Good News At Last!!

Lawson has been seeing an eye doctor since he was a year old. He has gone through patches, prisms, eye drops, therapy, and even surgery! He got his first pair of glasses at 14 months and we just replaced his frames last week which pushed his number of glasses to 41 pairs! Today we went to get his eyes checked because he was having trouble seeing out if his left one. This kid rarely complains so my first thought was not another issue with his vision :( We sat in the doctor's office and I waited, holding my breath, praying, trying not to show my worry to my son. I flashed back to all the things this third child of mine has had to overcome and was gearing up for the next hurdle.

The doctor asked Lawson a bunch of questions and to read the letters on the wall. When he kept missing them I started to panic. (No Bryan was not around to give me the calm down face) I wanted him to pass so bad I almost felt like giving him the answers!! Just a whisper here and there if you will. What's the big deal? Kimberley, get a hold of yourself! What kind of mom wants to help their son cheat on his eye exam?? (Again Bryan was not there to give me the," Are you crazy, pull it together!" look). But we have been here so many times before and I just didn't want him to have to deal with one more thing!

Finally, after what seemed like forever (we had been there over 2 hours) the doctor turns to me and says, "The reason Lawson can't see is.......his prescription is too powerful! His eyes have gotten better and these glasses are just too strong now."

What? What does that even mean? He has had trouble seeing since birth. I am expecting bad news again. I just know you are going to tell me he is going to need surgery a second time. Is this good? Why am I having trouble intaking this positive news?

"No, I do not think Lawson will need surgery as a teenager. His eyes are correcting themselves with his glasses on to almost 20/20. Everything looks great. In fact, he was not a candidate for soft contact lens because his eyes were so bad but because of the improvement he can wear them anytime he is ready. Bad news, he is going to need a new pair of glasses because his prescription HAS changed. "

Doctor that is not bad news that is an answer to prayer! An answer to prayer from a very weak momma who sometimes doubts the BIGNESS of God. It is one more example of God's glory no matter how small my faith seems at times. Even if the outcome would have gone the other way, God has THIS! Lawson is a gift from Him no matter what and a blessing to us! So he is worth the extra $350 dollars they will cost. Bring on the 42nd pair of glasses!

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13

Not Prepared For This!

Last night the pastor was talking about baptism and my 9 year old son looked up at me and said, "Mom I want to get baptized!" My first thoughts, like every good mom were, "Huh? What does this mean? Are you kidding? Does he know what he is talking about?"

Lawson, why do you want to get baptized? He peered over his glasses which magnify his eyes, "Mom, it’s not about the crackers and juice. I want to live with Jesus and I want Him to live in me."

Again in my head, so many irrelevant thoughts race through my mind, "Okay that's awesome BUT this was not on the schedule, grandma and grandpa are not here, we didn't send out invitations, we don't have a Bible with your name on it, I am wearing ripped jeans, this is epic and I am not prepared for this conversation!"

How can I not be prepared? I have ministered to people for over 20 years and have talked to hundreds about Jesus! Why am I drawing a blank looking in the eyes of one of the most precious kids in the world to me? God, what on Earth am I supposed to say? Maybe he should talk to his dad, who we can't find! Lord, please help me!

We go sit on a bench in the back of the church and I ask him, "Lawson do you know what baptism means? It’s telling the world, that the best that you know how, you are going to follow Jesus. You are going to let Him lead you in your life. That you know He died on the cross for your sins and rose again. At that he has a spot in heaven just for you! Is that what you believe son? Not because your dad is a pastor, not because you go to church, not because your brother did this 5 years ago, not to make us happy. There is no party, no presents, nothing but a horse trough with water outside for you to get wet in. Do you still want to do this?"

"Yep, I want to follow Jesus with all my heart." His dad walks up and we prayed with our son. Surrounded by tons of people who love and support him, Lawson Reid Lee, was baptized in a galvanized tub, sitting on a trailer, in the parking lot of a public high school. There weren't any balloons streamers, confetti, or banners. But I know there was a party in heaven with the angels singing and rejoicing! (Luke 15:10) 

"Jesus called a little child to him and put the child among them. 3 Then he said, “I tell you the truth, unless you turn from your sins and become like little children, you will never get into the Kingdom of Heaven. 4 So anyone who becomes as humble as this little child is the greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven.: Matthew 18:2

Dear Future Wife Of My Sons

To the Woman Who Will Marry My Sons,

Before you say, "I Do", to my son, I want you to give you a little bit of advice.

First, I want you to know I have been praying years for YOU. I have prayed that you have been letting God work in your life to become the woman my son needs. I prayed that as you captured his heart you were loving Jesus with all your heart, mind, and soul. 

Below are my top 12 pieces of wisdom from someone who has spent a lot of time with your future husband.....just saying.

1. My son does not need a mother, he already has one. Don't treat him like a child even when he asks like one. Nagging, smothering, enabling, and  hovering, don't work they cause resentment on both sides. Be his partner and communicate your expectations like adults. 

2. Be more fun than feisty. I am all for having opinions and being confident but lean more towards being his best friend that makes him laugh and has fun with him. Remember even though he is big and strong, sometimes inside he still feels like a little boy and really cares what you think of him. Harsh words will tear him down. When you do this is public is it very dishonoring and doesn't make you look good either.

3. Use rose-colored glasses when you look at him. He definitely has some flaws. He will need you to sometimes overlook those and be his champion, to help him believe in himself when he doesn't. These glasses will come in handy when HE uses them. They will help him see your beauty even with the stretch marks and 25 extra pounds of baby weight or have more patience with you when you become a screaming manic once a month. 

4. Don't expect him to be like your girlfriends. He can't and shouldn't be your everything. It is not healthy to want him to fill the voids that only a female friend can and get mad at him when he doesn't do it well. 

5. Please don't only be a yes girl. Have the courage to help him become the man of God he is supposed to be. Gently, in love, and with lots of grace, call him on his crap. Don't just agree to stop an argument or avoid one. He will not always be right and neither will you. Try to pick your battles and be wise about what you choose to confront. 

6. Kiss him A LOT.  Don't kid yourself, you are his best friend but you don't want to be his buddy. He craves physical affection, A LOT. Be generous is this area. Don't use sex as bargaining chip or as a tool to get your way. This is a lose-lose situation. Romance is not what you see on TV or in the movies. You don't need flowers as much as you will want him to take out the trash and do the dishes. A guy helping around the house is way more of a turn on than roses.

7. Don't try to have it all together. My son doesn't need perfection he needs humility. He doesn't need a Barbie but someone who is comfortable with whom they are. It’s okay to make mistakes together. It will make you stronger as a couple. Laugh about them, learn from them, and move on.

8. Pray. Pray more. Pray that God will bless your marriage. Pray for protection. Pray you guys will control your thoughts, your words, and your hearts from all the things that want to get you off track. Give thanks for the husband you have. It might be the only one you ever get. 

9. Respect him even when you don't feel like it. Let him lead your family. Don't take the reins from him because you don't think he ever will. If you do. He won't. Ever. See #8 if he is struggling with this or give me a call and I'll chat with him :) 

10. Don't keep score. That means there is always a loser. Unless you are a lawyer don't build a case against him. He will fail you. He will disappoint you. He will not meet your every expectation. But you will have the choice to keep adding things to your list or to forgive him. 

11. He can't read your mind. Repeat. He is not a mind reader. Guys don't think like us, that's why they are guys. You will have to be transparent with your thoughts and state your expectations clearly or you will become easily frustrated with how often he misses the mark on this. 

12. Love well. Extravagantly. Give it your all. Out serve each other.  Follow #1-11 so they become so ingrained in your marriage you just need refreshers every once in awhile.

And please don't worry that this seems very one-sided. I also have quite a bit of advice for my son too. Plus I have spent the last 18 years trying to train him to be the best husband for you!

With Much Love, (honestly)

Your Future Mother-In

Trouble At School!

Yesterday my son got into trouble at school. As I walked into the Principal's office my heart was beating a thousand times a minute. I was trying to hold it together professionally but my mama bear instinct was raging in full force. All I could think about was how to protect my son who was obviously upset. The principal informed me, "He had thrown a rock and it hit someone. He admitted he did it but said it was an accident. But he has been told not to play with rocks so he will lose his lunch break and his morning break the next day."
 
The thoughts whirling in my head were not pretty. "Really, he has gone here three years and never been in trouble and this warrants a visit to the Principal's office? He got hit in the head with a Lacrosse ball a month ago and it almost broke his nose but no one missed their break. A kid told my second grader to "F" off yesterday and nothing happened to that kid. Why is my son sitting here feeling so small and so destroyed?"
 
I took a deep breath, knowing that voicing these things took the focus off my son and he needed me to keep it together. He didn't need me attacking the system or arguing over the injustices of school discipline. He needed his mom to reassure him it was going to be okay. I put my "ghetto" Kimberley back inside and faced him.

"Son, did you tell the truth? Did you handle this with integrity? Then do not worry about all this other stuff. You knew you shouldn't pick up the rock because people might get hurt. You are not a bad kid but you did not make a good choice. You will own your part and take the consequence. You will respect the authority of this school even if you don't agree and even if it seems unfair. But know this, THERE IS NOTHING YOU DO THAT WILL EVER MAKE ME LOVE YOU ANY LESS! You are my son and I will always love you no matter what. This does not define you."
 
As we walked out of the office I could see him still struggling to come to grips with being sent to the principal. After he washed his face off I asked him if he needed me to pray over him and he said yes. I prayed for him to accept responsibility, have a peace that everything will be okay, and to remember that he is the son of a mighty, mighty king who will always love him.
 
I watched him walk back to class, and I was still shaking inside. Angry that my son was reduced to feeling so small but knowing that the world can be an ugly place. My job is to help him grow up owning his junk and handling himself with honor and integrity. He did not need me to protect him or help avoid the consequences, that just produces children who think nothing is ever their fault. My job was to ASSURE him that he is LOVED, no matter what. The reason I know how important this is...because I have a heavenly Father who does this for me DAILY.

^"And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord." 

Romans 8:38-39

The Battle For Our Sons

I have two sons that touch my heart in ways I could never have imagined. When they were born they were so different from their sister to say the least. They woke up and went from zero to sixty all day, like little tornadoes tearing down whatever was in their paths. They played hard and crashed hard. Watching them sleep still is one of my favorite things to do. I look at their beautiful faces and first am grateful they are finally asleep (heehee) and then I get overwhelmed at how deep my love is for them. I know they will grow into men who will not "need" their mom as much, but right now I will protect them with my life. I know that I am in a battle, a battle for who will have my sons' hearts. My desire is that they will love Jesus and follow Him but the world is steadfast against this ever happening. And many parents, including Christian ones, seem to be giving up the fight.
 
When did we stop teaching our boys manners? When did we stop showing them how to treat women? Why do we let Hollywood destroy their image of females and love? Why have we stopped letting them do things around the house and pitch in not just for allowance but because they are part of a family? Why do we let them stay little boys way into adulthood? Why are we not fighting against the violence they see or the massive amounts of sexual images that are thrown at them daily through the TV, Facebook, their phones, and magazines? When did we stop talking to our sons and having real authentic conversations with them? When did we give up our authority and responsibility to talk to them about sex, dating, boundaries, and God? We let the church, their friends, the internet or TV guide them. These are not very reliable sources. Why do we turn our heads or pretend that everything is okay when IT IS NOT?

In Chap Clark's book, Hurt: Inside the World of Today's Teenagers, He suggests that the middle adolescents (ages 14-18) with whom he interacted "feel betrayed and abandoned by the adults in their world, because the grown-ups have, "abdicated [their] responsibility to nurture the young into adulthood."

• 95 percent of juvenile homicides are committed by boys.
• Boys are the perpetrators of four out of five crimes that end up in juvenile court.
• Boys under the age of 18 are responsible for close to one-fifth of the violent crime in the United States.
• One in three adolescents in the U.S. is a victim of physical, sexual, emotional or verbal abuse from a dating partner, a figure that far exceeds rates of other types of youth violence.
• 75 percent of high school students admit to academic cheating.
• Fewer than 10 percent of American teens have internalized their faith to the point that it actually makes a difference in their sexual practices.
• Some researchers have stated that the average age of exposure to pornography is down to 8!!
• 39% of teen boys say they have engaged in "sexting" 

These statistics are just the tip of the iceberg! We are letting the world take our boys and turn them into the wrong kind of men. We have stopped fighting for integrity, honor, manners, responsibility, purity, kindness, good sportsmanship, truth, and the ways of Godly men. This doesn't just happen naturally; boys have to be taught and modeled the appropriate behavior. They have to be held accountable for their actions and understand consequences of their decisions. They need to see that their parents, especially their dads,  have high expectations not to make them perfect but to raise the bar on manhood. 

These boys that I have been gifted stole my heart from the moment they were born. It is my responsibility, my duty, my job as their mom to say, "You are the sons of a mighty King and you are a Lee. I love you too much not to fight for the man you are supposed to become. I am not concerned about you being the coolest, the best looking, the strongest or number one at any cost. I will stand up and tell you no even if everybody else is doing it. I care more about your heart than your popularity. Some days you will be mad at me and not understand our decisions. But know this my sons, dad and I will be held accountable to God how we raised our children and this battle will be fought through prayer and a lot of hard work. But YOU ARE WORTH IT!" 

⁵ 

"For he issued his laws to Jacob; he gave his instructions to Israel.

He commanded our ancestors to teach them to their children,

⁶ 

so the next generation might know them—

    even the children not yet born—

    and they in turn will teach their own children." Psalm 78:5-6

Landen-My Hero!

     

Landen is our middle child, our first born son. He didn't have a traumatic birth. He doesn't have any major medical problems. He isn't high maintenance. He is not the funniest one in the family or the loudest or the one who gets the best grades. But Landen is one of my heroes!!! 

Ever since he was little he had a seriousness about him that was way above his age. He is sensitive and always has taken things to heart. When he was four we were at a Newsboys concert and he raised his hand at the end when they asked if anyone wanted to accept Jesus into their heart. I took notice but then questioned, "How much does a four-year old really understand?" So, I did what every responsible mom would do...I did nothing. Chalked it up to a cute moment:(

At five his kindergarten teacher asked his class what their "gifts" were that God gave them. He raised his hand and said, "Teacher, I think my gift is love. I want to go give clean water and build houses for people who need them. So I think God gave me the gift of love." Later that year we were watching the African Children's Choir perform. They showed a video during intermission of the situation in their country of Nigeria. I looked down at Landen and he looked up at me with these big green eyes and said, "Mom you know I have to go." Did I mention that he was five...

At six, Landen sat Bryan and I down and asked when he could get baptized. He had been asking us ever since the Newsboys concert and we kept blowing him off. I told Bryan, "Honey you have to talk to him! This is out of my realm. I didn't become a Christian until I was 23. I don't understand what a child should know before he gets baptized. Aren't you a pastor? Shouldn't this be easier?" We asked Landen why he wanted to do this. His answer, "I asked Jesus in my heart a long time ago and now I want to get baptized to show that I will follow him all my life." Again, how much does a kid understand? Apparently a lot!

Over the next few years Landen has shown us just what having a child like faith in God looks like. He has humbled us with his insights, his courage to share Jesus with others, and his faithfulness in what he believes! Riding home from soccer one day he said he talked to his friends about Jesus while they were playing. I nervously took a deep breath and questioned whether he said the right thing or did he offend anyone? He cocked his head and said, "Mom, God gave me the words to say. So it was okay."

His wise words have continued at many different times and have blown us away. One time he told his friend that the reason he says bad things is because he has sin in his heart that he needs to get out. He apologized to his sister by saying, "I am sorry I called you a name that was my anger talking not my true feelings. My words were reckless." His younger brother who was making fun of his size and he boldly stated, "I might not be fragile on the outside but I am fragile on the inside" as he pointed to his heart. When he was at the dermatologists and she was cutting out two huge moles with no anesthesia he said in obvious pain, "It's okay mom. God made me brave." He was only 6.

Last summer the kids were all being super crazy in the car and I said they were acting like brats. (not my finest mom moment). With tears in his eyes, Landen asked if he could talk to me when we got home. We went in to my bedroom and he said, "Mom, I know that we were not being good but that word really hurt my feelings. I was wondering if you could choose a different word when you talk to us because that one just really hurts." Ouch!

Our son struggles with stuff that is pretty heavy for the shoulders of a little boy. He is struggling with saying the school's Citizens pledge. When I asked him why, he said, "Mom, I already do those things not because my school wants me to but because I already made a vow to God. I am uncomfortable with saying a pledge to something that is not from God." Or the time I found him on his bed obviously upset. I asked if I could help. He answers with, "Mom, it's hard to put into words. I try to compare myself with God and what he wants me to do. And every day I fail. I don't know how to be who he wants me to be." Oh..well this isn't an easy bed time discussion for an 8 year old! 

As a teenager, he can be stubborn, grumpy and selfish sometimes. But he still opens doors for people, holds my arm when I am walking down the stairs, and gives us hugs almost EVERY single day. 

Landen is my hero not because he is perfect. He is not. Not because he doesn't make mistakes. He does. Not that we don't have to discipline him. We do. 

Landen is my hero because he stands up for what he believes even when its uncomfortable at such a young age. He sings worships music at the top of his lungs not caring if he is off key or who is watching. He hides God's word in his heart by making us read a devotional to him every night as he writes down the verses in his journal. (His idea not ours). Landen is my hero because he made his relationship with God his own even in spite of his parent's obvious shortcomings!

"Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity." 1 Timothy 4:12

30 Pairs Later...

Lawson is our third and last child. Our boys are 18 months apart. Lakin was only three when he was born. Needless to say by the time he came along we were tired, exhausted. It has been mentioned that we spoiled him.... probably. Did I mention our exhaustion? Then I got to thinking..yes he might be a little babied but you don't know what this kid is made of..he is a fighter! He battled some pretty crazy things before he was four and never lost his sense of humor. He rarely complained at things that would have brought adults to their knees. He defied the odds and it's a miracle he is even here. 

Before he was born he was a triplet. He shared space with identical twins who were taking a lot of his nutrients. He was three weeks behind developmentally and the doctors hoped he would "catch up". When he was born he was 8 pounds 8 ounces and very healthy!

At 6 weeks old he came down with RSV which can be a deadly virus to newborns. They wanted to put him in the hospital to watch his vitals but I was scared he would pick up something else. He came home and for the next two weeks was on three different medications and round the clock breathing treatments.

At four months old his eyes started crossing. His left eye would go all the way in to his nose. His head also tilted to one side and he favored it.  The doctors said we just had to wait and see if he grew out of these. He didn't!

At six months old we found a lump in his back. The doctor feared cancer. We had to take him in for x-rays where they strapped him to a table so he wouldn't move.  The results were scoliosis or a curvature in his spine and torticollis which means a twisted neck. We had to go see numerous other specialists to see if anything else was wrong. He got an echo-cardiogram of his heart and went to see a neurologist for his motor skills.

At 7 months he started physical therapy three times a week. The goals were to get his neck straighten and to work on developing his left side. He preferred doing everything right handed which caused him to be very weak on the left side. They put him through a rigorous therapy and he rarely lost his infectious smile. 

At 14 months we had to go see an eye specialist. Lawson was very nearsighted and needed to wear glasses. His left eye was extremely weak so not only did we have to get a toddler to wear glasses we had to patch his eye too. When that didn't work we had to put eye drops in twice a day. When that didn't work we had to buy special very expensive prism lenses. Over the next few years he would go through 30 PAIRS OF GLASSES! 

At three years old the doctors decided he needed surgery. They wanted to cut the muscles of his eyes and pull them back so they could be stronger and improve his vision. When they wheeled him away for surgery with his stuffed dog, Lola, I almost collapsed. He was so brave and didn't cry even though he really had no idea of what was going on. When he woke up from surgery he couldn't open his eyes and this scared him. Bloody tears streamed down his face as I explained to him that this was only temporary. Within 10 minutes we were talking about Lego Batman. He couldn't see for the next 24 hours but he was such a trooper. The next morning he looked up at me with these big beautiful hazel eyes and said, "Mom, I can see. I am okay now." Off he went to start his day!

From the moment I saw him on the sonogram screen I knew he was a fighter! I knew he was very special and had a definite purpose to fulfill. I knew God created him especially to complete our family. What I didn't know was how his sense of humor and fun spirit would get us through some pretty tough medical stuff. So is he sometimes spoiled? Yeah, but have you seen this kid's smile? 

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.  You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the LORD, “and will bring you back from captivity." Jeremiah 29:11-14