What do I know? I am a pastor’s wife. The mother of three children. I am a teacher and have taught college to preschool . I have traveled the world. Joined the military. Mentored hundreds of kids, taken numerous classes and workshops, experienced much joy and many hurts. This year I have been humbled by the fact that I don’t know much.
But the bible says, “We speak of what we know and testify to what we seen..” God, what do I know?
“Kimberley you don’t have to “know” everything. You are making this too difficult. You are making it about you. It’s about me. It’s about my son. Speak of what I did for you, speak of where I found you, speak of our story together. Testify to what you have seen since you have become the daughter of mighty, mighty king. Don’t you remember?”
Yes, Jesus I remember. Here is “Our” story.
I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior in September 1995 and was baptized in Nov of that year. I was 23. My journey to Jesus was difficult to put it lightly. Where did God find me? At the bottom. I had just graduated from college and was waiting to go into the military. I had gotten into a car accident a few months prior and was home doing physical therapy for my injuries. I had spent the last six years filling my life with everything the world had to offer and still I felt empty.
My sister asked me if I wanted to go to church one Sunday? I replied, “Why..what's there? Why would we go to church?” She said I don’t know maybe there will be cute boys. Okay. I have nothing else to do. Let's go. My sister was not a Christian yet. Why on earth she came up with this idea to go to church did not make sense.
The first time we went, I was done. I did not fit in. I did not like the people. I did not like the topic. I did not like the building. I did not see the purpose. Cute guys could be found in a bar. Church was not for me. My sister is older and very bossy so she insisted we keep going because she had found a guy she wanted to hang out with. I tried to say no but she bullied me. After a few weeks the pastor was giving a sermon on talking to Jesus and testing him. I skeptically started to listen…test him? Can you do that? The pastor went on to say Jesus wants a relationship with you, ask him, he will answer your questions. Just ask, get on your knees and ask. Really? Really? For some reason I said “the prayer” along with the pastor. I didn’t feel any different ...in fact I was a little angry.
I went home that night and got on my knees. I felt silly, ridiculous and hoped no one in my family walked in and I would have to explain that I might have lost my mind. On my knees I started talking, actually arguing, with God. I was pissed off….okay God the pastor said test you, he said ask….Well I have a few questions for you.. You say you are a loving God who only wants what is best for me right? Than why was my childhood so insane? Why do I have an alcoholic for a father? Why do I have mother who is crazy and can barely stand me? Why is my sister off her rocker and so mean to me? Why did you let my Grandma die, the only one who I felt loved me? Why is my best friend dead at 20 years old? Where were you when my boyfriend was hurting me and treating me like crap? This is what was best for me? This is what a loving God has to offer? Where were you when I needed you? Why would I want you or your Jesus?
At this time, I am crying..profusely. I do not know even if this God I am talking to exists. And if he does I am so angry at him. All of sudden I felt this warmth, a peace….
“Kimberley, Kimberley..my precious child. I am so sorry that you experienced some of those things. Every tear you cried..every hurt that pierced your heart, I felt. Your pain did not go unnoticed. I have been trying to get your attention for sometime now. You were never, never alone.” Right then that poem “Footprints” came to my mind. I think maybe I had seen it in some one's house, somewhere...it had been years. (It is not like I frequented the types of houses or places that would have had that poem on the wall). .
“Kimberley, during your times of trial and suffering when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you. I am a loving God. Follow me and I will show you how deep my love is. I have already given you my son as proof. It won’t be a bed of roses, your journey will not be easy, but follow me and I will keep of all my promises. I will never let you go”
"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.” John 3:16-17
We speak of what we know, and we testify to what we have seen..” I know that God spoke to my heart not like the burning bush turn your hair white speaking. He met my anger with mercy. He met my doubts with grace. He met my sin with forgiveness. He met my pain with His son on the cross. Like he promised my journey with him has not always been easy but like he also promised he never let go. I have seen God transform my life and those around me. I have seen his healing touch and amazing grace. I have seen God break the cycles in my life so now my children will not experience the pain I did as a child.
Again….”We speak of what we know, and we testify to what we have seen..” I challenge you to ask yourself what is my story with God? It doesn't matter what it looks like..it doesn't have to be like mine. What do you know about God? What have you seen? Do you talk about it? If not why? You don’t have to know much..... you just have to know your story with Him.
0 comments:
Post a Comment