Can U Hear Me Now?

People often ask me, "Kimberley how do you know God is speaking to you?" or they say, "God just doesn't speak to me." When I answer the first question I don't have a lot of theological jargon to back me up. I also don't give a how to blog or step-by-step process that will give them a "better chance". How do I hear God? Well, I hate to state the obvious but the Bible is a big one for me. I don't open it as often as I should, but sometimes when I am reading it the words just come alive! I come across a verse that shoots like an arrow straight to my soul. Like the verse in Psalms 18:2

The LORD is my rock, my fortress, and my savior; my God is my rock, in whom I find protection. He is my shield, the power that saves me, and my place of safety. 

That speaks straight to my heart. God is saying, "Kimberley I am your strength when you are wounded and scared, come to me. I will protect you. I am your safe place."

In James 3:9-10 "With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be."

In this verse, God is telling me to shut my mouth. When I talk about others it dilutes my praises to him. 

In Matthew 6:34 it says, "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." 

If you read that what do you think God is saying? Yep! DO NOT Worry! So if we are honest with ourselves much of the bible is pretty clear on what God wants from us. Yes there are parts that are harder to understand. The whole book of Revelation boggles my mind. Yes, there are parts that people have been arguing over for generations. 

But the Bible is the living word of God. It is his spoken words and meant for us to actually use to get to know him better. When you are interested in someone you tend to try to find out everything you can about that person. The same with God. If you want to know him. Read his words. He will speak to you through them. It is up to you to listen!

TO BE CONTINUED>>>>> Part 2 of How I hear God tomorrow!

Our Story

John 3: 11” I tell you the truth, we speak of what we know, and we testify to what we have seen..” 

What do I know? I am a pastor’s wife. The mother of three children. I am a teacher and have taught college to preschool . I have traveled the world. Joined the military. Mentored hundreds of kids, taken numerous classes and workshops, experienced much joy and many hurts. This year I have been humbled by the fact that I don’t know much.

But the bible says, “We speak of what we know and testify to what we seen..” God, what do I know?

“Kimberley you don’t have to “know” everything. You are making this too difficult. You are making it about you. It’s about me. It’s about my son. Speak of what I did for you, speak of where I found you, speak of our story together. Testify to what you have seen since you have become the daughter of mighty, mighty king. Don’t you remember?”

Yes, Jesus I remember. Here is “Our” story.

I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior in September 1995 and was baptized in Nov of that year. I was 23. My journey to Jesus was difficult to put it lightly. Where did God find me? At the bottom. I had just graduated from college and was waiting to go into the military. I had gotten into a car accident a few months prior and was home doing physical therapy for my injuries. I had spent the last six years filling my life with everything the world had to offer and still I felt empty.

My sister asked me if I wanted to go to church one Sunday? I replied, “Why..what's there? Why would we go to church?” She said I don’t know maybe there will be cute boys. Okay. I have nothing else to do. Let's go. My sister was not a Christian yet. Why on earth she came up with this idea to go to church did not make sense. 

The first time we went, I was done. I did not fit in. I did not like the people. I did not like the topic. I did not like the building. I did not see the purpose. Cute guys could be found in a bar. Church was not for me. My sister is older and very bossy so she insisted we keep going because she had found a guy she wanted to hang out with. I tried to say no but she bullied me. After a few weeks the pastor was giving a sermon on talking to Jesus and testing him. I skeptically started to listen…test him? Can you do that? The pastor went on to say Jesus wants a relationship with you, ask him, he will answer your questions. Just ask, get on your knees and ask. Really? Really? For some reason I said “the prayer” along with the pastor. I didn’t feel any different ...in fact I was a little angry.

I went home that night and got on my knees. I felt silly, ridiculous and hoped no one in my family walked in and I would have to explain that I might have lost my mind. On my knees I started talking, actually arguing, with God. I was pissed off….okay God the pastor said test you, he said ask….Well I have a few questions for you.. You say you are a loving God who only wants what is best for me right? Than why was my childhood so insane? Why do I have an alcoholic for a father? Why do I have mother who is crazy and can barely stand me? Why is my sister off her rocker and so mean to me? Why did you let my Grandma die, the only one who I felt loved me? Why is my best friend dead at 20 years old? Where were you when my boyfriend was hurting me and treating me like crap? This is what was best for me? This is what a loving God has to offer? Where were you when I needed you? Why would I want you or your Jesus? 

At this time, I am crying..profusely. I do not know even if this God I am talking to exists. And if he does I am so angry at him. All of sudden I felt this warmth, a peace….

“Kimberley, Kimberley..my precious child. I am so sorry that you experienced some of those things. Every tear you cried..every hurt that pierced your heart, I felt. Your pain did not go unnoticed. I have been trying to get your attention for sometime now. You were never, never alone.” Right then that poem “Footprints” came to my mind. I think maybe I had seen it in some one's house, somewhere...it had been years. (It is not like I frequented the types of houses or places that would have had that poem on the wall). . 

“Kimberley, during your times of trial and suffering when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you. I am a loving God. Follow me and I will show you how deep my love is. I have already given you my son as proof. It won’t be a bed of roses, your journey will not be easy, but follow me and I will keep of all my promises. I will never let you go”

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.” John 3:16-17

We speak of what we know, and we testify to what we have seen..” I know that God spoke to my heart not like the burning bush turn your hair white speaking. He met my anger with mercy. He met my doubts with grace. He met my sin with forgiveness. He met my pain with His son on the cross. Like he promised my journey with him has not always been easy but like he also promised he never let go. I have seen God transform my life and those around me. I have seen his healing touch and amazing grace. I have seen God break the cycles in my life so now my children will not experience the pain I did as a child.

Again….”We speak of what we know, and we testify to what we have seen..” I challenge you to ask yourself what is my story with God? It doesn't matter what it looks like..it doesn't have to be like mine. What do you know about God? What have you seen? Do you talk about it? If not why? You don’t have to know much..... you just have to know your story with Him.

What I Believe

I don't believe in fairy tales but I do believe in true love.

I don't believe in the bogeyman but I do believe in the enemy.

I don't believe in Prince Charming on a white horse but I do believe in great guys that might look like the cable guy and drive a pinto.

I don't believe you need flowers for romance but I do believe a smile and laughing together is sexy as Heck :)

I don't believe you should spend your whole life trying to be happy but  think you should seek joy no matter your circumstances.

I don't believe people are born evil but I do believe that everyone has sin that could corrupt their soul.

I don't believe in Hollywood's superficial portrayal of relationships but I do believe people are meant to have deep long term friendships without the threat of betrayal or backstabbing.

I don't believe people change by what comes out of their mouth but I do believe people can change by what you see come out of their heart.

I don't believe in perfection but I do believe in trying to do your best and let grace fill in the rest.

I don't believe in forgetting all the stuff that has happened but I do believe in forgiveness so you can be free.

I don't believe crying makes you weak, but I do believe healing can begin with tears.

I don't believe in pity parties unless they are very short term, but I do believe there is always tomorrow otherwise you might get stuck.

I don't believe that we should "accept" everything, but I do believe we should love everyone.

I don't believe in world peace, but I do believe in a Savior that will bring peace to this world when he comes.

Do you know what you believe? Or do you sway with popular opinion? Do you just believe in what people have told you? Or do you search after the truth? Do you wait for others to give you wisdom? Or do you go to the source of knowledge? Isn't it time to know what you believe by knowing more about who you love?

Matthew 24:43-45 "Understand this: If a homeowner knew exactly when a burglar was coming, he would keep watch and not permit his house to be broken into. You also must be ready all the time, for the Son of Man will come when least expected."

30 Pairs Later...

Lawson is our third and last child. Our boys are 18 months apart. Lakin was only three when he was born. Needless to say by the time he came along we were tired, exhausted. It has been mentioned that we spoiled him.... probably. Did I mention our exhaustion? Then I got to thinking..yes he might be a little babied but you don't know what this kid is made of..he is a fighter! He battled some pretty crazy things before he was four and never lost his sense of humor. He rarely complained at things that would have brought adults to their knees. He defied the odds and it's a miracle he is even here. 

Before he was born he was a triplet. He shared space with identical twins who were taking a lot of his nutrients. He was three weeks behind developmentally and the doctors hoped he would "catch up". When he was born he was 8 pounds 8 ounces and very healthy!

At 6 weeks old he came down with RSV which can be a deadly virus to newborns. They wanted to put him in the hospital to watch his vitals but I was scared he would pick up something else. He came home and for the next two weeks was on three different medications and round the clock breathing treatments.

At four months old his eyes started crossing. His left eye would go all the way in to his nose. His head also tilted to one side and he favored it.  The doctors said we just had to wait and see if he grew out of these. He didn't!

At six months old we found a lump in his back. The doctor feared cancer. We had to take him in for x-rays where they strapped him to a table so he wouldn't move.  The results were scoliosis or a curvature in his spine and torticollis which means a twisted neck. We had to go see numerous other specialists to see if anything else was wrong. He got an echo-cardiogram of his heart and went to see a neurologist for his motor skills.

At 7 months he started physical therapy three times a week. The goals were to get his neck straighten and to work on developing his left side. He preferred doing everything right handed which caused him to be very weak on the left side. They put him through a rigorous therapy and he rarely lost his infectious smile. 

At 14 months we had to go see an eye specialist. Lawson was very nearsighted and needed to wear glasses. His left eye was extremely weak so not only did we have to get a toddler to wear glasses we had to patch his eye too. When that didn't work we had to put eye drops in twice a day. When that didn't work we had to buy special very expensive prism lenses. Over the next few years he would go through 30 PAIRS OF GLASSES! 

At three years old the doctors decided he needed surgery. They wanted to cut the muscles of his eyes and pull them back so they could be stronger and improve his vision. When they wheeled him away for surgery with his stuffed dog, Lola, I almost collapsed. He was so brave and didn't cry even though he really had no idea of what was going on. When he woke up from surgery he couldn't open his eyes and this scared him. Bloody tears streamed down his face as I explained to him that this was only temporary. Within 10 minutes we were talking about Lego Batman. He couldn't see for the next 24 hours but he was such a trooper. The next morning he looked up at me with these big beautiful hazel eyes and said, "Mom, I can see. I am okay now." Off he went to start his day!

From the moment I saw him on the sonogram screen I knew he was a fighter! I knew he was very special and had a definite purpose to fulfill. I knew God created him especially to complete our family. What I didn't know was how his sense of humor and fun spirit would get us through some pretty tough medical stuff. So is he sometimes spoiled? Yeah, but have you seen this kid's smile? 

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.  You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the LORD, “and will bring you back from captivity." Jeremiah 29:11-14

God, I Want This One!

A few years ago, I was challenged to have a conversation with God about one of my friends who was not a believer. Immediately one of my best friends came to mind and I when I got home I prayed, hard. After I finished, I was kind of emotional because of how much this guy means to me, realizing he doesn't know Jesus. God nudged me, "Why don't you tell him what you prayed to me?" Oh no God, he will think I am crazy. I do not want to pick a fight with him or make him uncomfortable. I don't want to him to feel bad or that he has to walk on eggshells around me because of what I believe. I prayed for him that should be good. "Kimberley, I am not here for your comfort or his. I want him to know what you prayed. Share your heart with him...no matter the cost."

MY LETTER

Mark,

I know this might make you uncomfortable but I have to let you know what is on my heart. My Bible study leader asked, "Is there anyone that doesn't know God that you want to tell God what they mean to you?" Immediately your name popped into my head. So here is what I said...

"God, my friend Mark is very important to me. He is one of my best friends. We have known each other since we were thirteen years old, over 25 years. We have fought, laughed, partied, been through bad relationships together, shared secrets, kept secrets, talked a lot, not talked for awhile, but still we put up with each other.  We used to spend Thanksgivings together with our other friend having our own little dinner and playing games. We walked home everyday from school together and spent a lot of time at each others' houses.  He knows I am hard headed and opinionated but very loyal. I told one boyfriend if he didn't like Mark I would break up with him because this friend comes first. Up at college I was having a really hard time and in walked Mark into my work. Immediately my spirits lifted because I needed a friend and he was there. Did I mention he faced a giant for me? (My ex-boyfriend who was 6'4 and 200lbs). Mark went to him and told him how much he had hurt me knowing that my ex could crumple him into a ball.

I have watched him grow into a man of integrity, hard working, a great father and got to witness him marry his best friend. I love his wife, she is just the right amount of spice for him :) I know I can call him for anything and he would be there for me or my family. Yes God, he means a lot to me. I gave my son his middle name...

Lord, I want him to experience your love that will fill that void in his heart. I want him to be in the presence of the King. I want to see him seated next to you in heaven. I want his family to spend eternity with you and know there is something more to this life. God I know you know who he is because you created him BUT this is what he means to me...he is one of my best friends! God, I want this one in heaven with you!"

I just wanted to tell you what you mean to me. 
Love, Kimberley

"I urge, then, first of all, that petitions, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for all people—for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness.This is good, and pleases God our Savior, who wants all people to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth." 1 Timothy 2:1-4