Broken Bottles, Broken Chains

As a family we watched a movie called Home Run last week. It was about a fictional, professional, baseball player who struggled with alcoholism. The story showed how his childhood trauma caused him to drown out the problems in his life and the voices of his abusive father from his head. In one part of the movie, the main actor was sitting in a hotel room just staring at the mini fridge where he was storing his booze. He was saying over and over, "I will not give in. I don't need it." My kids actually cheered when they thought he stopped drinking and then would groan when he eventually started up again. 

It was painful to watch my children be on an emotional roller coaster with this guy! Luckily they only dealt with these up and down feelings for an hour and half and it wasn't personal. I, on the other hand, lived in this kind of turmoil almost my entire life and it was very, very personal. You see I knew that the main character would ALWAYS go back to the bottle. I knew he wouldn't be able to resist the lure of numbing the pain if only for a few hours. I knew my kids were setting themselves up for disappointment by believing that THIS time he would change. This time he would say no. This time he would do the right thing and choose his family over the alcohol. I wanted to tell my kids, "THEY ALWAYS GO BACK!" I had to remind myself that we were watching a movie. It wasn't a real family. By why did the hurt and feelings seem so real? So familiar. It was easy to fall back into the painful cycle of the last 37 years of my life dealing with my dad's addiction. The memories were strong of being a child and not understanding why my family was different or as a teenager feeling the shame that there was so much to hide. Or being an adult and wanting to protect my own children from the yo-yo of hope and despair that comes with addictions. 

Of course by the end of the movie, Hollywood wrapped up this guy's life nicely. He overcame his drinking, ended up speaking at his AA meetings, got his family back, and they all lived happily ever after. My kids went to bed happy and carefree because that's how most Disney movies end. The good guys wins. The world is saved. The guy gets the girl. Love conquers everything. That is all they know. 

But with alcohol addiction that is rarely the reality. I sat there, as my husband tucked my kids into bed, with tears in my eyes for all the families that have been destroyed over alcohol and don't get their happily ever after. I cried for all the dreams and futures that were cut short because the temptation to drink quickly snuffed them out. I cried because the lies of alcohol affect not just the person but also their children, their grandkids, and everyone around them for generations to come. And then my tears flowed in overwhelming gratitude. I cried more because I am beyond thankful that those chains are broken in my family. I cried because I am blessed to be married to a guy who doesn't find hope at the bottom of a bottle and my children do not have to live under the burdens of addiction. I am in awe. I've been set free. The cycle of destruction will not repeat itself in my house! 

“Lord, help!” they cried in their trouble, and he saved them from their distress. He led them from the darkness and deepest gloom; he snapped their chains." Psalms 107:13-14

Advice for a New Teacher!

When I started teaching almost 20 years ago, I thought I was going to change the world! I arrogantly thought that my students had so much to learn and that I would impart this knowledge upon them with copious amounts of wisdom and creativity. The problem with education was some teachers just didn't care and they stopped teaching with enthusiasm. I was going to be different! I had a brand new degree on the wall that made me an expert, right? With my new school supplies, seating charts, books, bulletin boards, sharpened pencils (ooh how I love these), and lesson plans, I was ready to take on the challenge.

My first week, I quickly learned that I knew little to nothing! It was like a Tasmanian devil had gone off in my classroom and laid waste to all my hard work. Those 4th graders didn't care how long I prepared for them or that I spent all my money on those supplies. They didn't have any respect for that degree on the wall that cost me tens of thousands of dollars. They were definitely not sitting in their chairs with their hands in their laps ready to learn all the great and wonderful things I wanted to teach them. One student even looked at me and said, "Why should I listen to you?"

With all the indignation I could muster I said, "Because I am the TEACHER!" There that should put him in his place! He shrugged his shoulders and replied, "This is my 17th school since Kindergarten. I have had so many teachers I don't even remember any of them. My family will move again, like we always do, so I ain't even gonna waste my time getting to know you or listen to what you have to say."

I went home feeling like an utter failure, the wind taken out of my sails. My "change the world" attitude soon became "just let me survive"! I did get through my first year, barely. And I have continued to teach all different ages from preschool, to elementary, to middle school special education, and even adults in prison. But my arrogance quickly turned into humbleness. My imparting knowledge to my students instead became learning about them. My wisdom was not from my college degree but came from listening when the kids talked and more importantly trying to understand when they couldn't put their feelings into words. Instead of inspiring my students, they inspired me by overcoming obstacles that would have knocked most adults on their butt.

Other things I learned:

Don't assume you know anything about a child from just what you see on the outside. This will make you look foolish because many things can be covered up with cute clothes and a tidy haircut. Greatness and beauty can be hidden underneath dirt and a bad attitude.

Don't be quick to label. A label can follow a child around for a lifetime and place them in a box that defines them instead of being defined by who they are as a person and a unique human being.

Listen first. Kids have so many interesting things to say. Most of them don't have a voice outside of school. This could be his or her only opportunity to feel like someone is paying attention.

Watch closely. Kids don’t always have the vocabulary to explain what is going on inside. They are not mini adults. They are children who need help interpreting the world around them. Actions speak louder than words.

Don't stop believing that EVERY child is worthy! Every child deserves respect. Every child can learn even the ones who seem beyond hope! It's about progress not perfection. Look deeper for the each student's strengths.

Your words are powerful! Words can either build up or destroy. Be careful what you say about your students. Remember they are somebody's baby. Parents trust you with their most precious treasure for 6 hours a day. Don't take this lightly by being reckless with your words when talking about a child.

Don't point fingers at parents, the school, the administration, the educational system or whatever else you think is THE problem with education. Complaining and blaming don't work towards solutions. They drag everybody down. Be the change you want to see and make a difference in your classroom.

Finally, get ready for the ride of a lifetime! You will have many ups and downs but it's worth it all when you see some of your students 5, 10, 15 years later and know you had a small part in their journey!

Not Prepared For This!

Last night the pastor was talking about baptism and my 9 year old son looked up at me and said, "Mom I want to get baptized!" My first thoughts, like every good mom were, "Huh? What does this mean? Are you kidding? Does he know what he is talking about?"

Lawson, why do you want to get baptized? He peered over his glasses which magnify his eyes, "Mom, it’s not about the crackers and juice. I want to live with Jesus and I want Him to live in me."

Again in my head, so many irrelevant thoughts race through my mind, "Okay that's awesome BUT this was not on the schedule, grandma and grandpa are not here, we didn't send out invitations, we don't have a Bible with your name on it, I am wearing ripped jeans, this is epic and I am not prepared for this conversation!"

How can I not be prepared? I have ministered to people for over 20 years and have talked to hundreds about Jesus! Why am I drawing a blank looking in the eyes of one of the most precious kids in the world to me? God, what on Earth am I supposed to say? Maybe he should talk to his dad, who we can't find! Lord, please help me!

We go sit on a bench in the back of the church and I ask him, "Lawson do you know what baptism means? It’s telling the world, that the best that you know how, you are going to follow Jesus. You are going to let Him lead you in your life. That you know He died on the cross for your sins and rose again. At that he has a spot in heaven just for you! Is that what you believe son? Not because your dad is a pastor, not because you go to church, not because your brother did this 5 years ago, not to make us happy. There is no party, no presents, nothing but a horse trough with water outside for you to get wet in. Do you still want to do this?"

"Yep, I want to follow Jesus with all my heart." His dad walks up and we prayed with our son. Surrounded by tons of people who love and support him, Lawson Reid Lee, was baptized in a galvanized tub, sitting on a trailer, in the parking lot of a public high school. There weren't any balloons streamers, confetti, or banners. But I know there was a party in heaven with the angels singing and rejoicing! (Luke 15:10) 

"Jesus called a little child to him and put the child among them. 3 Then he said, “I tell you the truth, unless you turn from your sins and become like little children, you will never get into the Kingdom of Heaven. 4 So anyone who becomes as humble as this little child is the greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven.: Matthew 18:2

TOXIC people

def. toxic- 1) extremely harsh, malicious, or harmful 2) exhibiting symptoms of infection 3) poisonous material especially when capable of causing death or serious debilitation.

Synonyms: harmful, unhealthy, venomous, deadly, lethal

Most of us see a skull and crossbones on a bottle or a can and we stay clear or at least handle it with the utmost caution. We acknowledge that the contents could be harmful if not deadly. One small bit of the chemical botox on your skin can kill you within minutes. Other substances like nicotine can take years to kill you slowly and painfully. 

We have warning labels on almost everything from Christmas trees to flammable pajamas to household cleaners. Why don't people come with some kind of warnings: toxic ...do not engage in any kind of relationship with this person. May cause irreversible damage, drag your emotions through the mud, stomp your heart to smithereens, and may infect your brain causing insanity.

Most of us have at least one relationship that we can relate this to. Maybe it was a boy/girlfriend, spouse, family member, boss or coworker, or a person we were close to. Some of us did not heed the warning labels or ignored the signs of danger all together! We chose not to listen or wanted to take the risks no matter the cost. We chose to constantly put ourselves in peril.

Since people don't have skulls and crossbones tattooed (mostly) on their foreheads, how are we to navigate in relationships? What are we to do? Be fearful? Run scared? Stay away?

Relationships can be intimidating but it doesn't mean you shouldn't engage. We are designed to live in community with each other. We are created to share our burdens, rejoice and mourn together, and most of all to love, everyone! People are messy, broken, and yes sometimes toxic. And since they don't come with instructions, handle with care, take caution, read the warning signs, and if you are having trouble understanding the labels get help. Ask people who are not scared to be honest with you. 

"If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him." James 1:5 

Delta Delta Delta

Sororities and fraternities pretty much have a bad reputation most of the time. With all the movies, Saturday night live skits, news coverage, and hazing ridiculousness, the Greek organizations often fulfill their infamous stereotypes. I, myself, poke fun when I sheepishly admit that I joined a very well-known sorority in college. But what people don't take into account are the benefits of being a part of Greek life. One of them being the people you meet and friendships you make that can last a lifetime.

I graduated from college almost 20 years ago and the friendships I made in my sorority are ones I still treasure to this day. The memories of our time living in the dorm together, dressing up for formals, going to parties, laughing at the antics of the frat boys, are all fun to reminisce about but the bonds have grown stronger since we have graduated. It’s the weddings we have shared together, the birthdays, baby showers, kid functions, Christmas parties, even the funerals and other milestones that have made these woman so important to me. It’s being able to appreciate the lines that are etched a little deeper in our faces, because of the many joyful events as well as the sorrows we have had to endure. It's accepting each other for who were are and respecting the different journeys we are all on. It's knowing that I might not see them often but when I do it’s like wrapping myself up in warm fuzzy blanket of comfort. Being a part of a sorority is sometimes what you see on TV, but for me it has been sharing life, tears, laughter, joy, heartache, with some pretty AMAZING people!  Calling them sisters is not too strong of a word for how I feel about them.