Excited To See You!

The other day, I ran into a friend unexpectedly. She was standing on the sidelines of the soccer game I was attending and when I saw her I got so excited! I yelled her name, gave her a big hug, and started chatting away. You would think we hadn't seen each other in months but we actually went to dinner together only three weeks ago. My friend is encouraging, kind, and loves me for who I am. We are transparent with other, talk about our struggles and our screw-ups, and try to figure out how God is shaping us into the person He created us to be. Sometimes we have to call each other out on our junk or give a different perspective but it's done lovingly and with the best intentions. When I went home that night I was thanking God for my friend and I burst into tears. I was so overwhelmed because, in my mind, I saw snapshots of many people that He has placed in my life to love me, of which I am truly, truly grateful for.

But then I saw an image of Jesus, with His hands stretched out wide and a huge smile on His face, saying, "Kimberley, I AM so excited to see you! I love you desperately and can't wait for you to share your day with me. I never get tired of you placing all your troubles at my feet and letting me carry the load. Sometimes, lessons and character building in your life is painful but necessary. I promise to never judge or look down on you. I am very thankful you are my child and can't imagine not being a part of your life!"

I am in awe that the feelings I get when seeing people I enjoy; excitement, happiness, warm fuzzies, and laughter, will be ten-fold when I see my creator! I won't have to be on my best behavior, hold up a mask, or try a bunch of silly things to fit in. I can just run into His arms and know that I am loved beyond measure! That's pretty amazing if you ask me!

"See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!" 1 John 3:1

Happy 40th Birthday Bryan!

Bryan, 

I know you don't really want to make a big deal about your birthday and besides a new pair of tennis shoes you don't really want anything either. And although words cannot even begin to describe what you mean to me I want to you to know that even after 20 years together, I am still in awe how blessed I am that God gave me you! I sometimes watch you while you sleep (because you go to bed so much faster than me :) and think I could not have asked for anyone more perfect for me! People put you on a pedestal because of your job but a career doesn't make a man. Money doesn't make a man either. Love and character outlast those, of which you are filled with both.

I made a short list of some of the "ways" or memories that remind me how patient and loving you are. Always willing to serve our family and others. You are loyal and steadfast. You make me laugh and did I mention patient? Plus you keep getting hotter as the years go by, which is kind of unfair, but I'll take it :)

You make me feel beautiful when I can't see it myself. 

Tell me I am not crazy even though we both know I tend to lean that way most of the time. (case in point the rest of this letter)

You don't make a big deal about me not being a good cook or that I get lost driving in a town I have lived in for over 25 years. 

You show patience when I refuse to wait for you to hang up stuff and instead end up putting holes all over the walls.

Hide in clothes racks at the store to avoid someone from my past.

You don't make me feel dumb when I wear my pants backwards to work or my shirt inside out.

OR melt a red pen in the glue gun because I wasn't paying attention.

You don't get mad when I make you tear apart the bathroom to the studs even though I had no plan or money to put it back together again.

Wake you up in the middle of the night to talk because I am scared or I just remembered something "really important" that can't wait.

Keep the light on in our room until 2am so I can read "just 1 more chapter"

Get up out of our warm cozy bed because I "swear" I heard a noise.

Help me clean the house because I just watched a marathon of Hoarders.

Bring me breakfast or lunch because "I forgot" even though I work 20 minutes away.

You don't roll your eyes when I get stuck in a rut of buying the same thing at the store even though we have plenty of it. 6 jars of peanut butter and ketchup are needed right?

My irrational fears of driving off the side of a mountain so I want you to drive in the middle of the road, even though that is dangerous too.

Calm me down when I am convinced I have a brain tumor, the West Nile, leukemia, or any other deadly diseases I just read about.

Smile at me when I am trying to convince you to get a tattoo of my face on your stomach in case I die so your next wife will always remember I came first.

Or that I have actually talked to you numerous times about letting me go ahead and pick out your next wife for you because I think I have good taste. (It should be a team decision)

The countless hours that you have coached all three kids, in 5 different sports, standing out in the cold, rain, wind, heat, and putting up with tantrums (from me) from the sidelines, will make a difference in the life of our kids and the people who you have touched along the way.

The list can go on and on, but my bottom line is Happy Birthday to my best friend and LOVE OF MY LIFE! I want to spend the next 40 years with you serving Jesus even if it's from a cardboard box! I love you sideways 8.

Kimberley

Not About You!

What if it's not about you? Those six words can be read and forgotten, easily dismissed. Yeah, yeah I know that, kind of, sort of, sometimes, but.. really? I don't want to actually live that way. Since we were babies we have liked our needs met. I want food NOW! My diaper changed Now! I want to be picked up NOW! As an infant we didn't know better, our whole world revolved around our instant gratification. As I look around and watch people, as I look in the mirror, have we really changed all that much? We might not cry in fits of rage (or maybe you do). We might not scream at the top of our lungs until someone pays attention to us (or maybe I do). But we definitely feel comfort and satisfaction when our demands and expectations are met. The faster the better. We greatly prefer things to go our way. It’s not too much to ask because really our ideas make more sense than most of those around us right? 

Don't like your car? Trade it in for more an expensive newer one. Don't like the service at the restaurant? Don't think about what kind of day the waitress might be having. Instead, get angry and sarcastic with her or leave a bad tip because she didn't deserve it. Don't like your friends? Move on to other ones that are easier. Don't like your girlfriend? Break up with her. There has to be a better version. Don't like your marriage? It has gotten way too hard? Get a divorce. The next go round you will do things differently right? Don't like your sex life? Cheat or watch porn to feed your desires no matter the cost. Don't like your job? Quit. Don't like your co-worker because they are irritating or annoying? Ignore them or walk the other direction. Don't like the worship leader at your church because he doesn't play the songs you like? They are too loud? He was mean last Sunday? Talk bad about him to others to justify your point or sit there and pout through the songs. You don't like the preacher's message? Or that person at church hurt your feelings? Stop going. Don't worry about loyalty or commitment. There is another church that might cater to your needs better. Don't feel like doing the right thing? Don't. Most people are so terrified of holding others accountable no one will say anything anyway. Many times, when our expectations are not met or conflict arises or something we don't like occurs, we simply walk away or quit or check out or try to find something different that is more comfortable, logical...just easier! Anymore, it's not go big or go home. It's get your own way or go home. It's get uncomfortable and go home. 


What if it's NOT ABOUT YOU! What if we tattooed this on our arm and thought about this every time we wanted to get hostile, angry, disappointed, hurt, irritated, annoyed, or things get too difficult? What if we kept our older car and instead used the extra money on sponsoring a child? What if we gave the tip to the waitress, even if she didn't deserve it, because she stands on her feet all day, raises her kids alone, and that tip with a kind word could change her day around? What if instead of walking away from friendships we have tough conversations and stick by each other? What if we stop looking at our marriages as ways to get our own needs met, tit-for-tat, and spent our time praying to God to change how we see our spouse to love them better? What if the relationship or job you are in is more about your growth as a person through hard times rather than your comfort? What if we stopped avoiding our co-worker and try to get know them, maybe even ask how you can pray for them. What if we don't like the preaching or the songs at church but we don't grumble or complain we go serve in another area for a while or pour into someone else's life? What if we stopped thinking, "What am I getting out of this?" and instead say, "What can I do to help?" What if we TRULY acted like we believe that Jesus died on the cross for our sins, even though we didn't deserve it, and our whole mission in life is to make it about Him and not us? What if?

"So, chosen by God for this new life of love, dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you: compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline. Be even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive an offense. Forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave you. And regardless of what else you put on, wear love. It’s your basic, all-purpose garment. Never be without it." 

Colossians 3:12-14 MSG

Losing My Mind?

A new Christian asked me the other day what has helped me the most change my life over the last 20 years of following Jesus? I was totally unprepared for this kind of question! My mind went blank at first and then started scrolling through all these great Christian clichés; God's love, the awesomeness of the cross, memorizing scripture, reading the Bible, going to church, serving others, helping people on their journeys, being in community....how do I pick just one? All of these things were foundational in my faith! In an instant of clarity, it came to me! What have I had to do daily, over and over, sometimes minute by minute to change my way of thinking, to break free of my past, and to have victory over the enemy? "Capturing my thoughts"!

To be honest, most of the time I feel like I am losing my mind. The struggle is real and fierce to not let negative thoughts overwhelm the truth of the cross. The noise and distraction of the world bombard me with so many things contrary to what I know God wants for my life. It is easy and comfortable to fall into the cycle of being critical of everyone around me, especially my family. It's more natural to place blame and find fault with my workplace, the church, the government, Ebola carriers, traffic cameras, bad parents, the education system, bank bailouts, and everything else in between. 

I have a choice on how I am going to think and what filter I'm going to use to respond. If left to my own devices, I would give into my fears and critical nature. I would run around screaming, "The sky is falling!" and rip apart everyone from the McDonalds cashier who can't take my order correctly to my husband who can't seem to get his calendar organized.

But when I said yes to following Jesus I knew I could not trust my own stinking thinking. I knew the person I was in my past was not the person I wanted to become. I knew that in order to change my thoughts I had to "capture" them. What does this really mean? How do I put this into practice? Literally, when a negative, ugly or critical thought comes into my mind, I stop and start praying it away. I try to replace it with a truth I have learned from God's word, maybe even quote scripture. Sometimes, I ask God to take it out of my brain by reminding me of a positive memory to replace it. I also have been known to talk to myself, "Lord, change my heart, change my attitude, and help me not kill anyone." (Repeat as needed, even if it’s over and over again within a few minutes).

Does this always work? NOOOOO! I also make the choice to not capture my thoughts and give in to my fears, frustrations, anger, and critical nature. Usually, this does not turn out so well and I have to go back and apologize to someone. When I listen to lies and untruths it is easy to become overwhelmed, depressed, doubtful, and foolish! The cycle of letting my thoughts run amok is addicting and difficult to break once I get rolling. It’s amazing how fast relationships start breaking down when people sit in the "crappy" thinking for too long. Your viewpoint of God can even start changing and that leads to nowhere good!

So to answer my friend's question, one of the things that have helped me the most in my life is capturing my thoughts! Otherwise I could see myself losing my mind :)

"We destroy every proud obstacle that keeps people from knowing God. We capture their rebellious thoughts and teach them to obey Christ." 

2 Cor 10:5

What On Earth Am I Here For?

I have just finished my third time through the Bible study, "What on Earth Am I Here For?" by Rick Warren. For those of you who know me, I rarely EVER re-watch a movie (maybe Top Gun..don't judge me), reread a book (only parts of the Bible), or re-do anything! I am way too impatient and have so many other things I want to accomplish. So that I have been through this study 3 times is pretty amazing. What's so different about it? 

At first, it seems like Christianity 101. I should know all this right? I am a pastor's wife and have followed Jesus for over 20 years. But what struck me the most is the all the "A-HA” moments I had. Something just clicked! Pastor Warren answers foundational questions as to why we even exist. Because to be honest, there have been times in my life where I have wondered why God even bothered creating us. I have questioned why He didn't do a better job with humans because we can be really, really awful. I have sat on my bed and screamed, "What do you want from me? Really?" 

I re-learned that I was created by God for his purpose, so HE could love ME! I was planned for God's pleasure (worship), formed for God's family (fellowship), created to become like Christ (discipleship), shaped for serving God (ministry) and I was made for a mission (evangelism). 

Until we understand that we were made by God for His purposes, life will never make sense. And a life without purpose is a life without meaning. True significance is not about prestige, power, pleasure, or possessions. It’s about KNOWING the one who created us. 

If you live to be 70 years old, you will live 25,550 days. Don't you think its worth to find out what you are supposed to do with them, instead of getting to the end and realizing you might have wasted most of those days on many things that do not matter for eternity?

"For everything, absolutely everything, above and below, visible and invisible...everything got started in Him and finds its purpose in Him." Colossians 1:16 (MSG)