I Get Knocked Down!

A few years ago I told my husband that one of my theme songs for my life was, "I Get Knocked Down But I Get Up Again." He looked at me and said, "That's nice Kimberley because that is not the name of the song. It's called Tubthumping and the whole song is about getting drunk."

Oh...well.... I must have missed that, what a dumb name! But I think it's really catchy and it just speaks to me.

In my head, I would literally chant over and over again, "I get knocked down but I get up again you're never gonna keep me down! I get knocked down but I get up again you're never gonna keep me down!"

Because life is hard. Really hard. It's easy to  feel knocked down a lot! Relationships, finances, family drama, work problems, house or car repairs, paying for college, saving for retirement, medical bills, the list is endless. The minute you seem to catch your breath something can come and blow you over again! Give you a 1, 2 PUNCH! For me, growing up in a dysfunctional family was difficult. Being a teenager without much guidance and dating the wrong guys did a number on my self-esteem. Getting through college without any financial support was tough. Making a lot of dumb decisions in my young adult years made me face some not so pretty consequences. Losing my grandma and my best friend in one year was life altering. Getting into a car accident, twice, that took away my military career seemed unfair beyond belief. So many times I felt like I'm done! I can't take much more. There has to be something else to life than just this! How many times can a person get knocked down? It was tiring and lonely. But I knew, I felt it in the depths of my soul, that no matter what I would get back up again. I just couldn't put my finger on the why.

After I started going to church and learning about God, I realized what the why was. I knew then that I didn't have to be alone. The fight wasn't me against the world. I finally understood that there is more to life than just surviving the punches. He's called Jesus! The world  would not keep me down. My past would not keep me down. My problems were not going to keep me down. When I get knocked around, instead of feeling defeated I know that God has a plan for my life. I know that I am loved beyond anything I could ever imagine! Not one hurt goes unnoticed. He doesn't promise that this life will be easy, fair, without issues, or all about my comfort. What He does promise is that He is preparing a home for me where I can spend eternity singing and dancing with him. He does promise me that when life gets too much to handle because it most certainly will, He will pick me up and carry me the rest of the way!

So although that song has a very silly name and the words were written in a different context, I choose to sing that chorus and put my spin on it, " I get knocked down and I get up again nothing is gonna keep me down because I have an army of angels on my side and a Savior who promises to be my shelter from the storms!"

"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging." Psalms 42:1-3

Front Row Seats!

A few months ago, I had the honor and privilege of baptizing a friend of mine. When he first asked, I thought he texted the wrong person! Are you sure you meant me? It kind of caught me off guard because I kept thinking I am not a pastor, I don't know how to do this really. It seems too colossal to screw up!

After my initial freak out, I realized this request WRECKED me! I couldn't stop crying all day. I was overwhelmed with the bigness of God working through this young man. I was in awe of how God pursued him relentlessly, knowing He had plans for him. I was also extremely grateful that God gave me the chance to have front row seats and be a small part of Ricky's journey.

It was an experience I will never forget.

That night when I went to bed I looked over at Bryan and cried, "I want everyone to have front row seats! I wish they could experience something like I did today because it was such a blessing! I want everyone to 'get' that investing in the lives of others is so worth it because you end up being blessed ten-fold! I know that sometimes it's hard, time consuming, messy, and even hurtful to walk alongside people, but if everyone could even catch a glimpse of what it's like to see God's amazing works through others they would all want to be a part! It's not just about being able to baptize others. It's being a part of their weddings, graduations, funerals, baby showers, housewarmings, sports events, piano recitals, and life in general. It's watching people take baby steps, falling down, helping them get back up, dusting them off, and pointing them in the right direction. It's seeing them own their relationship with Jesus, use their gifts and talents to give back to others, go on mission trips, teach in church, lead worship, grow small groups, have good marriages, and be lights in the world!"

"Bryan, why doesn't everyone want to do this? Don't they see? The last 20 years with Jesus and loving on people has been like having front row seats to the most epic movie ever! I can't imagine doing it differently! It's not because we are great people it's because we serve A GREAT GOD!" 

My husband looks at me to see if I am finished with my exuberant speech and simply says, "Kimberley, many think the cost is too high."

Huh? NO! I will not take that answer anymore. When I think of the cost I think of the cross...I am so glad Jesus didn't look at me and think, "Hmmm this one really is kind of a screw up. She is drama, has a lot of baggage, and she keeps making the same dumb mistakes. This girl is broken; it will take too much work. She is not worth it." I will continue to shout it and I am a LOUD girl, that loving on others IS WHAT WE WERE MADE FOR! This is not something good Christians should do, it should be WHO WE ARE! God is inviting us to sit in the front row seats cheering people on in His name!

"Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works. And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near." Hebrews 10:24-25 (NLT)

Jen and Matt's Story

I want to give you a little background on Jen and Matt's story. Why the two of them standing up here getting married today is a huge blessing and a journey that has an overall theme of TRUST.  Their story is not flashy or dramatic. It wasn’t love at first sight and it didn't happen overnight. But is one filled with hope and awe of how God works in the lives of people who trust him.

Jen and Matt became friends 4 years ago at a Bible study. A few weeks later, Jen came to Bryan and I and said, "Matt told me he likes me, but I just want to be friends. What do I do?" We told her she had to be honest and tell him the truth. Then Matt came to us and said, "I really like Jen but she just wants to be friends. What do I do?" We told him, "There is not much you can do. But by the way are you in the right space to be dating her? Can you lead her spiritually? Is this the right time?"

After this they grew apart. Feelings got hurt. One wanted a relationship the other wanted to just be good friends. Now they were neither. We encouraged both of them to work on becoming the man and woman God wanted them to be. And to TRUST HIM. 

Fast-forward a year.  Matt and Jen started hanging out again. And lo and behold, Matt still likes Jen more than a friend. And guess what? Jen still just wants to be friends. Matt comes to us and says, "What do I do? I really feel like she is the one for me?" Again we tell him, there is not much you can do she is just not there yet. You are going to have to TRUST GOD with this.

Meanwhile, Jen is wondering if God has forgotten about her. She has followed Him a long time and be pretty obedient with her life, where is her prince charming? We tell her you have to TRUST HIM. He's got this.

At this point, most guys would have probably given up, cut their losses. What does Matt do? He stays her friend. Which was not easy, and often pretty painful. But he keeps TRUSTING in God. That December he sits in my living room and asks me, “Kimberley, what do I do? I really feel in my heart that Jen is the one for me. I love hanging out with her and just being around her. But this is hard. It’s been three years."

I said to him, "Matt, if you believe she is the one. You have to trust God to place that on her heart. You can either quit and walk away and no one would blame you or you wait. And trust Him."

At this point Bryan and I are silently rooting for Matt. Because in the last 3 years Matt has definitely changed. He seems happier and his spirit is lighter. You can see that he takes his relationship with God a little more serious and has grown so much in his walk with Jesus. He has proven to be trustworthy, steadfast, responsible, and treats Jen great!

4 months later, Matt went away for 10 days to Washington. On the day he was to come home, Jen comes over to talk to us at 10 at night. She says, "I really have missed Matt being gone. I mean I have missed, missed him like as in more than a friend miss him."

We asked her what was different and what she was she going to do about it?

She said he is my best friend and I love spending time with him. But she was scared and didn’t want to make things awkward or lose him if he didn’t like her anymore. 

We told her she had two choices, do nothing and just let it be or take a risk and tell him the truth about her feelings. The worst that could happen is he tells you no, but then you have been telling him that for years! You have to Trust God on this.

She text me that night and said, he didn’t say no!

 A few weeks into their relationship, I might have emailed Matt to respectfully let him know what some of the expectations were for the guy who wants Jen’s heart might be:

Does "this guy" recognize her beauty on the inside and out? Will he tell her she is beautiful often and show her by the way her treats her?

Will he push her outside of her comfort zone so she can become the woman of God she was created to be?

Will he teach her to stand up for herself and never let her hide in a closet again because she is worth more?

Will he lead her spiritually so she can continue to grow in Christ?

Will he know she is sensitive and not make her feel dumb when she cries, but yet won't let her emotions rule?

Will he know that she loves spending time helping others and try not to ever isolate her?

Will he fight for her even when she is being ridiculous because he is on her team no matter what?

Will he not be afraid of conflict and push back if he needs to because she can't win all the time? Many times growth happens in the fire.

Will he realize that she is ONE OF A KIND and important to so many?

AGAIN! MOST GUYS WOULD HAVE RUN AWAY at this point! Here was Matt's response:

I love that list. I love that God has spent the last few years preparing her and I both for the kind of relationship He wants us to have.  

It's implied that I am working towards marriage with her and even though there have been hiccups over the last couple of years; it's what I've wanted for a very long time. I am continually working on my character and growth and I'm passionate about living that out alongside Jen. I want to reassure you that I care for her SO MUCH. She is my best friend and I love her and I know she deserves such great things.  

Above all, I will treat her in a way that shows her worth and I will fight for her everyday through conversation, prayer, and my actions.  I'm seeking her heart and it's my desire to keep it safe, confident, courageous and strong. 

We joke that Matt should write a book on slow and steady wins the race. But really the chapters in Matt and Jen's story are more about TRUSTING GOD even when things didn’t make sense, trusting Him even when you felt forgotten, trusting God even when you feel like quitting. Trusting God that he has a plan that is MORE THAN YOU EVER IMAGINED!

WE LOVE YOU GUYS!

Whispers To My Graduate!

My son is graduating from elementary school and starting junior high next year! My daughter is going to high school! Talk about transitions! There are so many feelings, memories, and nostalgia swirling in me that I really can't wrap my brain around it. Where did the time go? How are we here already? Didn't I just drop them off at the front door to kindergarten like yesterday? I need time to stop. Stand still. Give me more time to catch up. God, it's going too fast. In a few years I will be sending them off to college. AGH! Breathe! Deeply.

What is it that I really want them to know as they walk in this different space in life? How do I put into words how important the next few years will be but yet, help them understand that these years will only represent a small sliver of their future?

Dear Lakin, Landen, and Lawson,
As your mom, I cannot tell you enough how PROUD I am of you both. Not because of how well you did in school and sports or the accomplishments you achieved, but because you are turning into such wonderful young adults. I have LOVED watching you grow along the way and being a part of every step of your journey. This next phase of your life I have to start letting you go, slowly, to experience things and make your own path. Instead of holding your hand like when you were little, I will be walking behind you, still watching and guiding, but from a bit of a distance. NEVER forget, not for one moment, that I will not be there for you! I will still be there to catch you if you fall or to lean on if you stumble. Remember without a shadow of a doubt that your dad and I love you with all our hearts! There is nothing you can do for us to love you less and nothing you can do for us to love you more. We love you just because you are ours!

WHISPERS TO MY GRADUATE

The road ahead will not always be easy or fun or go the way you want. More often than not there will be mountains and valleys that you did not expect.

Don't QUIT! Even when it gets hard. Really hard. Or even when it seems impossible. Never give up! The finish line could be that next hill you have to climb, that next step you have to take. 

Life is not fair. Don't focus on trying to make it equal or just. This takes a lot of unnecessary energy. Do what you can do and BE THE CHANGE that you want to see in the world.

Character Counts. Really. Doing what is right is still right even if no one else is doing it.

Choices matter. Doing what is wrong it still wrong even if everybody else is doing it.

Real friends are hard to find. The ones who not only hold your hand but hold you up when the storms of life try to take you down. Be that kind of friend.

Watch what you say! Words are powerful and can be very painful. I have seen them destroy others. They also have a tendency to come back and bite you in the butt!

OWN your Junk! If it's your fault don't push it off on others. Take the hit. Accept the consequences. 

DREAM BIG! God created you for a reason. Don't settle for less. You can do MORE than you ever imagined!

You are UNIQUE. There is only one you. Don't try to be someone else just to fit in. Don't compare yourself to others you are not them. Just be you!

Have FUN! Enjoy yourself! Laugh a lot even if sometimes it has to be at yourself. You only get to live life once! 

PRAY. PRAY. PRAY. God's got this! Even when He seems silent or not paying attention, He is there. He promises never to leave us. He has a plan. Trust Him. 

TEAM LEE FOREVER!

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid: do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."  Joshua 1:9

She Comes Home in 48 Hours!

I sent my 14 year old daughter off to Washington DC and New York for eight days. She was going with her 8th grade class to visit all the historical museums, memorials, monuments, and buildings that are the political foundation of the United States America. Throw in a Broadway play, shopping in Times Square, and a Yankees game, and she had the opportunity to experience a trip of a lifetime!

And I didn't go with her...I wanted to make those memories with her. I wanted to share in all those amazing experiences and take pictures together capturing those moments. But I didn't go...As I saw her walk off with her friends at the airport my heart literally lurched in my chest. Wait! Wait for me! She can't go by herself. I will go to protect her. I will be there just in case anything goes wrong. If she gets sick I can handle it. If she has friend troubles I will guide her through it. I will make sure she doesn't get lost, brings her jacket if it’s cold, has her umbrella in case it rains, gets enough sleep, eats right, puts her money in a safe place...and, and, and! But I didn't go!

I knew, deep in my heart, that I had to begin the painful process of her growing up and making decisions and choices without me. She turns 18 and goes off to college in four years! I know I have to spend this precious time I have left, helping her prepare to face the world on her own. It was time to start letting her go. 

"GOD! I am not strong enough to do this! I think this is cruel and unusual punishment. She has never even been on a plane or out of the state without us! So many bad things can happen. So many things can go wrong. She is not ready. I don't like going to bed at night and not seeing her in her room. We drive to school every morning together. It will be quiet and lonely. I would never recover if something happened to her. It's like a piece of my heart is missing already and it hurts!"

"Kimberley, my precious, hysterical child, I GOT THIS! Her name is written on the palm of my hand. I created her and have a plan for her life. Give me your anxiety, your worries, your fear, and let me comfort you and give you strength to carry on. Your job is to love Lakin and raise her to be independent and have faith in Me! You have been teaching her since she was little to be courageous and confident for such a time as this! She is the daughter of a mighty, mighty King who loves her beyond anything you can imagine. Trust me with your daughter!" 

Worry happens when we assume responsibility God never intended us to have.

"Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7