3 Teenagers in the House! Be Alert!

I have three teenagers in the house! Three. Although I love that they can all bathe themselves, don't use diapers anymore, and can get dressed independently, being a mom of teenagers brings a whole different set of issues. When they were younger, I considered the day a WIN if they were alive, somewhat clean, and ate more than chicken nuggets for food! Now, the worries seem so much more serious, with life-changing consequences. From driving a 6,000 lb vehicle safely to making good grades for college applications, having a healthy self-esteem so they don't make bad choices, or choosing good friends who will have a positive influence on them, the minefields to help them navigate through are formidable. One wrong step, especially with saying NO to a 16 year-old girl during her period, can have our family reach the level of DEFCON 1 Status where nuclear war is imminent!

The last few weeks Bryan and I had noticed more than the normal bickering, arguing, back talk, and separation from each other. Sunday morning we all went to breakfast to spend time together and "chat"! We knew we needed to rally as a family. Get on the same page. Re-align ourselves to our values. Stay connected. This is not an easy feat with everybody going different directions and having 5 people's schedules to manage. 

I wanted them to look up 1 Peter 5:8 in the Bible. 

"Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings." 1 Peter 5:8-9

If we believe in God we have to believe in the enemy. Acknowledge that there is an enemy that comes to seek and destroy. He loves to wheedle his way into the weak spots, cause dissension, and confusion. The goal is to literally tear down families, marriages, relationships, children, teenagers, churches, communities, cities, and countries. It's not normally a drastic break off, but little by little side steps taken, until you are so off track, going in the opposite direction of where you want to be, and not knowing how you got there. 

My heart is heavy for my kids. For all teenagers. These next few years are a crucial and often a painful transition into adulthood. They are at the prime age to be attacked, to feel isolated, left out, rejected, and fearful. Their thoughts can become so twisted and manipulated, giving into pride because they think they know everything or doubting the truths and people they grew up with. 

NOT ON MY WATCH! It says, "Resist him and stand firm!" So if I have to I will say no to that party. Unplug the video gaming system. Take away the phone. Be an active part of their life even when they try to push me away. Listen and not try to fix everything. Encourage them to dig deeper into their faith, serve  others, go to church, read their Bible, and stay connected even though they are resisting. I will not give into my feelings of being liked, being popular, cool, or being their friend. I will deal with my own issues of trying to fit in or striving for the mom-of-the-year award or the prefect-put-together-do-it-all-Pinteresty, everybody envies me on Facebook mom. 

Most importantly I will pray! And PRAY some more for protection of their heart, mind, and soul. The battle is not with our kids but with the spiritual battle going on for their future!!! I will put up a fight of epic proportions, with the God of the Universe on my side, for my family to STAY CONNECTED and Stand Firm! 

Lawson's Journey-May 2017

 I have put off writing this post. I feel if I put it down on paper it will become more real. It seems easier if I just go into survival mode, put blinders on, and press on. Denial can be so strong. Dealing with truth of any kind is painful and exhausting. After endless years of unexplained sickness, allergies, asthma, chronic stomachaches, and numerous tests, Lawson was diagnosed in June with Celiac. Again our world was topsy-turvy, with another life-changing autoimmune disease.  Our lives had to stop, re-calibrate, as we researched and learned about a whole different set of issues other than our daughter's Type 1 Diabetes. I have heard so many people make comments on this whole "Gluten" thing. "It's a phase. It is just a way to spend more money on expensive foods. It's the latest fad. It wasn't around 20 years ago, so I don't believe it. How serious can it really be?" 

The doctor spoke slowly so I could digest it all, "Kimberley, Lawson's intestinal wall is very damaged because he highly allergic to gluten. Every time he eats it, his immune system mounts an attack on this part of his body. Left untreated, Celiac disease can lead to additional serious health problems, like Type I diabetes, multiple sclerosis (MS), anemia, osteoporosis, infertility and miscarriage, neurological conditions like epilepsy and migraines, short stature, and intestinal cancers. There is no cure except total elimination of all gluten from his diet, which is found in many foods, drinks, spices, medicines, and other products. He needs separate dishes, utensils, toaster, and other appliances need to be monitored for cross contamination. 1/50th of a crumb can harm him and cause a reaction. Eating out will be a problem because there are many places who offer gluten free items but they are touched by other gluten containing foods or workers who don't change their gloves. He will have to be very, very careful. There are few APPS that you can download that might help."

WTH???? That was the response in my head. Why didn't the other doctor tell us this 2 years ago? I specifically asked! "Apparently not enough biopsies were taken from his intestines. The damage can be spotty at first so at least 6 sections need to be sampled to get an accurate diagnosis." Seriously!

New toaster? 1/50th of a crumb? Eating out is our way of life! Cross contamination sounds like a science experiment? Did I mention we always eat out? An app? Are you kidding me? No medicine to make it go away? Total elimination? That sounds impossible! I was trying, but failing, to process all this information. It was like a fire hydrant of facts, opened full throttle, and aimed right at my brain. 

Deep breath! Pray! Repeat! Deep breath! Pray! Repeat!

"God, need you here, before I go into full freak out mode! Kind of overwhelmed at this moment. Feeling like a failure for not doing enough before this. Don't think I can handle ONE MORE THING with my kids! Are you kidding me?"

"Kimberley, calm down. Dig deep. I am here. Lawson is mine. I have a plan for his life. You have to trust me in the storms. You can DO THIS! Not because you are strong, but because my power is made perfect in your weakness. You need to lean on me, when you don't understand or grow weary. Sing my praises and know without a shadow of a doubt, that I have your son's name written on the palm of my hand."

"Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name. For the Lord is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations." Psalms 100:4-5

Hospital Stay

Watching your child lay in a hospital bed hooked up to a mess of wires is beyond hard, unimaginable even. This little human who you vowed to love and protect, since the moment you laid eyes on them, seem to get swallowed up by the white sheets and beeping machines. Nurses and techs come in and out, checking vitals, asking questions, talking medical jargon like we should be on board, all caught up, used to the idea that Lakin has this chronic illness.

I felt beyond hopeless. As her parent, I should be able to fix things, change the outcome, or make it all better! I wanted to jump into the bed, take her place, and yank this awful disease from her. Please God, let it be me! I should be the one! I would trade places with her in a heartbeat!

I had not slept in over 29 hours. I was coming down with a cold. I could not stop crying. I couldn't eat and felt sick to my stomach. I am a big girl and getting food down has never been a problem. But everything tasted like sawdust and was sticking in my throat; I gagged on a simple muffin and a banana. Well-meaning people kept telling me, "Kimberley you are strong, you will get through this, at least you have Bryan, it will get easier, they have made so many medical advances"..........I couldn't clearly hear or process everyone's words. It was as if I was swimming under water. Muffled sounds. It reminded me of Charlie Brown's teacher talking to him, "Wah. Wah. Wah. Wah."

I am not strong! I can't handle this! Not this, not Lakin, not now! I want to wake up and pray this is all a dream, or actually a nightmare. If I close my eyes and then open them again, I will be lying in bed with Bryan, praising Jesus because it wasn't real! It's not real. Right?

After 12 hours in the hospital, I met a nurse with a syringe in her hand, going into Lakin's room. I stop her and ask her what she is doing. She talks to me like you would a 2 year-old, "Ma'am I am giving her insulin." What? What are you taking about? We haven't seen a doctor since we came up from the ER. We haven't heard an official diagnosis from a medical professional or talked about the game plan.

The nurse decides talking S-L-O-W-E-R will help me understand her, "This is her long-lasting insulin which the doctor ordered for us to give her."

"Well, then that doctor can come talk to us and help our daughter understand what is happening rather then walking in here and injecting a drug in her that she is not familiar with. My husband isn't here and I am going to need more information before we take this step. Since I actually know she doesn't HAVE to have it right now, how about we wait! Just because this isn't new to you, this is life-changing for her and us, we are going to need a little bit more understanding and grace from you!"

"So no shot?"
'No! Don't go near her yet. You haven't even checked her sugar in hours. "

An eye roll and a tut later, the nurse backs off and says, "O-K-A-Y....." This would be the beginning of many issues we would have to advocate for our daughter during her stay. Like in any job, there are amazing people and some that should choose a different career field. We had to be constantly aware and vigilant about everything taking place with Lakin's care, even if we were exhausted, sick, and devastated. It was not enough to believe that since we were in a hospital to just let the professionals take care of all the details. Come to find out many mistakes and misunderstandings can take place in this setting.

At night I would lay there listening to Lakin breathe, watching her chest rise and fall. I was fighting to gain perspective and give praise for all the blessings that were still happening in the midst of all the heartache. To be honest, one minute this was easy and the next I was sinking into sorrow! I was all over the place emotionally. I cried out to God, "Lord, I am struggling but thank you that Lakin is alive! Thank you for giving us another day! Thank you that this is not worse and will be something she will be able to 'manage'."

The lead nurse kept asking me if I was ready to give her a shot because Lakin couldn't leave until both parents had shown they could do it without help. I am not scared of shots, needles, or pain for MYSELF!!! When it comes to my children it is a whole different ball game! No, please don't make me push a needle into my daughter. It will make it too real. I waited until the last minute and the nurse congratulated me for being only the 2nd mom to not cry. What she didn't know was that I was all cried out by this time and working on being completely numb to everything. :(

As for Lakin, she went from being terrified of any kind of needles to a little over 12 hours later giving herself her own shots. She was AMAZING, with learning about all her new medications, equipment, and nutrition changes to calculating her carbohydrates and sugar correction ratios. (Lots of math) I saw her pull from strength deep within and process all the information being thrown at her with a dignity and poise far beyond her years. She kept her sense of humor and made jokes at her own expense to help others cope with what was going on. The night she got out of the hospital she went home, took a shower and showed up at her high school basketball game. 

We had over 65 visitors; stop by to give their love and support of her and our family. We were overwhelmed by the generosity, kindness, and prayers of our community. The flowers, balloons socks, coloring books, ice teas, food, phone calls, Facebook posts, smiles, and hugs truly got us through these difficult days. It kept us busy and distracted to not have to focus on the "chronic diagnosis" Never once did we feel we were all alone or not cared about! It was so important to feel connected to our "people" while going through a storm than to drown in isolation.

While I would not wish a hospital stay or illness for any child, we have become closer as a family and a community! When Bryan and I couldn't stand by ourselves our family and friends came and held us up until we could get our legs back underneath us. The prayers have helped shine light and clear away the fog and numbness of our hearts and minds. I also believe without a shadow of doubt that beauty will keep rising out of all these trials. I know that God's glory will reign and that He has a plan for my daughter's life to LIVE BIG!

"Because of our faith, Christ has brought us into this place of undeserved privilege where we now stand, and we confidently and joyfully look forward to sharing God’s glory. We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love." Romans 5:2-5

Tears at 11!

My youngest son came home from youth group with tears in his eyes. "Mom, I don't have a story with Jesus." I quickly replied, "Lawson, you are only 11. It's a journey. You have your whole life ahead of you." I realized right away that this fast response was not enough to make him feel better. He didn't understand how he was supposed to talk to people about Jesus if he didn't have "a story".

I knew that his sensitive little heart needed more. He needed help to walk out this relationship. I wrote his name at the top of a paper and said, "Let's start at the beginning. How do you think God worked in your life from the start?"

"He let me be born?"  Yes, he knew you were exactly what we needed to complete our family. He made you a fighter from day one and helped you overcome some pretty big medical issues.

What else in your life are you thankful for? "He gave me a family."

Although we are not perfect and somewhat of a mess at times, we love and support each other. That is part of your story. One of God's greatest gifts to you.

What else is something that God gave you in your life? "Friends. Other people who love me."

I made him start listing off all the people who care about him, who take him places, ask how he is doing, pray for him, and invest in his life. The list was LONG!! So blessedly long. As he kept naming off names, we both got tears in our eyes.  "Lawson, how many other little kids do you know that have that many people to love them?"

Can you see a theme in your life? 

He replied, "LOVE"

I drew a big heart in the middle and said that is your "story" with God. He loved you so much he let you be born in into a family who loves you dearly, surrounded by soooo many friends who care about you a lot, and most of all he loved you so much he gave you his son on the cross. Look at all he has done in these short 11 years!

My son stared at me through his glasses and blinked a few times. He remained quiet but the tears kept flowing. "Honey what's wrong? Why are you still crying" (because of course I was feeling pretty good about myself right now with that picture I just made)

"Mom, talking about all these people made me miss my friends who leave or who have moved away. I am sad because I love them."

Really? You are only 11! (I am tapped out with the last question!)

"Lawson, The price of love is sometimes tears and sadness but love is always worth the cost! Would you rather have never met them? Could you imagine life without them? When you share your heart with others, when you talk about your story with Jesus, I hope you are filled with an OVERWHELMING sense of being LOVED WELL!"

My son smiled at me and with a weight seemingly lifted off his shoulders, he said, "Whew, I don't know why I was so emotional. Don't tell Landen (his older brother)."

As he scurried off to bed, I silently prayed, "God, thank you for giving me those words to calm my son's anxious heart. I will be forever grateful that you have put so many people around to love him. I am glad he came home from youth group bothered rather than apathetic!"

"You are loved more than you will ever know by someone who died to know you."Romans 5:8

Good News At Last!!

Lawson has been seeing an eye doctor since he was a year old. He has gone through patches, prisms, eye drops, therapy, and even surgery! He got his first pair of glasses at 14 months and we just replaced his frames last week which pushed his number of glasses to 41 pairs! Today we went to get his eyes checked because he was having trouble seeing out if his left one. This kid rarely complains so my first thought was not another issue with his vision :( We sat in the doctor's office and I waited, holding my breath, praying, trying not to show my worry to my son. I flashed back to all the things this third child of mine has had to overcome and was gearing up for the next hurdle.

The doctor asked Lawson a bunch of questions and to read the letters on the wall. When he kept missing them I started to panic. (No Bryan was not around to give me the calm down face) I wanted him to pass so bad I almost felt like giving him the answers!! Just a whisper here and there if you will. What's the big deal? Kimberley, get a hold of yourself! What kind of mom wants to help their son cheat on his eye exam?? (Again Bryan was not there to give me the," Are you crazy, pull it together!" look). But we have been here so many times before and I just didn't want him to have to deal with one more thing!

Finally, after what seemed like forever (we had been there over 2 hours) the doctor turns to me and says, "The reason Lawson can't see is.......his prescription is too powerful! His eyes have gotten better and these glasses are just too strong now."

What? What does that even mean? He has had trouble seeing since birth. I am expecting bad news again. I just know you are going to tell me he is going to need surgery a second time. Is this good? Why am I having trouble intaking this positive news?

"No, I do not think Lawson will need surgery as a teenager. His eyes are correcting themselves with his glasses on to almost 20/20. Everything looks great. In fact, he was not a candidate for soft contact lens because his eyes were so bad but because of the improvement he can wear them anytime he is ready. Bad news, he is going to need a new pair of glasses because his prescription HAS changed. "

Doctor that is not bad news that is an answer to prayer! An answer to prayer from a very weak momma who sometimes doubts the BIGNESS of God. It is one more example of God's glory no matter how small my faith seems at times. Even if the outcome would have gone the other way, God has THIS! Lawson is a gift from Him no matter what and a blessing to us! So he is worth the extra $350 dollars they will cost. Bring on the 42nd pair of glasses!

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13

Whispers To My Graduate!

My son is graduating from elementary school and starting junior high next year! My daughter is going to high school! Talk about transitions! There are so many feelings, memories, and nostalgia swirling in me that I really can't wrap my brain around it. Where did the time go? How are we here already? Didn't I just drop them off at the front door to kindergarten like yesterday? I need time to stop. Stand still. Give me more time to catch up. God, it's going too fast. In a few years I will be sending them off to college. AGH! Breathe! Deeply.

What is it that I really want them to know as they walk in this different space in life? How do I put into words how important the next few years will be but yet, help them understand that these years will only represent a small sliver of their future?

Dear Lakin, Landen, and Lawson,
As your mom, I cannot tell you enough how PROUD I am of you both. Not because of how well you did in school and sports or the accomplishments you achieved, but because you are turning into such wonderful young adults. I have LOVED watching you grow along the way and being a part of every step of your journey. This next phase of your life I have to start letting you go, slowly, to experience things and make your own path. Instead of holding your hand like when you were little, I will be walking behind you, still watching and guiding, but from a bit of a distance. NEVER forget, not for one moment, that I will not be there for you! I will still be there to catch you if you fall or to lean on if you stumble. Remember without a shadow of a doubt that your dad and I love you with all our hearts! There is nothing you can do for us to love you less and nothing you can do for us to love you more. We love you just because you are ours!

WHISPERS TO MY GRADUATE

The road ahead will not always be easy or fun or go the way you want. More often than not there will be mountains and valleys that you did not expect.

Don't QUIT! Even when it gets hard. Really hard. Or even when it seems impossible. Never give up! The finish line could be that next hill you have to climb, that next step you have to take. 

Life is not fair. Don't focus on trying to make it equal or just. This takes a lot of unnecessary energy. Do what you can do and BE THE CHANGE that you want to see in the world.

Character Counts. Really. Doing what is right is still right even if no one else is doing it.

Choices matter. Doing what is wrong it still wrong even if everybody else is doing it.

Real friends are hard to find. The ones who not only hold your hand but hold you up when the storms of life try to take you down. Be that kind of friend.

Watch what you say! Words are powerful and can be very painful. I have seen them destroy others. They also have a tendency to come back and bite you in the butt!

OWN your Junk! If it's your fault don't push it off on others. Take the hit. Accept the consequences. 

DREAM BIG! God created you for a reason. Don't settle for less. You can do MORE than you ever imagined!

You are UNIQUE. There is only one you. Don't try to be someone else just to fit in. Don't compare yourself to others you are not them. Just be you!

Have FUN! Enjoy yourself! Laugh a lot even if sometimes it has to be at yourself. You only get to live life once! 

PRAY. PRAY. PRAY. God's got this! Even when He seems silent or not paying attention, He is there. He promises never to leave us. He has a plan. Trust Him. 

TEAM LEE FOREVER!

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid: do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."  Joshua 1:9

She Comes Home in 48 Hours!

I sent my 14 year old daughter off to Washington DC and New York for eight days. She was going with her 8th grade class to visit all the historical museums, memorials, monuments, and buildings that are the political foundation of the United States America. Throw in a Broadway play, shopping in Times Square, and a Yankees game, and she had the opportunity to experience a trip of a lifetime!

And I didn't go with her...I wanted to make those memories with her. I wanted to share in all those amazing experiences and take pictures together capturing those moments. But I didn't go...As I saw her walk off with her friends at the airport my heart literally lurched in my chest. Wait! Wait for me! She can't go by herself. I will go to protect her. I will be there just in case anything goes wrong. If she gets sick I can handle it. If she has friend troubles I will guide her through it. I will make sure she doesn't get lost, brings her jacket if it’s cold, has her umbrella in case it rains, gets enough sleep, eats right, puts her money in a safe place...and, and, and! But I didn't go!

I knew, deep in my heart, that I had to begin the painful process of her growing up and making decisions and choices without me. She turns 18 and goes off to college in four years! I know I have to spend this precious time I have left, helping her prepare to face the world on her own. It was time to start letting her go. 

"GOD! I am not strong enough to do this! I think this is cruel and unusual punishment. She has never even been on a plane or out of the state without us! So many bad things can happen. So many things can go wrong. She is not ready. I don't like going to bed at night and not seeing her in her room. We drive to school every morning together. It will be quiet and lonely. I would never recover if something happened to her. It's like a piece of my heart is missing already and it hurts!"

"Kimberley, my precious, hysterical child, I GOT THIS! Her name is written on the palm of my hand. I created her and have a plan for her life. Give me your anxiety, your worries, your fear, and let me comfort you and give you strength to carry on. Your job is to love Lakin and raise her to be independent and have faith in Me! You have been teaching her since she was little to be courageous and confident for such a time as this! She is the daughter of a mighty, mighty King who loves her beyond anything you can imagine. Trust me with your daughter!" 

Worry happens when we assume responsibility God never intended us to have.

"Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

Praying for Her Future

Yesterday, I was riding in the car with Lakin and I glanced over at her and thought, "Wow, she is growing up so fast." A picture of her twirling around in her wedding dress flashed in my mind. As tears welled in my eyes, I silently started praying for her future husband. 

"Dear Jesus, prepare the guy who captures her heart to love her unconditionally, to bring out the best in her, to serve her, to make her laugh, and dry her tears when she cries. To hold her hand, to give her hugs, and tell her often how much he loves her. To lead and guide her on this journey with grace and mercy. To help her become the person she was created to be. Lord, give her a guy who will be her best friend and truly treasure her as the amazing gift that she is..."

Lakin looked at me and saw the tears. "Mom, what are you doing?"

"I don't want to freak you out but I was praying for your future husband. I am praying that right now he is letting God work in his life to become the man you will need in marriage."

She kind of laughs and says, "Mom, I have a few years."

Yes, daughter but it is never too early to start praying!

 "Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done." Philippians 4:6

Precious Moments

Lakin goes to the same school now that I do, so every day we get to ride together, just the two of us. Sometimes we listen to music and don't say a word. Sometimes we laugh about my addictions to McDonald's ice tea or how the drive thru people knows me by name there. Sometimes we talk about what we heard on the radio. A few times, she will open up and share what's going on with her friends. I treasure these moments and know how precious they really are because too soon she will be all grown up. I pray that I will truly listen to her talk and not jump in with advice. I pray that I will hear her heart and see the meaning behind her words. I pray that I will let her work through her thoughts and not try to fix everything for her. Whenever I get frustrated that I have "no time to myself", I thank God that I have these special moments with my daughter to get to know the beautiful woman she is becoming.

When my house is quiet and the pitter patter of baby feet are no more, the dining room table has only two place settings, the living room isn’t cluttered with toys, and my children’s beds are empty, I want to remember these conversations with my daughter. When she is standing up at her graduation or walking down the aisle at her wedding, I want to remember these precious moments when it was just the two of us riding in the car together. 

"Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him."

 Psalms 127:3

When I Became A Mom....

When I became a mom I had no idea what I was in for! I knew that kids were a lot of hard work, they were cute most of the time, and figured if I could teach preschool it couldn't be much different.....right?

When I became a mom I had no idea that I could LOVE three little people with every fiber of my being. I had no idea that God made them look like ANGELS when they slept so I could start fresh the next day. 

I had no idea that I would WILLINGLY sacrifice my looks, my shoe allowance, and my coveted pedicures so I could save up for things to buy them instead. 

I had no idea that I would turn into a CRAZY mama bear when anyone tries to hurt my kids or crush their spirit. I had no idea that a homemade card, a lopsided pottery cup, a crushed paper flower or colored picture made at school would be PRICELESS treasures that could never compare to a Coach purse or diamond earrings.

I had no idea that I would become a nurse, teacher, coach, cheerleader, taxi driver, chef, maid, librarian, counselor, seamstress, photographer, drill sergeant to get them up in the morning, keeper of all secrets, cleaner upper of throw-up, magician that makes the boogie-man go away and anything else they need, just because my name is MOM.

I had no idea that when I became a mom that a cuddle, a KISS, a sweet word from one of my kids puts tears in my eyes especially as they get older and don't need me as much.

I had no idea that when I became a mom I was supposed to show them how to be kind, loving, COURAGEOUS, filled with integrity, and hardworking because I am preparing them to go out into the world and leave me! I had no idea that just thinking there will be a time when their beds will be EMPTY, their rooms clean all the time, and my house eerily quiet because they live someplace else, could bring me to my knees with grief.

When I became a mom I had no idea that God was entrusting me to raise these beautiful PRECIOUS children He created.....not because I was worthy, not because I wouldn't mess up, not because I would be the best...He gave then to me to teach me the true meaning of LOVE. 

I had no idea what that really meant until now.....Happy Mother's Day!

Trouble At School!

Yesterday my son got into trouble at school. As I walked into the Principal's office my heart was beating a thousand times a minute. I was trying to hold it together professionally but my mama bear instinct was raging in full force. All I could think about was how to protect my son who was obviously upset. The principal informed me, "He had thrown a rock and it hit someone. He admitted he did it but said it was an accident. But he has been told not to play with rocks so he will lose his lunch break and his morning break the next day."
 
The thoughts whirling in my head were not pretty. "Really, he has gone here three years and never been in trouble and this warrants a visit to the Principal's office? He got hit in the head with a Lacrosse ball a month ago and it almost broke his nose but no one missed their break. A kid told my second grader to "F" off yesterday and nothing happened to that kid. Why is my son sitting here feeling so small and so destroyed?"
 
I took a deep breath, knowing that voicing these things took the focus off my son and he needed me to keep it together. He didn't need me attacking the system or arguing over the injustices of school discipline. He needed his mom to reassure him it was going to be okay. I put my "ghetto" Kimberley back inside and faced him.

"Son, did you tell the truth? Did you handle this with integrity? Then do not worry about all this other stuff. You knew you shouldn't pick up the rock because people might get hurt. You are not a bad kid but you did not make a good choice. You will own your part and take the consequence. You will respect the authority of this school even if you don't agree and even if it seems unfair. But know this, THERE IS NOTHING YOU DO THAT WILL EVER MAKE ME LOVE YOU ANY LESS! You are my son and I will always love you no matter what. This does not define you."
 
As we walked out of the office I could see him still struggling to come to grips with being sent to the principal. After he washed his face off I asked him if he needed me to pray over him and he said yes. I prayed for him to accept responsibility, have a peace that everything will be okay, and to remember that he is the son of a mighty, mighty king who will always love him.
 
I watched him walk back to class, and I was still shaking inside. Angry that my son was reduced to feeling so small but knowing that the world can be an ugly place. My job is to help him grow up owning his junk and handling himself with honor and integrity. He did not need me to protect him or help avoid the consequences, that just produces children who think nothing is ever their fault. My job was to ASSURE him that he is LOVED, no matter what. The reason I know how important this is...because I have a heavenly Father who does this for me DAILY.

^"And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord." 

Romans 8:38-39

I Love You Stinky Face!

     

One of my favorite books is, "I Love You Stinky Face" by Lisa McCourt. A mom is tucking in her son for bed and he has lots of questions. "Mama, mama would you still love me if I were a big scary ape? Or a slimy swamp creature Or a super smelly skunk?" He is worried that she might not love him if..... Each time, the mom reassures him that she will love him no matter what. She comes up with creative and loving ways that would show her son that her love is unconditional. "I would dress you in colors that showed off your nice green skin. I would buy you a bigger toothbrush for your big teeth. I would move next to the swamp, and if you still smelled bad, I wouldn't mind, and I would whisper in your ear, "I love you, Stinky Face." ..." Many kids fear that no one will love them if people knew how bad they were. Many adults fear this too..they are unworthy of love. In this story the answer is very clear, "Nothing could ever stop me from loving you!" Of course every time I read this book I cry. The author somehow knew my mother's heart, "I will love my kids no matter what!" Do your kids really know or believe this? Does your husband know you feel this way about him? Have you told him lately that it's not about the job he does, the money he makes, or the all the reasons he has let you down..but you just love him? Do you believe this is the way God loves you? Or are do you secretly think that you have to hide from him because you also live with the fear that you are not good enough? 

      We have a saying in the Lee household, "I will love you for all the good you will do. I will love you even with all the bad choices you will make. I don't love you because of the way you might act or what you accomplish, I love you because you are mine!" This is actually harder to do than we might want to admit. We love our kids. They have our hearts! We would die for them! But our love is still human, still fallible. Only God's love is perfect.

"There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love." 1 John 4:18

God's love is perfect. We do not need to be afraid he won't love us.

     "For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:38-39

    Isn't that awesome...God loves us no matter what! If one of us is lost he will not only come after us but he will carry us home! (Luke 15:3-5) He loves us even when we are stinking with sin. Thank you for a God whose love never fails. I want to live like I really believe this!!!

A Letter to My Daughter

Dear Lakin,

I may not also say the right things. I may not always do the right things. I probably won't be the coolest parent, the prettiest, the richest, the smartest. I won't be able to give you everything you want or take you wherever you want to go. I will not always say yes even when everyone else is doing it. I care what you wear, who your friends are, where you are spending time. I care about who you are, what you believe, what you stand for. I care more about the woman you will become rather than if you fit in with those around you. I know I will embarrass you, I will frustrate you and make you very angry because you don't understand all the decisions I will make. 

I know I am loud, bossy, opinionated, and it sometimes is hard to live in my shadow. You will not always like me, I probably won't be fond of you all the time. But know one thing my beautiful daughter. I will ALWAYS love you no matter what. Nothing you do good or nothing you do bad will make me love you any more or any less. 

Like this song says" I will stand by you no matter what. I will help you through when you have done all that you can do. I will dry your eyes, and I will fight your fight, I will hold you tight and I won't let go." When you're lost I will reach out for you. When you fall I will catch you. When the storms of life start knocking you down, I will be behind you pushing you up to face the winds. I will never lie to you. I will carry the baggage that is too heavy for you right now. When you feel small I will lift you up on my shoulders. I will use my voice to cheer you on the loudest. I will use my bossiness to make sure you are taken care of. I will voice my opinions when someone hurts your feelings. When you feel worthless I will remind you that you are the daughter of a mighty, mighty king. When you feel unloved I will show you the cross. 

When I first saw you on the sonogram screen I made a vow that I will give my life for you. When I was having trouble delivering you in the hospital I knew a fear of something happening to you that shook me to my core. When they placed you in my arms and you looked up at me I realized that my heart now lived outside my body. You had it clasped in your little hands. I may not be many things but I will always be your mom.

I Won't Let Go (by Rascal Flatts)
It’s like a storm
That cuts a path
It breaks your will
It feels like that
You think you're lost
But you're not lost
On your own
You're not alone

I will stand by you
I will help you through
When you’ve done all you can do
And you can’t cope
I will dry your eyes
I will fight your fight
I will hold you tight
And I won't let go

It hurts my heart
To see you cry
I know it’s dark
This part of life
Oh, it finds us all
But we’re too small
To stop the rain
Oh, but when it rains

I will stand by you
I will help you through
When you’ve done all you can doAnd you can’t cope
I will dry your eyes
I will fight your fight
I will hold you tight
And I won't let you fall

Don’t be afraid to fall
I’m right here to catch you
I won't let you down
It won't get you down
You're gonna make it
Yeah, I know you can make it

Cause I will stand by you
I will help you through
When you’ve done all you can do
And you can’t cope
And I will dry your eyes
I will fight your fight
I will hold you tight
And I won't let go

Oh I’m gonna hold you
And I won't let go
Won't let you go
No, I won't

Readers are Leaders..or at least have a lot to say :)

If you don't know already...I LOVE, really LOVE to Read! I will read almost anything...sometimes it takes me months to get through a book, sometimes I can read two books in one day, mostly I try to read a new book at least once a week. I do have a few unstated rules.
 
1) I NEVER reread it seems like such a waste of time.

2) I will finish the book no matter what, no matter how long it takes because I do not want to let the author down. (No, I don't know any of them personally but it is the principle of the matter)

3) I try not to pass judgement on the cover. Even if the cover has a guy on it that looks like Fabio from the butter commercials there really could be good content inside.

4) I keep a journal of the books I have read and write down a few thoughts from each of them. This does sound a little OCD but it helps me think that I am smarter than I really am.My facebook post a few months ago said. "I have read over 60 books in the last six months..everything from WWII, romance, religious studies, doctors in Africa, Jewish history, parenting, Gun-N-Roses bio, leadership skills to name a few... This is what I learned...God is awesome, people let you down, sex can be amazing, girls want to be loved, mean people suck, kids grow up and leave, helping others is important, and 90% of people will follow the crowd!!"

Reading lets you explore places far away you might never go, meet people you will never see, open your mind to things you had once closed off, tugs at your heart emotions, brings to light issue you might never have though about, improves your vocabulary so that you are a better Scramble player, and its fun! Reading lets you "catch a glimpse" of the presently unknown.

TEN WAYS TO RAISE A NONREADER (from the book, Honey for a Child's Heart by Gladys Hunt)

1. Have a television on at all times. Make sure you put a tv set and computer in every room. Don't forget the kitchen.

2. Keep the place neat-no books or literary magazines in sight.

3. Never let your child see you read a book.

4. Never take your kids to the library.

5. Never read stories aloud past age two.

6. Never talk about ideas while eating meals.

7. Keep the lights down low. Buy only forty-watt lightbulbs.

8. Schedule your children for every activity you can think of so they won't be bored.

9. Never play any table games together.

10. Absolutely no reading in bed or good lamps to make it easy to do.A few statistics to go along: (www.readfaster.com)

* 40% of 4th graders can not read fluently.

* 50% of adults are unable to read an 8th grade level book

* 44 million of adults in America can not read

* 15 minutes of independent reading a day can expose a reader to 1 million words of text a year!Some of you are saying so what I hate reading, I have never even finished a book all the way through, reading is boring, what's the point, I am not good at it....

My father-in-law was a F-16 crew chief for 35 years. He never read anything but the paper or car manuals. He liked working with his hands, was really great at his job, and could rebuild a car engine from scratch. At the age of 55, he picked up his first book as an adult, read it all the way through, and hasn't stopped. Now when we go to his house he has a stack of books ten high by his recliner. He goes to the library and Bookmans all the time. He wants books as presents and gets very excited about ones that have series so he can read all of them. Just the other day we had a talk about an 800 page book we had both read! He said, "Kimberley, I never knew what I was missing by not reading all those years!" (With his hands full of grease, his shirt stained with grease, and his legs nicked up from fixing our car that morning!) It's never too late...just try it again!