Some days I sit in the middle of
my bed feeling pulled in a hundred different ways. Honey can you do this? Mom,
I need that right now? Kimberley can you talk? Mom, I need to be there! Babe, I
have a meeting! What's for dinner? Where are my socks? Where is my uniform? Did
you wash my jeans? Did you pay the phone bill? Did you call your Aunt? Did you
pack my lunch? Did you make that appointment? Did you read your Bible? Did you,
did you....did you? I have so many hats I wear it can be very overwhelming
just trying to keep my head above the water. My floaties often fail and I am
left dog paddling all day long. I can get pretty tired if not bone weary
exhausted by the end of each day.
What Do You Want From Me? I say this to myself at least ten times a day. In my head, I say it to God, my husband, my kids, my family, my friends, my coworkers, students we mentor, the check-out lady, ....I know an Adam guy made this a song and although I do not listen to his music I can identify with the question. Maybe I should just start asking people out loud, "What is it that you REALLY want from me?" Let's just cut to the chase, give me the bottom line, and I will check the yes or no box if I can help you out? Will that work?
I thought I would try my idea out on God first, so for the past year every time I get overwhelmed I go to Him and through gritted teeth, desperation, worry; I yell, cry, or strongly ask, "WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?" The answers have not been what I expected or necessarily wanted. Many times God is silent. He says nothing. No matter if I repeat myself, get louder, or get angry there is not a response. Other times I have heard His words clearly. "Kimberley I want you to obey. Yes, obey! Kimberley I want you to ask for forgiveness. You know you were wrong. Kimberley submit, you are not in charge or even stay away from that with a ten foot pole."
More often than not when I ask God my question He gently nudges me. I feel the pull to make a phone call, have lunch with a friend, or give an encouraging word to someone. He pushes me to do the right thing even if it’s uncomfortable, to be transparent even if others will judge me (think BLOG), or be loving even if don't want to. When I tell Him, "NO! I do not have the strength to do that." He says His power is made perfect in my weakness. When I tell Him, "I am tired I cannot go another step." He reminds me to cast all my burdens upon Him and He will carry them for me.
When I tell Him, "God you
ask too much! You don't really expect that of me do you?" He lovingly
points to the cross. When I cry out and ask Him, "What Do You Want From
Me?" He simply says, "Kimberley
I want everything!"
