1. Have your non-negotiables prepared BEFORE you get into a new relationship. This isn't, "I have to have him be 6 feet tall or she has to have blonde hair." What are the three to four things that you are not willing to compromise on? What are your core beliefs that you will stand firm on, no matter how much "in love" you become? Maybe something like, "The person I am dating has to be actively pursuing a life with Jesus or I won't give up my relationship with Jesus no matter what or I will remain physically pure until marriage."
2. Have accountability set up with people you trust and won't dismiss when they tell you something you don't want to hear. Too many times to count people kick their accountability partners to the curb or better yet hide things from them. Seriously? Playing hide-and-go-seek is for children not adults trying to figure out a dating life. Who are you really hurting?
3. Don't vomit your past. I don't advocate keeping secrets but I do think it is wise to gradually get to know one another, building on a foundation of friendship and trust before you throw out all your junk. Make sure the other person is stable, mature enough, and ready for you to share.
4. Ask yourself, often, "Am I better person when I am around them?" If the answer is no, run, FAST. Life is hard enough without being around someone who brings you down, makes you feel crazy all the time, or helps you turn into someone you dislike. Look in the mirror...do you recognize the person staring back? And if so do you like that person anymore?
5. You are not buying a car, so get rid of your checklist. This doesn't mean ignore red flags or compromise on your non-negotiables. It means when you buy a car or a house you can ask for your "perfect wish list" but when you are talking about dating a human being having a critical nature or a page long checklist of all your "ideals" might make you miss out on a great person.
6. Don't ignore red flags. If something sits wrong with you or seems off, keep asking questions until you get answers. If it is a red flag in dating it can be a detrimental life-changer in marriage.
7. Talk often about IMPORTANT things. It amazes me how many couples get engaged or even married without really knowing the other person. Get past the superficial and engage in serious conversations that give you an idea of exactly who this person is and what they believe.
8. Don't seclude. It is not healthy to cast off all your friends or ignore your family because you are so obsessed with this new relationship. Keep a balance. Keep people around that will see if you are changing into something you shouldn't or they are seeing things that might be a red flag that you are ignoring.
9. Don't over spiritualized everything. I have heard the "God card" overplayed and used when people want to twist things into their own desires and God has nothing to do with it. Deep down you know if it really is the Holy Spirit guiding you or really your selfishness to get what you want no matter the cost.
10. Take TIME. It is not a race (no matter how old you are). When you're rushing through the relationship you probably are missing out on important milestones. Relationships should be about seasons spent together and living life together in them. If you skip over all this you might be jumping into something without getting the full picture.
11. WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO DIFFERENT? This is probably not your first relationship. Ask yourself, how is this one going to be any different than the last one? Dig deep. Be honest. You might be caught in a cycle of continually making one bad decision after another.
"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results." -Einstein
Sadly most people will ignore the above advice and do it all on their own.
"This is what the Lord says:“ Cursed are those who put their trust in mere humans, who rely on human strength and turn their hearts away from the Lord. They are like stunted shrubs in the desert, with no hope for the future." Jeremiah 17:5-6a
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