What Your Pastor's Wife Wish You Knew

Most of you know I am a pastor's wife. That makes some of you laugh hysterically considering my past and some of you scratch your head in confusion wondering how on earth such a thing happened. I too, often question God's crazy sense of humor when he put Bryan and I together. But, he did and I do my best to not embarrass my husband because I am still madly in love with him. With all that said, I feel there are a few things that pastor wives wish you knew but are probably too scared or intimidated to tell the general public, especially church people. Who let's face it can be downright critical. This group of ladies often get unfairly judged by what we say, how we look, how our kids act, what we do, what we don't do...blah,blah, blah. Luckily, I am almost 45 and let most of it roll off my back but just in case you ever wondered.......

1. Please do not assume I am wise just because I am a pastor's wife...although sometimes I can be with a whole lot of the Holy Spirit's help. I really don't know all the biblical references or scriptures, by heart, to meet your every question; especially right at the moment my youngest son is stealing money out of the fountain at church. Timing can be everything. 

2. Please do not expect me to wear pantyhose, play the organ, or work in the nursery.  I can't do any of those well nor do I want to. I refuse to feel guilty or less than because of it. Let me be me! And I will let you be you!

3. Please do not correct my speech with the words, "You can't say that you are a pastor's wife!" Considering what used to come out of my mouth (think sailor) I do a pretty good job, most of the time.

4. Please do not expect me to be perfect. I am not and neither are my kids. Perfection is not attainable or attractive. I won't expect it from you either. Let's be okay with being hot messes who need Jesus! Instead of finding all the things wrong with my family, please lift us up in prayer, we definitely need it :) 

5. Please do not expect me to be a good cook and bring the best dish to all the church potlucks. I haven't really gotten the hang of the whole cooking thing but I am an expert in eating and I am a great kisser!

6.  Please do not corner my husband, for long periods of time, when he is out with the family. He does not make the same money as rock stars and does not sign autographs, so therefore please make an appointment or wait to see him at church to discuss why the music was too loud or whose kid that was chugging the grape juice communion. (Again our youngest) Our family time is very precious!

7.  Please do not expect my husband to always pray for the food. He does not have special food blessing powers and sometimes while we wait for him it gets cold. All of us are capable of thanking God for the meal. Plus sometimes those pastor prayers are awful wordy and the fried chicken smells soooo good!

8. Please remember that Pastor Wives are just people too, not Superwomen. The red cape only exists in the movies. We can't be everything to everyone. We have feelings. It's amazing what people say, even with a smile on their face  which can come off quite hurtful. Sometimes I feel pastors' wives have to build a brick fortress around ourselves so people can't get to us or put on a Teflon suit so we can just let things roll off our backs. You ask why many of us are guarded, well sheep bite. Hard. Sometimes it's out of sheer protection. 

9. Please do not say, "Oh I wish my husband was a pastor..it's so cute and their schedule is flexible!" (Actual words said to me) Let me break it down for you. He works every holiday. He sometimes is available 24 hours a day. He never just shuts off his job, because he cares deeply about you. His pay will never reflect the amount of work he does. We can't go to a store without him being stopped at least three to five times. Our family is constantly under attack spiritually and personally. Everything that comes out of his mouth is judged by someone, just read the comment cards dropped in the offering. Cute? Although he is cute, that word describes a bunny or small child not a man who would give everything so that one person would come to know Jesus. Still want to sign up?

10. Finally, please do not hold it against him when I make you mad, say inappropriate things, or don't act a certain way that you expect me to. Although he leads our family and will call me out when I go too far, I am a grown adult. I make mistakes. I will fail. I will not meet all your expectations. But that's what's so amazing about grace! I NEED GRACE by the bag full.