"I pray that out of his glorious riches He may strengthen you with power through His Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge —that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God."
We chose these because it encapsulated our relationship with God. When we first met we were both pretty rough around the edges but for different reasons. Bryan was very churched. His grace stick was a bit small and he sometimes said pretty hurtful things using bible verses to back it up. I was a new Christian with a lot of baggage, hurts, and pain. You would think two opposites would not get along right? Well to be honest we didn't at first. We came from two completely different backgrounds and experiences. Our entire approach to life was not even on the same page. So how did it work? A lot of hard work, more laughter, and a ton of God's grace.Bryan said he knew we were going to get married after 5 months of dating. I on the other hand was much slower on the uptake. It took me two and half years before I was ready to be his wife. Why so long? Bryan is pretty easy to love if you can get past his laundry situation :) Loving him wasn't the problem. What I had to figure out was could I accept his love and be the wife God wanted for him? Could I forgive myself for my past and accept deep down that God made me new? Could I work through my family issues and not be bound by the generational sin? Could I cast off the guilt of not being "as good as" Bryan seem to be? Could I really be a pastor's wife? I sure as heck didn't feel like I could fill those shoes.
How did I answer those questions? Well not by looking at my daily horoscope or calling a hot line. Not by vomiting on all my friends until I found one who would just agree with me and help me justify everything. Not by pushing all the tough stuff under the rug hoping nobody would find it. And not by being in denial and trying to be something I wasn't just so I could become this amazing man's wife. I took over 2 years soaking up my relationship with Jesus. I joined Bible studies to seek out His will. I read my Bible to find out who He was. I went to conferences to learn more about Jesus.
I surrounded myself with Christian friends who encouraged me to keep the faith. I mostly listened to Christian music so I could constantly renew my mind and praise Him. I started volunteering in the youth ministry to understand the importance of serving others. I obeyed God when He told me to keep my relationship with Bryan physically pure no matter how hard it would be. I learned to lean into the pain and not run from it because God was faithful in healing my wounds.
Did all that "work"? Yes and no. It got me on the right path but it wasn't the whole picture. The key was falling in love with Jesus. The true difference was really believing that He died on the cross for me. His blood paid the price for my past. He was pierced for my sins. He loved me enough to die on the cross and He didn't want anything in return but for me to accept him. I said yes to becoming Bryan's wife after I said yes to Jesus and accepted that God loved me more.
How high, how wide, how long, how deep is the love of Christ? Long enough, wide enough, and deep enough to find me!
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