Dear Future Wife Of My Sons

To the Woman Who Will Marry My Sons,

Before you say, "I Do", to my son, I want you to give you a little bit of advice.

First, I want you to know I have been praying years for YOU. I have prayed that you have been letting God work in your life to become the woman my son needs. I prayed that as you captured his heart you were loving Jesus with all your heart, mind, and soul. 

Below are my top 12 pieces of wisdom from someone who has spent a lot of time with your future husband.....just saying.

1. My son does not need a mother, he already has one. Don't treat him like a child even when he asks like one. Nagging, smothering, enabling, and  hovering, don't work they cause resentment on both sides. Be his partner and communicate your expectations like adults. 

2. Be more fun than feisty. I am all for having opinions and being confident but lean more towards being his best friend that makes him laugh and has fun with him. Remember even though he is big and strong, sometimes inside he still feels like a little boy and really cares what you think of him. Harsh words will tear him down. When you do this is public is it very dishonoring and doesn't make you look good either.

3. Use rose-colored glasses when you look at him. He definitely has some flaws. He will need you to sometimes overlook those and be his champion, to help him believe in himself when he doesn't. These glasses will come in handy when HE uses them. They will help him see your beauty even with the stretch marks and 25 extra pounds of baby weight or have more patience with you when you become a screaming manic once a month. 

4. Don't expect him to be like your girlfriends. He can't and shouldn't be your everything. It is not healthy to want him to fill the voids that only a female friend can and get mad at him when he doesn't do it well. 

5. Please don't only be a yes girl. Have the courage to help him become the man of God he is supposed to be. Gently, in love, and with lots of grace, call him on his crap. Don't just agree to stop an argument or avoid one. He will not always be right and neither will you. Try to pick your battles and be wise about what you choose to confront. 

6. Kiss him A LOT.  Don't kid yourself, you are his best friend but you don't want to be his buddy. He craves physical affection, A LOT. Be generous is this area. Don't use sex as bargaining chip or as a tool to get your way. This is a lose-lose situation. Romance is not what you see on TV or in the movies. You don't need flowers as much as you will want him to take out the trash and do the dishes. A guy helping around the house is way more of a turn on than roses.

7. Don't try to have it all together. My son doesn't need perfection he needs humility. He doesn't need a Barbie but someone who is comfortable with whom they are. It’s okay to make mistakes together. It will make you stronger as a couple. Laugh about them, learn from them, and move on.

8. Pray. Pray more. Pray that God will bless your marriage. Pray for protection. Pray you guys will control your thoughts, your words, and your hearts from all the things that want to get you off track. Give thanks for the husband you have. It might be the only one you ever get. 

9. Respect him even when you don't feel like it. Let him lead your family. Don't take the reins from him because you don't think he ever will. If you do. He won't. Ever. See #8 if he is struggling with this or give me a call and I'll chat with him :) 

10. Don't keep score. That means there is always a loser. Unless you are a lawyer don't build a case against him. He will fail you. He will disappoint you. He will not meet your every expectation. But you will have the choice to keep adding things to your list or to forgive him. 

11. He can't read your mind. Repeat. He is not a mind reader. Guys don't think like us, that's why they are guys. You will have to be transparent with your thoughts and state your expectations clearly or you will become easily frustrated with how often he misses the mark on this. 

12. Love well. Extravagantly. Give it your all. Out serve each other.  Follow #1-11 so they become so ingrained in your marriage you just need refreshers every once in awhile.

And please don't worry that this seems very one-sided. I also have quite a bit of advice for my son too. Plus I have spent the last 18 years trying to train him to be the best husband for you!

With Much Love, (honestly)

Your Future Mother-In