Summer of Healing

This summer we didn’t go anywhere tropical or on a trip of a lifetime. We don’t have pictures to post all over Facebook about fun adventures or amazing places visited. Yet, this summer has been one of the most powerful, impactful, and life-changing that Bryan and I have ever had. It is hard to put into words. I can't really do it justice because our experiences haven’t been about good information but supernatural transformation. Now that I look on the past year, I know God has been getting us ready, preparing us, for these divine appointments with Him.

This summer has been about healing ...healing our hearts where we didn't even know there were wounds. Digging down to the places buried deep in the corners where unforgiveness had taken root, hidden by those fortified walls we build to protect us from hurt, and releasing it all at the feet of His throne. Wow! This was so freeing but yet not easy....roots are often strong and entrenched, not wanting to give up their hold with just a gentle tug! There was a cost and an emptiness that had to be replaced with the love of God by the power of the Holy Spirit.

...healing our trust that God does indeed have a plan and a purpose for Tucson! That this desert will not be spiritually dry forever. The time is coming when He will saturate the land with living streams of water that will restore, renew, and refresh the territory that belongs to Him!

...healing us of an unnatural heaviness that weighed down our shoulders physically and our souls spiritually. Jesus says in Matthew 11:30, "For my yolk is easy and my burden is light." We had to honestly search our hearts where we had taken up yolks that were not ours to carry. We had to confess doing things in our own strength and relying on our skills rather than in Him.

This summer has been about discovery of the POWER of prayer that went beyond what we could ever imagine. Not our usual small mamby-pamby prayers of checklists and begging for things we want. The kind of strategic and specific prayer that comes from being connected to His Spirit that unleashes the fullness of His power! Prayer that expects mountains to move, chains to break, and the darkness to bow because of the Great I AM!

We discovered the gifts that God has given us with His Holy Spirit. Gifts that are not often talked about in most churches or are surrounded by confusion because they seem weird. The gifts of wisdom, great faith, special messages, discernment, miraculous acts, prophecy, healing, unknown languages, and interpretation of these unknown languages. (1 Cor 12:-10) God has a toolbox of gifts for us to use and we walk around carrying a little lunch box. Maybe the power tools of the Spirit are scarier, misused or misunderstood so we just don't bother to talk about them. But Bryan and I got to experience what true unity and a oneness looks like with a group of believers all working together in their gifts and it was amazing! Now that we have tasted this, we crave it.

God also gave us REST this summer....not the kind we try to get on a vacation or a day off but rest IN Him! We can find rest in His word, in His presence, in His power... whenever we spend time with Him. This kind of rest fills our soul like nothing else this world has to offer! Our creator longs for a relationship with us. Not a check-in when we think about it or when we are desperate; but a vibrant, active, on-going, real connection to Him. All we have to do is ask!

Healing, discovery, and rest...not usually on our bucket lists. Can't make a photo book about it. Won't get many likes on social media....but really how are we living without these?

"With my whole heart, with my whole life, and with my innermost being, I bow in wonder and love before you, the holy God! Yahweh, you are my soul’s celebration. How could I ever forget the miracles of kindness you’ve done for me? You kissed my heart with forgiveness, in spite of all I’ve done. You’ve healed me inside and out from every disease. You’ve rescued me from hell and saved my life. You’ve crowned me with love and mercy. You satisfy my every desire with good things. You’ve supercharged my life so that I soar again like a flying eagle in the sky!" Psalm 103:1-5 Passion Translation 

I Don't Like Cheerleaders

I am not a fan of cheerleaders, mostly because at face value, I do not see the point. Rarely do they make a huge impact in the sporting arena, to me, especially when I watch from the comfort of my home. Even the bows that are bigger than their heads tend to irritate me. Yes, they are usually pretty or good looking, their outfits are adorable, border on scandalous, and they can do some crazy athletic moves. But truly it seems like they can be more of a distraction and basically a mini-sorority, with lots of stereotypes attached to them, some well-earned. 

When my daughter was four, we were walking by my old high school football field; she pointed to the cheerleaders and said, "Mommy, I want to do that." My reply was what a very biased parent would normally say, "Oh no Lakin, anything but that! I want you to play a sport and not go around half naked. There is too much drama that goes along with being on a squad."

I can already hear the uproar from the parents starting to formulate all the arguments about the pros of cheerleading, which I know there are many and I can feel the daggers coming out, for those who disagree with me. But first, remember I can have my opinion. Second, I actually was a Varsity Cheerleader in high school and was in a sorority in college. 

But lately, I have been thinking I might be looking at the whole cheerleading thing all wrong. Instead of rolling my eyes in slight annoyance, I might even start to become their champion. Why the drastic turn around?  Well, a cheerleader's most important jobs are to get the crowds involved in supporting their teams and create a community of school spirit, both of which I LOVE!

In fact, in the current climate of mudslinging, name calling, lying, cheating, insulting each other over differences of opinions or beliefs, and general all-around unrest, I propose that we should start ALL becoming cheerleaders! We could become more supportive of each other on, help create a community spirit that cries out,  "Let's get involved together, let's UNITE as people! We don't have to AGREE on everything but we can be decent human beings to each other."

Maybe we can stop shaming and arguing about who is "right" and who is "wrong". Maybe we can stop rolling our eyes or being frustrated at others for our personal PREFERENCES and start celebrating all the wonderful differences that make us unique. Maybe we can begin shouting about ALL the things we are FOR, rather than putting people down for all the things we are AGAINST. If you want to go see the new Disney movie go. If you don't, then don't go. If you are a working mom or a stay-at-home mom, breastfed or bottle fed, voted for Frick or voted for Frack, like to drive Chevys or cruise around in Imports, recycle or can't find your magical blue garbage can (sorry), why does it have to be such harsh judgment and criticism of the other "side"?

Don't get me wrong, I played sports. I like competition. I actually claim the title of Reigning Queen Champion of Boggle and Scrabble in my home. (No one will play with me anymore because I can get quite "aggressive') I do not believe every kid gets a trophy or a ribbon. It's important to learn how to deal with not being first, not winning, or being disappointed. Competition is healthy in certain areas, but it is not helpful to pit nations, tribes, races, sexes, religions, or political parties, against each other just because we see things through different filters.

And yes, as a Christian, there are truths that cannot be compromised but if we truly want to follow Jesus we MUST really get to know His character. Most of us are not representing Him well at all with our hateful prejudices, misguided fears, and making people conform to our "perfect" image. Our job it to tell people the good news, and let Jesus change their hearts. 

So give me a, "2,4,6,8 who do we appreciate, Hoo Rah! Let's go Team!"

“Our culture has accepted two huge lies. The first is that if you disagree with someone’s lifestyle, you must fear or hate them. The second is that to love someone means you agree with everything they believe or do. Both are nonsense. You don’t have to compromise convictions to be compassionate.” Pastor Rick Warren

Sticks and Stones!

"Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me."

Whoever came up with this silly saying obviously has not been devastated or destroyed by somebody spewing hurtful words at them. Personally, words are very powerful to me. They can express the deepest feelings of love and joy or they can tear down when they are said with hatred and ugliness. I can CLEARLY recall names I have been called, actions I have been falsely accused of, and attacks on my integrity, character and family. I also can remember some of the nasty things I have said, words I wish I could take back.

I heard a song on the radio the other day called Words the lyrics pierced my heart because they rang so true...

                                        Words can build you up
                                       Words can break you down
                                       Start a fire in your heart or
                                                Put it out

                                         Let my words be life
                                        Let my words be truth
                                     I don't wanna say a word
                               Unless it points the world back to You"

In Proverbs it says that the "tongue can bring death or life". Life or death..which comes out of our mouths more? I don't think there is much middle ground. If we were truly to take a look at what we say through out the day where do we fall? I for one CONSTANTLY have to pray over my words!!! My foot is a continual fixture in my mouth!

"Dear Jesus, guard my heart so that what comes out of my mouth brings life, speaks truth, encourages, and is loving. Help me fight against foolish talk, gossip, slander, and foul language. I want to build people up not tear them down! Help me to reflect you well by what I say so I can point everyone back to you!"

"Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them." Ephesians 4:29

11 

Bubble Wrap!

I love bubble wrap! I love popping all the little bubbles. I love how you can wrap things up to protect them and feel secure they probably won't break. I love how it takes up so much space in a box that it takes a few minutes to get to your present or gift. Bubble wrap gives off the impression of "fragile, precious cargo inside."
 
As much as I love this stuff to keep THINGS safe, I have noticed that some PEOPLE around me seem to have encased themselves in kind of a "life bubble wrap"! Giving off the impression, "Leave me alone. I am in protection mode." There are many reasons why we might do this, some completely valid; hurt, rejection, abuse, fear, insecurities, doubts, hard circumstances, or maybe just being stuck. Instead of dealing with issues, we wrap one more layer around us, fighting off the feelings. Hoping the 'bubbles' will keep us from the pain the next time around. We wrap and wrap and wrap ourselves until one day we are so bound up we don't even recognize who we are anymore. What started out as protection is now suffocating us. Dodging future pain, running from all the possible problems, fear of what might happen again.. keep us from experiencing all of life. When you try to block out the 'bad' the 'good' has trouble getting through too.
 
I know life can be hard and constantly throwing you curve balls. That sometimes the pain can make you feel like you will never be able to breath freely again. Some days it takes everything in you just to get out of bed. I know how it seems like life will never be okay again...but I also know there is a HOPE! His name is Jesus.
 
I dare you, with His help, to start unwrapping. To face each day with courage, knowing He has your back. Refusing to live a life encased in 'Bubble Wrap' because the cross has freed you. It is okay to be scared. But whenever you feel, "AAGGHH! This is too hard. I can't do it. The cost is too high!" Jesus replies, "My precious, precious child. Trust me. I know the high price of love. That's why I got on that cross for you."

       "Christ has set us free to live a free life. So take your stand!
         Never  again let anyone put a harness of slavery on you." 
                                                                                 Galatians 5:1 (MSG)

          "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you
            trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by 
                          the power of the Holy Spirit."        Romans 15:13 (NLT)

Life At 40!

Today as I turned 40 I wanted to look back over my life and try to figure out what I learned if anything.....

High school seemed so epic but really nothing that was important there is important in the real world. The most popular people didn't end up better off and their opinion doesn't matter.

Whoever said "Sticks and stone may break my bones but words will never hurt me"-LIED. Words are powerful and can be very painful. I have seen them destroy others.

Life is not fair. A guy who shoots a ball in a net gets paid millions while a teacher who shapes the minds of the future makes just above the poverty level. Husbands leave, children get sick, and loved ones die, but we must go on, picking up the pieces after we have been torn apart.

Most people don't want to be held accountable for their words or actions. The person in the mirror can be painful to deal with.

Character Counts. Really. Doing what is right is still right even if no one else is doing it.

Choices matter. Doing what is wrong is still wrong even if everybody else is doing it.

Most people have superficial relationships because it is easier. To go deeper requires a lot of hard work and investment.

Money doesn't make you happy but it sure can be a lot of fun to have and it does hide the pain for a while.

We are so bored with our own lives that we sit in front of the TV and watch reality shows about crazy people.

Real friends are hard to find. The ones who not only hold your hand but hold you up when the storms of life try to take you down.

The potential for evil resides in all of us. So much depends on whom we let form our character.

People are constantly trying to fill the emptiness inside, the void, with anything and everything.

The world is full of suffering and we Americans often turn a blind eye and just change the channel.

I have learned that FAITH can move mountains, LOVE can heal deep wounds, KINDNESS goes a long way, LAUGHTER warms the heart, one person can make a difference, and true FRIENDSHIP is a treasure to hold on to. I have learned to count my BLESSINGS every day and be THANKFUL for all the good in my life. 

But most importantly I have learned that no matter what GOD created me to be one of His masterpieces and His love will never fail. He keeps His promises and surrounds me with His mercy and grace. He numbered the hairs on my head and no tear that I have shed has gone unnoticed.

"You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world." 

1 John 4:4

Can You Hear Me Now Part 3

"The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and instruction." Proverbs 1:7

      God uses other people to talk to me. When I listen to those who have integrity and are actively following Jesus, he uses them to speak to me, either by their actions or words. I have listened to a sermon that I felt was created just for me. As if, I was the only person in the room and the pastor was talking directly to me. The message moved me to action, to change something, to go talk to someone, to repent. This is God SPEAKING, giving me a push!
      Other times I have seen a person serve with humility, unselfishness, and love that gave me an example for what I should be doing. People who would go on a missions trip they could not afford, to a country that no one wants to go to, leaving their family behind because God told them to go. He speaks through them by the way they courageously acted. (The righteous choose their friends carefully, but the way of the wicked leads them astray. Proverbs 12:26)  God has used my son to set an example of boldly proclaiming His name to his friends and not be ashamed. When I asked him if he felt silly or was scared to talk to his friends on the playground about God his response put me in my place, "Mom, why would I be afraid? I have God on my side what else do I need? I want them to know Jesus."  Yes, God can speak through a child. 
      I have seen a man stand before others as they were tearing down his character and not reply in anger but in grace. When I asked him why he didn't stand up for himself or put those people in their place his reply was, "Who I am does not come from what they think. Who I am comes from the one who created me. He holds my reputation in his hands. Yelling back gives others power and takes away His glory in me."  After that God definitely spoke to my heart about how I respond in certain situations!

      I know there are many people out there proclaiming falsehoods about our God and we do need to guard our hearts. But God does use others to speak into our lives whether it is a pastor, friend, child, coworker, or even a stranger. Again we have the choice to listen, filter it through the truths we know from the Bible, and act upon it.  Will we CHOOSE to be foolish or wise? Because my friends, it is definitely a choice whether to listen or not.

"....if you accept my words
and store up my commands within you, 

 turning your ear to wisdom
and applying your heart to understanding— 

indeed, if you call out for insight
and cry aloud for understanding" Proverbs 2: 1-3

Can U Hear Me Now?

People often ask me, "Kimberley how do you know God is speaking to you?" or they say, "God just doesn't speak to me." When I answer the first question I don't have a lot of theological jargon to back me up. I also don't give a how to blog or step-by-step process that will give them a "better chance". How do I hear God? Well, I hate to state the obvious but the Bible is a big one for me. I don't open it as often as I should, but sometimes when I am reading it the words just come alive! I come across a verse that shoots like an arrow straight to my soul. Like the verse in Psalms 18:2

The LORD is my rock, my fortress, and my savior; my God is my rock, in whom I find protection. He is my shield, the power that saves me, and my place of safety. 

That speaks straight to my heart. God is saying, "Kimberley I am your strength when you are wounded and scared, come to me. I will protect you. I am your safe place."

In James 3:9-10 "With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be."

In this verse, God is telling me to shut my mouth. When I talk about others it dilutes my praises to him. 

In Matthew 6:34 it says, "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." 

If you read that what do you think God is saying? Yep! DO NOT Worry! So if we are honest with ourselves much of the bible is pretty clear on what God wants from us. Yes there are parts that are harder to understand. The whole book of Revelation boggles my mind. Yes, there are parts that people have been arguing over for generations. 

But the Bible is the living word of God. It is his spoken words and meant for us to actually use to get to know him better. When you are interested in someone you tend to try to find out everything you can about that person. The same with God. If you want to know him. Read his words. He will speak to you through them. It is up to you to listen!

TO BE CONTINUED>>>>> Part 2 of How I hear God tomorrow!

What I Believe

I don't believe in fairy tales but I do believe in true love.

I don't believe in the bogeyman but I do believe in the enemy.

I don't believe in Prince Charming on a white horse but I do believe in great guys that might look like the cable guy and drive a pinto.

I don't believe you need flowers for romance but I do believe a smile and laughing together is sexy as Heck :)

I don't believe you should spend your whole life trying to be happy but  think you should seek joy no matter your circumstances.

I don't believe people are born evil but I do believe that everyone has sin that could corrupt their soul.

I don't believe in Hollywood's superficial portrayal of relationships but I do believe people are meant to have deep long term friendships without the threat of betrayal or backstabbing.

I don't believe people change by what comes out of their mouth but I do believe people can change by what you see come out of their heart.

I don't believe in perfection but I do believe in trying to do your best and let grace fill in the rest.

I don't believe in forgetting all the stuff that has happened but I do believe in forgiveness so you can be free.

I don't believe crying makes you weak, but I do believe healing can begin with tears.

I don't believe in pity parties unless they are very short term, but I do believe there is always tomorrow otherwise you might get stuck.

I don't believe that we should "accept" everything, but I do believe we should love everyone.

I don't believe in world peace, but I do believe in a Savior that will bring peace to this world when he comes.

Do you know what you believe? Or do you sway with popular opinion? Do you just believe in what people have told you? Or do you search after the truth? Do you wait for others to give you wisdom? Or do you go to the source of knowledge? Isn't it time to know what you believe by knowing more about who you love?

Matthew 24:43-45 "Understand this: If a homeowner knew exactly when a burglar was coming, he would keep watch and not permit his house to be broken into. You also must be ready all the time, for the Son of Man will come when least expected."

This One Is Mine!

   Sometimes it is very easy to lose our identity. I am the mother of Lakin, Landen, and Lawson. The wife of Bryan. The daughter of my parents, the sister of Michelle and so on... I look in the mirror and wonder, "Who am I apart from all those titles?" If one of those gets taken away we might feel lost or discouraged because our identity is so closely linked to the labels, to the people. Now don't get me wrong, I LOVE being a mom and wife. But, I can't help but think that maybe God doesn't want me to be identified just by my relationships. Maybe we put so much effort into those closest to us we forget to   realize where we come from, who we belong to. 

  "Kimberley I created you. I knitted you together in your mother's womb.(Psalm 139:13) I know the number of hairs on your head.(Luke 12:7) I created you for a purpose and that is to love me. I have blessed you with a family but your heart is spoken for. YOU ARE MINE! I have marked your spirit to love me with all your heart, mind, and soul. I want you to represent my love to others by showing them who I am to you. I expect a lot from you not because of your earthly identity but because of my son up on the cross. I bought you with his blood and this is where your strength comes from. You don't have to achieve greatness to be loved by me. You don't have to be the perfect mom, wife, mentor, or friend. I love you no matter what. Be grateful for whom you are and the people I have place in your life, but give me the glory! And remember, your heart is spoken for."

"I have called you by name, You are mine!" Isaiah 43:1

Erosion of Marriage

A few months ago one of the college students we mentor said, "Kimberley, don't you know that we all have to clean up around you and Bryan?" I replied, "Clean-up? What do you mean by that?" Her response back was, "You know clean-up, watch our language, our jokes, our actions, how we talk, what we say? We know you don't like certain things so we 
don't do it around you."

This conversation hit me wrong almost immediately. It did not settle with me for many reasons. Are Bryan and I these perceived goody-two shoes that people walk on egg shells around? Do they think we are so bound by rules that they think they have to act differently or not be themselves around us? I have always tried not to judge others because I live in a very, fragile, glass house. Also, I am who I am all the time. Who I am at my house is who I am around my friends, at church on Sunday, at my work, at the ball field, or wherever I am. There are not five different "Kimberleys" made-to-order according to the situation. Not only does that sound exhausting, what if I mess up? What if I pull out the wrong Kimberley that is not appropriate at the time? Changing personalities does not sound very authentic or filled with integrity. I would question who is the real person or ask if their name is Sybil?

Fast forward a few months this same student was questioning if its possible to be happily married? Everyone around her is miserable, cheating, quitting, separated, or divorced. While, I stated that there are not 100% guarantees in any relationship there are things you can do to build your relationship on a healthy foundation. I reminded her of our past conversation. "Do you remember those things you said a few months ago that you had to "clean-up" around Bryan and me? Those are the "things" we "cleaned-up" to help stop erosion in our marriage.

EROSION: the gradual destruction of something

Foul language erodes relationships. It used to be such an ingrained part of my vocabulary I didn't even notice how much I used the "F'bomb or other curse words. Previous boyfriends called me horrible names and our fights were littered with trash talk especially in arguments. I accepted that as normal. Bryan and I have been together fifteen years and we have had quite a few crazy arguments but we never bring foul language into the mix. I can not imagine now, the man I love, calling me the "B word", telling me to shut-up, or worse. We also try not to put each other down in front of others or call each other names. Constantly bad mouthing your spouse even in jest erodes the relationship. Is the joke more important than your partner's feelings? Is the name you keep calling each other encouraging or degrading? Pretty soon if you hear something enough you will start believing it.

We try to be consistent in who we are no matter the circumstance. There is comfort and trust in knowing how your spouse is going to respond most of the time because their behavior is consistent. I rarely look at my husband and think, "Wow I had no idea about that when we got married or that behavior is totally a surprise!" I don't have to walk around on egg shells wondering which Bryan is going to walk through the door after work or guess which Bryan will show up when I tell him I tore off the car mirror by hitting a tree.

We have chosen to not have our life revolve around alcohol. Alcohol can be very deceiving and overuse can lead to bad judgment even with a person that has great intentions. I have made many regrettable decisions while under the influence. This has no place in my marriage when I need all my facilities clear just to make it through the day :)

Making sure our actions match our words is very important too. Integrity is doing the right thing no matter who you are with even if it's uncomfortable. When I go out for ladies night I don't turn into a person or say stuff that would diminish my marriage vows. When I tell college students about the things I stand for I don't do those things in secret when they are not around. When my husband asks me a question I don't lie no matter how small it seems even when I think he will be disappointed. His trust in my words are more important than "getting away" with something.

Erosion doesn't happen overnight or all of a sudden. It is not always a big catastrophic event that gets immediate attention. Erosion is much sneakier, creeping up on us without much notice. We start accepting behavior that gradually tears us down or wears away our self-esteem. The "little things" begin to eat into our commitments destroying our truths inch by inch. It can take many months or even years for us to finally take a hard look at ourselves and realize we are unrecognizable because of what we have let corrode our souls.

"Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. Keep your mouth free of perversity; keep corrupt talk far from your lips. Let your eyes look straight ahead; fix your gaze directly before you.Give careful thought to the paths for your feet and be steadfast in all your ways." Proverbs 4:23-26