Not Hiding Anymore!

Since I was little I have been pretty good at hiding either physically or mentally. When my parents started arguing I would hide in my room with my hands over my ears trying to block it all out. When my mom was angry I would hide in my bed under the covers hoping she wouldn't find me. If I knew my sister was after me I would hide in the shower, locking the bathroom door terrified she would get me.

As I got older I got even better at hiding my thoughts, feelings, emotions, and pain. I would escape into a book or deflect what was really going on by using humor or making a joke. If you make people laugh they rarely ask if anything is wrong. I hid behind getting good grades, doing sports, joining different clubs, or dating cute boys. I hid behind walls of self-made protection not really wanting people to see what was going on at home. If you act like everything is fine most people are more comfortable with that. I got really good at pretending like nothing was the matter even though inside I wanted someone, anyone, to see everything was falling apart. So I continued to hide behind the fake smiles, the partying, and the superficial and unhealthy relationships.

But since I met Jesus I refuse to HIDE ANYMORE! I know sometimes I can be raw, intense, or a little too much. I might wear my emotions on my face or my feelings on my sleeve but I have nothing to hide. My past is behind me. Other people's actions do not define me. Tears do not make me weak. Knowing I am loved and loving others makes me stronger! If you see me at work, at home, at church, or out with my friends, I am the same person. I don't change who I am to fit those around me.

I feel things deeply. I love others a lot! I am passionate about many things! I have opinions and do not like injustice. I have a voice and I am not afraid to use it even when it's uncomfortable. I sometimes care more about the truth than if I am well liked. I don't hide behind closed doors. Afraid. Ashamed. Scared of what people might think. I know my identity is not in how much money I make, what house I live in, what car I drive, the size of my waist, or how good my kids do in school and sports.

I try not to act like I have it all together. I am a bit rough around the edges but hopefully more real than not. I am flawed and broken. I make a lot of mistakes. But I still refuse to hide. Jesus doesn't live in the darkness and he is okay with the messy. He doesn't ask for perfection but He does ask for me to show up. Whenever I feel the urge to hide under my covers or with my hands over my ears blocking out all the pain, He gently whispers, "Kimberley, I love you no matter what! Nothing you do can make me love you any less and nothing you do can make me love you anymore. I love you just because you are mine! You don't have to hide anymore!"

What are you hiding from? Isn't it time to stop and claim the promises of God?

"He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners..." Isaiah 61:1