), nor your children (but they are my heart), not your family, your work, your ministry, your scrapbooking...I should come first. Clean your heart and thoughts before having pride in a clean house. Your body is my temple make sure it glorifies me and not the images of this world. Your best is but filthy rags before my feet. Don't try harder running in circles and in all different directions. Stay connected to me at all times and I will direct your path. (Proverbs 3:5-6) Give me your heart, your mind, and your soul and the other stuff will eventually fall into place. I am your creator and I designed you to have a relationship with me...without me you can do nothing. (John 15:5)

WHOA! I am thinking the first thing on my list should be a real, active, life-giving relationship with God. He calls me by name, knows my heart, and loves me no matter what. I don't have to earn his love or be the best at anything for him to notice me. If I don't get this part right all the other items on my list are about me.... not the one who gave me his son.

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." Hebrews 12:1-3