Dear Future Wife Of My Sons

To the Woman Who Will Marry My Sons,

Before you say, "I Do", to my son, I want you to give you a little bit of advice.

First, I want you to know I have been praying years for YOU. I have prayed that you have been letting God work in your life to become the woman my son needs. I prayed that as you captured his heart you were loving Jesus with all your heart, mind, and soul. 

Below are my top 12 pieces of wisdom from someone who has spent a lot of time with your future husband.....just saying.

1. My son does not need a mother, he already has one. Don't treat him like a child even when he asks like one. Nagging, smothering, enabling, and  hovering, don't work they cause resentment on both sides. Be his partner and communicate your expectations like adults. 

2. Be more fun than feisty. I am all for having opinions and being confident but lean more towards being his best friend that makes him laugh and has fun with him. Remember even though he is big and strong, sometimes inside he still feels like a little boy and really cares what you think of him. Harsh words will tear him down. When you do this is public is it very dishonoring and doesn't make you look good either.

3. Use rose-colored glasses when you look at him. He definitely has some flaws. He will need you to sometimes overlook those and be his champion, to help him believe in himself when he doesn't. These glasses will come in handy when HE uses them. They will help him see your beauty even with the stretch marks and 25 extra pounds of baby weight or have more patience with you when you become a screaming manic once a month. 

4. Don't expect him to be like your girlfriends. He can't and shouldn't be your everything. It is not healthy to want him to fill the voids that only a female friend can and get mad at him when he doesn't do it well. 

5. Please don't only be a yes girl. Have the courage to help him become the man of God he is supposed to be. Gently, in love, and with lots of grace, call him on his crap. Don't just agree to stop an argument or avoid one. He will not always be right and neither will you. Try to pick your battles and be wise about what you choose to confront. 

6. Kiss him A LOT.  Don't kid yourself, you are his best friend but you don't want to be his buddy. He craves physical affection, A LOT. Be generous is this area. Don't use sex as bargaining chip or as a tool to get your way. This is a lose-lose situation. Romance is not what you see on TV or in the movies. You don't need flowers as much as you will want him to take out the trash and do the dishes. A guy helping around the house is way more of a turn on than roses.

7. Don't try to have it all together. My son doesn't need perfection he needs humility. He doesn't need a Barbie but someone who is comfortable with whom they are. It’s okay to make mistakes together. It will make you stronger as a couple. Laugh about them, learn from them, and move on.

8. Pray. Pray more. Pray that God will bless your marriage. Pray for protection. Pray you guys will control your thoughts, your words, and your hearts from all the things that want to get you off track. Give thanks for the husband you have. It might be the only one you ever get. 

9. Respect him even when you don't feel like it. Let him lead your family. Don't take the reins from him because you don't think he ever will. If you do. He won't. Ever. See #8 if he is struggling with this or give me a call and I'll chat with him :) 

10. Don't keep score. That means there is always a loser. Unless you are a lawyer don't build a case against him. He will fail you. He will disappoint you. He will not meet your every expectation. But you will have the choice to keep adding things to your list or to forgive him. 

11. He can't read your mind. Repeat. He is not a mind reader. Guys don't think like us, that's why they are guys. You will have to be transparent with your thoughts and state your expectations clearly or you will become easily frustrated with how often he misses the mark on this. 

12. Love well. Extravagantly. Give it your all. Out serve each other.  Follow #1-11 so they become so ingrained in your marriage you just need refreshers every once in awhile.

And please don't worry that this seems very one-sided. I also have quite a bit of advice for my son too. Plus I have spent the last 18 years trying to train him to be the best husband for you!

With Much Love, (honestly)

Your Future Mother-In

Praying for Her Future

Yesterday, I was riding in the car with Lakin and I glanced over at her and thought, "Wow, she is growing up so fast." A picture of her twirling around in her wedding dress flashed in my mind. As tears welled in my eyes, I silently started praying for her future husband. 

"Dear Jesus, prepare the guy who captures her heart to love her unconditionally, to bring out the best in her, to serve her, to make her laugh, and dry her tears when she cries. To hold her hand, to give her hugs, and tell her often how much he loves her. To lead and guide her on this journey with grace and mercy. To help her become the person she was created to be. Lord, give her a guy who will be her best friend and truly treasure her as the amazing gift that she is..."

Lakin looked at me and saw the tears. "Mom, what are you doing?"

"I don't want to freak you out but I was praying for your future husband. I am praying that right now he is letting God work in his life to become the man you will need in marriage."

She kind of laughs and says, "Mom, I have a few years."

Yes, daughter but it is never too early to start praying!

 "Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done." Philippians 4:6

Precious Moments

Lakin goes to the same school now that I do, so every day we get to ride together, just the two of us. Sometimes we listen to music and don't say a word. Sometimes we laugh about my addictions to McDonald's ice tea or how the drive thru people knows me by name there. Sometimes we talk about what we heard on the radio. A few times, she will open up and share what's going on with her friends. I treasure these moments and know how precious they really are because too soon she will be all grown up. I pray that I will truly listen to her talk and not jump in with advice. I pray that I will hear her heart and see the meaning behind her words. I pray that I will let her work through her thoughts and not try to fix everything for her. Whenever I get frustrated that I have "no time to myself", I thank God that I have these special moments with my daughter to get to know the beautiful woman she is becoming.

When my house is quiet and the pitter patter of baby feet are no more, the dining room table has only two place settings, the living room isn’t cluttered with toys, and my children’s beds are empty, I want to remember these conversations with my daughter. When she is standing up at her graduation or walking down the aisle at her wedding, I want to remember these precious moments when it was just the two of us riding in the car together. 

"Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him."

 Psalms 127:3

Breaking Free

Recently, Beth Moore put up 10-14 books on-line for free which I snagged up immediately. Her books are intense and sometimes hard to get through because they deal with deep issues. One of my favorites is called Breaking Free. Although I have read this book before and I am not a fan of rereading, the subjects she talks about are SO important I am going through it again and will blog about what I am learning. I have to share what freedom in Christ means to me and how so many of us stay in captivity; imprisoned by our past, our hurts, fears, bad thinking, broken filters, and our addictions, that we never truly experience the life God wants for us.

As I go through this journey, I invite you to travel along not as a spectator but as an active participant. Don't just read my blog and say, "Well that's great for Kimberley, thank goodness she is working on her junk. Her past sure gave her a lot of baggage. I am glad I don't have to deal with all that." Friends, let's be honest. We probably all have some things blocking us from living a life of victory. A life overflowing with all the joy, peace, love, grace, mercy, faithfulness, and everything else Christ offers us.
"A Christian is held captive by anything that hinders the abundant and effective Spirit-filled life God planned for him or her."

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." John 10:10

Dear God, bless this journey of claiming your victory in our lives. Open our hearts to hear the truth, block out the lies, and the courage to be faithful in our desire to be changed. Thank you in advance for the mighty work you will do in our lives. To God be the glory forever. Amen.

Just Hit 10,000

My blog stats said I just hit 10,000 views! At first I am excited because that seems like a big number. Is that good? Well compared to some it's actually small and compared to others it is more. But then I started freaking out...10,000 times someone saw my posts, read my inner most struggles and painful parts of my past. Did they like it, hate it, think differently about me? Did I reflect Jesus well? Were my words uplifting and consistent with whom HE is? Did I have a lot of grammar mistakes? Did any of it even make sense? Why should anyone care? I am not saying anything new...am I wasting everyone's' time?  AAAGHHH I can't do this!!! "God, I told you it would be dumb!"

"Kimberley, you know how I feel about you comparing yourself to others. What does it matter if your numbers are higher or lower than others? The focus is not 10, 100, or 10,000. Does it matter what people think about you or is it more important how I see you? Are you obeying me and listening to my spirit? I have a plan and a purpose for your blogs. Do you trust me?"

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6

Here is to 1 or 200 more blogs! I will write until I have nothing else to say or He says it is done:)

I Will Follow You...

When Bryan talked about marriage the first time, I knew I was nowhere near ready to be his wife. I had so much baggage to deal with and didn't understand what healthy loved looked like. Over the next few years, I learned how God defines love. Love means sacrifice, serving each other, being patient, kind, not boastful, proud, or rude, keeps no record of wrongs, always protects, hopes, trusts, and never gives up!

On our wedding day, I promised to love Bryan for the rest of my life. At that time I had no idea what it would truly meant to be a pastor's wife. I had no clue what the next 20 years would hold. But I made the commitment that we were in this together. I told him on our honeymoon, that I would follow him wherever he felt God was leading us, even if that meant we lived in a cardboard box. For someone who had HUGE trust issues and grew up without a dad as the leader of the family, this was truly a big leap of faith.

Over the past 15 years, I have followed Bryan in pursuit of the mission God has put on his heart. Sometimes to our family and friends the path we chose seemed ridiculous, weird, and often downright crazy! A few times we were close to living in a cardboard box! But I have never doubted that God was preparing us for each leg of our journey to get ready for the next thing He had in store for us. I have trusted that God has a plan for our lives and he has created Bryan to lead our family. 

Tonight as we say goodbye to Pantano Christian Church, our home for the past eight years, my heart was full of love. Love for the people who believed in us and gave Bryan the freedom to be the person God created him to be. Love for all the people who have supported us and trusted us to lead them. Love for all the volunteers who show up every Sunday and helped us turn Elements City Church into what it is today. Love for my husband for having the courage to do the seemingly impossible especially when so many expected him to fail. And most importantly love for God, who showed me that faith as small as a mustard seed was enough to get me started, trust was worth the risk, and love never gives up! 

Bryan, I will follow you wherever you lead us, even if that means to a cardboard box! Let's do this!!!!

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." 1 Cor 13: 4-7