A few months ago I came across one of Bryan's prayer journals...and I wept. It wasn't organized, color-coded, or neat but oh how he prayed for so many of you, for the church, for this city, the future, for his kids and for me!
At the bottom of one of the pages he wrote:
"Pray Jesus to move in power to bring Kimberley
out of teaching to get to the Calling (you have for her)"
Seeing his handwriting, the prayers on his heart...broke me. I literally crumbled to the floor not just in grief but because of incredible LOVE! To know that my husband was going to God and requesting that He move mountains for me is overwhelmingly beautiful. Bryan's faith to ask bold things always amazed and sometimes scared me :) But the way he KNEW me, humbled me daily. Bryan looked past my outwardly and obvious strengths, my very very apparent weaknesses, past my hurt, my blustering, my doubts, my fears. For twenty-five years he saw me as MORE than....he saw things that I couldn't and stuff that I didn't even believe about myself yet. This was so POWERFUL to me as a wife.
But Babe, what does this look like now? I'm a single mom, the sole provider. This job is my safety net, guaranteed, with health insurance, and 20 years experience. I can't imagine doing anything new...without you here cheering me on, your constant encouragement and support. Holding me when I cry because I'm scared to fail or take the next step. Speaking truth over me as the enemy's arrows try to pierce my heart. Please don't hold me to this RIGHT NOW!!! It's too big to do without you by my side.
In my prayers I let God know all these reasons why the timing just wouldn't work; too many unknowns, not enough energy, too broken, no strength or capacity to even consider change of this magnitude after the last year. My Jesus gently responded with "Kimberley, do you trust me?" and loudly shouted, "I AM YOUR SAFETY NET!"
So for the first time in 10 years I did not sign my teaching contract. God has released me and closed that door.....the responses are falling into three categories:
1) Yeah....that makes sense.
2) Hmmm.... what is she going to do?
3) Oh dear she really has no plan...she has lost her mind.
I can't answer many questions because I don't have many answers but I can tell you that I am at peace and confident. With the prayers of my husband covering me and the perfect faithfulness of my Jesus...I say, Let's do THIS! What's next?
"Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the LORD our God." Psalm 20:7
