All the Single Ladies: The Break up

How do you know when it is really over? Kaput? Finished? Finito? Final? Done with? Broken off? Shut Down? Party over?

     This is often the painful part. The time when a relationship comes to an end and we have to say goodbye to someone we liked, loved, was crazy for, or maybe even kind of hated. We say good bye to what might have been and the memories shared. While it can be very devastating, it is also the time when we as ladies somehow go from highly intelligent human beings able to process information in large amounts to stubborn, don't get it, can't wrap our brains around the words he is saying. This may lead us into the murky waters of complete and utter denial. We sit around with our friends OBSESSING over what happened? Why? How didn't I see this coming? We pick a part EVERY little detail about the break up until we have ourselves in such an emotional tizzy we justify everything or we go on the attack to get the "REAL" reason why he ended it.
      After countless talks with many males, some who are really nice guys and some who are pond scum, I have found out a few awful, hard to digest truths, that we ladies just don't want to really believe. If you want to continue living in denial please read no further...it gets ugly.

1. When guys finally have the break up talk with you..they lie about half the stuff they are saying. Most of them are trying to be nice guys and not hurt your feelings so they skirt around the truth if not downright lie. "It's me not you"... no it is really you. "I just have a lot going on right now"....really? "I don't think God wants me in a relationship." Ever? Bottom line, the lame excuses are covering up that they just don't want to date you anymore and don't know how to say it. We girls say we want honesty but in reality a guy telling us we are bad kissers, we chew with our mouths open, or they aren't feeling it doesn't come off well.
2. It was not "all of a sudden" or "out of the blue". They have been checking off boxes in their heads about things that didn't set well with them for a while. When they finally break up it has probably been weeks if not months of thinking about it before they got the courage to officially break it off.
3. When guys break up with you they are DONE. Rarely do they mope around, listen to old songs, Facebook stalk you, or drive by your house. They are really done. I asked my husband, who I consider a stand up kind of guy, how he felt after he dated a girl for almost two years and then broke up with her. "Honey were you just done? Did you ever go by her house or think of her when a special song came on? Or miss her?" His answer, "No not really. I was done." So I pushed him, "What do you mean by done? Didn't you still have memories that you shared that came up? That made you go hmmm? or special places you went that would remind you of her?" Again, he says, "No not really. I rarely thought about her after we broke up. She made it worse by being clingy and hanging on so long afterwards. I do miss her mom's tacos though!"
4. Many times they already have someone else in mind. Yes..gulp this one is tough to hear. Since they have been kind of breaking up with you for months in their head...they probably have been kind of scoping out other prospects too. We are often shocked at how fast they get another girlfriend after the "break up" and like to blame it on the other girl... but really? She didn't make the commitment to you. 
5. They get over us easy because they find something to do. Like I said previously guys aren't big mopers. They don't curl up on the couch in a fuzzy pink robe, eat a gallon of ice cream, and watch sappy love movies with their friends. They certainly don't go through their ipod playlist listening to all "our" songs while going through the scrapbook of all your favorite times together. They go play sports, workout, wrestle each other, go splunking, play kill..kill..kill...video games for twelve hours, or other cool guy stuff that seems ridiculous to females.
6. Unless you cheated on them they usually don't hold grudges. Unlike us girls, who can hold grudges for YEARS, guys normally are totally fine being friends a few weeks later. They are baffled that we still glare or tear up when we see them, want to key their car, or spend nights with voodoo dolls and pins cursing their name. "They think hey it's water under the bridge I didn't even tell her the real reason I broke up with her. Who knows why she is so mad?"....again point 1.

I know this stuff is somewhat depressing and completely not fair. But no matter what ladies, I remind you desperate is not attractive especially in a break-up. Keep your composure, your dignity, and know that there is some one better just around the corner!