R U Kidding Me?

When I see people from my past and we catch up on the past twenty years, the conversation usually comes around to what are you doing, who did you marry? I eventually tell them I just happen to marry a pastor. The reactions vary from a slight nod, a puzzled look, raised eyebrows in disbelief, ignoring completely, or my favorite, a full out belly laugh of hysteria saying, "You gotta be kidding me? You? A pastor's wife? How did that happen?" I get why people respond that way. If you look at my past track records of boyfriends or pictures from high school and college it does seem pretty far fetched. I often chuckle at God's sense of humor with pairing Bryan and I up.

Usually the next questions follow the line of, "Do you drink anymore? Do you miss going out to the bars? Bryan probably wouldn't let you go out with us on the party bus? Do you have to act a certain way? Why would you want to change?" The questions seem to infer that I am not as fun as I once was, I have been brainwashed, or I am just plain weird. I have even been told by one of my old drinking buddies that they miss the "Old Kimberley" and can't understand why on earth I would change so much. The conclusion is that I do not do certain things because Bryan works at a church. But that could not be further from the truth. My life was radically changed before I met Bryan, before I knew we were going to get married, and definitely before I knew he would be a pastor. His job never changed my behavior other than I try not to embarrass him too much.

Why do I act different? Why are my decisions made through a different filter than the past?

I was compelled. I was compelled because of my love. My love for my God whose actions are more powerful than words. Whose words speak life and not death. Whose life sets the example of what love looks like. He transformed me from the inside out. I challenged Him to prove his love and he did by showing me His son on the cross. I challenged Him to heal my hurting heart and he brought people into my life to fill in the cracks. I challenged Him with my anger and He showed me what forgiveness looked liked. I used to want to fill all the voids in my life with all the things the world had to offer. I now know that only God can heal the broken-hearted, bind up the past, and set us free.

My love for Jesus means more than looking through life from the bottom of a beer bottle. My love for him means more than partying, more than putting people down to be funny, more than having all the material stuff. I didn't change because of a job title or the church. I was transformed because of a relationship. I don't do certain things because of the rules. I act certain ways because of my love for Jesus. My love for Him challenges me everyday to reflect Him the best I can.

"Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you will prove what is good and acceptable and the perfect will of God." Romans 12:2