I Get Knocked Down!

A few years ago I told my husband that one of my theme songs for my life was, "I Get Knocked Down But I Get Up Again." He looked at me and said, "That's nice Kimberley because that is not the name of the song. It's called Tubthumping and the whole song is about getting drunk."

Oh...well.... I must have missed that, what a dumb name! But I think it's really catchy and it just speaks to me.

In my head, I would literally chant over and over again, "I get knocked down but I get up again you're never gonna keep me down! I get knocked down but I get up again you're never gonna keep me down!"

Because life is hard. Really hard. It's easy to  feel knocked down a lot! Relationships, finances, family drama, work problems, house or car repairs, paying for college, saving for retirement, medical bills, the list is endless. The minute you seem to catch your breath something can come and blow you over again! Give you a 1, 2 PUNCH! For me, growing up in a dysfunctional family was difficult. Being a teenager without much guidance and dating the wrong guys did a number on my self-esteem. Getting through college without any financial support was tough. Making a lot of dumb decisions in my young adult years made me face some not so pretty consequences. Losing my grandma and my best friend in one year was life altering. Getting into a car accident, twice, that took away my military career seemed unfair beyond belief. So many times I felt like I'm done! I can't take much more. There has to be something else to life than just this! How many times can a person get knocked down? It was tiring and lonely. But I knew, I felt it in the depths of my soul, that no matter what I would get back up again. I just couldn't put my finger on the why.

After I started going to church and learning about God, I realized what the why was. I knew then that I didn't have to be alone. The fight wasn't me against the world. I finally understood that there is more to life than just surviving the punches. He's called Jesus! The world  would not keep me down. My past would not keep me down. My problems were not going to keep me down. When I get knocked around, instead of feeling defeated I know that God has a plan for my life. I know that I am loved beyond anything I could ever imagine! Not one hurt goes unnoticed. He doesn't promise that this life will be easy, fair, without issues, or all about my comfort. What He does promise is that He is preparing a home for me where I can spend eternity singing and dancing with him. He does promise me that when life gets too much to handle because it most certainly will, He will pick me up and carry me the rest of the way!

So although that song has a very silly name and the words were written in a different context, I choose to sing that chorus and put my spin on it, " I get knocked down and I get up again nothing is gonna keep me down because I have an army of angels on my side and a Savior who promises to be my shelter from the storms!"

"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging." Psalms 42:1-3

The Battle For Our Sons

I have two sons that touch my heart in ways I could never have imagined. When they were born they were so different from their sister to say the least. They woke up and went from zero to sixty all day, like little tornadoes tearing down whatever was in their paths. They played hard and crashed hard. Watching them sleep still is one of my favorite things to do. I look at their beautiful faces and first am grateful they are finally asleep (heehee) and then I get overwhelmed at how deep my love is for them. I know they will grow into men who will not "need" their mom as much, but right now I will protect them with my life. I know that I am in a battle, a battle for who will have my sons' hearts. My desire is that they will love Jesus and follow Him but the world is steadfast against this ever happening. And many parents, including Christian ones, seem to be giving up the fight.
 
When did we stop teaching our boys manners? When did we stop showing them how to treat women? Why do we let Hollywood destroy their image of females and love? Why have we stopped letting them do things around the house and pitch in not just for allowance but because they are part of a family? Why do we let them stay little boys way into adulthood? Why are we not fighting against the violence they see or the massive amounts of sexual images that are thrown at them daily through the TV, Facebook, their phones, and magazines? When did we stop talking to our sons and having real authentic conversations with them? When did we give up our authority and responsibility to talk to them about sex, dating, boundaries, and God? We let the church, their friends, the internet or TV guide them. These are not very reliable sources. Why do we turn our heads or pretend that everything is okay when IT IS NOT?

In Chap Clark's book, Hurt: Inside the World of Today's Teenagers, He suggests that the middle adolescents (ages 14-18) with whom he interacted "feel betrayed and abandoned by the adults in their world, because the grown-ups have, "abdicated [their] responsibility to nurture the young into adulthood."

• 95 percent of juvenile homicides are committed by boys.
• Boys are the perpetrators of four out of five crimes that end up in juvenile court.
• Boys under the age of 18 are responsible for close to one-fifth of the violent crime in the United States.
• One in three adolescents in the U.S. is a victim of physical, sexual, emotional or verbal abuse from a dating partner, a figure that far exceeds rates of other types of youth violence.
• 75 percent of high school students admit to academic cheating.
• Fewer than 10 percent of American teens have internalized their faith to the point that it actually makes a difference in their sexual practices.
• Some researchers have stated that the average age of exposure to pornography is down to 8!!
• 39% of teen boys say they have engaged in "sexting" 

These statistics are just the tip of the iceberg! We are letting the world take our boys and turn them into the wrong kind of men. We have stopped fighting for integrity, honor, manners, responsibility, purity, kindness, good sportsmanship, truth, and the ways of Godly men. This doesn't just happen naturally; boys have to be taught and modeled the appropriate behavior. They have to be held accountable for their actions and understand consequences of their decisions. They need to see that their parents, especially their dads,  have high expectations not to make them perfect but to raise the bar on manhood. 

These boys that I have been gifted stole my heart from the moment they were born. It is my responsibility, my duty, my job as their mom to say, "You are the sons of a mighty King and you are a Lee. I love you too much not to fight for the man you are supposed to become. I am not concerned about you being the coolest, the best looking, the strongest or number one at any cost. I will stand up and tell you no even if everybody else is doing it. I care more about your heart than your popularity. Some days you will be mad at me and not understand our decisions. But know this my sons, dad and I will be held accountable to God how we raised our children and this battle will be fought through prayer and a lot of hard work. But YOU ARE WORTH IT!" 

⁵ 

"For he issued his laws to Jacob; he gave his instructions to Israel.

He commanded our ancestors to teach them to their children,

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so the next generation might know them—

    even the children not yet born—

    and they in turn will teach their own children." Psalm 78:5-6

Fight Fair!

Bryan and I were asked to speak at a marriage conference on conflict resolution. (Of course what happens when we say yes? We immediately get into a huge argument. I guess practicing what we are talking about is important research:) 

We are by far not marriage experts and don't have counseling degrees, but we DO have A LOT of experience. I have mentioned before that I am a fighter...so I had to make sure Bryan knew this area inside and out. It would make him a better pastor right? (See honey, all that arguing in the beginning had a point...to help others :)

During our "research" we came up with four things we try not to do in the heat of a fight, when anger is high and maybe we, I mean I, am seeing red. 

        1) Don't dump truck- this is when you get off track from what is really bothering you and you just dump everything out. You start piling up all the garbage that has angered, bothered, irritated, or hurt you and you dump it. It is hard enough to deal with one problem much less try to sift through a bunch of issues. Try to keep focused on the bottom line, in that moment. Save the other stuff for later. It will get overwhelming real fast if you throw out too much at one time...many give up before they even start.

        2) No Name Calling/Bad language- the minute you lose control over your tongue and start calling each other names or using bad words, everybody loses! Remember this is your spouse, the one who you committed to loving for the rest of your life. Name calling and ugly language tears away the very foundation of love and leaves deep scars that are not easily repaired. Think of a crisp, white piece of paper. If you rip or crinkle it and then try to smooth it out does it go back to how it looked in the beginning? No, that piece of paper is never the same. 

        3) Don't EVER, EVER, EVER Threaten- You are not in the mafia! Never say something you are not ready to back up. This will eventually backfire. If you say it enough times the other person might just take you up on it even when you didn't really mean it.  Especially the "divorce" word. Throwing this word around in a fight opens the door for the enemy to walk right in, cast doubts, stir up trouble, and cause discord. 

        4) Don't Share- When you are mad or upset at your spouse be very careful who you vent to. Try to go to God or a mentor for wise counsel. Using your family or friends is really not a good option. They shouldn't be put in the middle and it might be hard for them to move on after a problem is resolved. Sometimes they actually might be the problem by constantly bringing up the old stuff or helping you justify your behavior.

On the flip side, how do we resolve conflict? Fight fair! (Is that an oxymoron?) Well, this has taken quite a bit of practice, self-control and a whole lot of God's help.

1) Forgive often, and then forgive some more- forgiveness is key to a happy marriage. We are all broken, broken people. When you put two broken people together of course there are going to be  problems! Our own selfishness, desires, wills, issues, and sin will rear their ugly heads and cause us to hurt each other. It is so important to offer grace even when they don't deserve it. This does not mean you don't hold each other accountable. It means you let go of things that weigh down your relationship.

2) Keep short accounts- marriage is not about trying to balance out the scales. It is not 50/50. Sometimes it could be 80/20 or even 99/1.  The list you are making in your head about all the things the other person has not done right and all the things you do ..needs to be thrown out. IMMEDIATELY! Your column might have more check marks but where is right going to get you? Proving to someone how much better you are then them just doesn't turn out well.

3) Listen to hear what the other person is saying- Often in an argument we are not really listening. We are forming our own attack or defense. Stop and LISTEN! Then repeat back what you heard.  "So what I heard you say is.." If you are doing the talking make sure you ask, "What did you hear me say?" What you think you communicated could be totally different from what they heard. 

4) Ask for help- don't wait until it is too late when the damage is done. Pick up the phone and call a counselor, have a conversation with a pastor, do a Bible study together, and most of all PRAY, PRAY, PRAY. Pray for God to change your heart, pray for God to hold your tongue, pray for God to protect your marriage, pray for God to help you see your spouse the way He sees them. 

How often do I fail at many of the above? Frequently! But I don't give up. I fight for my marriage. And with God's help, over the last 20 years, it has gotten better. Thank God :)

"Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires." James 1:19-20

        

Scars

I was looking down at my body and couldn't help but notice all the scars I had. I have one on my face from when I had the chicken pox as a baby. There is one on my lip from a really hot macaroni noodle during my poor days in college. I have a big one on my knee from trying to jump over a fence in Rocky Point and failing. On my hand there is still lead in it from a guy stabbing me with a pencil in the 5th grade. All these scars have stories behind them, memories of some kind of physical pain. 
     
This got me to thinking about all the scars you CAN'T see. The ones on my heart, the scars that have defined who I am, shaped my beliefs, stopped my dreams, or heightened my fears. They often were barriers to me finding joy by shutting out hope or doubting true love. These scars are deeper than the other ones, earned through intense emotional and sometimes physical pain. They do not heal easily and can cause issues for years. Sometimes they have festered with bitterness, unforgiveness, and anger. Sometimes I thought they were healed and am horribly surprised when they suddenly split open and bleed all over again. Band-Aids can't heal them, medicines or other fillers dull them temporarily, but inevitably the pain comes back, maybe even stronger than before.

When I accepted Jesus as my personal Lord and Savior one of the first things He did was confront the scars. 
"Kimberley, this heart belongs to me now...this is where the healing begins." Some scars He sealed with His grace and mercy. Others He completely replaced with His unfailing love and forgiveness. But quite a few, He painfully pulled off the scab and let the yuck flow out. This ALWAYS was extremely intense and I did not let go easily. 

He made me deal with my past, walk through the pain, and journey through the years of running and hiding from Him. He shined light into the darkest recess of my wounded heart which, out of self-preservation, I had locked up long ago. 

When I questioned His motives or cried out to Him in fear, He assured me not one of my tears was wasted, not one scar had gone unnoticed by Him. When I felt all alone or only saw "one set of footprints" He told me He was carrying me the whole time because the burdens were too heavy. Whenever I thought He really just didn't understand how hard these things are to deal with, how deep my pain goes, how I just can't open this one back up because the last time, I almost didn't make it.....

He puts out His hands and showed me His scars, the ones He received from the nails that pierced Him to the cross, for me. "Kimberley, I would never ask you to do something that I have not already experienced."

"But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed." Isaiah 53:5

“He himself bore our sins” in his body on the cross, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; “by his wounds you have been healed.” 1 Peter 2:24

Courage

Courage-the quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger, pain, etc.; bravery. (2) to act in accordance with one's beliefs, especially in spite of criticism.

When I hear the word courage instantly William Wallace from Braveheart, Joan of Arc, Mother Theresa, or Anne Frank come into my mind. These people all demonstrated copious amounts of courage in horrifying situations that would bring mere mortals to their knees. I often wonder how I would act in their place. Since I am scared of playing hiding-go-seek, afraid of the dark, and still believe a monster lives in my closet, the outlook doesn't look good. 

In the Bible, they are numerous examples of God using ordinary people to do extraordinary things. Rahaab the prostitute hid the spies, Ananias went to talk to the killer of believers, Esther defied her king, Daniel faced the lions, Stephen was stoned for his beliefs, David slayed Goliath and he was just a boy. Courage is all over the Bible but what about normal people? What about a person like me? Will God ever give me this kind of courage? The kind of courage that people will speak about for generations? I am just a mom who is afraid of so many things...some silly, some pretty serious. I doubt God can do much with a scaredy cat right?

So of course with these kinds of questions I have to go chat with God. "God, I want to be courageous. I want to wield a sword (ok not really), ride into battle on a white horse, be a part of something magnificent! How can you use me?"

"Kimberley, you and every other woman out there are part of something magnificent every day! You are the pinnacle of my creation. I created you to bear children. Does it not take courage to raise kids? Won't your influence on them affect generations to come? You are in the middle of a battle, a great fight for their hearts. The enemy wants to come and destroy them. Don't always go looking outside your home to be part of something big look into the faces of your children."

Courage looks differently for everyone....maybe He wants you to have the courage: to go back to school
to tell the truth
to share Jesus
to listen
to face your fears
to forgive
to take the blinders off
to say I am sorry
to believe to have hope even when it seems hopeless
to share your heart
to say no
to paint that picture
to write that book or poem
to sing that song
to run that marathon
to obey
to admit you have a problem
to love even when it hurts
to not say why me but what is next
to fight for your family
to place healthy boundaries
to fight and renew your marriage
to let your kids go and find their own way
to initiate a tough conversation
to try love again
to say goodbye
to ask the hard questions
to get a new job
to say, "Yes, I will go!"
to fight cancer or other sickness
to stand up for what you believe
to stand up for what is right even if it not popular

Maybe you need the courage just to wake up and put your feet on the floor every day....."Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear."-Ambrose Redmoon


One of the most frequent command in the Bible says, "Do not be afraid."
I know what is it like to be terrified, bound up by fear. It is easy to be frightened with all the horrible things we see around us and the problems we face. The enemy is strong but our God is even stronger!!

"You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world." 

1 John 4:4

Courage is not just for the people in the movies or in the Bible. Courage is for all woman of God. We were born to love deeply and to fight for what is holy, righteous, and good. We are called to protect our family, our marriages,and our friendships. We are called to be part of the battle, not sit on the sidelines crossing our fingers, hoping everything will turn out okay. We are daughters of a mighty mighty King! Why are we acting like slaves? Claim the power of our Father and get in the fight, get your hands messy, put your heart on the line, try something different even if you think you might look dumb, put your pride away and say I'm sorry, do the right thing even if all your friends will laugh...have courage!